Dear D.,
What a blow for you! I used to run a day care center, and never even thought about kicking a child out because of behavioral problems.
First, you need to find a support group so that you can get more information about ADD. And, along with that maybe he would do better in a small babysitting situation, in a home of someone who has done this for a number of years. Sometimes the large setting is harder on the child because of sooo many people and soooo much to do. They just get jazzed up and don't know where to start, or finish.
If you send me your address - I will send you an article that I cut out of our local paper a couple of months ago. It was written about ADHD children, and you will find a lot of good info there. Also go online About.com/pediatrician and see what they have to say.
____@____.com
It is really a matter of you and the babysitter or school to work together, so that you handle each situation the same way - and you train him. Remember, they are just new here in the world and do not know the rules yet. So he has to have guidance, and guidance that does not irritate his ADD. Like speaking in a normal tone, and keeping the noise level at home down and the light level too.
Find out what is happening inside of your child and then you will find it a lot easier to guide him through learning what the world expects of him. And, how to get what he expects or wants to get in this world too.
I have a feeling that the children feel tense and nervous inside and at least a bit fearful about what is going to happen next. He has been through a lot of traumas - on his level - at school, really not understanding why the teachers are 'mad' at him. O.K.?
You are a brave woman to do all that you are doing, and you need a dear, close friend - who will not hassele you about your child rearing abilities. But, someone who will be by your side to help you figure out what is the right thing for your child. Maybe an older woman friend or a friend more your age that is kind and understanding. "They" say that every mother needs a mother, so that is what you are looking for, someone that you trust to be helpful. Look around and you will find her, or him, if he is broad minded and not judgemental. Men are different, you know. I do like them and this is not to put them down.
So hang in there and walk side by side with your darling child. Who loves you as much as you love him. Pretty nice, huh?
Good Luck, C. N.