Seeking Parents with Three Children

My second born has the same problem in my family - even after having number 4 - still the same problem - - - It always seems she is the center - either fighting with number one - or fighting with number 3....

You HAVE to give this child extra, extra love - - - and ALONE time... It might just be 5 minutes a day - but find a time to sneak away with him to another room or the front porch - or to take an errand to the store - and let him know that's his special mommy time....

I have done this with my daughter from the beginning - she is now 12 and when I forget - she will remind me that she needs some "mommy" time....

Read books about the middle child syndrome - it can be very real..... and you need to work on it - - -

You cannot let him know the kisses bother you (even if he breathe smells bad) - - - you have to love them - you are the most important person in his life - you will give him more love - more real love than anyone else on the planet - and without that from you he will never be able to accept it from anyone else = = =

Hello, My name is A..I have three older children. It's easy to not pay attention to the middle child.....but now that you know what you are doing you have to take that extra step and find something that you and he can bond with(something that you can share one on one) another thing that helped with my kids and I was...... I would read a story that he or she picked on a certain day(one day one child the next day the other child..etc.)the other kids need time to bond as siblings as well!Have them do an activity together as well.

A. you are right to be concerned. Your middle child was the baby until #3 came along. He still wants the same attention he got before the baby came into the picture. I admit I do it to my 8 year old too. His 11 year old sister requires a lot of emotional support and well the 2 year old requires a lot of attention. I work full time and I'm on my own since my husband is deployed for a year. So what I decided to do was pick two nights a month that I dedicate just to him. A mom and son date.
It works wonders. He's stop acting out as much and is much more attentive to his baby brother.

I have a 7 yr old, 5 yr old, 5 month old. I'm not sure on what to say to you but I personally dont have issues with my 5 yr old at all. He is included in everything we do, I dont favor one over the other at all. My 5 month old takes a lot of attention at times but I let the boys help me do stuff for him and they really enjoy feeding him and playing with him. Get him into a sport so he can watch you cheer him on so he knows that you are proud of him! Try taking just him out with you leave the other children with a sitter. Do something that he injoys doing, talk to him make him feel as if he is the only one you see at that moment. He needs to feel special so that would bring his self esteem up. There is NOTHING like a mothers love. Enjoy those kisses from him!!!!

My husband watches the baby and my 7 , 5 yrs old go out and do stuff together, even if its to the store real quick they still like going.

M.

hi. I am also a 28 yr old mother of 3 children all girls, ages 5(ashlynn),3(emma),and 1(madelynn). I totally understand what you feel. My oldest is in kindergarten and I am always so excited to see what she does, and the baby is just learning to talk,and it seems that emma gets lost somewhere in between, and she gets very rebellious too. What I have noticed though is when I make an extra effort to do something with her , like when ashlynn is at school, she gobbles up my attention, and she is very eager to please me, so she is more than willing to help me do something I ask her to help me with. Its hard having a child let alone 3. Dont be too hard on yourself its hard to try and divide you time between 3 kids and the other responsibilities that you have.

Aww. I feel for you. I'm not a middle child, and only have one child, but I know how it was for my brother and sister. I can also relate to your confession of being bothered when he kisses you. My brother is the only boy. He did act up more than me and my sister, and so was always in trouble. My dad worked swing through most of our childhood. My brother as an adult often complained he was "raised by the phone". My mother would call my dad when he seemed to much to handle. My brother later got into drug addiction. He spent time in juvenile hall, and later got into trouble as an adult selling drugs. He eventually cleaned up, but it took years. And he had a lot of anger issues, and still does. My dad did make the effort of taking my brother with him fishing and to boat shows and stuff. I think that helped.

About the kissing bothering you: I had the same thing with my daughter. I realized it as she started getting past pre-school years. My mother did the same thing to all of us. She just wasn't as affectionate once we got to a certain age. I started making the effort to be more affectionate. Always giving her a kiss and saying I love you whenever we parted, letting her lean on my during church, letting her hug me as long as she wanted to, and letting her kiss me on the cheek when she wanted to. But I had to lay down some boundaries. There was no hugging and kissing while we ate. And sometimes her kisses would seem inappropriate, so I limited kisses to quick on the cheek. (Sometimes she'd try to kiss my arm or chin or something). Also if we're passing by in the hall I'd make sure to tug her hair, or brush her arm with my hand as we passed.

