Sending Child to Kindergarten or Holding Back

I agree--don't make a decision now. No 5 year old is perfect at everything. Some can read, some can write, some can tie their shoe, some can ride a bike, etc. Keep working with her and make the decision at the end of the summer.

Exactly. You have seven months. Sometimes, the kid wakes up one day and it all clicks. Let it go for now. You have quite a while. Yes, go ahead and register. Nothing is in stone.

I would re evaluate at the end of the school year. There are still four or five months left to the school year. If she is still behind, then yes, I would consider holding her back.

If she is the youngest and tallest already....she is always going to be tall for her age. It sounds like something she will have to cope with regardless of holding her back. You don't want to add struggling student to the list.

There is a big difference between boys and girls, I know Duh. OK, that's not what I mean.

As you pointed out, you have to think about your daughter as a 4th, 5th, 6th grader and beyond, she'll be developing and socially/psychologically more mature. A boy wouldn't be developing as quickly (or as obviously) and it just doesn't matter as much, in fact it's a good thing to be the taller boy!

I think the question for you is: Are you willing to set a schedule to work with her to bring her to where she needs to be to continue with her class? Are you able to work with her (or perhaps hire someone to work with her) for the next year or so to make sure she is on track and stays on track? If the answer is yes, then enroll her in kindergarten and buckle down and start working.

You have the personal experience to help guide your decision. If you choose to hold her back you have the personal experience to try and help her through the rough times.

Good Luck,

M.

Don't make a decision now. Go ahead and sign her up for kindergarten, to make sure she has a spot, and see how the next several months go. A lot of growth can happen in a very short time. I still remember my son being one of the lowest readers at the start of first grade and midway through the year something clicked. By the end of the year he was reading at a third grade level.
If she still seems like she's not quite ready for K you can always hold her back, but give it time and serious consideration, and remember that Kindergarten is a time of learning and growth. Plenty of kids come in with poor skills and end up thriving.

I would wait and reasses right before the school year starts. Kids brains seem to develop in spurts. My dd started kindergarten with very few reading skills...right after spring break she suddenly started reading fluently. I think once those connections in their brain get established they can grow by leaps and bounds.

You know what? It frustrates me beyond words to know that a parent expects their child to flunk kindergarten.

If she does flunk kindergarten then it would be appropriate to hold her back but why make her take pre-school again. Not to put it down because I have a lot of years in child care and do know what happens there. BUT what exactly do you expect her to learn anything she doesn't already know?

Is she so far behind that doing pre-school again will enlighten her? In kindergarten at least she'd get new information and be challenged to learn.

That's what I think anyway. I would never ever ever not expect a child to be able to do kindergarten. I would put them with the kids their age which is 5 years old turning 6 during the next 12 months.

If she does pre-school again then she's just going to be doing the same things again and again and again and learn nothing new. Kids grow developmentally so much between ages 5 and 7. They go through several developmental stages and they'll be stagnated until they move on to the new grade or challenge.

We had a similar dilemma with our son. He made the age cut-off by five days. Placing him in kindergarten as the youngest in the class horrified many of the other moms of boys who were red-shirting their own boys. Our thought process was that it would be much better for him to go to kindergarten than repeat yet another year of preschool. We felt he would be bored and therefore increase his chances of acting out. Our elementary school handles kindergarten repeaters VERY well. In our minds, it was better to let him go to kindergarten and if he did fine, okay. If he struggled, then we would know precisely what his weak issues were and how to support him. We felt he needed the academic challenge of kindergarten much more than he needed another year of preschool. Turns out, he did just fine. He was also the tallest in the class and had motor issues with his hands in regard to writing. They were able to give us support those issues. He is now in second grade and doing fine. PM me if you want.

I agree as well! IF she is even the slightest behind, I would give her the extra year and wait! Not sure if you've read about my experience that I am currently going through right now! I'm not saying AT ALL that as a rule of thumb every young child should be held back! But if already starting off one they are one step behind, it's just not worth it! Things get harder, much harder come 3rd and 4th grade! Especially with the switch in the curriculum to common core- kids are being expected to do much more critical thinking and advanced things, that many of these young ones developmentally are just not ready to do! I had to find out the hard way, that I should have let my daughter wait! I'm not saying this will happen to you, but wait and see to see where she is at by the end of the year. My son was always ahead in school since K, had same issue, started K early (4 1/2) and so did K again because of age! Best thing I ever did! Sure, by the end of his second year in K, he was at a 2nd grade reading level and at the time, I even thought " what a waste having him do K twice, now he is so above and for what" but once he got to 3rd grade, it completely evened out IMO. And now he is thriving and an A student! Would he be able to do all of that and be so successful in school would I have pushed him on to 4th grade before he was ready for it!! NOT AT ALL!! So just food for thought!

