Hello, i have 3 older step daughters and constantly have to deal with their mom's issues. Therefore, I can understand somewhat your dilema. Mine are older and all girls, so, if you can believe it there is more drama there. I try to ignore it all, sometimes being so hard to do. But when I fell in love with my hubby, I fell in love w/ them too. So I don't feel I can turn my back or feel anything but pity for the whole situation. I do my best and hope that someday they will appreciate it. One of them still lives with me now, she is 22 and still acts like a teenager, mainly now that I have just had my first child with my husband. We had a baby boy, so I think they all feel displaced by him being the boy they think their dad always wanted. And now the focus and attention, particularly from me going to the baby.
Please understand that it is not the kids fault, but a mean, manipulating, immature grown up at the other end pulling the strings.
I try to reassure them and love them the best way I can. I never ever say anything negative about their mom to them or about her with anyone. I keep hoping that the same way I respect her as their mom, they will understand and see the difference between my home and hers and stop doing the she said, we said thing - I tell them i would prefer not to discuss what goes on in her home. I do what I do and always communicate to them that you have to do the right thing to enjoy peace in your life, and the older they get the more I think they understand, but it takes a long time for anyone to grow up.
You are very young, but don't feel discouraged specially when you enjoy a great relationship with your husband, and now with your young child put all that aside and refuse to let that negative energy filter into what you really feel and want. I think the best thing is knowing there are other women out there in your shoes and there are lots of success stories.