Seeking Moms Advice from All Areas

I understand that you want to protect your boyfriend, but is it possible that he did hurt you in some way? Your daughter may have seen or felt the tension and hurt from when you went your seperate ways before (or possibly something recent) - and she is now thinking she can protect you from that. That is a large responsibility to carry for a 12 year old. I do suggest getting to the bottom of the issue of why she feels that way, because for some reason, she feels strongly about it.

Hi M.,

You dont mention wht you broke up with him in the first place. Were there altercations?

Your daughter is protective of you her only parent, having already lost one parent she may fear that she will lose you too. Reassurance that you are there for HER, taking time to BE with your daughters without boyfriend and one on one Mom kid time is vital.

My "red flags" always go up when there is a boyfriend in the picture and teen age daughters present.
Instead of asking your daughter what the problem is...try asking, " did something happend that makes you think he would hurt me? Did he do something to you?".
Hopefully that is not the case, but caution is always a good thing when it comes to our children.
You may be ready for marriage, but your daughter isnt just yet.
Talk it out and find out why.
Blessings!
Justine

My parents divorced when I was 8. My father remarried after a couple of years and so did my mother. Having to deal with boyfriends and then step parents/siblings was always challenging. I still do not care for my step-father. I would agree with some of the other advice that your daughters caution is coming from something. You should definitely try to get to the bottom of it. She probably has a reason that she can justify (in her mind). Since she is just a bystander in your relationship she may see something that you don't. Even though she is young. Good luck!

hi M.. im sorry that you lost your husband so early. im sure it has been hard with your girls being just babies at that time. i cant speak from experiece... b/c im not a single mom. however, my mom was, and my sister and i are 18 months apart, so i feel like i may have something in common with your daughters in that aspect. this is just my personal story... but my mom shared a lot with us. too much in my opinion... about her personal life. she dated a man too, for many years off and on. they argued a lot though. and i remember a lot of it... so i dont think she was very good at hiding anything from us or sheilding us in anyway. well when the time came that they were back together "again" and wanting to get married, my sister and i were probably about that same age as your girls, which is really strange. we had lived with him, moved out, and now we were moving back. so many different homes, schools, and hearing them fight.... it was hard on us, and we werent exactly supportive of him b/c he had hurt her so many times and he just wasnt really an all around good guy looking back. not speaking for you, but i think my mom was just so happy that he finally wanted to marry her, that she went for it, and there for my sister and i had to also. i remember standing at the altar and they say does anyone object to this marriage?? inside i was screaming! but the words couldnt come out. i was so young to have had to feel like this. again, i dont even know what the relationship is like with your guy and your two girls, i am only speaking from personal experience. you have to make your own choice, but listen to your daughters too. they are your life. yes, girls act out and get jealous and needy... but maybe its more then that. make sure they know that you are the parent, and they can talk to you about anything. and i mean anything. my mom told me that too, but also left us with this man, while she had a crisis and went to florida for a month. a man who was already 25 years her senior and was obviously attracted to younger women being that he was involved with her and she young enough to be his daughter. so you can use your imagination to figure out the rest. im sure thats not your situation and i hope and pray that its not for your girls sake. im just giving my personal experience for you to listen to and take what you want from it. i hope that things work out for you and wish you and your girls much happiness.

Does she know about that he wants another baby? Could be she don't want a new baby in house.

She started this after you talked to her about him moving in? Maybe she worried she is gonna lose time alone with you.