Seeking Advice on Why 16-Month Old Daughter Refuses to Eat

HI,

Snacking is good, they call it grazing. Dr. Sears has a great book about kids nutrition. Her snacking sounds healthy, I wouldn't worry so much and don't force her to eat.

Hi Y.: Leave her be. When my son was 16 months old, he went through a similar phase. He would not eat meet of any kind. All he would eat was peanut putterveggies, fruit and sometimes I could get him to eat an egg. He grew out of it on his own. At every meal, I would put all the food on his plate and let him eat what he wanted. Eventually he went back to eatting everything. The trick is don't make a fuss.
M.

She's normal.
Keep in mind that a child's taste buds are still developing... at this age and even older, they are still tasting things and sometimes it is just overwhelming. Most kids have preferences, and are then seen as picky.

My son is picky. My daughter is not. My daughter "used to" LOVE cherry tomatoes... she would just plop them in her mouth one after another. But now, she does not like them. Fine. No biggie. She has other preferences now. This will happen ALL throughout childhood... so just get used to it.

It does not have to be frustrating or about 'forcing' a child to eat. A child will not eat if forced. It is a losing battle. Eating should be fun and enjoyable. Your daughter IS eating... just not want you want her to at this time. Just remember that it is temporary and a phase. Then other food phases will occur too. So, we just have to learn to ebb and flow with it. She will not starve. Or you can supplement her diet with kids vitamins.

Now, children also have different eating 'styles.' My daughter for example WILL eat all at one sitting at meal time. BUT my son is a 'grazer.' Meaning, he will eat only small amounts all throughout the day. He will simply NOT eat if he is not hungry. He knows his tummy and his hunger cues. THAT is good. We encourage that. It is healthy. I don't consider him a 'snacker' but rather a little boy who knows himself. It's fine. My Mom (grandma) however, will literally nag him to eat if SHE feels he is not eating the amount that SHE feels is enough. It is so irritating and I do not like it. A child should not be 'forced' to eat... they will eat when they are hungry. My Mom however, thinks a child should eat like an adult. But that is not true. My son, even though he is a 'picky' eater and a 'grazer' is very healthy and grows like a weed and is very well developed. So, I don't worry about 'how' he eats... rather, I feed him according to how I know he is. Less stressful that way.

Don't start stressed out eating 'rules' and habits now... or food battles. It will not work. It only causes more problems and stalemates. Not pleasant at all. Just make it fun, offer her things, but if she does not or will not eat it, fine. Move on. Its okay. She will not starve.

In a few months, her food preferences will change again.
As long as she is growing fine and her development is normal and her weight is normal and the Doctor is not concerned, I would not worry about it. Food quirks like this happens ALL the time. Believe me.

My son, can find and pick out the most tiniest food particle in a dish if he does not like it, and he will pick it out, or just reject it. NOTHING can pass his eyes or taste buds. NOTHING can be snuck passed him. Just don't force it, don't fight about it... or it will backfire. Kids change their eating preferences all the time. And, I don't believe in using food as a punishment either. It's just not that big of a deal to do so.

If you start having food battles with her now, and fight about it... then later it will only get worse and she will 'learn' that eating is just not fun, not enjoyable, not healthy, not pleasant, not anything to look forward to and then it will become the bane of activities for BOTH of you, always.

Also, when you feed her, don't fill up the whole plate. Kids, get overwhelmed with a full plate of food that could feed an adult. Just offer her a tablespoon of stuff. That is enough. And just a couple of choices in her plate. My daughter, if I fill up her plate too much or put too many choices on her plate, she won't touch it... and she will literally tell me its too overwhelming. So, I learned my lesson AND I LET her give me feedback on it. No problem.

Anyway well just some thoughts. Didn't mean to ramble. But, really, this is normal. ALL kids do this. But pick your battles.

All the best,
Susan

Pickiness with eating is very normal. I have issues with my daughter, now almost 5, but we've learned to work through it. Below is a response I sent to another mama with what I've been through and how I've handled it. I just don't make eating a big battle so that it's not a negative experience my daughter will remember the rest of her life (my own mother has horrible memories of dinnertime experiences when she was growing up). Good luck!

