Seeking Opinions as to Whether This Type of Gift Is Odd???

My first thought was that there was an issue with money, but since you said that is not the issue, I have to say that yes, this is weird. If the clothes had at least LOOKED new, I wouldn't see a problem with it as much. I LOVE second hand stuff, and that's what my kids generally get, but not for gifts.

A gift is a gift no matter where it came from or what it's history is. If they are comfortable giving you second hand things then you should just be gracious and accept them. It's quirky, yes.

It is odd, but not outragous, and under the circumstances you describe it sounds tacky.

When my kids were little my girlfriend asked if she could give my kids her used yard toys as B-day gifts. Since she knew I couldn't afford new ones and if I did buy them, they would come from a yard sale, I thought it was a thoughtful gift. Money was really tight for her at the time and I didn't even expect her to get a gift, I just wanted her and the kids to share in the celebration.

I would say a little odd if money is not an issue, but I am always careful about that assumption. Even when my husband and I were both working full-time, regular jobs, money was ALWAYS an issue. If people have any kind of "hidden" debt, like student loans, car payments, credit card, etc. that does not always reflect a higher standard of living, they can be especially careful to hide it. (It is nobody's business, after all.)

I grew up buying and living on second-hand things, so as a teenager thought nothing of buying a nice, used stereo for my little sister (she loved it, it never occurred to me that that would be weird), or used books for my mom (I always ask for used books--you can get more!!! and sometimes they are collectible). I would say think away that it is strange, but smile, teach your children to be grateful, and if you can't or won't use something, donate it. There have been plenty of Christmases and birthdays where we have not gotten anyone in extended family anything because it was simply more important to keep our heat on and feed our kids. We're not poor by any definition, but we have no wiggle room with our income, either.

So, feel free to think it is odd, but definitely make sure your children are learning gratitude and not to have specific expectations for gifts.

I frequently shop at consigment stores and garage sales. However unless the items were unopened I would not give them as gifts. I don't think its good ettiquette to give obvious second items for gifts. However I also don't think it would be good ettiquette to say anything to family members or your sister in law about this. Just let it go..
Also who knows who is being effected by the current economic situation. They might be embrassed to bring it up that money is tight for them.

Are the 'green' with their lifestyle? If so, buying too many 'new' items, even as gifts, is weird to them. Maybe money is not an issue to them, because they are more conservative with their funds? Maybe they are saving for a big investment. Might seem weird to you, but obviously is not for them. ;)

I know a lot of families that were doing well and would never think of giving a "garage sale item" as a gift. But Obama has done a lot to make sure everyone is feeling his presidency. Lots of families have had their hours reduced or jobs totally eliminated. Its not something I would let family know about unless I had hat in hand and was asking for economic assistance.

I retired at exactly the wrong time. But its done. No one wants to hire someone who is 60+ unless its as a greeter or a speciality job like me when I grew my own beard and will be working as a Santa Claus for 6 weeks. I work as an usher at a footbal stadium. I've talked to many of the vendors and they say their sales have fallen off dramatically.

Be greatful and be glad it hasn't happened to you.

Good luck to you and yours.

For a 1st birthday, the used books would be fine cause the damage factor is HIGH with little kids and why pay full price for books that may not survive the week. Games, also, as long as they have all the pieces and the box is in good shape (for the same reason).

Used clothes for a birthday present is a bit wierd.

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It sounds like, even though your SIL may not have money problems, she may be the thrifty sort. It's a different mindset than most other people but I have a cousin who is like that. If you try to mention to him that it would probably be nice to buy his new grandson a nice new gift from Target, he will look at you as if you are the odd duck and ask you why would you want to waste your money of overpriced toys and books when there are perfectly good toys and books at Goodwill and at a reasonable price. I don't even try to argue with him about this because, in a way he's right but in a way he's off the mark. But who am I to tell him how to spend his money. In the end, it's really the thought that counts and his gifts are given with the best of intentions.

