Seeking All Doctor Wives/husbands

I don't know anything about it, but I wish you the best of luck.

Isn't the ENT office only open certain house? It's not like the ER or surgery where it's open 24/7.

Hello,

My husband isn't a doctor, but he's a lawyer with long hours and works six days a week. We have two children, 1 and 3. It's tough for many reasons. All I can say is this, we make the time we have together count. Don't get me wrong, we have our arguments and we're both frustrated over the hours. It's not happy all the time. We just limit what he has to do around the house (ie hiring yardcare) so that when he is home he focuses on us.

Our three year old is particularly sensitive to the issue of him being gone so much. So we've scheduled a special lunch on Saturdays that he tries his best not to miss. It's really important to her and I'm sure we'll have to include her sister someday.

Another thing we do, although I know this isn't possible in any profession, is we try to talk on the phone each day. Sometimes twice. The conversations are usually short (2min), but it makes us feel a little bit more connected.

Lastly, we make special days count. Valentines Day, our anniversary, birthday....we make these days as special as possible with whatever schedule is thrown at us.

Good luck. Hang in there and remember how fast the last 5-7 years went by.

A.,

I think when my brother in law was done with his residency and had a couple years of experience he had more options about where he wanted to work and the hours, although he was often on call no matter what. He also switch from a kids doctor to rhumatology (not sure if I spelled that right).

Congrats on the new one and having two so far apart. I don't have much to say other than my sister in law is married to a doctor and he was very busy on call and everything. His priority was his family, but he wasn't always there at family gatherings because doctors just have crazy schedules. The good knews is that now that he doesn't need to make as much money because the kids are out of the house (he's been a doctor, school included, for over twenty-five years) he is not working as many days and is looking into a private practice.

Take Care,
G.

My friend is going through this right now, she has 3 girls, 5,3 and 11 months. Basically she is a single mom. I think you should get involved in a church group or some kind of group where you have the support of some friends all in place for when you need them.
Also she moved within blocks of the hospital where he works so that they can see him on lunch breaks (the only time he sees the kids) you do what you have to I guess!
Good luck to you and your husband, it will be worth it in the long run!

Just make sure that you keep your eye on the big picture. A few years of difficult scheduling will be worth the success of your husband. He doesn't need to feel guilty, and neither should you for doing something that is beneficial to the family as a whole. I think that the person that said you will need to be very considerate of others is right on. Sometimes, you will need time together and sometimes you will need time for yourself, sometimes he will need time for himself just to take a moment to regroup when your husband has time that is not dedicated to his residency. The internet and cell phone are going to be your best connections. You can send pictures of the kiddo and text notes about what happened. It sounds like a difficult time.

I married my husband during his second year of medical school. We survived those three remaining years and then a 5 year residency in a combined internal and emergency medicine program. We survived and now he's been an ER doc for 3 years. We conceived our first child the first week of residency. I was pretty lonely and hormonal those first few months before I established my own friendships. I could not have been happy without my own social network. That started with other residents and resident wives and eventually I joined a MOMS Club. Reality is that you will rarely see your husband. If he's not working, then he's sleeping. You will be on your own a lot, but think of the time with your husband that you do have as a bonus. And you'll be glad to know that even the rockiest relationship of those we knew in residency is still together and happy now. Be independent and you'll be fine. It really does get better when they graduate!

Hi there

My husband is a General Surgery Resident (first year!). It is what they say it is. Surgery is a long road and it is best to be somewhat mentally prepared. His program is six years plus additional training in fellowship. I was with my husband the 6 years prior to medical school and I worked up at the hospital with physicians so, I felt I knew what we were getting into. It is tough but you can do it if you commit.

My husband works between 75-95 hours per week. It does not leave a lot of time at home. His program is really trying to stick to the 80 hour work week (and I know there are a lot of programs out there who don't!) but sometimes he will put in a 95 hour week because of call nights and such. And by the way, when he is home, he is tired. So, don't expect any household projects to get done!

We have a 19 month old son and we are both thankful that we had a child during medical school. In retropect, we should have had two kids! The schedule in Med school is much better than residency. We moved away from family for residency and I will tell you to think and consider this decision heavily, especially with kids. We love the city we are in but I have no family here. You don't have anyone to call up and ask to take the kids when you need a break! It can be tough. Plus, with not having your husband home, you have to be willing to get out with the kids by yourself. As well as, make an effort to meet new people so you are not lonely.

I encourage you to see if your medical school has a spouse's group and get involved. It is a great community to have and to get information. Also, during interviews ask if the hospital has a Family Resident network. Our hospital has a group for all spouses of residents (no matter what specialty). It has been a lifesaver for me! Everyone in the group can relate to one another because we are all married to residents. Most of the members have kids. It is a wonderful way to meet other moms who are going through the same thing, no husband and no money!

Anyway, I hope this is not too scary but it is really important to know what you are getting into. I knew my husband was going to be a surgeon the first day of medical school. It is just a calling in life, so get ready! If your husband has a passion for it, he will be happy to go to work and will be happy when he is home. Residency does not last forever, it is just a little painful during the process.

Good luck!
Blessings-

To me I think you should stick it out. My husband gave up medical school because he didn't want to miss out on his kids. I really wish he hadn't. It is a true talent with him, and though he gets to use his knowledge in a way with his current job, I wish that he could have used his talent to the fullest potential. It one of my biggest regrets. To me he still misses out on his kids because he now works overtime every week and often doesn't do things with the kids because he is too tired.

J.

When I worked in a hospital during college I dated a couple of residents. They complained about working 100+ hours per week. Needless to say, these relationships did NOT progress past a handful of dates because these guys didn't have time to pick up their dry cleaning!

A.,
My friend's husband finished his residency about two years ago. Not only was he always at the hospital, but when he was home, he was studying all night long getting about 2-3 hours of sleep per night. This went on for I think two years. My girlfriend barely saw him, but they made it through. When he applied for his residency, they had to prove that she could support him financially during this time since he would not be paid. He didn't have time for a job so she was the sole provider. They are hapily married with two grown children in their 20's.
Hang in there. It sounds like you will be busy.

I think if your relationship is strong you can get through it. You will have to keep reminding yourself that it is only temporary and will benefit you in the end. Any moment you have together will need to be relationship-building and not a gripe session about how hard it is for you which may be really hard. You will need to treat each other with upmost respect and understanding. I wish you the best of luck and hope that you guys make it through since you sound so happy now!