Seeking Help How to Wean 10.75 Months Baby Girl off Bf & Sleep Through the Night

C.,

I'm so sorry your hubby isn't supporting you. I breastfed both of mine throughout the night until 2 years old and there is NO WAY I would have made it w/out hubby's support so I really feel for you. To be blunt - if he is going to be a douche bag about this then HE NEEDS TO HELP WITH THE NIGHT WEANING!!! NO IF'S AND'S OR BUT'S! Seriously, he could really help you during this time. I have friends who wanted to stop night nursing around this age and they did so with hubby's help. It may take two weeks or so but if he is able to be consistent in the bedtime routine and in getting up w/baby during the night to rock/sing to sleep, the payoff will be huge. Every baby is different, but it wouldn't hurt to try. It will be a lot harder on you and baby if you try to night wean at this age. There will be tears. So he either accepts this or he helps!

Night weaning at this age is hard w/out tears because baby is still very young and this is how she is used to getting to sleep. I started to night wean my son around 18mos and by 2 he was done. Not a quick process as I did it slowly/gently but as soon as I did, he was sleeping through the night. You might want to read The No Cry Sleep Solution by Elizabeth Pantley or go to www.askdrsears.com and search weaning, I think he has some good tips.

As with the vomitting, maybe she has some sort of reflux? I wouldn't push solids. My first wouldn't touch them until after she turned 1, my second was eating anything/everything you put in front of him by 6 months. Dr. Sears website also has a good section on introducing solids and what order to do so.

Lastly, on refusing the bottle. I wouldn't push that either. Just let her have her water in a sippy cup or cup with a straw, then you can skip the whole bottle phase.

I'm sure your husband is a nice guy, I didn't mean to call him a name up above, I just wanted to make sure you were listening (-: My husband is NOT a night person at all, probably one of the reasons I never tried to wean my kids at night before their time. I didn't want to deal w/the tears. It was easier on all of us to just co-sleep and let them nurse when they wanted. My husband never got up at night w/the kids or helped w/the sleep routine but for me, that worked out fine. Since your husband is at home during the day, talk to him when you are calm and tell him what you need from him to help make this work.

Best wishes,
M.

Hi C., I to am a breastfeeding mom. What works for me is a family bed. I see nothing wrong with it and it seems the most supportive and natural way for your baby. This is only a suggestions, but I wonder if you tried letting her sleep with you and giving her the boob all she wants, maybe this phase will pass. Keeping something from baby that they instinctively want only makes them want it more and get insecure that their needs are not being met. So, it might sound crazy to a lot of people, but if you let her have her way maybe with a little time the phase will pass. Also, this method is not hard on you as you do not have to wake up so much. Then if you can just hold off on weaning a little longer until she is more ready. Also, I have heard that you are supposed to wait at least a year until you introduce grains. Until then they do not have the enzymes to digest them. I am sorry to hear about your hubby. You and baby need his support... marriage counseling?

just wanted to let you know that weaning her off bf doesn't mean she'll sleep through the night. i think this site has a lot of good info and explains well the needs of babies regarding feeding and sleeping.

http://drjaygordon.com/development/ap/sleep.asp

C.,

I have two children. An almost 5 year old boy and an almost 2 year old boy. The older one nursed until he was almost 2 and the younger weaned around 17 months. Weaning both of them didn't make a damn bit of difference for them sleeping through the night. Both of them were up just as much if not more after they were weaned but the instant automatic comfort of nursing was no longer available.

Since your daughter is close to one and still not eating solid foods and vomits a lot, before you wean her, I'd seriously consider talking to your pediatrician and getting a referral to a feeding specialist before you consider weaning her. Weaning her won't do make her eat if there is reason she can't or won't eat. But it will seriously compromise her nutritionally. My younger son is intolerant to both dairy and soy. We have to be very careful about what he eats or he'll get very sick. Most commercial baby cereals have soy in them. From what you describe, what you went through with her when you start cereal seems more like a food intolerance or allergy problem than like stomach flu. If that is the issue, it makes sense that she'd refuse cereal after that. Eating foods you are intolerant to gives you a bad stomach ache. It wouldn't have taken her long to connect eating with pain.

Anyway, having a 1 year old who won't eat solid food is (in my opinion) a medical problem that needs to be addressed. Until you figure out what the issue is, I wouldn't even consider weaning her.