I hope this helps you see your SIL's actions from a different perspective.

i think its a little tacky, unless the family is poor, then any present is a nice gesture.

when i was like 7, my aunt gave me a used coat for christmas and not only was it used it was ugly! i'd rather had nothing! maybe money was an issue, what did i know i was a kid!
however, for my friends baby shower i got her an expensive thermometer but also approx 5 books fr half price book store. i told her ahead of time to see if she'd be turned off and she was like, "girl please you know i'm thrifty!" so that situation worked out fine. money is a BIG issue for me, so i actually didn't feel bad giving her those books. the new ones are ridiculously expensive, but the ones i bought were like the classics fr when we were growing up. i was proud to have found them. so...in answer to your question - idk! guess it just depends on the situation. afterall, it is supposed to be the thought that counts in addition to the effort. that's what i always look at. y'know? :)

I do agree with you to a point but for video games and toys in great condition I see no reason to by brand new if you can get like-new for yardsale prices (and not have to deal with the crazy packaging!).

when my sons were 7, 6 and 2 my sister in law brought in this big black garbage bag to the christmas party. she said she just didn't have a box or enough gift wrap so just did it this way. i thought oh ok hummm so now it is open the gift time. my inlaws do this thing where only one person at a time opens a gift. so its my 7 year olds turn. he opens the bag and it is full of old used clothes that her son had outgrown. I thought hmmm my son handled it well just said thank you and moved on. but my other sister in law said "well laura the giving the used things is one thing but couldn't you at least have washed the dog hair off first?" laura looked up and said I forgot until this mrning and didn't have time but the dog has been sleeping on that pile of stuff. Hubby was pissed I was pissed other sister in law was pissed. laura was oblivious

/if they are nasty and dirty, obviously old, or used, then yes weird - if they are new looking, expensive looking, very useful, or way cool, then not weird!

Definitely strange especially if money is not the issue.

Personally I do think is weird. I also do a lot of exchange of used things with my friends but NEVER for Birthdays or Christmas gifts.... actually, never as a gift.

No one truly knows others finances. As a mortgage broker I have seen very wealthy blue collar workers that really don't make that much then I have seen Dr.'s that had debt up to their eyebrows & couldn't even refinance because their debt to income ratios were way to high. It's sad to know that middle class income nowadays is $250,000. There are way to many people living above their means.

On that note I do think it's strange to give 'used' items as gifts unless you both discussed this is how you want to do presents. My husbands cousin & I just talked about this very topic & thought we would try finding great presents for a great price. It can be something new or used but it has to be a great deal. I found a Target clearance sale where the toys were 75%-90% discounted so her 2 year old is going to get brand new toys but I don't anticipate that happening on every occasion. Otherwise I will be going on craigslist, bookoo & amazon for my good bargains.

Yes its odd!! My SIL got us all one piece of Godiva chocolate and wrapped each in a little box. I was like.......ok. She gave my brothers child used coloring books and broken crayons. My mom a box of popcorn. They were not hurting for $$ either. I was pissed. I would rather have nothing than that. I felt she was insulting us. I gave it back to her. She got her family nice things, I guess she got her point across on how she feels about us.

when i was a kid we had an aunt and uncle (with seven kids - but very well off) that would always send used stuff. it got to be a running joke in our family what used item they would be sending next. we figured they just saved gifts they had gotten and didnt like to send to us. we really didnt mind that they were used. they were also the relatives that would buy all the kids baby burgers (and the name is appropriate - they were about two bites!) at A&W. we still laugh about that today - "i'm starving, lets go get baby burgers" followed by laughter. at least they sent something!

lol @ all the economic responses...wow....look i'd rather someone spend just a couple dollars at the dollar tree or dollar general and get my child a new gift. at least then they had your child in mind and picked something out specially for him/her- not grabbed something close and stuffed it in a gift bag (do they put them in gift bags or wrap them? i wonder lol). yes, garage sale presents are tacky. (unless it's a super find that is either something unique that your child is into, or something that looks brand new) it's really the thought that counts. and someone else's junk says "yeah i didn't care one way or another." whether that's the intention or not. maybe that's just how they roll. say thank you, stick it in a box somewhere for YOUR next garage sale, and get on with life.

