Self-Esteem Help for 6 1/2 Year Old

Have her join Girl Scouting. It is a place where girls can excel at a variety of roles and take on a bit of leadership at a time. It will be important for her attend regularly, even if she lives with more than one parent. Good luck.

I had the same problem with my now 9 year old when she was that age. It worried me when she started in the first grade. She was very smart and knew all the answers to questions but would never speak up. She was a chatter box at home but at school she would hang back. She was tentative about everything and the first 6 weeks she didn't interact with other kids just the teachers. Finally she made some good friends. She still didn't answer questions and speak up in class and now as a third grader she still doesn't do that much compared to some of the other kids but does do it a ton more than she used to. She will talk to her teachers in small groups and one on one and will answer a few things that she is very sure of in group settings. We put her in a private school with very small classroom settings and a high teacher to student ratio which helped. We also talked to the teachers about her shyness and just learned that this was part of who she was and it really couldn't be changed. It pains me because i am very outgoing by nature and I would like to see her be this way too. Talk to her teachers and make sure they don't push her and don't push her either, this could hurt more than help. Maker sure she is comfortable in her surroundings and not overwhelmed, that she has support when needed from you and her teachers, she has friends, and she knows what is going on. I am sure in time she will come around on her own!

Self confidence comes with time, growth, and solid examples of two adults that are secure with themselves. There has to be a reason why she is not confident- try to figure out why. It could be a little thing as a friend at school making fun of her or bullying her. The best thing you can do is tell her that she can always talk to you about anything-even if she did something wrong-you will not get mad at her. Keep your communications lines open. Tell her- be around her more. Spend more time with her doing activities and try to in a silent way praise her on her accomplishments. Self-esteem develops through good solid accomplishments and not just wearing the right clothes. It is what is inside you that makes you secure and confident and not external materialistic items- they can add to self esteem- but only materialistic items creates-superficial self esteem. When we are 60-we are not so beautiful and we change. So try to relay to her somehow that it is who we are - is what makes us strong person. You have to be an example and act a cetain way to instill this in her. Pick up a book and read about child self esteem to help yourself be better for her and to help her develop inner strength. That should help you. Pick a good book and be careful not to pick up trash-because that can hurt-there is plenty of trash out there. You can also use a little religion to also help you with her self-esteem. The lord creates everyone equal and loves all. We are all the same in the lords eyes and sometimes to a child-knowing God loves us also helps. Do subtle things to help her-so that she is not completely aware of what your are doing. Talk it over with your husband. Maybe you two can have a girls night out to a kid movie and dinner and talk a little to give you more insight on her personality and what is bothering her. I think that we cannot spend enought time with our kids and even if we do- we still miss out on some important ques and hints they give us which lead to psychological and self esteem issues later in life. I hope my rambling help you somewhat. Sounds like you are a good mom and very aware of what is going on and that you care...

I was a single mom and raised a now very confident, independent 27 year old son that I am quite proud of where he is today.

I wouldn't and didn't give him choices at 7 as to what to wear or what he wanted for breakfast. I feel too many people give those choices to kids when it isn't age appropriate. The only choice I would give is a choice of maybe 2 things now and then...not the total choice.

I also always told him from the time he was a toddler that he could do or be anything he wanted to do and confirmed daily how special he was and I still do that today. Rewarded him verbally always for helping, school work and just general reassurance that he was special. It has backed up on me today and I laugh when I try over and over to stop smoking and he (at 27) says, "Mom, you can do anything you put your mind to...remember you always told me this?"

I didn't have the back and forth visits and feel it was a benefit for my son even though he missed out on having a positive father figure, but that wasn't under my control.

Good luck!

I would just add that I was always careful and not put too much pressure on him depending on his age for decisions that were above his age level.

Hi,
I was an extremely shy girl (my current friends don't believe it) but my parents encouraged me to take piano lessons, at which I excelled. I am certain that small step opened so many doors because of the confidence I had in that one area. Obviously it doesn't have to be piano, although I am now a teacher and see many benefits, but I would encourage you to help her find an interest in which she can develop personally, not dependent on a team, but have personal pride in her accomplishments. She will learn to perform in front of others, get praise from a teacher and admiration from her peers. Best of luck to you and her.
S.

Hi, K.! One of my sons went through the same thing. What I did was literally praised him! When ever he cid something good, I would tell him how great he is, when he made mistakes, I would let him know everybody makes mistakes. I would accidently drop something or screw up and say, see I even makes mistakes. You seem to be a great lady, so keep doing what you are doing. It will pay off!

I personally grew up very sheltered and shy. I hated it. The way I got out of this was socializing with others. I was involved in an all girls baseball team, Girl Scouts, eventually got involved in school sports and school activities. She needs opportunities to build one-on-one relationships. Being in events gives her opportunities to meet other kids her own age and find someone she relates to. Then schedule time for one girlfriend to come over and play with your daughter. After she builds a network of close friends one-on-one, then she may be able to have a couple girls together over to play and socialize.

You could also try getting her involved in community events. Helping others assists in thinking about someone other than ourselves. When we focus on a task and finding out what someone else needs, we often forget about our own shyness. By meeting people of different backgrounds, we learn how to communicate on different levels. This should definitely help, plus she will really enjoy it.

You could try helping out at church, community events such as MDA, Breast Cancer Awareness, raising funds or organizing small events for Riley Hospital or children's cancer treatments, neighborhood recycling, etc.

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Here is a great book. 100 Tips for Parents and Teachers: Raising Confident Girls. written by Elizabeth Hartley-Brewer. It is an easy read and very helpful.

Compliment her on how well she does when she does something, and how she is so good at what she does that could strike up a conversation, such as, Is that what you want to do when you grow up? but not overly.

my opionion from raising 3 children myself it is good that you give them choices and all, but dont give them too much full rein either depending on the age.

Help her by complimenting her more by her talents she may have such as dance, art, music, so when she does come, you all have something planned that both of you are planning or had planned that are just for her that have to do with her talents.

You are so not alone! My daughter is going to be 8 next month and they sound just like 2 peas in a pod! She is a wonderful young lady but struggles with her confidence. I also do the same things as you, letting her pick her clothes, breakfast and so forth. I also let her make sandwiches and help out cleaning around the house. My husband and I don't know what else to do either. I am constantly trying to tell her that she is a smart little girl, beautiful, funny hoping that those things will help. If you get any good advise, I also would love to hear it. Please know that you and your stepdaughter are not alone. Good luck to both of you!

I have to agree with Sharon's advice, and suggest that you find something that your step-daughter enjoys and could excel at. I grew up with a borderline-low self esteem, until I moved to a highschool that had JROTC... and discovered rifle team. Never having been athletically inclined, who would have guessed I would have been good at that? It did WONDERS for my self confidence to be really awesome at something!

Ballet, gymnastics, swimming, an instrument... the possiblities are endless!

Best of luck to you and yours!