"Is This a Gift Party or Just a Hang Out Party?"

People who want to bring gifts do just that, no matter the occasion or what everyone else is doing. My response would be, "If you'd like to give her a gift, feel free." Done.

I would say its up to you if you want to get Rhonda a gift, I am getting her one. Its going to be a fun time.

I agree with you... Strange question.
I would never go to anyone's birthday party without bringing them a gift. That includes parties held at a bar where everyone chips in for food and drinks.
Also, knowing a friend was single would make me more inclined to give a nice gift because they may not have anyone else making a fuss over them. Who doesn't like to feel extra special one day of the year?

"Totally your call. I haven't gotten any requests about gifts one way or the other. But I know BD girl would love to hang out, so consider it a hang-out party and gifts are optional."

:)

I would say "I'm sure Rhonda would love any gift you decide to bring, but it certainly isn't a requirement."

I disagree that gifts are expected for ADULT birthday parties. My best friend in the WORLD is having a birthday happy hour at a wine bar. My partner and I are going and I have NO INTENTION of bringing her a gift. A card, yes. A gift, no. We'll buy her a drink while we're there.. as will most guests. If her party were at her house, we would probably bring a bottle of something. She's an adult, if she wanted something she'd get it for herself. It isn't like she's a kid and will just love any piece of plastic you pick up in the toy isle at Target. Last year my partner gave her an unreleased cd of her favorite singer (his demo tape from like 25 years ago actually) that he got his hands on through his work. It was a great gift, but he would have given it to her birthday or no because he knew she would love it.

In my world, adults should not expect other adults (outside of spouses/partners/etc.) to buy them anything for their birthdays.

Oh, I would have assumed no gift. I only expect to buy gifts for kids and my spouse and parents.

Yeah, I agree with Dad. I mean sure it's her birthday and we all love getting gifts, but I do think gifts at an adult party are not always the norm. A lot of adults feel like they have what they need and/or will go out and get themselves something that they desire. If she's single with no Hubby or kids, then yeah, maybe she'd be stoked about gifts, but I like the way Dad worded it.

I think if you say Optional it implies Yes gifts, if you say No No gifts then it's clear there are no gifts.

or you could say, Oh you know Rhonda, she gets so excited to open anything, I got her somethign small that i think she will really love.

What about-- I"m sure Rhonda isnt expecting any gifts but i thought it would be fun if everyone brought her a little something, nothing extravagant maybe a fancy pair of flip flops or her fav nailpolish.

I can understand the confusion though, so don't fault anyone for questioning it.

All the manners gurus say gifts are never compulsory. That's why they are "gifts" and not "admission price."

Also, while we're on the subject of etiquette, it is good manners to never show up to a social function empty handed. If a party is being held in someone's honor, rather than gifting the host, you gift the guest of honor.

So, to answer the question posed to you, I would say, "You're certainly under no obligation to bring anything, but I know she would be thrilled with a bottle of wine, a box of chocolates, some chocolate-covered espresso beans...." Something like that.

I would say they are not required but she would appreciate any that come her way.

Wow! I can't think of anything non snarky myself, and that is really odd!

Okay - ummm... "Yes, a gift for Rhonda would be great! Did you have soemthing in mind? If not may I suggest XXXX?"

If I come up with something better I will edit my response...

I would have responded with, "That's up to you."

eta
I always bring something, too. It's the thought that counts. I assume that celebration = gift to commemorate the occasion. However, I've never faulted anyone who didn't bring ME a gift when I had a birthday party as an adult, because it's not my place to judge. It sounds like you and I are on the same page.

I'd say it's a hangout party. Adults should not expect gifts.

Yes, it's a gift party, even if the gifts are joke gifts. Hopefully, all of them won't be jokes.

It doesn't matter how old you are. If there's a birthday party, there should be gifts.

Dawn

I don't have any problem with the person asking. Especially since she evidently didn't know YOU, the host. I would "typically" expect to take a gift fo some sort (even if only a token/gag gift), but I have been to parties (adults) where there was no expectation of a gift nor plans to present or open them. I have been to parties that half are social friends and half are co-workers, and some bring gifts and some don't.
I have been to the sort where the host presents a special gift from the group, and that's it.

So, I have NO issue whatsoever that the person (who doesn't know you or your party hosting style) raised the question. Doesn't sound to me like they were averse to bringing a gift. If anything, I would say that they didn't want to be the ONLY one bringing one and feel awkward or make others feel that way.

