Seeking Advice Regarding Techniques for Sleeping at Night

Read what the expert, Dr. Weissbluth, has to say: http://billiediscoverytoys.blogspot.com/2008/09/sleep-beg...

What you did is TOTALLY REASONABLE. You are teaching your daughter how to self soothe and fall asleep on her own--a very valuable skill for her AND YOU!!! It is incredibly depleting to not get a full night's sleep for many months. That said you MUST MUST be consistent. The issue M. be recruiting your husband. He M. need to do some reading on the subject. If not, have him do the night wake-ups for 4 weeks and he will LIKELY be trying to convince you to sleep train!! Anyway, as for the consistency, you need to be consistent all night long, night after night. Try going in and soothing at 5 minute, then 10 minute then 12 minute...etc intervals. On subsequent nights, make the intervals longer (essentially the Ferber method). Do not pick the baby up, pay on tummy and reassure w/ voice and then LEAVE THE ROOM in 1-2 minutes or sooner if you can. Like I said, the issue will be recruiting your husband. By the way, to the critics of sleep training methods that involve crying, I DO NOT believe that some nighttime crying affects attachment or security. Those are issues that develop all day, every day and involve the amalgam of all interactions. If you are loving and responsive by day, a few nights of crying WILLL NOT HARM your baby. (Psychiatrist Mom here, w/ lot of training and focus on early development).

I would say one of two things:
-- does your husband get up at least (and I do mean AT LEAST) 50% of the time? If not, then I think he should only get to criticize if he changes his level of commitment (by which I mean, sleep-deprivation). It's hard to be a working mom, and 11 months without a full night's sleep -- no way. I was out of my mind after 6 months.

-- as for it being extreme, sometimes important lessons need to be, otherwise we wouldn't change our habits. What I did with our son was count how much he cried each night, and when added up it was far more than an hour, so I let him cry for one hour to see what would happen. It took 3 nights of 45-minute crying bouts for him to settle, but it helped him learn to sleep. For you, your baby cried for more than an hour -- the danger in setting a time limit any less than that is that babies are smart and will cry to that time limit IF they know you'll come running.

Could you do "cry-it-out" with your husband sleeping on the floor in the baby's room? (Not letting the baby know he's there, but being there just to feel like he's available if there's an emergency.) I'm all about throwing this back on the person who offers critique -- and if he's already doing his share then maybe I'm way off base. But it's so easy to let Mom's get stuck with sleep stuff, and we get isolated when we're at our most exhausted.

Hope this helps. I'm sure you'll get lots of "cry it out is cruel" stuff, but IMHO sleep is a very complex issue and different for each family and child. Don't let anybody beat you up over this.

I have a 3 year old who was a terrible sleeper, but a friend who had twins gave me the book "Goodnight, sleep tight" by West. I tried the techniques when he was 10 months old and they worked like a charm. He always ended up sleeping on the short end of the scale, but he slept and he slept without waking upand started taking longer naps. The only thing I disagreed with her was that teething and sickness did really bother his sleep patterns and sometimes we would have to go back to training him after those episodes, because usually at some point we would let him sleep with us when he wasn't feeling well and that's what he fought for. At one point when he was about 14 months old we did have to let him cry it out-the 1st night it was off and on for 3 hours, the second night was 1 hour and third night was 15 minutes, but by the forth night he was sleeping thru the night again. Its hard but it works. He also had a 4:30 wake up that occassionally still happened until he was about 2 1/2yrs old-maybe once a week(secondary to that's when my husband got up) but my husband would just go in, tell him to go back to sleep, give a little comfort and maybe a sip of water. Sometimes he would wimper a little, but he would always go back to sleep. Now at 3 he sleeps a good 9.5-10.5 hrs a t night and still takes a 1.5-2.5 hr nap-when most of his friends won't nap (which most experts don't encourage until 4 or 5 yrs old). Hope this helps.-H. P.

Even though our daughter is only three and a half months old, I have to say that I think the crying is fine. The reason she cried for so long is because you tried to soothe her before and she expects you to do it again. If you consistently let her cry and step away from her bed, it will lessen very quickly. Our three month old sleeps 12-13 hours most nights and we attribute it to this suggestion from two pediatricians, our own and the one from the hospital. It took us several tries to get her sleeping soundly, but she definitely cried much less after the first two or three times. I expect many people to be alarmed by this method, but also many who will agree. This will not harm your baby, don't worry! She will be much happier when she can get a full night's sleep and you will be teaching her a lifetime of good sleep habits. Our nephew is almost 5 and still cries all night for his parents' attention b/c he knows they'll come to tend to him when he cries. Learn from others mistakes! They told us that! Good luck and don't worry!

Hi M.,
I have also written in about my son not sleeping at night. A lot of mothers told me to read "No cry sleep solution" By Dr. Sears. I thought the book was helpful. My son will take 2 1 1/2 hr naps now and wouldn't nap before. He is 9 months. THe bad sleeping started at 4 months. I'm still having trouble at night. He wakes up every hour. I know 3am is usually a big feeding hour. Kind of a break in the middle. I suggest the book. The night time transition takes longer and I'm still working on what I learned in the book. It's worth the read and maybe it will help. People I talk to other than on here just say "Been there, Done THat". Which I find so frustrating. Good Luck. I haven't found the answer either.

