Seeking POV from Single Moms/remarried Moms

I know you did not ask for this pov but as a child of a single mother, due to the marriage my parents had (abusive physically and mentally) it was better for me (can not speak for my sisters) that my parents were divorced. I do appreciate and have thanked my mother more than once for NOT dating and NOT bringing strange men home on a regular basis. I think it depends on how you handle yourself and the situation.

My father died suddenly when I was 11, so my mom was a single mom for a while. I'm sure she would not have chosen it, but she certainly made lemonade out of lemons. She maintained a very stable home for us. We stayed in our home (my parents had 4 kids), stayed at the same school, etc. Yes, we missed my dad terribly, but my mom did a great job of keeping everything else normal.

If you can or want to salvage the marriage, I would try. The grass isn't always greener. Also, my mom didn't go on a single date until I was a senior in high school (my older siblings were in college and my little sister was a freshman). She remarried when I was 22. I think that was one of the single-most selfless things she could have done for us. She completely and totally put us first. There are way too many questions on here about step-kids or being a step mom and it just makes me sad because the children are RARELY put first. If you do "choose" to become single, ALWAYS put your beautiful children first.

I think it depends on the circumstances, but it is a proven fact that divorce severely affects children. Of course you don't want them in an abusive circumstance, but I know that I don't want my children to be from a broken home and do everything that I can to make my marriage better. When it's just about....I don't feel like I love him anymore, or he drives me crazy, etc, I really believe that once you have kids, life isn't just about you anymore. Love is a choice, not a feeling. Tough decision, so good luck.

I've been a single mom from day 1. I chose it. Part of me thinks she should have a dad, but the other part of me won't let her have a dad (her dad is a loser, and some other choice words that would ruin her life).

I don't regret my decision at all. But I'm in a different situation then you are. Hopefully, if you do leave the kids father, he will still be apart of their life. You have to do whats right for you. If your relationship isn't working out, don't try to make it. Because in the end, you are just going to hurt your kids more. My parents have been divorced since I was 5 months old, and I have been through 7 divorces (between both parents). 2 of their marriages were awful on my sister and I. And once they left them, it was a lot easier.

Things will be hard for awhile, but in the end, you might be a lot happier.

I'm a divorced co-parent of an 8 year-old girl. I never call myself a "single mom" because her dad is totally involved in her life. Some of my friends call themselves "single moms" and their exes have the kids up to 1/2 the time!

I don't have one regret in divorcing my ex, but it took me many years to come to that decision. He suffered from depression (since diagnosed as bipolar) and drug use, and repeated unemployment. Since our divorce he has gotten better medical help and is now on full disability (for both mental and physical disabilities) and he is more together, and a much more involved father than when I was there taking care of everything.

My life is better because I have the energy to pursue school, work, friendships, and all the things that were so hard when I was using all my energy to just keep things together and support the whole family.

If you split up, I recommend a mediator, not lawyers. It is up to you and him how you parent your children the best way possible, not lawyers or the court.

I chose to be a single mom twice: when I left an unstable/unreliable husband (which I will never regret) and when I left the boyfriend I found after him. It was all for the right reasons, first reason being the well-being of my adored child. The goods:1) my child is growing happy, serene and extremely stable; 2) I don't have to discuss my parenting style with a husband (or such) as I am the only parent; 3) I still have time for myself as I work part time and my son stays in school until 5pm, so I can do gym or other activities in that meantime; 4)I have the respect and admiration of many women and many men too, as people tend to think that they can't do it by themselves and feel more secure in a traditional family. The bads: 1) Can't go out for a weekend by myself (and don't want to either); 2) Almost never go out at night (except when my mom babysits- rarely); 3) If I have a problem with my child, I am the only one dealing with it, I can't share responsability; 4) Missing physical contact and romance with a man (but only sometimes). That's about it. My life is really mellow, but i like it this way, as my son's love really makes up for the other missing pieces. I'd love to find a soulmate sometime, but I'd have to feel really REALLY ready to have somebody intruding in my perfect balanced life. I am at peace and have been for a while...which is priceless.

I choose life for my son. By choosing life for him, I found myself a single mom. Being a single mom of one kid is very hard because it is all you all the time. With two kids, they at least have each other to keep each other entertained or to argue with and so much more but it is still all you for every need. The key to success in being a sigle parent is enlisting the village to help you with your children. You will need a network of people to help you with your children. You will need people to pick them up and drop them off. You will need people to watch them when they are out of school and you have to be at work. You will need excellent before and after care. You will need summer care and holiday care. You will need many people that love them to rally around them before their teen years and you will need coaches and activities from preteen through teen years. You will also need to let the children know that you all are on the same team and how to work together.

