Self Esteem - Oakdale,CT

Hi, L.,

I'm raising a daughter who is now 15 yo. I , too, am concerned about self esteem especially with the bombardment of negative media. Books are helpful and there are plenty of them available. a couple that I have loved over the years are "I Like Me!" by Nancy Carlson, "Chrysanthemum", by Kevin Henkes, "Celebrating Girls" by Virginia Beane Rutter.

The best, tho, has been a parenting book written by Mac Bledsoe. It is beautifuuly writen and talks about the messages parents give their children, which is what children will internalize. "Parenting with Dignity". there is also a cd available or vhs from h is website.

I hope this is helpful.
C.

Hi L.,
Dale Carnigie writes some excellent books. I'm sure you have heard of "How to win Friends and Influence People". That book is a staple in our house. He also writes for a younger audience. Last year I picked up How to win Friends and Influence People for Teen Girls (which I have found to be the toughest age on self esteem with ALL of my kids).
I'm certain he must make books for the younger age group as well.

Another author I recommend is Shad Helmstetter, Ph. D. I think he has books for younger children as well.

Then there are always the books available through American Girl.

Good luck,
K.

I don't know of any books, but I can suggest something that is free! I really think it's so important for your daughter to see you love yourself. She takes her cues from you, and if her mom is relatively happy, well-adjusted, and seems content with who she is and how she looks, your daughter will accept that as the norm and follow your lead. I have a 3.5 year old and I have started to try to make sure I compliment her often, talk to her about good foods to eat and exercise, but show her that I am human too. It is SO important to me that my girls be confident, I hear you there. As someone whose mother was not very happy with her looks or herself, I grew up thinking that it was just the way women operated... it wasn't until I was older that I realized many women out there accept themselves and their bodies - this was a novel idea for me! I have worked my adult life to accept myself and my looks, and of course it can be tough sometimes (like when I get down about myself for the lovely c-section overhang - another subject entirely!), but I know my oldest sees me as strong and confident, and I have to hope that this will help shape her self-esteem later on.

I'm sure there are books out there that will address the concerns you mentioned. Just do a google search or search amazon.com if you haven't already. You sound like a great mother and I'm sure you are setting an awesome example for your girls! I bet they are/will be just fine! I was a little scared when I found out I was having girls because of all these types of issues, but now I think it's the best thing that could have happened to me. It is kind-of righting some of the wrongs I have gone through in my life. I hope this helped somewhat!

Personally my favorites are "How to talk so kids will listen and listen so kids will talk" and anything by Dr William Sears. focusing on responding, reflecting and reinforcing what she is doing with encouragement NOT PRAISE..... think about the difference. She needs to feel confident and competent in order to be willing and able to tackle life, so she needs to own her behavior and abilities in order to believe in herself. "You were able to do that, you figured it out, wow, that was hard, but you stuck with it until it got done" will build her belief in her self in a way that is based on reality, not air.
enjoy her. 4 is so fun!!!!!!!

Hey L.,

Have you heard of the American Girl Books. I have bought tons for my daughter. They have books for everything from getting a new sibling, to boys, to friends to the changes your body goes through. They use simple yet accurate terms and are wonderful. I can't remember if they have any specifically for self esteem, but I am sure they have something. They even have a book for the starting of middle school. I think you can just google American Girl Bookstore and that should take you there.

Also a book I found to be helpful in raising a daughter myself, was Raising Ophelia. I will try to find the authors name if you are interested.

I believe the key to self-esteem and confidence is believing that you have something to offer the world and that you are good at something. Encourage her to explore her interests and compliment her. Talk to her about the things she likes, ask what thinks about things around her (to show her that she is not only a good thinker but that her opinion matters). And pay attention to when she seems to doubt herself and boost her in those moments. My 5 year old girl loves to sing, dance and draw, but she sometimes gets shy and embarassed about her efforts. Even if she's not entirely on beat or a little off key, I commend her efforts and ideas so that she'll keep at it. But, I am also realistic. The world is not always going to tell her how great she is so I also encourage her to improve and strive for greater and offer constructive criticism.

Best of luck and good for you for being so pro-active!

~Liza

Christian bookstores have many wonderful books such as you are looking for. I have purchases some in the past for my daughters and granddaughters.
Very much worth a look-see for you.
You may find CBC online, or Google an online link to check them out.
Best wishes and God bless
Grandmother Lowell

Dr. Shad Helmstetter has a wonderful c.d. for teens about self esteem. check it out at his website. www.shadhelmstetter.com


Includes 6 complete Self-Talk programs:

1 — Setting & Reaching Goals
2 — Family & Friends
3 — Success in School
4 — Standing Up for YOU!
5 — Dealing with Problems
6 — Believing in Incredible You!

it is a great way to keep your children reaching for better things in life by thinking better of themselves. L.

I think the American Girl doll books are good.... They have a pre-teen line of books about health care, boys, etc.... The right Girl Scout troop can be a great experience for a kid, too. You can get involved as well (and should get involved in this). They start as Daisies (I think they have to be in Kindergarten). Good luck.... We all want the same thing for our girls!