Hi C.--I too have felt the pressure from others to have more than one child, and have bitten back many angry retorts to their judgemental and narrow minded ideas of what makes a family. My husband is an only child, and I am the oldest of four. I had a happy childhod, and think my parents did a good job with us. I love my siblings, and would never trade them for anything, but we are not terribly close as adults. My dad has always said that he's never known 4 kids that are so different! That said, I'm pretty sure I would still like all of them, even if we weren't related. I'm not sure, however, if we would be close friends.
My husband is an only child, and has lots of happy memories. He is one of the most generous people I have ever met, and is an incredible human being. He did not grow up wealthy, and his parents were very young when they had him. Nonetheless, he did well in school and sports, and has an Ivy League education. He has also worked to maintain enduring friendships, and is a wonderful father and husband.
We decided that our son would be our only child, and my husband and I talked about the pitfalls he encountered as an only child. These are things he wants to make sure he works on with our son, because some lessons he didn't learn until adulthood. We're both confident that with lots of love, support, and extra attention to some of these "pitfalls," he'll have as good a chance as anyone to be a "whole" person!
The biggest lesson my husband says he had to learn involved forgiveness. He says that since he didn't have brothers and sisters to fight with and live with, he didn't learn to let things go and move on. He had to work hard as an adult to nurture friendships, especially after a friend had let him down. As a child with siblings, one learns to fight and make up, since everyone lives together. It's easy for an only child to cut out people who hurt him or her out of his or her life.
Our son is 3, and we've been talking to him since age one about what it means to be a good friend. We've also spent lots of time talking to him about sharing. I think he does a better job than lots of kids with siblings! I forced the issue by taking him places where he would be forced to take turns, like the children's museum. I also joined a MOMS group and did other"mommy and me" type activities (we loved "Music Together") I just wanted to put him in lots of situations with other kids. We spend a lot of time at the park, too. I also started him in pre-school at age 3, because I wanted him to spend more time with other kids.
One more area of concern is what if something happens to us? He will have nobody. If my parents get sick, I have my siblings to help with their care. To that end, we made sure we're well insured, but the issue of emotional support is the one concern I don't know how to address. I do feel that he'll have lots of friends, and someday build his own network of people to help him through the tough times.
I don't know that there is a right answer on how many kids to have. I hope you and your husband do what is right for you, and have peace of mind if the decision is out of your hands. I think the most important thing you can do is be loving and supportive of each other, no matter how big or small your family is. Please don't worry too much about others' negative comments. Good luck!