I still nurse my 11 month old son and have been told by doctors that I will probably need to continue until Darick is 2(because of SEVERE dairy and soy allergies). My problem is that I have preprogrammed my son to associate nursing with sleeping. He nurses before bed. Then, when he wakes up in the middle of the night, and he ALWAYS does, he needs to nurse to fall back asleep. I have tried multiple times to get him to fall back to sleep without nursing. What I end up with is an hour of a screaming baby and then I can't take it any more so I nurse him and he falls right asleep. We also cannot handle being up all night. My husband works at 6am and I have epilepsy which is related to sleep deprivation.
I don't know what to do anymore. I know that Darick does not need that middle of the night feed, but I don't know what else to do. Does anyone have any suggestions, because I could REALLY use a good nights sleep?
Thank You
My son is now 13&1/2 months old. I went out and bought the fisher price ocean aquarium crib toy, which he began activating right away. Did not help him sleep through the night. I tried to let him "cry it out", but he would scream so much he would get sick. Finally, about 5 weeks ago, he just stopped the nighttime nursing. Then, about 4 weeks ago, he started sleeping from 8pm to 6am, mostly in his crib. Now, there are a few nights a week where he ends up in my bed, but no nursing. He's also getting in his last 1 year molar, which has been waking him up the past few nights. Other than that, things are going great with him. I just pray it doesn't take my next baby a year to sleep through the night.
Thanks everyone for all of your advice, it was ALL helpful.
I only breastfed for 6 weeks so I cannot relate to you in that sense. But have you tried a pacifier at night? I don't know if it is to late at 11 months for him to really know what one is or want one but hey, just an idea.
Here are a few suggestions:
1. You can always continue to provide breastmilk by pumping and then giving to your son in a bottle/sippie cup. That way he still gets the breastmilk, but always develops some independence by drinking on his own.
2. Talk to your pediatrician on how to handle. I always remember that they see kids all the time and have probably seen it all ... ask for some tips/suggestions.
3. My personal approach to sleep training was using the Ferber Method. I am a huge fan, although not everyone agrees with his method. I would suggest getting his book and reading. Even if you don't use his sleep training method, his book provides great scientific information about sleep.
Oh my, I cannot believe some of the responses! It is almost as if you are scarring your child for life by nursing him! WOW!
I breastfed my oldest through the night until he was about 19 months, and then night weaned when he could understand a little better why I was taking his milkies away (Milkies and mommy need sleep!) and he is now a perfectly NORMAL 4 1/2 year old who sleeps in his own bed, alone, and falls asleep on his own.
I am currently nightweaning my 19.5 month old, and it is going okay. He too had the food allergies, and will not touch cows milk or soy. He is finally eating meals (he had MANY MANY allergies). He isn't happy about the whole thing, but I make sure that I try and nurse him a bit more during the day, and still nurse him to sleep. He is waking less now (we started about 1 week ago with the night weaning) and instead of waking every hour he only woke up once last night.
Nothing wrong with nursing, doing all night, or even all day for that matter. Breastfeeding is a wonderful experience, and incredibly healthy for not only your son but you. If you find yourself resenting night nursing by all means change it. It will be hard, but you can do it. If you are feeling societal pressure to stop, ignore what everyone else thinks and do what you want. A nursing relationship that goes into toddlerhood is VERY rewarding!
S.
I had the exact same problem with my daughter. Its hard to stop doing that too because you know if you nurse them you can just get back to sleep. After it got out of control, I would nurse her and make her stop when she started to fall asleep and put her right into bed (i also invested in one of those fishtank things that you hook onto the side of the crib and they can turn in on and off themselves) and she would whine a little and fall right to sleep. and in the middle of the night if she got up i would just turn on her fishtank for her and let her cry until she fall asleep. Thats the hardest part because they really do cry, and cry. At first i would still nurse her in the middle of teh night to put her back to sleep but i made sure she fell asleep on her own at the beginning of the night. I guess i kind of warmed her up to the idea and we did it slowly. it takes some hard work but you can do it.
Hey There!