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My daughter wouldn't eat solid foods at all and at 18 months old I had a feeding evaluation done on her by an occupational therapist. She entered a feeding group for a couple of months, which sounds similar to the feeding class you took your son to. My daughter went into a room with other toddlers and was exposed to different foods, schedules, and sensory items to encourage eating. During that time, parents met with a nutritionist or child psychologist or another OT to help us manage our issues. It worked! What I learned includes the following (things I wished I had known when I had my first child that would've provided a better foundation for healthy eating habits):

- Experts say you can introduce a food to a child as many as 17 times before they will eat it. In OT we practiced this introduction in steps...touch the food, kiss the food, lick the food, bite the food (teeth marks were only required), eat (swallow) the food. We only encouraged one step at a time and celebrated each little accomplishment. For example, if I was introducing green beans for the first time, I would encourage her to just pick it up and if she did that, I would praise her and do nothing more with the green beans.

- Set a schedule. It's recommended that you have breakfast, snack, lunch, snack, dinner, snack. These should be scheduled and consistent each day. You set a timer and give the child that amount of time to eat. I think a 2yo can sit at the table for 10-15 minutes. When the timer goes off, remove the food and there is no other food until the next scheduled time. Even it your child refuses to eat, the expectation is to sit at the table for the designated amount of time. My daughter used to scream and throw food on the floor she didn't want to eat affecting the entire family's meal time. The OT had us move her high chair away from the table, but she was still expected to sit in the chair until she acted appropriately or until the timer went off. My daughter did not like being by herself and learned quickly what the meal time expectations were.

- Be patient. If you get frustrated, bribe, etc., your child has more power than you and will learn to use it. Your child knows and is entering the age to test his boundries and power. Don't stress.

- Check out a book called, "How to Get Your Child to Eat But Not Too Much" by Ellen Satyr. The book was originally recommended by my lactation consultant when I first started identifying the feeding issues with my daughter and was later recommended by my OT.

Good luck! I know this situation is challenging, but part of it is age typical. And, sometimes I think doctors worry too much about weight. I know too many children whose doctors worried about their weight, but God just made them small; nothing is wrong with them at all. Hang in there!

Hi Y.,
This is pretty normal behavior for a 16 month old. Don't let the food thing stress you out. Making food an issue and a fight will only cause eating problems later and your daughter will eat when she's hungry and try new things when she's ready. Your daughter will always win a food battle because she has all the control over what goes in her mouth. It sounds like your daughter eats healthy snacks (my niece would only eat chocolate, my friend's son would only eat McDonald's french fries)so that is good. My mother says, "No one ever got fat eating grapes and bananas!" She is getting her protein from the cheese and yogurt and milk. Keep trying to introduce new things - maybe avocado, cherry tomatoes, etc., things kids like - eventually she will eat something new. Give her a daily vitamin if you are concerned about that.

The other night my son announced that he was not eating dinner no matter which restaurant we were going to. I said, "ok, don't eat." We got to the restaurant and he ordered an appetizer (which he ate along with bread and butter), a dinner (he ate half of his and ate half of mine), then ate deseert. I didn't make a big deal of it so my son didn't and he ate. (My husband would have automatically started a fight and no one would have enjoyed dinner...)

I hope this helps! It sounds like you're doing great.

If I could type this in big bold red letters, I would, A PARENT CAN NEVER WIN FOOD BATTLES! Food intake is one of the few things your child can control. At 16 months she is starting to experiance her own autonomy and desire to have some power in her own life. Give her as many limited choices as you can; such as when getting dressed, ask her if she would like a dress or pants, the green shirt or the blue one; would she like a book read to her or play time; a bath or a shower....the more things she feels she controls in her own day, the less she will struggle to control food. The best thing you can do is NOT make an issue out of it. Put the food on her plate, give her time to eat, clear the table when the family is finished. Beleive me, she will not let herself starve.
Good luck with your angle! L.

My daughter was the same, the Dr's advice to me was not to worry. The fruit will provide the vitamins she needs and the cheese, yogurt, milk and meat provide the protein and fat she needs for growth. Keep away from the high sugar cereals and snacks...I found I could disguise the veges in pasta sauce as long as I put it through the blender.(It made me feel better) She is now a healthy 9 year old who loves salad and still prefers her veges uncooked.

Our daughter was the same way and still is a little bit. She is 21 mos. It is a phase that they go through. Our daughter was the same as your daughter were she loved to eat when she was younger, but now is so picky. We had talked with her doctor and he told us not to force her to eat anything. Our daughter will graze throughout the day. Which is fine because she is getting enough to eat. She is still picky about what she eats but has gotten better about what she eats.

