Seeking Moms Who Teach Their Baby to Fall Asleep on Their Own

Read Secrets of the Baby Whisperer! It changed my life!!! I started reading it when my 3rd child was 9 weeks old and I wish I had read it sooner-- especially for my other 2 kids

CIO is fine if you know the baby if fed, nappy changed and content. My only question would be..... does baby have reflux? This can be silent and cause a lot of pain/damage for a poor little one. Losec, a simple medicine is available and will make all better. Do not leave things to muddle along as it only gets worse. I am a mother of 4 boys, 3 of which have had reflux. My 18 month old still has reflux and is causing many sleepless night.

Good luck with being a great parent and hope you get some good answers.

I was never able to handle the cry it out method, but you obviously realize she's too young for it anyway.

I am pro-binky. As long as it's only for sleeping. My daughter got one for naps and bedtime, and it was easy to take it away right around when she turned 2.

The best thing for her to sleep consistently was swaddling, I highly recommend the self swaddlers you can get at Babies R Us. She was a catnapper until I got her a swaddler, then she started sleeping for an hour or hour and a half at a time, which was very nice. Not all babies like being swaddled, but it comforted her and she slept swaddled until she was 9 months old.

I also second the baby whisperer. I buy them for anyone I know when they have a baby.

There really are no "habits" in a child so young, only needs – for food, connection, comfort, and rest. She's brand new and adjusting to the world outside your womb, which includes all sorts of sensations she hasn't learned to cope with yet. She can't "reason" because that requires processing thoughts with words, and so she has no way of knowing that you're not comforting her so she won't develop a bad habit.

But you CAN optimize conditions to help her relax and sleep. Lots of moms wear their babies in slings during the first few months, which is very reassuring and comforting to the baby.

There are also studies that show babies sleeping with pacifiers are statistically less likely to die from Sudden Infant Death Syndrome. The occasional suckling response is apparently very protective.

Also, check out Dr. Harvey Karp's book, The Happiest Toddler on the Block. He explains what I think is a pretty sound series of steps you can take to make your daughter as relaxed and comfortable as possible.

Dear M.,
Congratulations on your new baby!

I raised two kids and did daycare for babies and little ones as well.
I personally think there is a difference between "cry it out" and letting a baby fuss. We never used the term "cry it out", but then again, my first baby will be 24 in October. :)
I think teaching them to sleep on their own is pretty easy when you don't pick them up every time they fuss. At least as far as rushing right in.
Yes, they need to be cuddled and comforted, but for instance, if you have your hands in soapy dishwater and your baby starts crying, it doesn't hurt anything if you take a minute to finish rinsing a dish and rinse your hands, drying them well, and then going to the baby. They don't always necessarily need to be picked up even then...if their binky pops out, you can calm and soothe them and put the binky right back in. If your baby is happy with a pacifier, especially at this age, I figure that must be what they were invented for. They don't replace the breast or anything, but sucking is a comfort thing in and of itself.
I've used this example before....if you are going to the bathroom and your baby cries, finish doing what you need to do and then go to your baby.
Babies can fuss over a gas bubble or just fuss in general and it's not necessarily that they are unhappy, just fussing, which I don't think hurts them.
If you know your baby is dry, fed and burped, a little bit of crying won't hurt for short periods of time. Lots of babies and little kids cry when it's time to lay down and they usually can cry themselves to sleep.
Some people believe that picking a child up everytime they cry makes them feel more secure. That's true to an extent. But even brand new babies will correlate crying with being picked up if you rush in too fast and pick them up every single time.
My kids were great sleepers at night, even when they were newborns. The trade off was that they didn't sleep well during the day. I layed them down anyway. Diaper change, fed, burped, layed down at a specific time. They just kind of naturally get used to that, in my opinion.
I let my kids cry a little. As a result, they would sleep anywhere. Or at least lay down for a while. Which is a huge pay off when they get a little older and you know they aren't going to sleep, but that's not the expectation. Just being able to be in a swing or pack-n-play or layed down on the floor for a few minutes here and there is what gets them used to not being held constantly.
My kids both travelled, were great in the car, were fine with being layed down in a port a crib while we got our luggage and things settled.
They could lay down in a hotel, at Grandma's house, wherever.
It can just become second nature to them.
When I took care of other children, my kids just knew to have their rest time and be quiet for the kids who did sleep during the day.
It's just something you work on day to day, little by little and 3 weeks is young to expect consistency, but it's a good time to start things by just not rushing to pick up your baby every time she cries.
There's not really a magic trick.
My kids are both very affectionate, very independent, very secure...so I didn't harm them by letting them cry now and then.
I think it's easier if you don't consider it a specific method with a name such as "cry it out".

