Seeking Other Moms with Experience Potty Training Sensitive Kids or Encopresis

Updated on August 06, 2009
A.S. asks from Allison Park, PA
4 answers

Dear Ladies

I'm about to try and potty train my two year old (28 months), and while I've found some good information out there, I'm still concerned about a few things. My son went through a period of painful constipation when he was just under a year old, and he started holding in his poo. And, basically started suffering from encopresis (soiling) although since he's not potty trained, its just meant lots of little poos to clean up all day which keeps our nanny on her toes, and means missed ones have meant some sore days!

Although we've made a lot of progress over time with diet, getting him to drink more, praising him for poos and laxative tea when necessary etc (according to most advice on the subject), he's still apprehensive about bowel movements. He's developed a pattern whereby when he needs to go, he asks us to go in the other room and he then either holds it in or lets some out, depending on his mood. We've usually been very careful to not interrupt him at this time, and just leave him to get on with it himself, which has meant a lot of progress has been made. Once while we were on holiday though, my husband didn't want him having a poo in our friends room (as they are stinky at the moment, and seem to linger in the air!) and so moved him elsewhere. Aidan then didn't poo for a couple of days after having been interrupted and we had to do the whole laxative cycle again, which I worry about because it seems a bit harsh.

Basically he seems quite ready to be potty trained in terms of knowing when he's about to have a poo, and being able to wander around naked and sometimes knows when a pee is coming (not always, but we haven't pushed it). My question is two-fold really - A) what would you say are the key signs that a toddler is 'ready' to be potty trained, or how can you tell if they aren't ready? B) Has anyone had any similar experiences or heard of anything similar so to give me some advice about what to try?

I'm taking him on a trip to the states (we're living in the UK at the moment) and I don't think it will be a good idea to be in the middle of potty training on a long transatlantic flight under the circumstances, so I'm wondering if I should wait until after we get back, or if by then we'll have missed some sort of 'window' since he seems somewhat ready now to me. I guess I just want some reassurance/ideas! Thank you!

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So What Happened?

Thanks so much to those of you who offered some advice. It was so helpful. Basically, the nanny and I just went for it one sunny day when it wasn't too hot and wasn't too cold, and asked my son if he wanted to try going without a diaper that day. We acted all excited, like it was really fun, and he said yes! So, when I went off to work, the nanny proceeded to stay home mostly that day and got him on and off the potty as you do, with quite a lot of peeing outside on the grass. He had a couple of accidents of course, but quickly seemed to 'get it'. Then in terms of the number 2, which I was so worried about, its almost as if the potty training and all the positive responses he got after he had a wee, just transferred over and motivated him for the number 2's as well. If he started to have a bm, we just picked him up (even if he protested, but just very nicely) and put him on the potty. Then even if he stopped going, but there was a bit in the potty from what he'd already started, we had such fun afterwards, jumping up and down and praising him, that he ended up wanting to do it more other times.

All was going tremendously until he got an infection of his penis (balinitis) and is now unfortunately on antibiotics. We think he got it because his penis rubs at the front of the potty (and he's uncircumcized), so we are disinfecting the potty much more maniacly than before and are trying to encourage him to pee standing up outside a lot. I think we might need to try and find another potty with more room. I'm just hoping this doesn't send his tummy into a downwards spiral so he's taking lots of pro-biotics etc and we'll just cross our fingers!

More Answers

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A.F.

answers from Springfield on

We had a similar situation when my now-six year old started potty training. She began to hold it because she was busy playing, caused painful stools, so she avoided going because it hurt and so the circle began. She's on Miralax (prescription, but it can be found over the counter as well) and Benefiber now to keep things soft and going, and also occasionally takes Fletcher's for Children (Castoria) to help her. She's been on meds for 3 1/2 years, with good results but weaning hasn't worked so well.

Knowing what I know now, I'd work with meds/herbs, etc to soften everything up for a bit of time before trying to potty train. The Fletcher's helps with the urge to go - and getting him going every day without holding it is pretty important. We've worked with a pediatric gastroenterologist for the 3 1/2 years our daughter has been treated for this, and we've learned more than we ever wanted to know on the subject! The year before that, our daughter was potty trained and going a week or more between stools, and screaming in pain when she finally did go.

Having run many tests, we've come to the conclusion that in our daughter's case, nothing is medically causing this, and it's simply a control issue. Giving the meds we use has sometimes taken that option away - they have to go, no choices about it. I hate it for her - she's 6 and still dealing with this. It's been a frustrating road for all involved, but she's wanting to go off the meds now and doing better than she's ever done in the past. We may have light at the end of this tunnel!

Best of luck to you! Feel free to message me if you have any questions or I can help. :)

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P.M.

answers from Harrisburg on

I didn't have these same type issues, but even without them, I would wait until returning from a transatlantic trip to train him. There will be too many distractions on the trip and the time change will be difficult for him as well. I wouldn't worry about missing a "window".

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S.A.

answers from Pittsburgh on

A.
I have experienced the "constipation" issue since my daughter was small. Tried Miralax,brown sugar water,prune juice,KERO syrup,suppositories alot!

Now that she is older 3 and 1/2 it still occirs but not as bad where she ended up having diarea or it being hard. She has this thing where she yells at me to go away when she is going or will go in another romm and gets real quiet (so I know). I dont let her control the situation I take her right away and put her on the potty. I have used suppositories if after 4 days she hasnt gone. The best method is lots of water and fruit.
The readiness is different with all children my daughter is very willful and cant or wont tell me when she has to go so I just keep putting her on the pot when I know she has to go until she goes and she may sit there for awhile.

Key Points are if they understand the direction given.
Can they pull their pants down?
Can they go within 20 minutes of sitting on the potty.
STAY CONSISTENT WITH WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING....

If you answer these questions yes then its time if no then you may be in for a long haul.

I have stopped and started so many times,I started giving sticker rewards and a chart and it has been going well. I have a toy tray(TV DINNER tray)and put the potty in front of the TV and she plays and while she is distracted a bit she goes pretty consistently but not completely. I hope we have this wrapped up by the time she turns 4!

Sincerely,
S.

S.Y.

answers from Pittsburgh on

Hi A.!
I can comment on toddler "readiness", as I have just leaned alot about the subject, and now have a totally different view on it.
In 1962 Dr. Brazelton, in response to the harsher training of earlier decades, came forward with a poorly constructed "study" that focused on "child-led" toilet training. Parents were to wait until the child "showed interest" and had certain "readiness signals" to use the toilet. Even if this meant waiting until after age FOUR or FIVE, this was the "new way to go". Not following his protocal, he claimed, could result in various psycho-sexual consequences that would utimately scar your child for life.

Hmmmmmm, well guess who Dr. Brazelton was the spokesperson for?

PAMPERS!!!!!!

I kid you not...how's THAT for a professional conflict of interest? I believe before that "study" came out the average age a child trained was 18 months, now it is over 3.5 years!! That is a LOT of diapers and Pull Ups!

I LOVE the books "Diaper Free before Three" and "Early Start Potty Training". They work on some traditional and some "Elimination Communication" principles, and I believe a MUCH gentler way to potty-"learn". My dd has been doing it since 20 months and it has been a lovely experience. So basically what I am trying to say is that you can potty-learn with a toddler at any time...... :)

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