I know it is hard but try not to worry too much. If she is acting normal ie playing, sleeping, etc then she is fine. You really don't want to force her to eat anything because that can make the problem worse. Toddlers want to be able to control theirselves and through food is one way that they can do that. All you can do is try and offer her things she wants to eat and mix in some stuff that she may try.

I found a really helpful article in the Parenting magazine from the current issue. Good luck

She's eating healthy so don't sweat it. However, there are books in the library that show how to make little things out of veggies that may appeal to her.

If you're really concerned, you can disguise veggies in foods like smoothies.

Also, you may want to consider planting some veggies in a garden with her. It may make things like cherry tomatoes, strawberries, green beans, lettuce, etc. more appealing!

I am the mother of 2 one is 10 the other is 14 I was told by my mom and grandma and all my aunts that when kids are growing tall they will not eat much but when they are filling out they can eat the world and it is so true, its a growing stage dont worry she will be fine.Good thing she is a healthy snacker thats a big plus

Susan had some great things to say and I agree with her wholeheartedly.

I would like to also suggest that you put a couple of items on her plate that you know she likes but also add an item that you would like her to try. However, don't force the issue if she doesn't eat it. I've read that it takes a child 10-15 times of consistently seeing an item on their plate before they will try it. Maybe they won't. Come back to it again down the line. My son used to love grapes. Now he won't touch them but I'm sure he will again some day. He'll only eat banana if it's at its peak ripeness otherwise it goes untouched. He suddenly has decided that he likes chicken and steak. He used to love spaghetti but has decided that he doesn't like they way it squishes and now prefers rotini. He's always loved legumes so they are always a hit when I serve them. However, I have to be careful not to always serve the same items from one day to the next because I also realize he gets bored. I try to mix it up and not fall back on the easy stuff like chicken nuggets every night.

You daughter will not starve. Self preservation is in our nature as humans. She will eat when she is hungry.

One last note. My son eats what I serve for dinner. I don't necessarily make him eat what I've cooked my husband and myself but if he doesn't want what I've given him I don't go make him something else. I try to make sure there's at least one item on the plate that I know he will eat but what's on his plate is what I've fixed him for dinner.

Good luck!

Dear Y.,

There is a cookbook out called Deceptively Delicious by Jessica Seinfeld. It shows you how to hide things in food and she would not even know. A friend of mine made the brownies the other day and she added beets to them. No one knew the wiser. It shows you how to puree and shred a lot of vegies so they will never know what is in their food. Try the Mac and Cheese recipe. It is quite tasty. Good Luck
K.

Welcome to "toddlerhood". I am going thru the same thing with my 18 month old as are a few of my friends with their toddlers. It does get very frustrating and I know what you are goign thru. My sons doctor said that it is very common for young children to go thru phases like this, especially if they have recently been ill. I try to reintroduce foods that my son once liked however it usually doesn't work. I have found that when its meal time I give him the things that he is less likely to eat first and then go to something that he does usually eat. All you can do is try to give them something that they will eat and continue to introduce the good foods back to them. I find that I make my son's meal first and then I eat it if he does not so that I don't waste as much food. My sons dinner last night was applesauce and pretzels so I know that you are talking about. Keep trying and eventually their wants will be more of what we want them to eat. Good luck!

I think it's just part of being a toddler...they're trying to exert their independence and test boundaries. They want to see how you react. I have a 15-month old and one day he likes something and the next he hates it. I don't press it. I offer him a well-balanced meal and he eats what he eats. I have noticed that if it is something that I am eating or it is on my plate, then he is all over it. Sometimes I will make extra and be eating it before I set my son down to eat. He'll see me "snacking" on it and want a taste...then I've got him hooked and he'll gobble it up for dinner. I'll also offer him a choice. I'll hold up two things and let him "pick" what he wants to eat. Also, toddlers eat their "best" at breakfast and then it diminishes throughout the day, so dinner becomes the most challenging. A few things that a friend recommended to me that are going over big with my son (all of these I buy at Trader Joe): garden/veggie patty that he dips in organic ketchup or ranch dressing, spanikopita, hummus (use crackers, pita bread, and/or cheese for dipping). I also buy the organic veggies and then saute them in a little bit of butter with a tiny bit of salt and pepper. He loves the veggies best cooked this way. Just keep trying and relax...you're sweet girl will come around. Good luck!

