Alex, I went through my miscarriage just a few weeks ago. I found out that my baby was no longer living at the end of January, and I had the miscarriage about a week and a half later. It was all awful. This was going to be my 4th child, and while the baby wasn't planned, I was really looking forward to meet this new person. I guess the worst part for me right now is that a friend of mine and my sister-in-law are both pregnant and having their baby within a month of when I was due. Sadly I am constantly reminded of what I am missing.
Getting past this is something that just takes time. I cried a lot. I talked with my husband a lot. Even now (and it's been almost 2 months since I found out) I get upset. I was in the car last week when I realized that I would be 20 weeks now and getting ready to find out what I was having. I've been told that there will be times like this. I am expecting it around the time I was due, and I know I will be upset when my friend and sister-in-law have their babies. The most annoying part for me was other people telling me I could have another. It doesn't work that way, at least not for me. I lost my baby and I didn't want another to replace it.
You just get to a point where it doesn't hurt as much, where you can understand why something like this could happen, where you can remember that you were pregnant without feeling the pain. The only advice I can really give is to give it time. I have a wonderful husband who was there with me through it all. I thought that talking to other people about it, even other people who've had miscarriages, would help me. It didn't. Everyone has their own opinion on the matter, and they kept telling me that it would make me stronger. That there was a bigger purpose in it all. All that did was make me mad. I didn't want to learn from it, I didn't want to be stronger, I just wanted my baby. In the end, it did all of that, but I didn't want to hear it at the time!
I feel for you. This is a hard time. If you want more kids, don’t let this stop you. I know I was scared to have another. Actually, too scared. I am stopping at 3. But if this would have happened earlier in my child planning I would have pushed on. I would most certainly wait until you have completely grieved for this baby. If I let everything that has happened to me affect me so much that I was a afraid to try again, we’d be living in a bubble wrapped house (I have a child who likes to be dangerous and hurt himself). I will always have a place in my heart for this little one. She (I feel that the baby was a girl) was with me and she always will be. I actually have a song I love that I’ve “dedicated” to her. That helped me most. It’s called “I will remember you” by Sarah McLachlan. It’s completely not related to what I am going through, but it comforted me.
