Seeking Mom's Who Have A.D.D. and How They've Overcome It

Ther are two books that helped me conciderably: "Driven to Distraction" and "Answers to Distraction". Can't remember the author,(a doctor), but they were wonderful! full of good information.

I don't have ADD, but have struggled with how to keep house w/ small kids. There is a website that I found a few years ago that has been a God send for this. It is flylady.com

She is an ex-slob and has some great methods for finally taking control over your mess. Just remember, it's okay to go slow.

Hi A.,

I don't have ADD, but my husband does. He is on medication, which helps to some extent, but he still struggles with memory issues, etc. We try to keep things in the same spot (keys, wallet, etc.) He will make a list of everything he wants to do in a day. Usually, I will say "Do you really think that you can do all of that in one day?" He then picks 3. We have made a menu for each week and have made a weekly list of chores. We make three tasks a day on top of the daily jobs (dishes, trash, etc.) It helps because we can stay focused and think about what needs to be done that day rather than looking around and being overwhelmed. We also set out clothes for ourselves and the kids the night before. We pack bags the night before and make a list on a post-it of anything we need to take with us to work with us the next day. We put the post-it by our keys and off we go. There are days we don't get everything done and then it throws off the week, but you do what you can. My mom told me that my house "isn't dirty, it's lived in." I try to keep that in mind and do the best we can.

Hope this helps. Hang in there.
C.

Hey A.,

I think all moms (especially new ones) by nature suffer from some degree of ADD. There are so many things to do every second of the day, I find my self standing in front of a closet or open drawer and for the life of me I can't remember what I was doing.

I completely sympathize with you about keeping a house clean. I'm convinced I could clean 24 hours a day and my house would still look like a bomb went off in it.

Here's my new strategy for keeping a clean house without spending your whole life cleaning. I wait for an opportunity where I can be uninterrupted (like nap time), and decide how long I have to clean (usually 1 hour or so). I divide the time up between all my rooms (about 10 min each room). I set a timer for 10 minutes, get a laundry basket and put everything that doesn't belong in that room in the basket, then take it to each room in the house and unload it. When the timer goes off I move to a new room. The timer keeps me from getting side tracked deep cleaning something that could take the whole day. When the whole house is picked up, I vacuum everything.
Save the deep cleaning for once every week or two.

Hope this helps, but seriously don't worry if you house is always a mess. A home should be clean enough to be healthy, but messy enough to be happy. Anyone with kids probably has a messy house 90% of the time.

Spend more time childproofing and less time worrying.

Good Luck!
M.

I am in a similar situation as my husband left me when I was 3 months along and he comes to visit only once a year for 2 weeks. Being a single mom, especially with a high maintence child is very very HARD! I spent many nights alone in tears and asking "why me?" The best advice I can give you is to ASK for HELP! I never asked for help and tried to do everything on my own for over a year. My daughter has had 4 surgeries and has yet to sleep through the night and she is almost 3 years old now. I thought I was going to loose my mind. Then I started asking for help. My family lives an hour away so most of my help comes from my friends and people from the community. The other suggestion I have for you is to take care of yourself FIRST! If you are not ok than your child is not going to be ok. Keeping the house clean and making it through each day is difficult but it is even more difficult to smile and enjoy each day. Make cleaning a game with your child. Play with your child and pick up at the same time. Make dinner together so that your child is not in the other room making a mess and you can spend time together. I hope this helps! Feel free to contact me anytime because I know how hard life can be sometimes!

