Seeking Help with 2Yr Old Sleep Issues....

I understand the problem, because when we went to visit my husband's family (for a month), we all slept in the same bed. My yr old thought this was going to continue when we got home. I told her that her bed is special, and that she had to be a big girl and sleep in her own room. For about two months as a result I think she began sleep walking. She would come in the living room and lay down on the small couch and say something. Which would wake me up. I always put her back to bed. Now she comes in and lays down with me in the morning. (Not a good morning person)I know this will change when the baby is born but for now I think this is okay. I can't tell you what to do, I can just suggest that little by little you give him a substitute. I gave Hannah soft music to listen to and what ever stuffed animal she wanted for the night. Sometimes it is one of the cats (we have 3). Sometimes it is a book. Good Luck with this! Jen

"Sorry, honey, but I won't be able to lay with you tonight because I need to _____. I'll be right back to check on you." Fill in that blank with something boring, like washing the dishes or doing laundry. Check back in on him after just a couple of minutes if he's crying or protesting, or longer if he stays quiet. Then go in and quietly tell him he's doing a great job and being a big boy, then tell him you'll be right back in a couple of minutes. Keep your promise and check back in on him, but make it longer and longer. Eventually, in a few nights, instead of saying you'll be back, ASK him if he WANTS you to come back and check on him. You may be surprised that he'll eventually say no because he'll realize how hard it is to fall asleep with you constantly coming in just as he is drifting off. The most important thing to remember (I know it's hard, but it's important!) is not to give in. If you say you're going to do something and he cries and you change your mind, guess what you've taught him? That he can get whatever he wants if he just cries, and that you don't really mean what you say. Stop and think why he is crying-- is he hurt or starving to death?

One more thing-- you said sometimes it takes him a couple of hours to fall asleep. See if you can figure out why this is happening. Is his bedtime too early? Is he not being active enough during the day? Are you doing a bedtime routine that relaxes him? Is he ready to stop having afternoon naps?

My advice is to let him cry it out. It is not detrimental to a child over the age of 8-10 months to let them cry. What I suggest is to read him a book, maybe sing him a lullaby and stay in the room with him for five minutes. If you stick to this routine it might make it easier for him to go to bed. He may just be that he is jealous of the baby and wants some time when he just has mommy to himself so if you have that reading time it may help. Once you do the reading, singing and staying in for five minutes, you leave (no exceptions). It will be hard at first but if you let him cry it out for a couple of nights it will make your life easier. You need your own time especially with two little ones. He is old enough to understand that he needs to sleep by himself. Also, if you decide to let him cry it out, you have to stick to it. If you try it and give in, it will only make it harder in the long run because he will realize that if he cries, you will come in. Good luck and get some time by yourself!

HI J.,
None of us like to hear the crying...it wears on our emotions. but i can tell you from experience with FIVE...its what you have to do if you dont want to deal with sleep issues their entire young life. you must teach/train them with self soothing..for so many reasons and yes, it is good for them. i am proof....security is one big thing too! you jsut have to bite the bullet, get a baby monitor and shut the door. he/she will be just fine..she will cry it out for about one to two weeks...then be on a great schedule, mom is happy and has a routine that bring peace! you need it, your baby needs it..now..it only gets extreme as they age...and you dont want that..ask around...folks will tell you. its no fun fighting each night at bed time because mom or dad did NOT train them right! just buck up, do it..for them....they need that security that its ok, you come back in the morning and its all good!
from a happy mom of five! who let then cry it out and they are all wonderful, secure and happy kids!

J.,
I'm not an advocate of cry it out. I think that can be detrimental to the child's emotions and to your relationship. Having said that, mommy-time is extremely important, imperative and taking care of yourself makes for a much better mother. I think there is a way to have both. there is a book, called "No Cry Sleep Solutions" by Elizabeth Pantly, and it has some ideas that may help you get him to sleep earilier and easier or even without you without sacrificing his well-being. We had sleep challenges iwth our son too. Good luck.

Our son periodically goes thru periods where he is more needy than others. This for your son may have something to do with the new baby and he wants some 1 on 1 time with just you and this is how he's learned he can get it. He probably misses you. Try maybe spending time coloring with him or reading to him before bed or during the day. At 2.5 he's also probably more than ready for a big boy bed. That may help some of the problem too. He's old enough to understand bedtime and what's expected. A strong bedtime routine really helps with this. If he doesn't have one it will take a while to get him in the routine and to understand what's expected of him. When our son is feeling/acting like this, we sit on the edge of the bed for a few minutes, rub his back, etc and then tell him it's nite-nite and leave. Sometimes he gets up and comes out so without saying a word we pick him up, lay him back down, cover him up and leave. That way he isn't getting more attention and we don't turn it into a big deal. I think just leaving him to cry is only going to make the problem worse. Good luck!