Updated

I agree as well! IF she is even the slightest behind, I would give her the extra year and wait! Not sure if you've read about my experience that I am currently going through right now! I'm not saying AT ALL that as a rule of thumb every young child should be held back! But if already starting off one they are one step behind, it's just not worth it! Things get harder, much harder come 3rd and 4th grade! Especially with the switch in the curriculum to common core- kids are being expected to do much more critical thinking and advanced things, that many of these young ones developmentally are just not ready to do! I had to find out the hard way, that I should have let my daughter wait! I'm not saying this will happen to you, but wait and see to see where she is at by the end of the year. My son was always ahead in school since K, had same issue, started K early (4 1/2) and so did K again because of age! Best thing I ever did! Sure, by the end of his second year in K, he was at a 2nd grade reading level and at the time, I even thought " what a waste having him do K twice, now he is so above and for what" but once he got to 3rd grade, it completely evened out IMO. And now he is thriving and an A student! Would he be able to do all of that and be so successful in school would I have pushed him on to 4th grade before he was ready for it!! NOT AT ALL!! So just food for thought!

Can you register her and consider it all summer as you work with her? Is she on par with the others emotionally? I think that's a biggie to consider as well.

Kindergarten is not actually a real grade. And in Pennsylvania your child is not even considered started in school until they begin first grade. They teach all the letters in K, but they begin first grade teaching them all again because many kids don't even go to K. My son started first grade this year, they taught letters and numbers and began teaching simple 3 letter words. They began with doing addition using visuals, as in I have two blocks and now I get another block, how many do I have. It starts out very easy because r not required to even go to K so in PA they start first grade with the assumption that not all the kids went to k and they are learning all this for the first time. When my son started first grade, he knew a lot of his letters, but he couldn't write anything beyond his name, which didn't look much like his name and he is getting straight A,s. He was 5 when he started first and turned six in December. He has some delays and did have some trouble with paying attention initially. But he figured it all out pretty quickly. I would say send her to kindergarten for sure. She will learn a lot in k, and she will probably be ahead of some of the kids in first who didn't go to k. As she gets older if she does indeed show a learning problem, the school can give her extra help. But I would definetely send her. I held my daughter back and sent to an extra year of preschool, and it didn't work out well, I ended up skipping her ahead, because the kids were all much younger, even tho she was on the younger side for the next grade it was better than being the oldest. She is in third now and also getting all A,s, but she had a harder time and I think it really hurt her self esteem that she went to another year of preschool, even tho other kids her age were there who were also being held back. She does not like school as much and I think that had a big impact on her. So from my own personal experiences of holding a child back and sending one early, I would go with sending them early any day over holding back. So my advice is send her to k and see how she does. I would even send her to first grade on time unless she shows some serious learning issues while in k. But mild learning difficulties can be handled and supported by the school, even major ones can be supported throughout the school, but sometimes in the case of major learning disabilities they will recommend holding a child back. If she is having behavioral issues, you should definetely get her help for that but not hold her back. Wrap Around services can help with behavioral issues in school. If she has behavioral problems they will send a TSS with her to school to help her stay focused and learn to cope with distractions etc. there are a lot of supportive services out there if you need them. But I really wouldn't worry about it too much unless she really has a hard time in k. Good luck with your decision and I hope my experiences were helpful.

I think you should register her for Kindergarten and then just work with her between now and then. I used to sit and do cut and paste art projects with my GD when she was four. It really helps the motor skills and it's great quality time. We would cut out say a house, trees, etc., and then glue them onto another paper to make a picture. It was fun and educational all at once.

As for listening and following directions, that's just something that will come with time. You could start by teaching listening skills. Most people can hear, but some don't LISTEN. Big difference. Sit with your backs to each other and you say a word or phrase and she has to repeat it. Teaches her to LISTEN, not just hear. You could also give her an instruction, such as cross your arms or whatever and she has to follow the instruction.

Like the others said, just because you register her doesn't mean you can't change your mind when the time comes. But better to register her and change your mind than to decide to put her in kindergarten just to find out that the classes are already full.

I would register her for kindergarten so you know she has a spot, then decide in the summer whether she's ready. Remember - "ready" does not mean reading and writing; it means writing your name, recognizing letters (but not necessarily all of them), and following instructions/listening quietly. So, focus on her listening skills and getting her to follow instructions and she'll probably make a lot of improvement over the next several months.

There are great ways to work on fine motor skills too. If you go to a school supply or office supply store, they usually have a bunch of different types of workbooks for kids. Buy books with mazes and books with cutting projects and let her have fun with them. Both will improve her motor skills but won't feel like work, the way tracing letters or numbers does. Mazes are actually really good for motor skills. Even regular coloring books will help.

You can also build fine motor skills by playing more with building blocks and doing puzzles. Getting a pattern/mosaic game will not only help with motor skills, but improve her focus and build a strong foundation for math. Here are a couple of great ones:
http://www.amazon.com/PLAYFUL-PATTERNS-DESIGN-ACTIVITY-Di...
http://www.amazon.com/Melissa-Doug-Pattern-Blocks-Boards/...