Hi! I have a 7 month old and he was ready for his crib before I was. Because I nurse him, we had him in the co-sleeper for 2 months then the rest of the time with us in our bed and it was not until the month before I put him in the crib he could not sleep finally we tried the crib and the first night was hard but from then onward he is sleeping 7 to 12 hours with three naps during the day. He fights his nap time and bed time not that he is on a schedule because I am fortunate to be a stay-at-home mom for now. He just fights sleep for an hour. I have nurse him to sleep, given him some 2 ozs. of goat's milk, 1 oz of water ( I heard that water with chamoille tea works to put them to sleep), rocking, and finally last night I sat on my bouncy ball and did ujai breath from yoga. It makes you sound like an ocean. The above is not what I usually do every night he goes to sleep great but when he is fighting sleep and I know he wants it and needs it those our my suggestions.

i have no advice, but wanted to let you know that my daughter, who will soon be one, wakes up 2 times a night to nurse. lately, she also will not go back to sleep after her second nursing around 2:30 or 3 and wants to play with us. i'm not sure what to do. we have just been staying with her in her room quietly letting her "play" for 20 minutes and then she'll go back down. i really think it's teething.
good luck! i'm off to sleep before she wakes up....

You must be feeling a little stressed out, right? I don't think its a good idea to let a child cry for more than 5 minutes. To me, if they are not sleeping and screaming, I don't think they will fall asleep. I tried these methods too and I was pretty confused! Here is what I did and it worked. Make sure your baby has a relaxing routine. We do bath, blow drying his whole body, and nursing. He does not fall asleep during nursing, I put him in the crib while he is awake. He has a soft teddy bear handpuppet that he needs when I put him in there. It takes the attention away from him feeling needy. Then I turn on his Ocean wonders aquarium and tuck him in. Then I put on his fan and walk away. Very rarely he cries. He usually talks to himself and then sleeps for 11-12 hours. Bedtime is always between 8 and 9. Do not stress and make bedtime as relaxing as possible. Give your baby the love and attention she needs and she will eventually feel secure enough to fall asleep on her own. I am sorry to tell you this, but from my own observations, some kids will wake up at night no matter what you do. But everything will pass. The most important thing is that you don't feel stressed out.

A bottle of camomile tea will help relax the baby.

Yes, kids do want company but it doesn't help her- i was doing what you did until my dr just said- not to wake up to feed her anymore. no water- no milk. (unless you are concerned about her weight). kids need to learn to put themselves back to sleep and she hasn't learned this yet- because of your consoling- which is ok when she was smaller but now it is time to let go. i know it sounds rough but you and baby and daddy will be 100 percent much happier once you do it- i would not go in anymore and let her cry it out. it will be 1-2 long nights and she will be ok after that. good luck
the book- healthy sleep habits, happy baby helped me alot.

Have you tried a white noise machine? Our son was 10 months old before he started sleeping through the night. The white noise machine seemed to help. He is now 19 months old and we just now stopped using it but I think at that time we needed it. He started sleeping right after we got it. I hope this helps. Good luck!

as a mom of 3 who had one who was a "napper" the tough love works...she eventually learned...i will say it did take about 2 weeks for the "cure" but worth the time...these little ones do not have an internal clock to work on so you must train it...good luck NM

M.,

You can teach your child to sleep longer without resorting to crying. Many people believe that it doesn't harm the child, but recent studies have shown that it does stress the child a lot, releasing cortisol, a stress hormone, and effecting the brain and the child's behavior. Also, it is not a permanent solution, a disruption like a cold, teething, or going on vacation, to name a few causes the child to have problems falling and staying asleep.

I would recommend reading The No-Cry Sleep Solution by Elizabeth Pantley. Dr. William Sears also has helpful books on the subject.

Good luck,
R.

M.,
If you can take the crying continue doing what you did. Just keep laying her down do not pick her up and let her cry it out. As long as she is not hungry teaching her to sleep independently is a gift to her, you, and your husband. It is tough to listen to I know but if you do not give in 3 days it should be over and she should sleep through the night. The second night the crying should be cut in half, the third night maybe 10 minutes and night four there should be no crying. You do not have to leave her you can rub her back or pat her but just do not take her out of the crib. She will get the message and realize there is nothing worth waking up for and give up. I did it with both of my kids and it is difficult to listen to however, I do not function well without sleep so I did it out of desperation. Good luck!!

Most babies and children do not sleep through the night. It is one of our society's dirty secrets. I know you are a working mom. Do you still nurse her at all? I shared my bed with both of my children. And both (really all of us, including my husband) of us slept better. My two year old continues to wake up a few times in the night to nurse, but as most mothers who do what I do, waking is not a good term to use for what actually happens.

I recommend checking out mothering magazine online..their most recent issue had some really amazing things on sleep. yes, for my family the 'tough love' that other parents practice is not a model of how we want our relationships with our children to develop.

let's keep talking,
kate

Here's the link to their current issue:

http://www.mothering.com/sections/current_issue/current_i...

Does she take a binky? If not, try it. Both my kids lived for theirs and it helped them go right back to sleep. Also, play soft music in her room. This way when she wakes you can turn on the music to help her settle back down. I don't think you were extreme. And if your hubby does, then maybe he should be the one to tend to her during these night awakenings. Also, I would definitely avoid the night time bottles. She is old enough (her adjusted age is 8 mos) to go through the night. This worked with my daughter to wean her. Every couple nights I offered less and less. So if nothing she got 6 oz then tomorrow it was 5. If she only at 4 of the 5 then I'd move her to 3. Never increase always decrease. Until you give her nothing. But sometimes if you help set the mood for sleep it increases that tendency. That is why the music.