Seeking Help with Swearing

I set up a swear cup and told EVERYONE that if they swear around my kids they have to pay a dollar. After a couple of bucks, it stopped! Plus, everyone kkind of laughs and you let them know it is for her college fund. Hope it works for you!

L.:

I would smply expain to them that 2 year old repeat everything they hear just as they want to eat and drink everything that the adults around them injest snad so we as adults need to set an appropriate example.

Let them know you are happy to have the swear at other times and other places.

P., RLC, IBCLC
Pres. Lactation Support Group, Inc.
800 LACTATE

I agree that it is best to have your husband inform his guests about appropriate language to use in your home and around your children.

That being said, you have every right to expect guests in your home to follow your "house rules." I have often stated in a low tone and end with a smile, "We do not use that word in our home, especially with Harry." I have always received a smile back in kind. The same goes for inappropriate behavior. For example, "We do not put our feet on the table in our home." It seems to get the point across of our rules for our home.

Sometimes I will also make a statement to my 2.5 year old child that another child has different rules, if they are violating our code of conduct. For example, if my child is witnessing another child throwing an unchecked temper tantrum, I will softly state to my child, "Rachel has different rules about whining. How do you feel about Rachel's crying? You are doing a great job controlling your emotions."

Good Luck with the approach you choose.

You have every right to say something. It's your home and your child. My opinion, have your husband say it. Even a "come on guys" from him may do the trick and then you don't have to be in the position.

Hi L..
NO it is not rude to ask of your friends not to swear in front of your children. It IS very rude of them to do so. THey are not showing any consideration of the well being of your children. If they want to swear in front of their children, fine, they can do swear in their own home. PLEASE REMEMBER, your children are your responsibility. We must raise our children to be the best they can be. And swearing has no part in that. To bad your husband has to hand around with men like that. If they continue to swear in front of your children after you ask them politely not to. Then I would not have them over again. Its your children future.
Hope I was some kind of help.
Mrs. P

Aside from your DH friends being rude and disrespectful, it's your home, not theirs. I would simply have your husband tell his friends that language is unacceptable at your home!

Good Luck!

This is what I do..... it gets the point across without sounding too crass. I say, IMMEDIATELY after the swear word is said, "HUSH YOUR MOUTH, THERE ARE INNOCENT CHILDREN IN THE HOUSE!" The tone I have is like mockingly shocked. Not like you are passing judgement, but enough to get the point across to the person with limited vocabulary.

Hi L.. I have the same problem with my husbands parents and brother. They all swear in front of kids. My husband says that was how he was raised. My husband asked them to watch their language around the kids a couple of times and they basically laughed at him. I finally spoke up when my 3 year old daughter said the f word. They have been better ever since I spoke up. I would have your husband talk to them first and if that doesn't work you're going to have to say something too. It is not rude to ask them to watch their language around the kids, they are the ones who are rude!

We have had friends swear in our home and I always say Hey, please watch your language. If they happen to swear in front of my kids I will say, bad boy/girl "name" we don't say those words, please apologize. I talk to them as if they are kids, but I don't want my children to think it's o.k. to speak those words, so that's how it is in my house! Also, my Mom has been a Pre School teacher for 15 years and she has told me many very nice parents would be mortified if they heard what their children repeat! So, if you are swearing in your home, and you think your kids aren't repeating it...think again!!

It's perfectly fine to speak your mind. I agree with the other mom in that maybe your husband saying something will be the best approach. They're his friends...let him handle it :-)

No, it is not rude to ask them not to swear in front of your child. I wouldn't address what they do in front of their children, just say, "We don't swear in front of our kids and please don't do it either" or "Please don't swear in front of our kids or (Haylie), she repeats EVERYTHING she hears." Hope this helps!

Your house - Your rules! You have every right to let them know that you will not tolerate that kind of language in your house. Make sure that your husband is on board with you so that you present a unified front on the issue.

L.-
Time for your husband to step up to the plate and HE needs to tell his friends to clean up their mouths while in the presence of HIS kids because HE doesn't appreciate it. If he can't control his friends then he shouldn't have them over to your home anymore obviously they are not very good friends!

Hi L.. I know where you are coming from. My best friend swears all the time and at her kids and I hate it. When she is over or we are there, she does it and I hate it, but I dont say anything. My girls know better and they know that she is wrong for doing that and that they are not to say things like that. On the other hand, my son who is 3 is also like yours and repeats everything he hears. So far, he has not said anything that he has heard from her, but he is not around her much, or I am sure he would. I dont know what to tell you, since I used to say things to her about doing that and she would blow it off and say, well, if I quit doing it, they will still hear it from bob, her husband and also her inlaws. But come on, she is the mom. I try not to cuss around my kids at all and my husband does too, but it has slipped at times. But, I dont cuss at them. That to me is wrong. I hate that.

S. Bailey CLD
Aurora
www.tendermomentsdoula.com

That is so disrespectful! I hope I am not overstepping my bounds by saying this, but if these are your husband's friends, then you should voice your opinion to your husband and ask that he approach the conversation with his friends. It definitely needs to be addressed. What would you thinkn of you hear a small child (much less your OWN child use those kind of words???) I usually speak up when I hear people using foul language in front of any child, regardless of its my own. Just a simple, "Hey, watch your words of choice around little ears," gets the message across. Anyhow, if someone is so bold as to use that kind of potty mouth in front of children, I would guess that the message to them will need to be pretty bold as well. Just have your husband say something like, "Hey guys, don't talk like that in front of the kids. I don't want them hearing or using that kind of language." If they get bent out of shape, maybe he should find new friends. Otherwise, your husband may have to meet them at their homes or other places where you children are not instead.

GOOD LUCK!

i do believe that everyone has someone with a potty mouth. whenever i hear someone using foul language, whether it is from my friends or family or his, i tell these people to watch your mouth. how would you like it if my child(ren) came up to you and said that you are an a**hole or other words that are coming out of your mouth. if it doesn't stop i have been know to tell people to leave my house or i will very rudely leave theirs. so far so good. my message got across very well, with the occassional stip ups but who doesn't have them every once in a while. just tell these people that if they don't stop thatn they will no longer be welcome around the kids. also give your hubby a heads up so he isn't caught completely by surprise.

L.,

I agree with what I read from the other letters. I would ask your husband to say something first. If that doesn't work, you can say something. In my house we have a cuss jar also. When it gets full I take it and buy my kids something. About 2 years ago, someone thought it was a joke and refused to stop swearing and they refused to put money in. So I informed my boyfriend that the next time his friend came over and swore, I would tell him that he was not allowed back in my house. My boyfriend stuck up for me when is friend was asked to leave. He eventually came back and said he was sorry. He was allowed back in my house as long as he followed my rules. I think that people need to respect you and your rules when they enter your house. If they don't you can certainly speak up, after all it is your house and your kids. You have rules to protect them and that is all your doing. Good Luck.
B.