I am living exactly the same!!! I just keep offering what we eat every time, most of the times shw won't even try and she would take it off her plate as fast as she can... other times she may try and then spit it out... very frustrating! But as long as there is food at home she won't starve. Hang in there. Best.

Don't get frustrated. Kids go through stages where they don't want the foods you make them. Sometimes it's just a power struggle and they'll test you.
I always advice to parents, put a protein, veggie and carb on their plate no matter what. If kids are hungry, they will eat. If you continue to give in to them, you'll be trapped in the "she's a picky eater
trap. Weelicious has lots of tips of feeding if you want to check it out. -www.weelicious.com

By 16 months they can eat at regular intervals. With my girls, I would present them with the meal, and they could eat as much or as little as they choose. If they didn't eat what I thought was appropriate, I would not allow any snacks, nothing, but water until the next meal time. Not even fruit juice which can be filling. At the next meal time, I might even present what they had left, if I knew it was edible and they didn't actually dislike the food. If they clamored for food in the break, I would just say "lunch (or whatever) is coming, you will have to wait, because you did not eat your breakfast (or whatever). You want the meal times to be the major intake of food, not snack time.

No use making food eating a big drama. They either eat on their own, or they have to wait. No begging or pleading by a parent! Don't let eating be a power play.

If they ate enough of the "good food", then I would allow snacks during the breaks between meals. If not, they had to wait until they ate properly at regular meals.

Kids will eat when they get hungry enough. You need to be in control of what food is offered, you're the parent!

Most kids this age are starting to state their independence. Offer her 2 choices of what you want her to eat. Maybe use cookie cutters to cut food into fun shapes, then make a game of it. She has a little stomach, so sometimes feeding her multiple little meals will help her get enough calories

Will she eat soups?

Yes, this is normal and yes, it's probably also a phase.

If you want her to eat at meals, it's best to stop giving her snacks. It's also best if you don't make a huge effort to try to get her to eat. Also, try to serve what the rest of the family is eating. Just put the food in front of her, eat yours (I'm assuming you eat meals at the same time; that also helps) and when meal time is over, take her plate away, even if she hasn't touched it. Then, don't give her anything to eat until her next meal. No juice or milk, either; if she's thirsty, she can have water. Pretty soon, she'll figure out that it's in her best interest to eat when the food is in front of her.

Moms are terrified that their children won't be properly nourished, and they're terrified that their children won't be happy (and that it's a sign that they're a bad mom). Even very small children learn to use this parental fear to put themselves in charge. When you give in because of a tantrum, or you spend a lot of time pleading and cajoling, it gives the child a sense of power and lets them know that in order to command all the attention they want, and control any situation, all they have to do is say, "No." That's not really a message you want to send.

Check with her doctor, if you're worried. Normal toddlers will not starve or be malnourished, even if they occasionally eat only a mouthful or two of food per day.

Good luck! You obviously love your daughter, and have healthy foods available! Good for you.

Hello there,

My first daughter did the same thing. She snacked her way through babyhood. I cut down on my frusttration level by feeding her her way except I made sure she snacked on healthy foods only. She is now a very heatlhy 13 years old. Keep varying her snack choices...she will get her nutritional needs. Good Luck!

Ree

Y.,

I raised five children two girls and three boys. It is nothing to worry about, they go through a faze. Each child is different as to when they become a picky eater. If you are really worried consult your doctor they have a special vitamin they give to the children. As long as she is eating and drinking fluids she will be a healthy beautiful angel. Congradulations.

Enjoy her, time fly's by so fast before you know they are all gone and on their own.

Good luck. Take care. Take lots of pictures.

J. Zapatos Magyar

Totally normal....I just read the other day that at this age, kids slow down on their intake. They triple their size in the first yr., so this is nature's way of slowing them down a bit & getting them on a "normal" eating schedule. My dauther is 13 months now, & has started this same thing. She eats : wheat waffle & milk for breakfast, plain yogurt w/mashed banana & wheat germ for snack, string cheese & crackers w/a little peanut butter on top, juice/water for lunch, pasta w/butter & parmesan cheese, milk for dinner, and a 6 oz bottle of warm milk before bedtime...