Seeking Help - Fayetteville, TN

Hi, B..

I feel your pain, too. I have a 1yo and a 2yo at home with me all day, then I work evenings and weekends. My salvation is MOPS (Mothers Of PreSchoolers) International. There are chapters everywhere. We meet twice a month during school hours, and there is a companion program for the children who are not in school called Moppets so you don't have to find a babysitter. Their website is www.mops.org and it can help you find a chapter close to you. A few hours with other mothers and no kids every month has done wonders for me, and even the kids (or at least the older one) love it. Good luck!

L.

Hi B.,

I also have three children and feel your pain. My kids are 12, 7, and 4. Let's get together and let our kids run around. I live in Clinton not sure if that is close to you but let me know. I am new to the area and my kids would love the company.

Believe me, I understand! I nursed my son and now I am nursing my 6 mo old. Time alone is rare...and much needed. I think that you should (maybe you already have) sit down with your hubby and explain to him that you need time alone. Use "I statements" and explain that you cannot be an effective mother and wife if you do not have a few minutes to yourself from time to time. Here are a few other things that might help. Ask your husband for a break well in advance (maybe a week), and remind him a few times throughout the week. This way you both can prepare for the trip. As far as your prep work...set out diapers, wipes, extra clothes, etc in clear view. Have snacks prepared as well as an easy lunch for hubby to prepare (something simple, not messy, that the kids will eat without fuss). When the glorious day comes explain to him where the essencials are, the menu and snacks, and how long you will be out. I know this sounds like a lot of work for you when you are already busy, but you will be rewarded with a wonderful, worry-free break. Also, make time to go out with your hubby. I am sure that he misses time alone with you. I have occationally allowed myself to completely neglect my hubby. It doesn't go well. Another idea, neglect the dishes and laundry and take 15 minutes to read a magazine article or something. Just a few minutes at a time might help. I hope this helps. A.

B., I know just what your going throw. This stuff has happen to me and what did I do about it. I would feed the kids before I left, but the dippers & wipes where hubby could find them and than tell them all I'm going out dont call me unless someone is bleeding badly, dead, or if it is an emergancy only. And if hubby cant do that than I will find me a baby sitter and go that way. My husband never did want me to leave from his sight when he was home, if I did he thought I was cheating on him. He even went as far as to put my children up to saying momma stay home or can I go with you. Girl get a break fast are your going to go crazy. Women need time from the kids and house work just like a man needs from his job and family. Dont let that man of yours do you this way. I wish men could just see how us women are all day 24/7 with the kids and no where to go or no way of going. Good luck and if you just want to talk you can email me at ____@____.com

Hi B.! I am a stay at home mom to 5 children. I feel your pain. I needed a break for a long time and kept waiting for someone to say, "Hey, you work really hard. Why don't you go out tonight and have some alone time?" Guess what? It never happened and I realized that *I* to be the one to tell myself it was okay to get out once in a while. Yes, there will always be a little guilt but that's okay too. I'm a better mom and wife when I have a little time to myself. My husband has even come to realize this. You deserve it B.. Go! What are you waiting for???

I feel your pain, B.. I have a similar situation. I have 2 daughters, ages 11 & 2 and a husband who thinks the kids are my responsibility. He doesn't like to stay with the kids & usually just watches TV while they tear up the house. Well, my 11-year-old actually watches the 2-year-old, but lets the baby do anything she wants. I'm usually to scared to leave them (my husband & my kids) alone to go out & do something by myself or with friends. I have a friend who has twin 3-year-old girls and we swap watching each others kids to get errands run & such. It works out pretty well. Its good for the kids to interact, plus easy on the pocketbook to not have to pay someone to watch the kids. We live in Halls off Cunningham. If that is convenient, maybe we could talk about swapping time. Let me know. If we are not close, you could look for other parents with kids & suggest this to them. Everyone likes time away & likes to save a buck here & there. Its worth a try.
Good Luck!
S.

B.,
Hello my name is R..If I may suggest to you to take
at least 1 day a week to yourself and don't answer the cell phone.Turn it off,the world will not end if he can't find the wipes or something like that.I was just like you about two yrs. ago.Then a friend of mine had this same talk with me,that I am having here with you.I am a much happier mom and a more loving and attentive wife.Find a hobby like pottery classes or something your into.Even if it's two hrs by yourself you will thank yourself for it.The funny thing is so will your family..Oh and you might want to check with local churches alot of them have mothers day out where they keep your kids for you to have some time to yourself.Hope this is helpful..good luck

You need a day off or at least a few hours. Your job is a 24/7 job. His is probably 40 hours a week. You have your needs!!! So make sure you take some time to yourself and go to the movies. Let them know when you will be back so they can't call and ask. And then tell him not to call unless the house is burning down. Then take an extra 20 minutes for each call. But be fair. He needs a couple of hours too, not as much as you, because I once worked too and know that it's not as hard at work as it is at home. But everyone needs some me time - including you.