Something like this is also excellent at building fine motor skills: http://www.amazon.com/Discovery-Toys-2288-Motor-Works/dp/...

(the first pattern game and the car building game are actually sold by Discovery Toys; you should probably check their website for other motor games and for possible better pricing: www.discoverytoys.com)

Overall, my instinct is to send children to kindergarten if they make the cutoff, rather than holding them back. However, if her inability to follow directions is so bad that she will be a distraction to the class, she may benefit from waiting a year.

We waited a year with our son, now 17 and a junior in HS, and it was one of the best parenting decisions we've ever made. However, it really varies kid to kid. I would maximize your options and not decide until you absolutely need to do so. I was able to multi-enroll our son in kindergarten and two different pre-schools. In our state you can enroll them in kindergarten and change your mind any time up until the day school starts. We made our final decision about three weeks before school was set to start and cancelled his kindergarten registration. We selected one of the two pre-schools instead. We lost a $45 non-refundable fee on one of the pre-schools, but it was well worth it to maximize our options. We also met with and worked with teachers and administrators at his future elementary school and they were very helpful. You can get a "second opinion" and/or consult people at her future elementary school.

Our son had the opposite issue with height--he was always short and small. Even waiting a year he was still always one of the shortest boys in his class until he had a growth spurt about age 15. He's still on the small side, but less noticeably so. I agree with the others that if she's tall now she's probably going to be tall for her grade regardless of when she starts. It is one consideration, but I wouldn't make it the main or only consideration. Emotional and academic readiness are most important. In our son's case, he was readily academically, but not emotionally and in other areas.

Good luck!

If she's behind in pre k, think about 4th grade and up; it only gets harder!!!! Most people don't want to hold their kids back because they are good in academics, and won't be challenged enough. But your daughter is struggling academically and will need more assistance in kindergarten.

I was always the shortest and teased terribly, hell, I'm teased still at 41. There will always be teasing no matter what size, shape, color, etc

I'd wait until you get closer to the day to make this decision. Certainly register her for kindergarten (if your district requires you to do that now). If July rolls around and you think she won't be able to handle kinder, make the decision then to hold her back. But honestly, it's kindergarten. It's not rocket science. She will probably be absolutely fine. I am also tall (6') so I'm familiar with being picked on for being tall, and even as one of the youngest in my class growing up (October birthday), I was STILL the tallest, always. I managed to step up and be academically competitive with my classmates, and I'm sure your daughter could rise to the challenge as well. Work with her and see how she does. Worst case scenario, she repeats Kinder. No big deal.

Talk to the kindergarten she might be attending. See what they think about where she is vs incoming K students. Find out if there's any early intervention she might need (your early childhood office for the county may be of help, or her pediatrician). When you say she has trouble following instructions and is stubborn, what does that actually mean? I would go based on her academic and emotional needs, not her height. I was always the smallest. Nothing anybody could do about that. When you say she's one of the younger ones - so was my DD. How much younger?

One thing to be aware of is that it's now very common, and popular, to give kids the "gift of time." I can certainly remember when it was stigmatized, but that's no longer the case at all. So your daughter's experiences may not mirror yours at all.

If you really don't feel right about it, though, you might try searching for some kind of hybrid option. Some districts offer a "begindergarten" for kids who are right around the cutoff, or might need a little more preschool-style socialization. Don't take my word for it on the rationale, but I know these programs are out there. And some preschools offer a kindergarten program AT the preschool. If you're lucky enough to find one of these options, it could be the best of both worlds.

I would not make this decisioin until September when school was starting. kids have times when they make all kinds of progress very quickly..she may develop all of these skills between now and sept.

also.. not every kinder kid comes in knowing everything.. there is a huge variation in kinder kids skills and abilities.. all of them progress and she will learn from the older kids.. I would most likely send her..

If you are considering holding your child back, do it now. Don't wait until they are in 3, 4, 5th grade to do it.

We were overseas and my daughter was having trouble in second grade. Hubby and I went around and around about keeping her back. We decided to hold her back. We talked with her and told her that she was not in trouble for doing the grade over. She needed more time to learn what was required to go forward to the next grade. All went well. She graduated high school and is now very successful and on her own.

Another student in her class who had had the same thing had to repeat another grade a year later so it was 4th grade for her. She burst out into tears and learning what was happening. The only thing that saved her from being laughed at was that they were leaving that summer for another assignment.

Many kids skip kindergarten and go into first grade. If you can work with her great; if not, let her repeat. She will be 18 going on 19 when she graduates. I graduated at 17 and could not get a full time job until I turned 18 because of insurance at jobs. So I went off to secretarial school for a year.

Just make whatever decision you do a positive experience and an adventure. Make it all about learning and preparing for the future.

the other S.