So you've got to be intentional and endure even though it bothers you. Eventually it won't bother and will come naturally. I had a baby out of wedlock looking for the missing attention, my brother turned to drugs, and my sister turned to needy sexual relationships with other women.

I think its good that you have been able to notice the issue now and not years later. A really great way to make kids feel special is to do something just with them- like your own special ritual. I don't know if there is something he really likes to do or something that he could help you with, but something that the other kids don't get to do, just him. My friends have two sons and the younger one always goes with his dad to work things he has to do evenings or weekends. You would think it would be boring for the son, but he really likes spending time with his dad.

hi, i have 3 girls,6,2,and 1 and i'm 30.i feel your stress!! its hard to share enough time w all of them.it sounds like he wants more attention.what i try to do at night is read books altogether.your oldest one is starting to read so let her practice one book & let your 2 yr. old pick out a book he wants too.dont feel guilty-just learn from it and see how u can change it.kids love to color so maybe u could try that.just try to plan something each night where they know they will get mommy time.i know its hard- i get stress out a lot too and its tough.i think u may not want to give him kisses because you also need some alone time and maybe when he comes up to you, you just aren't in a good mood.kids also sense when we are stressed-our stress vibes come off us onto them & everyone acts up and everything that can will go wrong that day ya know-

I don't have 3 children but I am a middle child.I can understand your situation, but I am glad you are addressing your problem. Is there anyone else in your family (an aunt, Uncle or cousin) who can give your middle child some extra attention that you are not giving. Luckily I had an Aunt who saw that my mother neglected me and didn't particularly care for me and she stepped in to give me what I needed.Thank God for her. I have tried my whole life to get my mothers attention when I finally got it, it was too late.Don't let this happen to you.--A middle child

Hi.I don't have three kids I have two.My Mom had three kids, I'm the oldest by far, their is 61/2 years between me and my sister(the middle child)and 12 between me and my baby brother.
I can tel you this...Make a point to have one on one time w/ all your kids expecilaly your middle child, it doesn't have to much maybe 1/2 an hour while you other kids are occupied, make sure you hug him and tel him he is special and you love him EVERY day.Your right he is acting out kids will do what it takes to get your attention even if it means getting in trouble so you pay attention to them.
I think if you make a small effort to change and spend quality time w/ him you'll notice a BIG diffrence w/ the way he acts and the way you feel about him..Do you watch Nanny 911.Try and cetch that show if your not to busy, last week she delt w/ a family that sounds alot like what you might be going through...
I really hope this helps you.

I am a mom of 3 boys 13, 9, 5. I do have issue with my middle son needing more attention but I don't feel like I don't include him. What you might want to do is have a mommy son day. I do that with each one of my boys every once in a while. You just need to reconnect with him and it will be hard at first but all your children have something unique about them that you love. Ask him what he would like to do and see if you could get a babysitter for the other 2 and just see how that goes. I sometimes get my parents to take each one of my boys separtly so that can have some one on one time. Try that and see how you feel and how it goes.

My kids are all grown, but the middle child is always the middle child. I realize now that when my middle son was young, he used to get into more trouble. I realize now, it was for attention. Try your best to pay a little more attention to your middle child. The first was special because it is your first. You've bonded more. The youngest is your baby. But the middle child is kind of left out. I think my realization came when my middle son was hospitalized for a month and almost died. He was already a teenager, but I spent every day and night with him. It was through this that I realized he was special too.
Become more involved with your middle child. Try to find common ground between you. You will be happy you did.

Hi A.,
I have a 4 1/2 yr old girl, a 3 yr old boy, and 5month old baby boy. Let me tell you I know what you mean. Everyone keeps telling me it's just a phase but I'm starting to think it's not. I thought even though he's the middle child he's the first boy so that would be to my advantage, I'm not so sure though. I try to play with both the "big kids" when the baby is napping, and my husband and I try to play with the kids each individually too. I'm not really sure what else we could be doing. I've been told to search at the library or online for how to make the middle child feel important/special. I'm still searching but if I find anything else that makes sense or works I'll keep you posted.