T.

It's not uncommon for a breast fed baby to take longer to sleep through the night; breast milk is the perfect food and is digested quickly. I'm sorry your husband is so unsuportive, because your daughter sounds normal in this respect, to me.

If you can keep her in your bed, you can get some sleep and still breast feed, without her waking your husband. Or you can get something called a "co-sleeper" -- it's a three-sided bassinet that attaches to your bed.

I have some good books that can also help: "The No Cry Sleep Solution" by Pantley worked well for me. Another good one is "Super Baby Food" -- it gives some easy recipes for for making your own age-appropriate food. We made all our own food; the book made it really simple.

Good luck.

Hi C.,

First off, get that baby to her doctor. Something is wrong. She needs to see a GI doc if she is vomiting up solids like that. She might have a case of reflux or sensitivities to certain foods. A GI doc can figure that out. At almost a year old, she really needs to be eating solid foods much more than she is.

Second, I'd hold off on weaning her until you get her tummy issues resolved. Right now that is her only source of nutrients and she desperately needs that. I know waking up every 2-3 hours to BF sucks (I still do that with my six month old), but she needs that nourishment since she isn't getting it from any other source.

Good luck and I hope things get better for you and your little girl!! =)

Hi C.,

I'm sure you know where we all stand with your hubby - so all I have to say is don't let your baby sense the frustration bc it can upset her more.

This may sound tough... but if you have family support and somebody who is willing to give up a weekend then I would suggest letting your baby girl stay with them for the weekend. I could not stand to hear my daughter cry and when I was ready to take her of the binky (10 months - she walked when she was 9 months and I have a thing against walking babies that suck binkys) she would cry for hours. Finally, my sister offered to wean her over a weekend and as sad as I was ALL weekend, I agreed. My daughter came home weaned.
As for the sippy cup - I think this may resolve itself once she is not breastfed anymore -- she may just give into to the bottle.
Your 3rd question - food. I would suggest taking her to the doctor. She may be allergic/sensitive to certain types of foods/ingredients. If not, I agree with the other mothers, she will eat when she is hungry. Give her what she really likes - i.e. certain fruits, crackers etc.
Good-luck.

Hi C.,

Your situation sounds like a bummer! I swaer, sometimes men can be such buttheads!!

Anyhow, I have three ideas to share with you. First, I would take he in to see her doctor, tell him whats going on .. see if he has any advice.

Second, this is something my WONDERFUL Aunt Sue taught me when I was a very young and scared mother. "They'll eat when they're hungry". If the option of the breast is taken away, ahe'll HAVE to eat from somewhere else. Try mixing yummy fruits (baby foods I mean) into her cereal, or just from the jar .. try giving her some of your favorite foods (maybe she will have the same tastes?) Don't give up and I know it's hard, but try not to let your self get frustrated .. this leads to my third idea..

Maybe she's so upset (crying vomiting) because you are, because the house is not calm, the baby is nervous. All the things you described sound like nerves affecting her. Talk to your husband, let him know his behaviour is affecting the baby (and you!) You may do thi already - but get out side!! It's summertime and it's beautiful! The baby will love running around, maybe it will tire her out so she'll sleep better and fresh air is good for everyone!!

All my beat wishes!
Hang in there mama!!

Yes,it is challenging being a Mother and feeding your child when she is hungry ,it is part of the sacrifice.Babies digest milk fairly quick and need to eat every 2 to 4 hours.It is the best thing for them and I would continue for as long as you can.They will NEVER get anything even close to it for the rest of their lives.As far as formula or cereals ,your baby is reacting being it is so hard to digest that stuff.I would do more purred veggies and fruit.You are doing a great job.Dont give up!

Dear C.,
My middle son would not wean. He was only nursing at a year, not eating any solids. I would not be concerned about nutrition, he did just fine. I hate to tell you, but he didn't completely wean until over 3 years and he woke up once at night to nurse until well over two, but at least fell asleep quickly. I always went and nursed him because he would get so loud that he would wake is older brother who shared the room if I didn't. But he did not have any vomiting problem. I am more concerned about the vomiting. What is the doctors take on it?