I do the same for my daughter - my pediatrician suggested giving her water for her nighttime feeding (in a bottle, if he'll take one) - and more than likely after a couple of nites of waking up to water, he wont do it anymore - its not worth it. But you wont be able to get up w/ him, it'll have to be your husband, b/c your son will of course recognize the smell of the breast milk from you and know that theres better stuff nearby! :o)
Good Luck! ~K.~
Hi M.
I nursed my daughter for 14 months, If you can just hang on for one more month until your son is on Whole Milk (or Rice milk if there is an allergy) I think that your frustrations will just dwindle. My daughter did the same, I nursed her whenever she woke at night, and she did wake, and also before every nap time and bed...To get the most sleep I would say nurse him and put him back down and get back to sleep yourself. Once my daughter started whole milk I gave that to her right in the morning when she woke so that eliminated the morning nurse. Then I would give her a small snack and half juice half water before nap, (Id still nurse her if she needed that to get to sleep for nap) When she woke she had lunch with whole milk, so she wasnt looking to nurse during the day as much, ID nurse her before second nap if she wanted, then shed have whole milk with dinner and then goto sleep for the night, (nurse or not) eventaully it elimiated itself...And the night wakings become a distant memory....Just be patient, it will work itself out...
M.,
I can completely understand your frustration! I have a 14 month old who had always nursed before bed, and then also wake up several times during the night to nurse back to sleep as well. We did this until he was about 12 mos. Although I always knew that he didn't "need" this middle of the night nursing...it was easier than have him cry it out. But I can tell you there is hope! I can't say it will work for everyone, but this is what worked for me and my son... I started with changing his sleep association. I started to nurse him about an hour before bedtime rather than right before bed. I made sure the last thing I did was turn on this crib aquarium music box (which he can turn on too...) so that he associated that with "night night" time. When he woke up in the middle of the night, I would nurse him for five minutes so that he would know that I was still there for him, but I would NOT nurse him to sleep. I would put him back in his crib, and turn on his music. It has taken a few weeks of consistency, but now when he wakes up, he turns the music on by himself, and goes back to sleep. I am a much happier, more well-rested mom. Good luck to you!
hey M., My name is D.. I am a single mom of a 8 year old girl and a 3 year old girl. I breastfed my first baby because she had a whole in her heart and needed surgery at 3 months of age. They told me the antibodies I would pass on to her will help her fight infection. So I breasfed I would never do it again. It was so hard getting her to take a regular nipple ya know. I also stopped when she got her first tooth. She was 6 months. The ealier you start the easy it will be. First thing u gotta remember is the baby will not starve it self. At some point it is gonna have to take a bottle. I tried every bottle, nipple they sold. I thing the advent bottles work the best. So I first tried other people giving her the bottle thinking that if she was with me she would wanna nurse. But what I didn't realize was that I was the only one she knew of feeding her. So I would keep tring the bottle during the day and would not give in even when my boobs hurt so much. It took about two weeks for her to be on the bottle completely. I would start during the day with either breastmilk that u pumped or formula. Breastmilk is alot sweeter than formula (trust me I tried them both) So a soy based formula worked the best for my daughter. It is gonna take paitience. But once u find the right nipple that the baby can suck because the way the suck on the bottle is different than the breast so they have to relearn to suck. Don't give in start first thing in the morning the first feeding which the baby probally won't get much out of. But by the 2nd he should be real hungry and will at least try to drink it. Then at nu=ight give the breast again so u don't stop making milk but u will feel the difference of how much u make cause he will be drinking less. After about a week he should be real good about drinking off a bottle and then try giving him cereal before bed to keep him full and water in the bottle. Another week of that and u should be real close. To done with breastfeeding. Plus it will teach him self help ya know. U r not being mean ur the mom remember and u say when to eat ok. U can do it. Alot of experimenting with nipples but once u find the right one which I believe again that advent nipples are the best. Good Luck.
M.,
I had the same problem but with bottle feeding. I had to give up breast feeding because i wasn't producing enough to keep up with my son. He is the same age as your son and at about 9 months old he started waking up in the middle of the night for a bottle I knew he didn't need, so one night, I tried to just rub his back and get him back to sleep and after one night of crying off and on, he started sleeping through the night. It sounds like if you are going to do that you want to do it on a weekend so you can rest during the day and not mess up your epilepsy. It was definately hard and I felt aweful, but it worked. Hope this helps and good luck!
A.
