Seeking Other Mom's Suggestion About Children.

Your 5 year old is out of control in kindergarten and your 3 year old has recently started backtalking......

hmmmm. what has changed in their home life? What is new? What might be going on?

This is no coincidence. I suggest you look at the past 3-6 months to determine what is affecting their behavior so radically.

Good luck.

When you say 'hurting animals', I am going to assume you are implying he gets too rough with them. Not piercing their ears or pulling out whiskers, which obviously would be a sign that a medical professional needs to get involved for further diagnosis.

I think you have a simple case of a bored little boy who is testing his boudaries as well as cause/effect reactions amongst his peers and pets. "Hmm, math sure is boring today. Wonder how little Suzie will react if I pull her pony tail? Gosh, I got yelled at, but gee whiz that sure was funny how she screamed!"

It also sounds like he's seeing how far he can push his little brothers before they cry uncle or he gets in trouble. Trust me as the youngest child that this was common. Also may be looking for that attention he sees the younger children hogging. Negative attention is better than no attention at all!

Nothing you've listed sounds malicious. Perhaps a little more positive attention, positive attention when he's had a green light day, and a quick, wordless re-direction to a time out spot when he exihibits the negative behaviors may be all it takes to get him refocused.

(The dog/cat will use their own methods to let him know what he is doing isn't ok. Some of my children's first sentences were "First she growls, THEN she bites!" They learned very quickly that there was only so far you could shove your fingers in a dog's ears and mouth before the dog would let you know it is NOT ok. :))

Good luck momma!

How is he hurting animals or poking other students? Is it a result of rough and tumble play (accidental) or is he deliberately hurting them and doing it to get a reaction.
If he is rough and tumble and these incidents are accidental, I would suggest that is rather normal for a 5 year old and he just needs more supervision/ reminding to sit down when he is cutting/drawing, to keep his hands to himself, to play gentle and to slow down.

If he is hurting other kids or pets with malicious intend (planning to hurt them, actively going after the animal in order to cause them pain) you need to get him into counseling. That is not normal or a result of immaturity or even ADD/ADHD.

In any way I would consider talking to a school counselor about him. Has he been evaluated by the school district? If he has an official diagnosis and has been evaluated he may be eligible for support services that will help him succeed in class (academically and socially).
Good luck.

A child hurting those weaker than him(younger kids and animals) is not normal and raises red flags. Please separate him from his brother and the animals NOW and seek professional help, something is not right.

edited to add: you need to do more than meds - a child that harms animals is NOT NORMAL and POTENTIALLY DANGEROUS, add/adhd meds don't change that - please please please seek out counseling for your child TODAY and/or rehome your pets.

Hurting animals at 5 isn't entirely normal. Try giving him lots of one-on-one attention, as much as you can, and if he doesn't respond to that, talk to a counselor.

Updated

Hurting animals at 5 isn't entirely normal. Try giving him lots of one-on-one attention, as much as you can, and if he doesn't respond to that, talk to a counselor.

sounds like he might need some therapy. we can give suggestions.. but you might need a professional.

Try teaching him empathy. When he is hurting an animal or picking on his sibling, sit down with him, tell him to close his eyes and then try to imagine tha someone is doing to him what he's doing to his sibling or the animal.

It does sound pretty typical. He probably doesn't really care that he got yelled at by the teacher; the reaction he got was probably worth it.

I think you need to be on a daily reporting system with the teacher and punish at home for misbehavior at school. He's not a dog; he can relate a home punishment to school behavior and it's important for him to realize that the communication between you and the school is ongoing!

Set up a meeting with his classroom teacher and the school psychologist as well. While it's not entirely abnormal behavior for him to poke another student with scissors and cut things up like clothing, it isn't good and needs to be dealt with. What's causing him to behave like this? Hurting his brother and animals?? The animals part seems to raise a red flag, because what reason does he have to want to hurt an animal? I could see if his little brother was bothering him, he might get annoyed and hit him...is that what' s happening or is he seeking him out to intentionally hurt him? If yes, another red flag. Find out what his teacher and school psychologist think about his behavior. Also talk to his pediatrician about his recent behavior changes, sooner the better.

Discipline (training/teaching) includes positive tactics as well as punishment. Double punishment for the same behavior could well be felt as unfair by a child, and if it happens often, some kids give up and assume, since they're "always" in trouble anyhow, to have some fun along the way. Or to do some scientific investigation ("Hmm, I wonder if scissors can cut my sleeve…).

Most kids will respond positively to positive messages. So, particularly if you decide to punish your son for yellow lights, it will probably serve you well to put at least as much emphasis on green lights, and let him know you are proud of him. Green lights are worth celebrating – you don't want them to become too ho-hum and expected in a young child. It's also helpful to train yourself to notice moments of good behavior and kindness, and comment on those with appreciation. (That can be hard for busy moms to do, but it gets easier with practice.)

Your son's prefrontal cortex is developing, but a long way from mature. That's the part of the brain that allows for good judgement and self-control. You can "scare" some kids into obedience with punishments or spanking, but that's a long way from choosing good behavior because it's just worth it.

Is he just too rough with his brother and the pet, or is he intentionally hurting them? Either way, it doesn't mean you have a serial killer in training on your hands. But, it should definitely be addressed if it's intentional.

My daughter tried to stab a classmate in the hand with a pencil last year, and is always getting in trouble for poking, pestering, and being disruptive. She is in counseling, we are taking parenting classes, everyone is working to improve her life as a team. This is not always easy, her dad and I are divorced and have very different opinions about most things. It's important to keep your focus on helping your child and knowing that everyone has to be involved in the plan.

Don't feel like this is something you did wrong in your parenting. Some kids are just wired differently. But, please look into doing more than just medicating, for his peace of mind and yours.

I strongly recommend positive parenting techniques. Look into books by Dr. Laura Markham and Dr. Mary Kurcinka. I haven't read Dr. Markham's book myself yet, but find her website very helpful, www.ahaparenting.com.

So, since you say your child has BOTH ADD and ADHD, does he have a Psychiatrist treating him?
Some say it is not possible to have both ADD and ADHD at the same time.
Ask your child's Doctor.
AND since he is in school... does he not have a IEP or an Aide in school with him?
If not, then get him one.
Talk to the school or the Counselor or whomever does the special ed. or special services for the school.
And since he does have these issues, then, is he on meds?

Hi, J.:

Your prior post stated you had an issue with your 3 year old's disrespect.
Now you have posted about your 5 year old having discipline problems.
Meds is not the answer but it is a choice.

Have you considered taking parenting classes?

Your children have no respect for you and others.

Good luck.
D.