I want to know how to treat a 12 year old boy? I want to tell ya'll a little bit about him. I have been trying to get him to be responsible he is not. In his words "I can do chores, I know how, I choose not too". He is disrespectful to me, and to his 4 year old half brother (my son), but he will do anything his dad asks. Yes he has lived with us the last 2 years. No his biological mother is not a steady part of his life. She got her kids taken away for drug use, domestic violence, un clean environment, and child neglect. I have tried to get along with her, I did give it my best effort. No we don't get along. When he would visit his mom, she would not make him shower, brush his teeth, go to bed at a certain time, or eat properly. He yells at me, and gives me attitude all the time. His dad finally ask the question "how would you like it if T. (that's me) treated you like you treat her". He said "I wouldn't, because". That is all he said. Everytime I ask him to do anything he stomps across the house, he slams stuff around, even hits the walls. He has his hand out when daddy gets paid, and expects things, but says he doesn't want an allowance. I have tried numerous things. So now I'm beside myself it really hurts. I'm getting severe migranes over it, and getting depressed. What do I do? I don't know how a 12 yr. old should be treated. So any/all ideas are helpful. Thank you!
With limits and responsibility. They need to earn their freedom. You need to watch them carefully. And keep them to their promise.
I have to tell you. I once gave my twelve year old son the job to trim the yard with a "weed eater". It took him 4 hours. But he did it. When he had to rake the yard, he liked to balance the rake on his hand. But he stayed out side until the job was done. I am still too patient.
Like a man with responsibilities and consequences if not done.
Treat him like you would treat any other 12 year old...as a young person with needs and wants of his own but try and help him learn to be respectful and responsible. You don't say if your husband is the custodial parent or if you share custody or if he is just in your home occassionally for a visit.
I helped to raise my husbands son, who is now a grown man, father and grandfather. There were definitely "issues" that come up because you aren't the only one with input into how this young man lives.
It is hard to tell you anything specific because with a step child, as with any other child...what works with one doesnt work with the next. Just be sensitive and patient...know that this is a rough situation for him too!!! If you have the type of relationship with his Mother that you can talk to her and find out how things are done at her house...that might be a good starting point!!
Good luck!!
I would love to know the same answer!! I have a 12 yr old and he has been going through puberty and I have been doing my best to flow with his mood swings! I want to be his friend, but I want to be a great parent also and show him that I am authority as well. If I could give any valid helpful advice I would say to try to put yourself in his/her shoes and be as understanding as possible when he/she pushes you away...it most likely will be temporary. Give the space needed and see where it takes the 2 of you.
I'm undoubtedly going to sound a little preachy with this, but I would strongly suggest looking into Love and Logic. It is the best way to teach respect and responsibility and is very easy to get the hang of. No it's not a 'this will turn your child around in days!' kind of thing, but if you work at it, it will do wonders. Having two 'bonus' kids of my own, with a very similar ex, I know how hard it can be. And make yourself 'mom',if you haven't already. It will change the way that he sees you. Here's a link to the Love and Logic website. http://www.loveandlogic.com/