My middle son when I finally got him eating graham crackers and drinking regular milk broke out with ecema (sp?) all over his face and especially behind the ears and I had to take him off milk and wheat. I have celiac and my mother tells me I vomited up everything when I was little (that is gluten intolerance.) So maybe she needs to be checked for that. I agree with another mother that she needs to be tested for allergies if she is still vomiting. If it is neither of those the doctor is going to have to determine what is causing the vomiting. There must be a medical reason she continues to vomit. If your pediatrician isn't concerned, I would seek another opinion Your can't stop nursing until you solve that problem.

I can see how working from home would cause problems. Does your husband have a room separate from the rest of the house to work in? I am sorry that he can't see the stress you are going through with your precious little girl. (I wonder if Dr. Laura has finished her book on "The Care and Feeding of Wives" because it sound like he needs to read it.) Have you tried to discuss it with him and let him know that you feel overwhelmed and unsupported? Men sometimes need to be told things....things that are really obvious to women. I am concerned for you marriage if he doesn't support you and your resentment grows. I would even suggest you call Dr. Laura and see if she has suggestions on how to approach him. Go to http://www.drlaura.com/radio/about_show.html#calling and it tells you to call 11:30am - 3:00pm PT (2:30pm - 6:00pm ET; 1:30pm - 5:00pm CT), Monday-Friday. 1-800-DRLAURA (1-800-375-2872). You could also go online(http://www.drlaura.com main/email.html) and write her a note with a question.

I hope that you quickly find out what is causing her so much distress and resolve some of the relationship with your husband. I will be praying for you.
H.

Sounds like you need some help. I don't know what happened to your daughter or if she has some allergies to food, but you need to get her some therapy/medical intervention to help with her feeding issues. Start with the pediatrician - they may be able to detect food intolerances or allergies. After that, there are state intervention agencies that will offer FREE services to help you figure out how to nourish your daughter. She needs more than you can provide at 11 months old. I'm so sorry that you are struggling and your husband is not helping...It all sounds very stressful and I think somehow, women can handle stress better than men. Maybe you can think about getting help for yourself as well. It is a big burden to carry alone.

Hi C.,

Didn't have time to read all your responses, but try reading the book Colic Solved. It's by a pediatric gastroenterologist and explains the symptoms of reflux, which it sounds like your DD has. The author's last name starts with a V. Lots of pediatricians haven't been trained about reflux so you might have to do some of your homework first to convince your pedi. Here is also a website to get you started, http://www.marci-kids.com/index.html. There is a sheet you can print out and take to your pedi.

Sorry you don't have a supportive husband--it makes a huge difference. It's so hard handling it all by yourself! But if your baby is still throwing up and isn't able to take solids, you need to get her some help. The book is GREAT...I just read it. Plus, the intro has an email address if you have questions for the author. Hope this helps.

Hang in there and hope you and your daughter are both doing better soon!

Hugs,
Y.

Hi C.,
I would not attempt to wein your daughter until you resolve the food issues. Many children have food allergies and their systems can not handle foods as easily as others. My cousin's daughter had issues with anything with wheat in it. Her system could not digest the glutien that is in any food that has wheat in it. She uses potato or rice based items, rather than wheat based foods. I would try small amounts of rice cereal mixed with your breastmilk and see how she does. This is just an idea for you to research about your little one. My cousins's daughter had projectile vomiting, and it was often...after she had just been fed. The benefit for your baby is that she is breastfed and she does not seem to have vomiting issues when she eats/drinks breastmilk...so at least she can get nutrition from mommy!
I would not change a thing until you figure out what her food issues are...what she can eat and keep down. Once that is resolved, then you can move on to the other issues...I would not try and wein her for a while, at least until you find foods that her tummy can tolerate. I would skip the bottle thing completely. She is plenty old enough to drink her fluids from a sippy cup....they are great things! I would try to avoid figuring out which formula to put her on...that is just an added expense and it is not best for her digestive system at all, especially since she has mommy to feed her.

Once you figure out the food issues, I would then try and work on getting her to not need to nurse during the night...but not until she can keep more food in her system than just breast milk. She needs enough nourishment. Also, since she seems to throw up a lot, I would check with her Dr. She should be having her weight gain checked. If she is not keeping up with her average, they will be able to help you with food suggestions....she really needs to be seen by a professional and be evaluated..then she should also be monitored regularly. If the only thing that her tummy can handle is mommy milk, then you will need to be nursing her more and longer so that she gets sufficient nourishment...her caloric needs are increasing as she grows bigger.
Best of luck,
T.