I had a friend who wouldn't even take a shower because she was afraid her baby would cry.
A baby crying while you wash yourself or get dressed or throw a load of laundry in won't hurt them. In my opinion.

I hope you get some great responses.
Best wishes!

The book that really helped me with learning how to care for my children when they were infants was "The Baby Whisperer" by Tracy Hogg. I'm not sure if they are still printing it but you may be able to get it on amazon or ebay.

I'm a believer in sleep training, but you can probably wait a little. I also have two kids, two years apart. I wouldn't worry yet about falling asleep on her own or bad habits ... instead, I would recommend using these very early weeks to help her body adjust to a basic schedule / napping rhythm. I think having a flexible schedule makes learning to fall asleep during nap time much easier. Also, putting them down at the first sign of sleepiness seems to help a lot. I do think its okay to let her fuss / complain a little when you put her down, but if she's really crying, go to her and calm her down, then try again. For my first child, I was very against 'bad' sleep habits, but I allowed my second to do some sleeping in a Moby baby wrap, because it made it much easier for me to do activities with my two year-old. Actually, from ages 1-4 months, I'd say my baby got one nap a day in the moby (usually because we'd be at the playground or somewhere similar), the other nap in the crib. I was really worried that it would the baby would be too used to sleeping on me to sleep in the crib, but that never happened. I had no problem getting him used to taking all his naps in the crib when he got a little older. So, I guess I'm saying, take it easy on yourself for a little while, and if you need to engage in some bad habits to make life a little easier for you and your other child, you can correct them later. BTW, I started putting my baby to sleep awake from the day he was born (but comforting him if he started really crying, instead of just fussing). I don't remember for sure when I let him cry more at the start of naps ... probably 8-12 weeks? Good luck

Dr. Ferber (whose method is commonly called cry it out) does not recommend that it be started until age 6 months.

You can not get her to fall asleep on her own at this age and you are seeing the frustration in trying at this point.

It is important that you realize your daughter is in what is called "the 4th trimester" by Dr. Harvey Karp. She wants/needs/craves the comforts of the womb while learning to navigate the world outside. That's why she wants to be held, to be swaddled, rocked, hear noises like a vacuum or shhhhh sounds. These are all familiar to her and comforting. Sucking is comforting to her and there is nothing wrong with it. It's all she really knows at this point as the rest of her senses aren't as keen.

What you can do is begin routines. Babies need to be taught how to sleep. They don't automatically know how. By doing and saying the same things everytime it is time for sleep-be it nap or night-they begin to learn but don't expect her to start to get it for several months.

I would suggest right now investing in a mayawrap or a mei tai. That way baby will be close and content and you will have your hands free to spend time with your toddler.

I do not believe in the cry it out method. There are many other ways to teach baby to sleep without flooding their system with stress hormones. Not to say there aren't some tears with sleep learning but there are kinder and gentler ways to help baby learn what to expect and what is expected. I was able to get a lot of valuable information from Dr. Sears Baby Sleep book, The Baby Whisperer, and the No-cry Sleep solution. I took a bit from each and developed a routine that baby could depend on and worked for our family.

I understand how overwhelming it can be in the early days. Hang in there mom!

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First let me just say I see nothing wrong with the CIO method. I did it with both my girls....my first cried and cried for 2 weeks straight and the other cried for like 10 to 20 seconds the first time I let he fall asleep on her own. So all kids are different on how they handle the CIO. But in all my books they say the youngest age to start this at is 4 months and it's better at 6 months. Any younger than that and you will continue to do it night after night because the baby is too young to remember the training from the night before. let me also just say that with my first I stressed so much on trying to not start "bad habits" that I think I made things harder for me than it could have been. With my second I tried to just do what was easier and just like my first when I was done nursing (at 12 months with my first and 13 months with my second) They were both falling asleep on their own and sleeping through the night. With my second she loved the swing so I let her sleep in the swing for months and months. I just thought that if that is what keeps her happy then that's fine. When she started to get too big for it I switched her to her crib and it was no problem at all no bad habit to break. like you my older daughter was 2 when I had my second and I would just try to keep her busy when I was nursing her down for her nap. I would put on a movie, break out the playdough, give her a snack etc. And as for falling asleep at the breast....it's really hard for them not to do this. I would just go with the flow and let them. again once they were old enough to be done nursing they didn't mind not getting it before bed or naptime. I kept their routines the same like for nap 2 books, song, nurse then bed and for bedtime it was bath, book, song, pray, nurse, bed. So the routine was still the same just no more nursing. I guess just try not to worry about her nursing to sleep right now. She is very young and she might be one of those babies that starts sleeping through the night on her own as she gets older.

