I live with my inlaws and its hard to raise my 3yr.old. We have different veiws of how she should be brought up. I do tell them that what they are doing is wrong,yes you want to spoil her but we live in the same household and things should be different.i say to them all the time. What else can i do to get them to see that im the mother and what i say has to go at times of ruling.
Well the best way to do that is move out. Im talking from experience my daughter lives with me and she has a 2 year old and of course I spoil her and my daughter always fights with me about that too, but I say then move out. Sorry to be so harsch but thats just the way it is.
God if only I could help you...I have/had the same problem. In-laws are a huge destroyer of the discipline role we try to achieve. My in-laws are not only killing what I try to teach her but they are also from a different culture entirely. So they do EVERYTHING differently than I do. My own parents are even worse! If you get any good responses to this question, I would love to get some help on this too !!
T. :)
Hi A.,
I lived with my inlaws for almost 5 years, had two children while living "under their roof". I went through many of the things you are going through. I tried talking to my MIL (she was much worse than my FIL). I had my husband talk to her, which always ended in a screaming match. It was very ugly at times. And we were exactly freeloading either. I did all the cleaning, cooking, taking care of the kids, and I worked full time. When we moved out of their house, it was across the street. The first ground rule was that she could not just show up unannounced and walk in the door. My kids had to call her and knock before walking in her house, she had to do the same for us. That helped some. We've now moved 100 miles away and things haven't changed all that much. However, our relationship has gotten better and she has realized that I'm not doing such a bad job raising the kids. If you need to talk, please contact me. Try talking to her again, with your husband. If that doesn't work, figure out a way to get your own place.
I am so sorry for you! I am a 23 year old mother as well, and I just moved out of my mother's house. My son and I moved in when he was just 9 months old. He is now 4 1/2 years. First off, my parents were worse than my ex- in laws when it came to spoiling my son and undermining me infront of him. This turned disasterous, when my son learned that he didn't have to listen to me because Nanny & Poppy (what he calls them), were always going to come to his rescue. I spent more time fighting with my parents over what my son did or didn't do that was wrong, than actually addressing the issue with him. It started to cause major behavorial issues with my son. It also then caused a lot of issues between my parents and myself. I wish I had an answer for you, as to how to approach this topic with them in a way that will work, but I just don't have one. I tried for 4 years, and then just had to leave. There was no other solution. My advise to you, is save every penny you can, and try to find yourself a part time job so you can get out of there. I know it stinks to work, and not be home with your children. I absolutely hate it myself. But your children will benefit from this, and know who the boss is. It will also make your life a little less stressful.
If you need to talk, I am here for you.
D.
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Actually, you do not have to move out...for many this is not an option and I am sure that your in-laws help has come handy in other aspects of raising your child. My advice would be to have a talk again with your in-laws about how you want your daughter to be raised. Let them know that you appreciate their input and even spoiling her however, if you make a decision you need them to back you up on it. Children learn very quickly and they know what they can do and not do around the different people in their lives. It make take sometime to get this message across to your in-laws and you may need to choose your battles with them. Also your daughter is getting older and soon she will understand when you tell her she must follow what mommy saids.... Grandparents are a great thing to have and for them it is a chance to be parents again without the pressure of 100% responsibility. Kids need them and are enriched by their traditions and different take on life... at the end of the day she is your daughter and someday when and if you decide to move she will miss her grandparents but will know there is a second home she can always go to. Just remember parents dicipline grandparents spoil!! Hope that helps...
P.S. Of course all this goes to the garbage if what you mean by "different views" is harmful to the child or encourages disrespect to you...then you and significant other need to address in-laws as a team and possibly consider moving...