Some people are just like that. Yes I find it strange because it is something I wouldn't do. My cousin does it all the time. I just expect it from her. She is the one who loves to ask when she receives a gift, "Where did you get it". I have told her I find that rude and she just says, "I don't think that is rude". Well, I have started asking her that question and that is when I got the answer, "If you must know, at a yard sale". She usually finds things that are brand new and in very good shape, but maybe the box and mangled or permanently dusty. I've just learned, that's here.

Very rude, in my opinion! I would not say anything, but I wouldn't spend much on gifts for them either. Hand me downs are fine as long as they are given without it being intended as a gift. Even if money was an issue, still very distasteful. A Matchbox car only costs 98 cents. A couple of those for my boys and they are so happy.

I'll admit that I am very picky about used items so honestly it's not that I am against them, but I prefer to pick them out myself when I am getting them. My in-laws also give a lot of used items (money is not an issue) and I really don't like it because many of of the items have had issues with safety, cleanliness and quality. I understand that it's the thought that counts but when a young child gets a gift that is not safe for them to use my feeling is that it was a pointless gift because I just have to throw or give it away. So, to get to the point I don't think "used" gifts are great unless it is an heirloom or family treasure.

I think it's best to give new things, but I admit I have given "gently used" items if it was something I absolutely fell in love with and knew the kid would love too.
By gently used, I mean no holes, stains, pills, etc.
I volunteer at a thrift store and we get really great donations. Things with the tags still attached. I just found out my daughter is pregnant and I got her the cutest little baby jacket. I pondered whether I should give it to her. First baby, etc, but it's not like I won't be buying her tons of new stuff. This little jacket was just too cute to pass up and it looks exactly like something she would put on her baby. I put it behind the counter and everyone kept asking if it was for sale. It's THAT cute!!!

I do think there's a fine line though. If I just wanted to give my nephew something because I came across it, that's one thing...but for his birthday, I get him new things when it comes to clothes. Then....ironically my son ends up with them when he outgrows them.

I do think for some things new is in order, but I myself just got something that wasn't so......

yup. that's a little weird.
:/ khairete
S.

My brother is the same way. I think he likes getting the kids the stuff of our youth. can't sweat it. some folks are just a little weird.

I buy used in certain circumstances 1 im am flat broke in that case you would be ungrateful. but in this case money is not an issue 2 it is a one of a kind item and they wouldnt be able to find it anywhere else. if it wasnt one of these 2 reasons I would buy new. with my nephews I kind of mix new and used depending on the finace situation llike I stated above. sometimes you find used you just cant pass up. and I am a tight wad I can buy new toys at the dollar store all day long

I totally agree with you. My husband's family does this. For my stepson's 5th birthday he wanted a skate board. They got him an adult-sized one from The Goodwill. None of the wheels worked, so my FIL bought some used (non-matching ones) and put them on. The board was so unsteady he couldn't use it. Not to mention that it was way, way too big for him. They did the same thing for my step-daughter...they got her clothes that will not fit her for YEARS. So, why even bother? I have no problem accepting used items as hand-me-downs, but I think it's inappropriate for a birthday gift (unless 1) money IS very tight or 2) the item is very hard to find otherwise). My husband finally just asked that they give the kids gift cards, as they couldn't use anything they got them from the thrift store.

I tend to agree with you, with a few exceptions: Presentation is everything - a nicely presented gift is thoughtful wheather it was used or not - I would not want to receive an old pilled shirt as a gift, that is a hand me down. Second, some things are better used.

For my baby shower someone gave me a used teddy bear, it looked old and dirty. Money had nothing to do with it, a nice card or just being a friend would have been more appreciated. Needless to say, I threw away the bear. And, just to clarify, the person who gave me the teddy bear was an old family friend and extremely wealthy so money was not an issue. Also, I never expect a gift from anyone and I appreciate anything that someone gives me from their heart but I did not like getting a dirty old bear for my newborn.