I started my oldest on cio at about 3 months. my youngest sleeps in the same room as me so I cant do the cio method cause daddy has to work in the morning. I have started making him cio if daddy is still up and nothing makes him happy. my oldest couldnt be put to sleep he had to do cio. my youngest if he starts whining in his sleep I leave him be to see if he will put himself back to sleep. so far it is working. obviously you know how long it takes them to cio or if something else is wrong but I never has 2 young toddlers in the house at the same time. so I would be willing to say with 2 babies in the house cio at this age is acceptable as long as the babies priorities are first.

if she needs feeding the toddler can wait if she is sick the same answer. if she is just fighting sleep let her cio. if you have nothing to do and just want to put her to sleep just because you can then do it. if she is sleepy in your arms and fusses when put down she is just fighting sleep. make her cio. it wont hurt her. good luck.

hey! So, I was like you, I thought "I am seriously going to get things right with my 2nd!" Anyway, you're right, she still is quite young, but what I did was when my baby slept, I put him in his bassinette. I had both my kids in the bassinette by my bed until they were 3 months old. Not sure why I chose 3 months, but literally to the day, I put them into the crib. With my second, once he went into the crib, I tried to get him into a nap schedule as much as possible. When he slept, I always made sure I put him in his crib. Also, if I noticed he was starting to fall asleep while he was eating, I would put him into his crib. Most of the time he'd still be a little awake and it taught him to sleep when he was laid in his crib. Once he was on a nap schedule, I laid him in his crib at 10, and again at 1. This worked out so well, and I never had to let him cry it out! With my first, I had it ALL WRONG. I would rock her to sleep, then she was 15 months old when I had my second and still needed to be rocked to sleep! I will NEVER forget how hard it was when I decided I had to try the CIO method! She cried so hard she'd puke! It only took 3 nights, but my nerves were shot during those nights!!! Anyway, my second is such a great sleeper still to this day, he's 6 now, and my first, now 7, does great mostly, but still has nights from time to time where she wakes me up. So, GREAT idea for you to get it all under control from the beginning! I wish I would've done that with my first!! As far as the pacifier goes, she's sleeping just fine, don't worry, but you may want to consider only letting her use a pacifier for the first 4-6 months. This way you won't have any habits form that you have to break her of later! I never let my kids use a pacifier once they were almost 6 months old and they didn't have any kind of transition, but I also didn't lay them down with one in their mouth. I didn't want them to become dependent on having one to sleep since I'd seen friends who still let their kids have one when they were 2! I swore I'd never do that!

Hi M.,
Congratulations on the birth of your baby girl!
I just wanted to tell you that I started CIO with my other children @ about 4 months of age.
I now have a fourth child who loves his pacifier.
I wouldn't worry about giving the pacifier to your daughter. If it soothes her, it will decrease stress for both of you.
Pacifier children are generally more easy going. Two of mine didn't take a pacifier and the last two did. My son has a long waiting list of my girlfriends who love to watch him for me when needed. They all comment on what a great kid he is.
Good luck and enjoy your beautiful children. They grow too fast and before we know it they are gone.

God Bless!

Pediatricians recommend not letting babies cry until they are four months old. They are learning to trust you... when they cry at this age, there is usually something wrong...wet diaper, hunger, gas, etc. Go to her when she cries, help her get to sleep now, so that when those first four months are up, she can fuss and get herself to sleep feeling secure in the knowledge that you are always there for her! Per the pacifier... babies this age need to suck and often need to suck past the point of hunger. So, it is totally normal for your baby to be sucking on her paci for a long time. There are different stages of sleep some are lighter than others, but the sucking of the paci is probably helping her get to a deeper sleep and once she gets there, the paci will probably fall out!

