Seeking Moms'

Hi N.- My advice woulf be reinforcement. we have 4 kids ages 7,6,3 and 4 months. I just got my 3 year old to use the bathroom in the middle of the night by herself(getting up with the baby every 3 hours is enough night waking for me and she took care of her bathroom responsibilities during the day do I figured let's see what we can do at night). I gave her a star each time she did not wake me up and once she got 5 stars we went to the dollar store for her to pick a prize. It is simple and tangible and a reward, no punishment and lots of praise. Good Luck!
B.

N. it sounds to me like Sabrina is upset because she feels like she lost her bedroom. She probably feels like THAT is her OWN place or her "special place" that has always been hers and all of a sudden she has to share. She most likely doesn't understand. You'll probably need to spend some time with her and get her comfortable with this. It's a huge change to a little girl. Try changing bed time routines to help include the baby or have her help to put the baby to sleep and eventually if you do right and do it patiently she'll understand. Good luck!!

I'm confused, was Sabrina in her own room sleeping until the baby joined her? If so maybe you could try commending her for being such a great big sister sleeping with her baby sister. Do you have a ritual for Sabrina before bed? Maybe something as easy as reading a book or special milk and cookie time without her sibling before bed will help. Good Luck!

D. W.

Hi N., The moms in my 3 yr old son's preschool class discussed this exact same issue with our child psychologist today. She said that it is very typical of a 3 (or almost 3) yr old to start having a very active imagination. They will naturally start to want to sleep in the parent's bed b/c they might be afraid of the dark or start to "see" things in the shadows. She said that making them "cry it out" will not work b/c the children do not have a behavioral problem but they do have a very real fear. It doesn't sound as though Sabrina has verbalized any fears to you, but my son hasn't either. If your child is afraid of something, you can start a routine to "scare" away the monsters, remind them some monsters are good, create a water bottle and spray the monsters away, etc. In my case, where my son isn't verbalizing any real fear, she told me to put him back in his bed and sit outside the door so he knows he is safe and needs to sleep in his own bed. Good luck! I'm dreading sitting outside the door at 2 in the morning... This doesn't really help with the waking the baby issue. My 3 yo shares a room with his 15 mt brother, so I will probably deal with the same problem.

This one is one I have to confess that I am not going to have the same advice as the "experts" on!! I have weaned six kids and it has always been hard to keep them permanently in their own beds. I have had it easy when it comes to avoiding the real issues, because my husband has been gone for years, so no daddy to debate it over! I don't know if I could bear to disagree with him over the issue, but then again, maybe I was allowed to avoid it too long. I still believe that having growing children in bed is not unhealthy unless someone is sick and uncomfortable in that bed and being ignored. That becomes an issue. But most experts think having their own bed is essential..I won't get into all the why's because some of them are superstitious and not really scientific in my opinion. But the bottom line may be how do they feel when they've been given their way and things progress? Just ask yourself that regularly, to see if you still feel the same way as you did when you first made the decision and it should tell you what to do next. Keeping peace with daddy is a very good idea, so telling him it is going to take time, but you are already feeling better and are headed in the right direction may be the decision to make for the immediate present. Then spend time openly and warming tell your daughter during her daytime hours with you, when you are enjoying each other and not rushed, why having her own bed is a very wonderful and grown up thing to have. Recount all the benefits to her out of the heat of the moment and then when you make the move, be determined to tough it out privately while showing her confidence that she is going to be happy with the decision!! Give her lots of hugs in the morning, praising her for making it through the night, not much after bedtime...that would reinforce that she is too needy to do it without you. It doesn't hurt to rock her to sleep and then place her in bed when she's pretty knocked out during the tough transition. It won't wake the baby, hopefully, and give her the message that it is a done deal. Make sense?