I would have simply responded: "Whatever you want to do. I'm sure there will be some people bringing gifts, but it isn't necessary to bring anything." That SHOULD be all they need to know. :)

BTW, Kudos to you for giving this friend an honest to goodness "Birthday Party"! :))

I always think a gift or token of affection/friendship is usually appreciated unless otherwise specified. I like Dad's answer too.

My husband and I have a tandem party every year (we're a week apart) and we always write "No gifts please, just a funny card to pass around and laugh at if you find the time." This communicates expectations pretty clearly. Plus, people who really had something in mind to give will find a way to do it!

I'd tell her to do whatever she's comfortable with.

I have gotten together with girlfriends for dinner & drinks for my birthday & they did treat me, but they didn't bring gifts.

I don't think a gift is necessary for an adult's birthday.

I would tell the person that it's a birthday party and not just a casual gathering so a gift would be appreciated. Smile and move on.

I think it really depends on the person on what they'd like and I wouldn't take the neighbor as rude. People may or may not bring gifts (we recently did not bring a gift to a friend's party as he really didn't want anything, just the event) - it depends on the person. I would expect some but not all and just don't sweat it. The party is the thing, right?

I like Dad's response...

Or something like "Gifts? Sure! But only if you don't wanna feel like the only O. who didn't bring a gift!"

Or "Well, hmmmmm....it IS her birthday, I got her a card & a little something..."

I would respond with, "If you want to bring her a gift, that's up to you. I'm sure she would appreciate it. You're not required to bring one, of course. The best gift of all is your presence."

If she asks if you need help for the party, ask her if she'd like to bring her favorite picnic food to share and show off.

I'd just tell her "you don't have to" but I got her a little present. It's up to you. then I'd leave it at that. I mean really, I haven't been to an adult birthday party in forever! But, when I've went to dinners I at the very least bring a card. She should at least bring a card in my opinion. But, I'd just leave it up to her. Tell her some people are bringing gifts but that is up to her. The more I type and think about it, the more I think that was a rude thing for her to ask......LOL

If it's a birthday party, I always bring gifts no matter how old the person is!

I think that giving gifts to an adult who is having a birthday (meaning just the day, not having a party) is not mandatory once they are older. For example, I gave birthday gifts to my cousins when they were younger, but once they turned 16 I stopped buying them gifts unless I went to their party.

But an adult or anyone who is having a party? I would show up with AT LEAST a card! Where are the nice manners nowadays? I bring a little something to every party I go to! I always bring a hostess gift, such as a bottle of wine or flowers. Why be stingy? I think everyone enjoys a gift, especially adults.

As adults we don't get the magic of Santa Claus anymore. We don't usually do birthday parties. We tend to spend our money surprising our kids. It's nice to get a gift--or a party--no matter what your age is.

And it only takes $10 to get something nice.

I would tell the friend that it's up to her, simply because it's rude to fish for gifts for anyone.

To something like that, I would probably bring a gift. But going out to dinner or something for a friend's bday, I usually don't. My friends and I have kind of mutually agreed to stop giving gifts.

Anyway, I would just write back and tell her to do whatever she is comfortable with. Say that you know some people will bring gifts, but she is welcome to come either way.

I would tell her its a hang out party, but if you want to bring a gift that would be welcome.

She may be thinking about the "gift" parties that Pampered Chef or Avon holds.

Good luck to you and yours.

Usually for adult parties, invitations I've received said "no presents please" or "your presence is my present." I, personally, wouldn't want gifts at my birthday party (not that I want one of those either - I'd rather forget about it now), but if I didn't see that message, I would presume it was a gift party.

I usually respond with 'Its up to you. A few others will be bringing gifts'.

I never receive gifts at my birthday celebrations as an adult and I never bring them. My husband and his friends don't either. That's actually weird to me for adults to give gifts to each other. We get together and treat the birthday girl to lunch, but never do the gift thing. But when l moved into my new neighborhood I noticed they bring gifts for the birthday girl. Which was so odd to me since I've never experienced that before as an adult. My long-time friend came to lunch with my new neighborhood friends for my birthday and she felt so awkward since she didn't bring me a gift and they had. Afterwards she mentioned it and I told her not to worry about it since we've never exchanged gifts before. She said she preferred it that way, and was relieved that I do too. I don't really know what they want or need, and vice versa. I'd rather just keep my money and buy myself what I really want or need.

Wow... I'm kind of surprised by these responses. I'm having a party for my birthday on Saturday, and I really hope none of my friends bring gifts. Honestly, that's just awkward. The standard host fare of wine/flowers is fine, but not at all required and I really expect nothing else - in part because I've very rarely seen gifts given at an adult party, including my own. The fact that this is designed like a kid party makes it confusing and a totally fair question.