You will be responsible for teaching them everything they need to know about life and living and caring. It is hard work and the rewards are so few along the way but ultimately they grow up and get out of your house equipped for life which is a wonderful thing.

Get your village ready even though the members of your village will change you must have a village in place to help you raise your children. Remember some things are taught and others are caught.

I'm married now with two sons, one by birth and one step son. Hubby and I are trying to get pregnant and life is good.

from a child's perspective, by the time my mother divorced my father (i was around 12), my older siblings and i were so happy. he was an alcoholic and at times things were just not good. i was so thankful she finally made that decision and i learned at a young age that staying together for the children is not a good idea. kids know what is going on...and we were stressed by the stress in their relationship. it was difficult for my mother but we were ultimately better off (not financially though) because of it. and i want to add that just because you are a single mother doesn't mean you have to give up your life entirely for your kids. yes, they always come first but i didn't expect my mother not to date until we were all 18 years old. mothers are people too and their lives and spirits have to be nurtured and developed outside of motherhood. you can't be the best mother you can be if you aren't the best person you can be and that means taking care of yourself. dating as a single parent is not inherently a selfish act.

i was also a single parent. it was difficult but i don't, and never have, regretted the decision to separate from my oldest child's father. simply put things just did not work out and i wasn't going to be miserable the rest of my life so my daughter could have both of her biological parents under one roof.

I left my husband when I was 6 months pregnant and moved back home. He was never there for me, lied to me, cheated on me, and more. I knew that even if I stayed, i'd be raising my daughter in a poor example of a marriage. So I left and I've never looked back.
Ok ... I was depressed for a while but I am SO much better off now. He is not in our lives at all and I'm happy that way. I've moved on, gotten a good job, bought a house and am happy.
You have to think of yourself and the kids. Do you want to raise them in that marriage? You also have to have your "out". will you be ok without him 0- financially. If not, get there!
good luck

I am a single mom, but I have a good relationship with my son's father, in that we have worked out ways to work together to raise our child and to be even better friends than we were when we were together. It's taken time to get there, but the true blessing is that we both want what is best for our child, and we both work at making his childhood the best it can be.

I would not recommend being a single parent per se, but I think it becomes clear what is working to build a strong foundation for your child, and what is not. I encourage my son to spend time with his dad, to get to know him, and feel his care and love. It takes some giving up of my ego, and I am not currently seeing anyone, but I know it is the right choice based on my son's well-being and on the friendship his dad and I share. I know I will have time to get back into doing more things that I like just for me when my child is a bit older, but I chose to have a child, and so it is my responsibility and privilege to put him first in my life (which is what it takes as any parent knows, but especially the single ones).

Best wishes to you and your family.

I left my first hubby because he had some real problems. it was the only decision I could make, it would not have been a good environment for them to grow up in. Despite having a great step dad in my second husband, our kids have suffered and have real issues due to the fact they feel neglected by their father. they are young adults now and I see how growing up without their bio dad has effected them. whatever you decide, (I know none of us make this decision lightly) Its so important to kids to feel loved by both parents, involved with both parents if at all possible.

I had my son when I was 18. His "father" left me when I was 3 monthes pregnant. Life went on... When I was 21 I got married and had 2 more sons. It was the longest most misrable 5 years of my life! We divorced. It was really hard for me to support 3 kids on my own. But we did it. My two boys have never had a really hard time with it. They were 4 and 5. My oldest was 8 and the only dad he had ever knowen was with my ex. To this day he is in counseling because of everything that has happened ( long story short my ex adopted him while married and then after the divorce cut him 100% out of his life). 2 years after my divorce I met someone and 9 monthes later we got married. We now have 2 more little ones in the family, making our family complete with 5 kids. This time around... this has been the best 5 years of my life! I am now so happy with a man who not only loves me with all of his heart but also loves all 5 of my kids! He is so wonderful and loves all 5 of them like his own. He is there more for my older 3 than thier dad is ( who lives 3 blocks from us). I love being with him and being in love with him. He is always telling me how much he loves me, shows me affection, is always standing behind decisions. At one time all I got was no talking to unless it was cutting me down and making me feel horrible.

It's a hard step to do and it can be a struggle doing it on your own with out someone there to help. But for me and my kids it was the best decision I could have ever made. Im not sure how my kids would have turned out if I had stayed with my ex for them. Plus once I was on my own, my oldest came up one day and told me that it was so nice to see me smile again. That was all I needed to hear to know that I made the right choice no matter how hard it got!

Good luck with your choice!