Hi B.! My name is A. and I know your pain. I have three children 10, 8, and 3 and homeschool the two oldest. My third child is a girl which by the way is the hardest of all three and i have had many issues with my boys. Everyone has this misconception that girls are so much easier. My husband works a full-time job and helps out with a family business part-time.
I feel like I never have a moment to myself unless I am grocery shopping(which is impossible to do with my children) and am trying to hurry and get back so that my husband will not be annoyed. And if we ever have any time alone my husband expects that this is his time if you know what I mean. Never any time just for me. I felt like if i had a break and was left alone on a regular basis that I might have time to destress. I really do not have advice, It is just nice to hear someone else feel the same way. Good Luck to you! Send me a private message and I will give you my email.
A.

Hi B.,
I mean this in the right way but, Welcome to the jungle! I have three children as well and I feel the same way sometimes! It is just hard to manage at times and know what to do, when to do it but as hard as it is, you have to get out and get away even if it is to just go for a ride. Set a time limit the first time and ask your husband, 'Can you handle the kids for one hour?' Or even smaller, like 30 min. Obviously this would have to be an at home thing like taking a bath w/out being disturbed but I think everyone would agree that the Mom 'time out for herself' thing is few and far between, but possible and essential. Don't forget to tell your husband also how great he did w/the kids when you return home, even if there is peanut butter smudged on the fridge! It can be wiped off and you can be a happier you for such a small thing! Good Luck!

Hi B....boy do I know the feeling...professionally and as being a stay home everything for the last year sraight...Even if you husband calls you let him handle it on his own..explain to him you need your time as well a few times a week. Start off with just a few hours. go to the movies or get your hair done or something. If you dont you will end up becoming depressed about being at home and there is a domino effect. He has no choice but to understand and then you and him take time to go somewhere. I know its hard not really knowing a lot of people to babysit, but you need your you time alone. Its important to your sanity and the love of your family.

Hi B.,

I have kids the same age, altho i am older than you. All i can say is, while it is important to have a little down time, the one thing to remember is this time with your precious little ones is their time. It is such a short span of time that you will have them home. Before you know it, they will be grown doing their own thing & you will have all the free time you want. Our job doesn't end, but what a privilege to be training up the next generation. You have a short time to impact them & it can be for good not bad. They look to you to be their example. It is so important you & your husband have a date night - at least once a month, but more would be better. It's also important you guys have down time after the kids go to bed... Maybe you could wait until then to run out & sit at a coffee shop or go take a long hot bath, then you won't be disturbed by kid things. Remember, your husbands job doesn't end when he gets home, it just changes. Talk openly with him about how you feel - i bet you'd find he understands more than you realize... Hope the encouragement helps. Hang in there!!

I have a son with severe Eczema who is almost 7 months. Who also has to have breathing treatments every 6 hours. And it seems like I am the only one who does ANYTHING!!! And live with the I.L's too!!! No one really helps me that much so I feel myself constantly saying I NEED A BREAK!!!!! I love my son dearly but I too feel overwhelmed as you and I have just one!!!! I too am always home and when I want to go out hubby is too tired!!!! Grant it he works night sift, but when he is home it's hard for to get to help!!! I understand where you coming from!!!!! We need US TIME every now and then!!!!

i have a similar situation. I only have one child she's 2yrs old, I put her to bed kinda earily so I can have a little me time beofre I go to bed. I know its not the same as getting out of the house, but I had to do something. When it gets nerve-racking, i'll go to my mom's or a friend's house. That way there is another set of eyes on my little one, and I can at least go to the bathroom with out having to take her with me. I know its not ideal, but I do what I can with what I got. I hope these suggestions help. Sometimes we have to get creative for our own situations.

H.

You HAVE to make time for yourself or you will end up so stressed out that you will not be any help to anyone. You need to discuss this with your husband and express how important it is. Maybe consider hiring a nany or sitter just for the time you need to yourself or maybe a family member help out.

Good luck to you!

Hello B.! Well first off welcome to the area, secondly...you are NOT alone! I feel the same way sometimes & then DH wonders why I am never "in the mood"! It is hard, scratch that VERY hard to be a mom to any number of kids no matter how old they are. Your family is VERY dependent on you....fortunately but then again unfortunately. These things have bad times along with good times, I am a SAHM of two little girls and DH is always at work or at his "class" that he is taking now & so I have the girls from when they get up until they go to bed & then the weekends are the only times I get to do shopping; that is if I want to go alone, then I am a full time student also so when everyone is alseep that is when I get my "alone" time. Sometimes I wish there were more hours in the day, but you have to do what you can with what you have.

I really do feel for you & have a sense of what you are going through; things will get better; in time though. But if you ever need anyone to talk to I am here for you. Hope that you can get some "alone" time soon.
K.