Hi A.,

I do not think that you can overcome ADD. I am a 36 year old mother of two and I live with it. I guess you just have to accept it and embrace it. Generally ADD patients are highly intelligent, they just have trouble channeling that intelligence. You can do it! Slow down and do one thing at a time. When I clean I use tubs and containers to sort each room, boxes work too. I also use all of my energy to try to stay in one room at a time. It is hard when you are cleaning the living room and you go to put toys away in the toy room and then notice that room needs to be picked up too, so you start picking up the toy room. All of the sudden a half hour later you realize that you were cleaning the living room and are almost out of time. I try to have everything very orgainized in my kids rooms (most of the time). All the Barbies are in a tub, all the blocks are in a tub, etc... When we finish with one tub we put it away before we start a new one. Sometimes I get really tired and they trash the place and I have a huge job ahead of me but I have them help me. It is important to me that everything has a place. I keep the toothpaste in the same spot always and I put it away each time I use it, the same goes with everything I use. A routine is so very important for me to function. I have had to push myself so hard to get to this point and I fall sometimes. I clean when the kids are napping or at school. I also make sure that I get plenty of sleep. I need my 8 hrs or I just can not function. The key for me is the routine, Monday is laundry day, Tuesday I buy groceries (never without a list), and so on. If you make a schedule and post it for yourself you can look at it (maybe on the fridge) and remind yourself of what you should be doing at each different time. There are always exceptions but if the house gets messy so what! Your daughter and the time you spend with her are more important than anything. She will not remember how clean your house was, what she will remember are the stories you read and the dolls you played with her. The fact is that I never really feel like I am completly in control of it. I always feel rushed and frazelled. Make sure you take time for yourself as a person. You have to be rested and happy to be a good Mommy. I also have to admit that I am medicated daily. If you are not and you have any type of resources you should talk to your physician about it. It helps me greatly (everyone is different)! I would not be married without the medication. I am all over the place without it. I am pretty energetic and I use that to my advantage but there are times I just wear out and loose my ground. Then I have to do double time to catch up. That is why the routine is so important for me, I NEED it and it works for me most of the time. I always clean the bathroom the same day each week. I only check my email on certain evenings and only after 9:00 pm. This way I do not take time away from my kids. The fact that you posted a note for advice shows your intuition and drive to be a good Mother. Don't let anything get in the way of that and be careful of negative advice and energies that will pull you down. You will do fine!

C. B

Check out www.childrenresource.com for parents tab.

I too am ADD. I didnt' know it until my youngest son was in 8th grade when he was diagnosed. He's now 18. I knew he was like me, with not focusing, able to read and remember a thing, unable to finish anything. SO I am so happy to read all the responses to what others have writen to you, to help me. My son was put on medication, what a difference it made. He was only on it for school. A funny thing happened to us the about a week ago, I wanted to clean out the room my grandson uses when he's here, getting rid of old toys and straightening, it was my son and I, I figured with the two of us we would actually finish, well, next thing we knew, we were sitting watching a movie in the living room, I don't know how we stopped cleaning, but we did. It was funny, and sad at the same time. Everyone always made fun of me when I would decide to clean my room, get rid of things, because I always started and never finished. So like I said, I am so anxious to see what others tell you, because I need help more than anyone I know with this. But with all that said, still vacume on a regular basis, and mop. But taking care of things, the good cleaning, I'm horrible at that. Good luck:)Sue

Hello A.~

Go to Flylady.net and sign up for her services which are absolutely free. These suggestions are for anyone who needs to organize and have a routine for their home. Make sure when you sign up for the email reminders you choose the daily digest (then they will come in a bundle daily and not individually which can be overwhelming). Just start with the 31 babysteps and you are on your way. Good luck and remember to go on with courage and boldness that you are a good person and mother to your child.

Hey A., we seem to have a lot in common. I also suffer with ADD and found even some of the suggestions you received to be a little overwhelming! I went to the flylady website and didn't even get all the way down before I zoned out...no help at all. No offense to others, but the just don't get it if they are not ADD themselves! Organization doesn't work the same for us. My daughter's father also took off when I was 5 months pregnant so I decided to move in with family to assist with the day-to-day aspects so I could focus on what I needed to do. I don't know what your living situation is, but this has helped me with some aspects. Also, I am a consultant for The Body Shop and struggle with getting this business going as well, so I know where you are! I actually would love to have you as an "ADD buddy". We could keep each other on track- help set goals and stick with them. PM me if you'd be interested :-)