Here's my advice: Nothing lasts forever. I'm pretty sure your child won't be begging you to sleep with him when he's 8, or 6, or even 4. Go with your gut instinct, and trust me, you will treasure this time of closeness. Now, I was a believer with my two of "this is where you sleep" and held tight to it, I didn't ever let them cry themselves to sleep. And yes, our younger had a period of time where she would come in the middle of the night to our bed! So I'm not perfect....I'm just saying this was my solution. And looking back now, those were very sweet moments! And one day, she never did it again.
I know it's hard and takes more time out of your day (alone time), but this will not last forever. Sing another song, tell another story. Or, since you have an infant you have to tend to, let him follow you around. So what if he falls asleep on the couch or even the floor? If it makes your life easier for now, let it be. Take care of you, too!

One important thing about crying it out; If you aren't going to stick to it...don't even start it. Itt takes consistency to work, and doing it for a few minutes one night and then giving in and then doing it for a few more minutes the next night just doesn't cut it. So if you aren't going to follow through, don't attempt it.

As far as having 'mommy time', I would suggest that if you choose to spend sometimes two hours laying with you son, then maybe you can move bed time up two hours so when he finally goes to sleep, the night is still early and you have time for yourself. This means your baby's bedtime has to change, too, which means they are both going to get up earlier. This is a sacrifice you might have to make if you choose to go this route.

If you want some tried and true advice on "tough love" and letting your son get himself to sleep (which does involve soem crying!), send me a nessage and I'll share my experiences. :-) ~C.

Wow. I had an almost 3 yr old when my daughter was born, and I struggled with getting my oldest to sleep from the time he could walk (10 months) until he was 2 1/2. I was really sick with the 2nd and so laying down with the oldest at bedtime was a roller coaster.. sometimes it was okay, sometimes I felt too nauseous. (I "Ferberized" the 2nd one at about 6 months and never had to deal with any of this with my daughter).. - Live and learn!
Anyway.. I'd try having a talk with him. He's 2 1/2 after all. Tell him that after you say prayers together you'll read him a story (he can choose it) and then you will lie down with him for 2 minutes, if he wants you to. But that at the end of 2 minutes, you have to get up and (whatever- take the clothes out of the dryer, empty the dishwasher, sweep the kitchen, feed the dog... something tangible that he can relate to or understand), but you'll come back to check on him after he falls asleep. Then you do lie down with him after the story and silently count in your head up to the 2 minutes. (You don't want to make it too long, b/c that defeats the idea of getting out of there so he can go to sleep on his own). If there is a song he likes you to sing, sing it to him while you are lying there. Then you matter of factly tell him "it's been 2 minutes" and give him a hug and a kiss, re-tuck his covers and out you go. Tell him sweet dreams, or whatever, and "I'll check on you after you're asleep" - but don't drag this part out. Then go do whatever it is that you told him you had to do (he'll hear the noises and it will be comforting, b/c he'll be able to picture you in his mind doing whatever it is). After 15 minutes or so, you should be able to slip quietly down the hall and find him peacefully asleep. (If he's not, don't disturb him. If he sees you, just whisper that you'll come back to check after he's asleep). My son was a NIGHTMARE to get to sleep before I started this little routine, and afterwards (and even now-He's almost 10)... he goes RIGHT to sleep after the "official" goodnight and tuck-in.
Best of luck~

p.s. I think part of the "trick" is NOT trying to be particularly quiet, but letting him hear you moving around. It is comforting for them to hear you and know that you are in the kitchen, or wherever...

First I want to say GOOD FOR YOU that your natural, mommy instincts won't go with the Cry it out method. That's awesome and so much better for your children! I know it is hard.. trust. I've raised 5 (am still raising 2!) They're all different. One day you will look back and miss those quiet moments of snuggling up at night.

Try maybe getting him more worn out in the day. Maybe getting up early? Perhaps give him Calms Forte. It's not a sleep inducer; but if sleep is there and ready to come, it helps the body go with it. If he's not sleepy, it will do nothing.

If it were me, I'd get everything done before bedtime and then climb up in bed with him and the 6 month old, but that's me.

