Seeking Some Input/advice

A.,
My daughters went through this stage too. It drove me nuts and all I could do was stress that if she wants to keep her friends she needs to wash and keep herself clean because the other kids at school will not be kind about her smells and unkept apperance. Eventually she will see boys and want to look her best.
C. B

I believe to some degree, kids go through this, my son has hygiene issues I'm working on. He'll be in the shower for 15-20 min, but not use soap or shampoo. I told him "Just so you know, don’t be surprised if someone says something about how you smell if you don’t shower properly, I love you no mater how bad you smell, but you are hitting puberty and smell like a man now" ( I don’t label him as stinky, I just say everyone is stinky, although I have said 'you can be known as the stinky kid if you want to, I'll still love you' ) Sometimes is important to him, other times it is not, well its always important to him, I just think he thinks he is fine with the efforts he puts into his hygiene, like a rinse is enough for today.

One thing that went through my head is I wonder if I took him to his Dr. and had his Dr. say something. Kind of like a medical instruction "you have to use a certain soap, dandruff shampoo, deodorant (etc) daily". Sometimes hearing it from someone else has an effect, Or, I've even thought "I keep hoping one of his friends says something and embarrasses him" not that I want him to suffer embarrassment, but I'm sure they smell him anyway, (then I realized when he had his friends over, they all stink)

It seams like it’s improved since he's starting to like girls, but maybe its just over whelming for some kids to turn into adults, sometimes I wished I didn’t have to shower every day. It's a lot to take care of our bodies; maybe she's just overwhelmed with all the responsibilities of it. Maybe having her start somewhere small and grow into the juggle of hygiene care will help her.

I hope she's not suffering psychological issues, she sounds pretty well adjusted other than her hygiene, maybe there could still be an issue and its showing through that one area, I don’t know. Maybe that is something worth talking to her Dr. about.

Sorry I have no answers, I'm just pondering with you.

Oh, another thing I have told my son is things like "who ever smells clean can ride in the car with me" or "I'll be happy to snuggle with you when you smell sweet" I love him and never want to criticize him to make the situation better, but sometimes even I have to draw a boundary and let him know that even thought I'll love him no matter how bad he smells, I still don’t have to sit and smell it.

Well good luck, let us know if you find something that works. I'd like to know too.

Hi A.,

What things does she look forward to doing? Take them away one by one until she does as you ask. Then teach her to do her own laundry. Run a bath for her and tell her if she does not take it, you will treat her like a little child and do it for her.

Let us know how that worked.

Best Regards,
Cath

A.,

I have an 8 year old boy who has just started using deodorant. I can understand a little bit about what you are going through. My advice would be to sit down and talk to her about why she does not take pride in her hygiene. Explain to her about becoming a women, how important it is that we feel good about our cleanliness, and take pride in the way we are. I have taken a backwards approach with all of my children, rather than getting on the defensive side with them, I ask them questions. Is it the time that it takes? Does she have sensitive skin? Does she know how to properly take care of herself? Those are the questions I would ask her, do it in a way that she is comfortable with, as well as that you are. Let her know about puberty, and what she will be experiencing so that she can feel comfortable talking to you about what she is feeling rather than how she cleans herself?. Hope that helps any!

J.

My son was the exact same way at that age it was so irritating, not to mention smelly, we could barely stand to be around him.

What I finally did was.... we did a "smell" check after his shower, if I could tell he hadn't used soap during the shower, be it on his hair, body ect,.. we made him get back in and do it all over, and then this time we stood in the bathroom and walked him through exactly what we wanted him to do, We would stand out side the curtian and literally say..."get soap rub over arms, legs, private, underarms ect" then we moved on to the hair, it took a couple of times but he got sick of having to go back in and then have mom or dad standing in there w/ him. I had to also do this once with one of my younger DD's, she thankfully only took one time. Some kids are just lazier then others and since she doesn't seem to have any other issues she probably just doesn't see it as a problem. I don't know if it will work for you but thought I might give a different idea!

Dear A.,
I would be very concerned.
AI had three boys that I fought with, but not to the extent you are fighting.
I would get her to a Doctor and find out if she has something wrong medically first.
This something that I am sure is beyond anyone with Mamasource.
I am surprised that the smell has not been cause for concern with her teachers.
Good luck.

I bet you anything she will change her tune when she becomes interested in boys! Aside from that, if a peer complains or teases her, she will probably take notice then. It would be unfortunate for her to be teased, so perhaps you should tell her that it might happen if she doesn't start taking care of her body. If she starts getting a reputation for being unclean, it could become something she is teased about for quite some time, and could be very traumatic...you know how mean kids can be sometimes. Nicknames can stick for a long, long time.
I know there are books about changing bodies out there--check Amazon or the library. Maybe giving her a book would help? Good luck.

Hi A.,
I knew a young woman that didn't take care of her personal hygiene and it was evident by the complaints received by her piers. I had to intervene and speak to her. She did "clean" herself up. My point being that maybe you can tell your daugher that you hope it doesn't get to the point where her piers start to complain. Then maybe you could solicit a third party (her teacher) to mention the unplesant odor(s). Sometimes young adults will listen to a third party's advice over a parents. Also, maybe you can have her put stain remover on her soiled clothes to let her see how unplesant it is. And or have her clean up her own "accidents" after all that's what some moms do when potty training. Has she ever told you that she has trouble with her bowels or incontinence? That would prompt a visit to her doctor. Good luck!

Oh A., It sounds like you have done a ton to try and help this situation and I am fairly certain this is a phase... just a matter of how long of a phase it is. I have two thoughts.
First- how long has this been going on and did something tramatic happen recently in her life that might of triggered this?

Second- What about a girls day- a special day where the two of you go absolutly wild pampering yourselves- hair done (washed, cut, styled) maybe have her pick out a style she likes from a magazine to try, You could both look through and find new looks, go get manicures and pedicures, I don't know if at 10 you are letting her wear make-up but maybe she could pick up a fun lip gloss, go get ears peirced? Maybe buy a new outfit just spend the entire day getting pampered and go out for a nice dinner and dessert. Go do one of those photo booths where you get the 4 pictures just to remember how much fun and how beautiful you looked...
Without harping on the hygene issue the whole time maybe during this whole day of fun and beauty, you and her could really have a heart to heart about what is going on, ask her why she doesn't want to do these things, maybe there is something going on that she just hasn't had the courage to talk about. Think up strong points that you want to make sure she understands- health issues, friend/social issues, self confidence issues... But don't attack, make this something special between the two of you and maybe come to an agreement that if she will bathe regularly for the next month/ week (whatever you decide) you guys will go do some other fun girls day out... or she can get a new outfit or something special- you decide.

I really hope you find some way to help her but most girls at some point really do care about their looks and hygene... this could be a signal that something is really wrong or just a phase that will pass shortly... have you spoken to her pediatrician at all about this? Good luck! Would love to hear how this all turns out for you.

She might be going though some mental issues and I suggest that you contact The Alpine Center in American Fork, these are great people and can help both you and her. If they determine that she doesn't need them or more they will help you find the people you need.