I didn't realize until around the age of 27 that I had adhd. The commercials were on, but in my multi-tasking mind, I never actually SAW them and got what it was for. When I did, wow, I was happy! I found out that I wasn't lazy or stupid or beyond help, there was a reason why I never sat down to watch a movie, why I had piles all over the house, etc. I read a book called Driven to Distraction and it helped me immensely. I was on adderall xr for a year. I went off while trying to get pregnant and have never gotten back on. It helped my mind center to the point not where I slowed down, but to where my mind could put things into manageable sections and also delegate. I talk to myself (not cause I am crazy), if I am doing something and start to go on to something new, I will say outloud, NO, that is not what you are doing. I have to pay attention to what I am doing. I think what really kicked me into gear was using medication temporarily. Now I live conciously. I still pile on occassion, but with flylady's help, I am a lot LOT better about it. A note on flylady ( http://www.flylady.net ), there are a LOT of emails and your mind may just start skipping right over them. A lot of this is YOU taking control of your wayward mind. It's wayward, NOT less intelligent!!! YOU can do it! It took me years, I am finally to the point where my house is coming under some control and I am getting a little better paying attention to the little details that used to trip me up.

I have A.D.D. too. My husband thinks it's hilarious to tease me about it all the time and call me "Add" if he notices me losing my attention span (like stopping in midsentance to watch the TV, or change the subject). I have had a hard time finishing tasks my whole life, and having kids compounds it! It is hard to focus on something when your attention span is the same length as your three year old's! For cleaning, my mom taught me a trick when I was a kid that really helps. I picture the room I am cleaning as a clock. I start at 12:00 and clean there first. Then I move on to 1:00, and so on. I DON'T move onto one section until I have finished the previous one. At least, that is the plan. But you know how it is, half the time I go to put something away in another room and then I get distracted there, etc. But I try.
The other thing that helps me get through the day is making lists. I make lists for everything! It is helpful to get organized mentally for the day's tasks. Then, try to do one task at a time, and don't change tasks until you are done with the first one. It is hard, but you can do it!
Also, there are medications you can talk to your doctor about, though I don't take them--they are helpful, but I think they are just prescription speed, and I don't really like how they make me feel.

Something I heard recently was in trying to get one room clean, have 3 baskets/bags. One is for items that go to other rooms to be put away, One is for garbage, and one is for giving away. Then work within that room and put things away, not just to another place in the room. The idea is you're not putting away something that belongs in the bathroom and then getting distracted and never return to finish the job in the bedroom, etc.
I also struggle with ADD and have just finally found a med covered by insurance, so I'm hoping to have a bit more organization going on this spring. I know dh will be happier about life if I do!

My son (age 40, father of 4) has ADD. He also has projects accumulated, but his wife gets him through them. He keeps very busy. since you have no spouse to remind you maybe you could find a friend who could remind you of tasks you've started and encourage you to finish them. Another good resource would be at flylady.net. This is an online help that tells you what housekeeping task to do each day and you eventually end up with everything clean. There also is medication for adult ADD, if you want to go that route.

I am a mother of 8 year old triplets and 2 of them have ADHD. We have tried the medication route and it really didn't work out very well for us. We are currently trying about every alternative option out there. If you are not interested in taking medication (which really does work well for some people and can be less expensive than the alternative)I can tell you a few things that have worked for me. We currently have our children on a really good multivitamin. We also have them taking fish oil which has made a huge difference. We are really careful about our diet and the type of food we eat (which has been a really hard transition for our family). Make sure you get a really good night sleep--if you can. We are also checking to see if they have any underlying problems such as food allergies, chemical intolerances, heavy metal toxicity, candida etc. If you have the time to read you should check out some books at the library and learn as much as you can about ADD. Some books that have really helped are "The ADD Answer" by Dr. Lawlis, "The LCP Solution" by Stordy and the "Edge Effect" and I can't remember the authors name. There are also a few by Dr. Daniel Amen and there is one I am interested in reading by Dr. Kenneth Bock.

If you need something right away to help, go to your doctor and have him prescribe something until you can get a handle on things. I was on meds for anxiety and I felt like a new person and I only needed them for a year or so.

I hope you can find a solution, good luck!!!!!