Oh dear C.,
I'm going to have to jump on board with the "Booooo hubby!" vote. Not OK to act like a big baby while your real baby needs her mom AND DAD to be loving, nurturing and in tune with her needs.
If you can't find a way to get him to be supportive and involved then you need to sleep WITH your child and AWAY from your husband while you get through this nerve wracking time of weaning. It's rarely easy to wean! Ask any mom!
I waited a little longer than you, which you may want to consider until your daughter finds some way to sustain life without your breastmilk. You do need to make sure you wont be cutting into her genuine dietary needs. Having said that, if you're just talking about cutting out the NIGHT feeings for the sake of sleep, go slow. Start with cutting back on ONE feeding at a time and explain to her that she can't eat again until she sees the light of morning. This was how I did it at 14 months and it went reasonably well. That means some crying but also some obvious comprehension of how things were! Start by talking to her before bed and then just try to talk her down with the same explanation when she wakes. I remember thinking it was hell the first night, that I was strong for getting through the second night and then I was amazed on the third night that my son was accepting what was going on. I guess I cut out the last night feeding first then worked backwards.
Well good luck!!!

I feel your pain. All 4 of mine wanted to nurse all thru the night and it is very hard. Apparently that is just how they are. I found that if they were loved and comforted even at night they were secure and happier during the day.

If she is vomiting that much, I would try to solely breastfeed her for a month or so and then try again with soft foods and see how she does. Perhaps the formula or the effects of the virus are bothering her tummy and she just needs a break. Breastmilk is so soothing and healing that it may just do the trick. She can thrive on only breastmilk even though its a drain on you. So you shouldnt worry about that part of it.

Also it is very rare for a stay at home baby to get tummy viruses at that age. My kids were at home but exposed to lots of friends and family and never had it b4 18 months. Something else may be going on. Allergies, reflux, whatever. Have you spoken with your dr. about the vomiting?

Anyway best of luck and hang in there. Some of us have needier kids and they need our love and support regardless of how tired and stressed we are. I pray you can figure this out!

I think your daughter should be tested for allergies--sounds like the solid foods (cereal) may have really made her ill. Also, get your ped. to refer to someone with feeding specialties. Maybe occupational therapy? The longer your daughter refuses solid foods the harder it will be to eventually get her to eat them--and she will need to eat them. It sounds like she needs more calories and that may be why she is waking up.

Start at your pediatrician and get these referals: it will at least put your mind at ease if they tell you nothing is wrong.

Good Luck

If your daughter is waking up to eat at night, then she needs the nourishment. The first two years of life are so critical for brain and systems development. Don't deny your baby the food she needs even though you are tired. It is an unfortunate fad that people are championing sleeping through the night over what is natural. Babies know what they need. She needs her mommy and she needs her food. She is probably also teething and needs comfort from the pain. If you are not already co-sleeping, then I would start now. It is much easier to roll over and provide instant comfort & nobody in the household has to wake up completely. The first few years are hard. (I am right there with you -- my baby is 9.5 months.) Sleep deprivation comes with the territory. So does frustration with your spouse. Some days & nights you will do better than others. Try to begin fresh each day, try to be kind to each other, and try to approach life with grace. Be satisfied with trying. Forgive yourself when you don't live up to your own standards.

As far as feeding goes... most grains are not good until after the first year. They often cause vomiting or constipation. Formula is artificial and not the ideal food. Start with fruits and vegetables. My daughter will not allow me to feed her. She is very independent and must feed herself. She spits out anything I put in... and she does not like pureed foods. So it is nothing but whole, fresh foods for her. This is a list of things she likes and that work for her (everything organic):

blueberries (fresh & frozen), carrot sticks, celery sticks, red seedless grapes (cut in half), quinoa pasta, corn, plum slices, peaches, nectarines, watermelon, cantaloupe, hummus (messy but she loves it), olives (cut in half, but not too many because of the salt), string beans, goat cheese, muesli, cheerios (health food type), avocado, couscous, sprouted tortillas, beans (all types), goat yogurt, apple slices, banana, pear juice.

There are many more you can try. We go to the farmer's market once a week and load up. (So much fresher and cheaper.)