Ohhh the power of "The Boob" as me and husband call it. I work full time and it's so easy to just put my 6 month old in my bed and just give him "The Boob" when he wakes up. I can't say I lost much sleep over this baby because of it and you know what? I guess I will deal with the consequences when I will not be able to get him out of my bed! Oh well...it was my choice. I took the easy way out and I wake up at 5:30am with a full night's sleep. I'm human. I pick my battles. My 5 year old is still in my bed half the nigh and that was my mistake as well! But how many years do you really get with yours kids? Sleeping in your bed and cuddling. We are all so hang up with rules that we forget how precious those few years are. My baby is 6 months and I breast fed my oldest until a year. In my bed...I saved my sanity and my sleep schedule. Selfish or not it worked!
Quick question...why do you have to possibly nurse until your baby is 2? I've heard that you are suppose to start to give babies cows milk at around 1. Anyways, could you try supplementing formula? We've been very lucky and my son has been sleeping through the night since about 2 and a half months. Even at the end when I was nursing (I stopped nursing at 10 weeks) he would sleep until about 3 in the morning. He is 8 months old now and goes to bed wide awake at 7:30 and sleeps until 6. It might take awhile but you need to start a bedtime routine and not go to him when he wakes up in the middle of the night or if he does try giving him a pacifier or try the Fisher Price Ocean Wonders Aquarium where the lights and music might sooth him to sleep. Good luck!!!!!
I nursed my son until he was 19 months - I nursed him to sleep also just like you are doing, although around this time, he stopped falling asleep during nursing and was just sleepy - I would rock him for a little bit and put him into his bed sleepy, but not fully asleep. This was something that happened naturally without me doing anything to change things. What this did was teach him to fall asleep on his own. If he got up in the night, it was usually around 4-5am and I would go in and nurse him and put him back into bed (as if I did not, we would have the hour crying too - it was easier to nurse him and then I could go back to bed and get some more sleep too). I did this until he was 18 months when he just one day stopped getting up at 5am.
My general advice is, yes you could try to sleep train him, but better to start with putting a sleepy child into bed first and I think things will start to get better for you. Things worked out that way for us without really having to do anything to force the issue.
Congrats on giving your son the BEST start!
May I ask why your doctor told you you need to nurse until he is 2?
I sent you a message before reading this but wanted to add, does your son take a pacifier?
I think that most breastfeeding moms have had the same problem. I nursed my son for 15 mos & I'm currently nursing my daughter of 11 mos. The best thing to do to ween the middle of the night nursing is to have your husband go in to comfort him or offer a bottle. It will take a comittment & some loss of sleep for your husband, but that's the only thing that worked for both of mine. Your son associates you with nursing & if you're there, he knows that eventually he'll get to nurse. My son never took a bottle & would just go back to sleep with my husband. My daughter took the bottle for about a week & now just goes back to sleep for my husband. If your consistent with it, it should work. Don't get me wrong, it did not eliminate the middle of the night waking, my son did that for until about 2 1/2 & my daughter still wakes at night. However, it eliminated the nightime nursing & decreased the amount of time they were up. They would only wake for a few minutes insead of 20-40 to nurse. Also, as far as allergies go, you should try rice milk. It's a good alternative for kids with allergies. Good luck to you, he will eventually sleep through the night, just hang in there.
Hi
My name is mary and Breast fed both sons now 6 and 8. I taught special needs preschool for 13 yrs. I look at your situation and see the behavior you have started a pattern and now you want to break it and its all hes ever known. Trying to hold out but then giving in is not going to make my suggestion easy but You have to tough it out for a few days and stick to your plan. If you can get help from family or friends to maybe have a sleep over at your house to do night time baby duty it might help. Know this is a short term favor but will get you what you want. Once the baby is up just find an area away from everyone so crying is not an issue and let the crying begin. Now having said that your baby already knows if he cries eventually he gets what he wants sooooo don't expect the first few nights to be quick he will push it. Try and stay neutral and calm. Rock him or walk but just come up with a phrase you can say over and over. Half the battle is you staying calm. The calmer you are the more ok with it he will become eventually. Know your limits and please ask for help. But an investment of a few bad nights will pay off in the end. and don't be upset with set backs no ones perfect. Good Luck! Mary, MA