J., I also have a 2 & 1/2 year old (as well as a 10 month old). I had the same problem with my 2 year old when I transitioned her out of her crib and to a toddler bed. I used a technique I saw on Super Nanny, and it worked great. It started out with normal bed time routine (bath, book, songs, prayers, etc.) I then told her good night and time to go to sleep. Then I sat next to her bed (about 2 or 3 feet away), facing sideways. No talking, no eye contact. She of course cried hysterically and tried to get out of bed. (Hopefully your little one can't get out of his crib, but if he can, just put him back in everytime he gets out. Don't say anything or give any eye contact and return to your place near his crib). Anyway, I must have put her back in bed more than 30 times and the whole process went on for well over an hour. Finally, she stopped trying to get out of bed and stopped crying. Once she fell asleep, I left. Then the next night, I did the same thing, but only sat farther away from her bed. It started out the same, with her getting out of bed and crying, but she stopped much sooner. I continued this way, sitting further & further each night until I sat near her door, and then finally I went out of the room.

The whole process took about 4 or 5 nights, and from then on she goes to bed awake, without crying and falls asleep by herself. The first night was painstaking & heartbreaking, but I just committed myself to it. As much as I wanted to give in to her cries, I continued to remind myself that I was teaching her independence. In the long run, it was well worth it. Ultimately, you have to do what works for you and your family. Good luck!

R.

I suggest that he needs to know that you are right out side the door and if he needs anything you are right there. Ask him if he is a big boy and if he is then he doesn't need mommy right there/ he is doing this because you are probably the one that makes him feel protected and he is probably afraid at night/

I had the same issue with my son, 16 years ago. I had to let him cry until he finally fell asleep. I reasured him every fifteen minutes or so that I was here but did not pick him up or hold him. It killed me to let him cry (I was crying myself) but after about an hour he settled down and it got better and better each night.

The worst thing in the whole world to hear is your child begging and crying for you. However, if you will tough it out - and it may take several nights of this - he will finally give up and realize you aren't going to sleep with him. After listening for 15 minutes (not showing your face, but maybe just outside the door if you can stand it) go in and reassure him that you are still there in the house, kiss him, , I love you, tell him good night, then walk out again. Add 5 minutes to the interval each time before going back in. My pediatrician gave us this advice and I am so glad we followed it. The earlier you stop this the better.

Don't give in!!!!! You have to be firm and consistent when dealing with kids. Kids play that "mommy please" card and we all give in at some point. If you really want your time...let the child cry. My grandmother always says that it's good practice for the lungs. :) no really...giving in is the worst thing that you could do, because that's makes you an easy target. Stick with the plan and don't sleep beside the crib. That child is going to continue to expect that only if you continue to do it.

Hi, J....

I am a 55 yr. young Granni raising a second family with three grans that have been ours for 8 years...

I am wondering what the reason is for the extra bed in the room? If it serves not a specific purpose perhaps removing it will help, in it's place a rocking chair and a bookcase from which the two year old can choose a book for you to read at bedtime while you rock the 6 month old to sleep, therefore settling both children in at the same time (maybe) and making him still feel 'special' by picking out his own book and settling in. You could possibly put the time on one of those cardboard clocks for telling time and he will know to learn to look at the other clocks in the house thus learning a little time telling as well.

Hope this helps a little, we have the youngest gran, a girl who was VERY difficult at bedtime and STILL is! A story usually does the trick for her and has done so in the past, she is now 8 yrs. and we have had her since she was two months, she was/is our 'BUSY KID'!

Good Luck!

A. L.

There is nothing wrong with getting your 2 year old to sleep. We have a 19 mo old great granddaughter and sometimes she will lay on a pallet in the living room and go tosleep and I put her in her crib when she is sound asleep. My work gets done when I can get to it. Children feel a sens of security when you're with them and this is one of the ways they feel secure. Crying only helps a spoiled child not one who is ont spoiled. If you continue doing this he will finially tell you he's a big boy and you don't have to sleep with him any more. Somtimes this is an attention getter. Enjoy your son noe. One day he'll be grown and you'll talk to him over the phone and ask when he's comming to visit.

Hi J.,

I also suggest that you get the book, No Cry Sleep Solution for Toddlers. There is a section that is written for your exact situation! Some of theideas might sound silly, but they actually work. When I first read the section I needed, I laughed thinking the ideas would never work. But actually they did.

One of the suggestions in there was that you tell your son "I will lay down with youfor X minutes (keep it short) then I need to go do something and I will be back in 5 minutes." Come back, but each night extend it and eventually he will be falling a sleep before you return.

Another thing that I have found to bw helpful, is talking things out with my son.Starting thw morning that I am going to change something I tell him, in a positive way. Each time I am so suprised that he understands me and he is cooperative (for the most part). Good luck!!
K.