Let her eat slowly. Let her play with the food. Let her try things and spit them out. Let her experiment without judgment. Supervise, but don't interfere. If she gags a little, give her a second to correct it herself. If you have to assist, don't panic. Don't force her to eat things she does not want. Provide a tray of healthy foods and let her take it from there. Especially with daughters, we want them to have a healthy relationship to food. You are building life-long habits now.

Hope this helps.

Dear C.,

I really do not know, but have you talked with a pediatrician about her maybe she is allergic to certain foods.

Husbands act like that because they think that they have to know everything, or that you need to know everything, and you both don't. Men just are impatient and self centered. You might try talking over some of these problems....not allll at once, just in bits and pieces.

....also be sure to try to take his advice or let him know when you take it if it works or not. Communicate, communicate, communicate. That is the only way to survive.
C. N.

Michele made some good points... now, you need to see IF weaning is really what you want. Weaning is hard... if the baby is not ready for it. I nursed my kids, got up at night, and let them self wean. I went through what you are going through. LOTS of Moms go through this. They baby WILL cry for the breast... so, it takes time.

As for you child vomiting.. you really need to see the Pediatrician about this. She is 11 months old and will not eat solids. This is unusual and not normal. Maybe the stomach bug is still affecting her.

I hear your frustration, and I empathize. She is also probably hungry... the reason I say this is she wakes up every 2-3 hours during the night to feed, AND she does not eat solids or very little. Maybe she is just NOT getting enough intake, to sustain her. How is her growth and weight gain? Is this affecting her? You need to check with her doctor.

If a baby is hungry, you NEED to feed her. If Husband goes "ballistic" at her waking up nights...then he can go sleep in another room. He doesn't seem to do much good sleeping around you and the baby anyway, and he does not participate in Parenting.

Now your husband is not supportive. This is HIS baby girl as well. Is he even concerned about his baby behaving this way? It sounds like you are a single parent, trying to manage all of this by yourself. He NEEDS to get on board... you really need to talk to him... and he needs to know HOW to be a Parent... and work as a TEAM for the benefit of his wife and baby. Having a baby means the man has to "grow up" and be a "man" and a "Husband." It's not all fun and games. How are his guy friends? Do they have children? Are the involved in the care taking of their children or wives? Sometimes, this can be a good influence on Men or not....

Do you TRY to talk to him? Because this is a problem...for your daughter as she grows up, as a marriage, and if he is this way it will NOT provide a good example for your girl. TELL him this. I certainly hope he cares enough to correct his attitude. I'm so sorry he is this way to you.... that's a hard problem to solve.... or go to counseling together.

Well, sorry I don't have any magic answers for you. But I really feel for you.... take your baby to the doctor for help, since your Hubby is at a loss of helping, and you obviously need more support.

All the best,
Susan

C.,
It seems to me that you need to be talking to your pediatrician. If your little girl vomits when eating solids there must be some medical reason. I would deal with that first and then try slowly to train your little one to sleep. I Know about babies who love the breast to fall asleep, I have one myself. How I started with my very strong willed baby is first, I started a bedtime routine and would nurse her until drowsy then would lie her down in her crib and she would cry herself to sleep (longest 28 minutes), then when she would wake up I would do what I had done previously (her staying latched on). After a week I would make her go longer and longer through the night. She is now sleeping 8 hours at a stretch which is from an hour and a half two months ago. She has had a couple 1 1/2 crying stretches, but she's very strong willed.
I would let her husband know what your plans are and give him a set of ear plugs. You have to stand up for yourself and your baby. You won't survive without sleep and emotional support, nor will you be able to properly care for your baby.
Best of luck and let us know how things are going. Feel free to email me if you need support: ____@____.com
Hugs,
S. G.

Your hubby works from home and wont get up with the baby, and gets mad if he is woken up, are you kidding me, Girl you need to put your foot down on this one, geeze, second the baby should go see the doctor making sure she is ok, it could be she has a senstive gag reflex and the food is testure related, its the texture of the food that makes her gag. she is much to young to wean off her nutrition ,,, the only thing she is getting is the BM and a tiny bit of food. They say not to wean until after a full yr and thats only if the weight is good. I would take her to the doctors make sure something isnt up with her tummy ..

Good Luck and put your foot down with that grouchy hubby, he helped with making the baby, he can do his part by getting up with her.