Hello~ Since our son was little I would always lay him down in his crib. Play nice soft music and pat him a little just saying, "Sh,sh, sh" and walk away.
Sometimes you have to walk back and do it again. When they're tired enough it wil happen. The thing is just be consistant. Also, my son never
used a pacifer, he would just fall asleep. As they grow older they know that nap time or night time is a peaceful place to fall asleep and you're always there. Key word: Consistant....always

Here's the thing, toddler is gonna have to learn she's gonna have to wait.
At this age all she knows is what she needs. and if what she needs is you holding her , then do it. Wear her if you have to. She's still bonding at this age.
I detest CIO because it goes against every instinct God gave us mothers.
You want to " sleep train" try " The no cry sleep solution" .
sleeping with the pacifier is fine. Having it in her mouth probably helps her sleep when she gets into her light sleep phases.
And to the mom who's Dr said they don't need to eat at night after the first 10 days, get a new Dr cause every study ever done goes against that. That's the most asinine thing I've ever heard. Their stomachs are only as big as their fists , and they do most of their growing in their sleep so of course they are going to need to eat at night.

I have two very independent kids who were cuddled rocked and back rubbed to sleep. They both go to sleep just fine. They are only babies for a VERY short time by the time they are 4 or 5 you will be wishing you still had a baby.

Not a fan of cio and cringe reading most of these responses about what babies had to go through like watching my best friend do it with her kids. Just seems unnatural. That being said, a paci at night for a baby who is nursing this young shouldn't be. She should still be nursing on demand and at least for the next 6 or so weeks in my book. The toddler can wait for whatever she needs unless she's hurt. Sleeping through the night should be until after six months. Falling asleep on the breast is totally natural and shouldn't be discouraged.

This is what worked for me with both of my boys, and how I had them both sleeping through the night at 1 month old. I always put them to bed at the same time every night (8 pm for us), and put them in their crib awake. If they fussed I would set a timer for 5 minutes, if they were still fussing after 5 was up I would go in and comfort, without picking them up or feeding them. Just rub their back or tummy and talk or sing softly. Once they were calm I would leave, and if they started to fuss I would put another 5 on the timer. Since I started before 1 month it came very natural to them, and I never had to go in more than once, in fact I only had to go in once a handful of times. This method also works well at night. Our Doctor told us that night feedings are not necessary after the first 10 days of life, and that the only reason babies eat at night is because we train them to. When my boys would wake at night I would wait 5 minutes to go in, and I almost never had to go in, they would self sooth and go right back to sleep.

I learned about this modified CIO method in my Developmental Psychology class, and it can easily be implemented from birth.

She is way too young to expect her to learn things or do anything consistently. I suggest get a comfortable sling like the Moby Wrap or Kangaroo Korner pouch. Let her sleep the way she is the most secure and comfortable, and worry about teaching her to sleep more like 5-6 months. Like another poster said, even if you use CIO someday, it won't even help at this age as she cannot remember how she "learned" to put herself to sleep the night before.

My son did ok when he first came home. He is 7 months now. He does fine when I put him n his crib. When i first came home i would hold him until he was asleep then lay him down but near me. He only woke up once in the night to nurse or have a bottl. He does cling to his pacifier. It is a life saver. He wont sleep with out it. He wakes up sometimes looking for it. I had to set up with him at the same time every night to let him know it was bed time. I would turn all the lights out n rock him right after a bottle. and he would sleep n my arms. I had to lay himon his stomach bc he would wake up if he jerked n wasnt on his tummy to feel secure. I dont go by the bok and it works well with me. I also leave a small little light on hen i lay him down. Now tht he has gotten older i let him lay n the floor n get tired on his own. Usually by 9 or 930 he is ready for bed n i can lay him down n he doesnt cry nemore and falls asleep once he plays for a few minutes on his own. Try a warm bottle maybe two ounces more at night than during the day and add cereal not rice but oatmeal It wont hurt him but it will make him full fast n longer. make sure when he is done put the passy in his mouth n rock or cover a blanket over him like u are nursing. Try some soft low playing music in the room too atleast til he is really out. I hope it works for u! But the tummy has been the only way he has made it all night. Let me know how it goes for you.

I have a 7 month old and a 20 month old! I just started the CIO method about 2 weeks ago and within 3 days she slept through the night! I let both of them nap at the same time and they both go to bed at the same time! If the pacifier is helping her sleep keep that I know you don't want to but do what works for each child! My daughter usually falls asleep holding her bottle... really can't stop her from that and it gets her to sleep. As soon as shes out though the bottle is gone... I use water at about nap time and right before bed. Your little one is real young to start the CIO method! My doc said wait till they are 6 months bc they need the extra nutrition. Good luck :)