Another Picky Eater Question - Does It Get Better?

you know what's kind of funny, as i was reading the laundry list of what she'll eat or not eat - i couldn't even tell you from day to day what my son "will" eat. he's always been a great eater, and when he has turned his nose up at something, i have just had a very "ok, then don't eat it" attitude. some days he turns his nose up a things, other days he'll eat them. he is 5 now and has started to show more consistent preferences - he really does not seem to like tomatoes at all, or onions or peppers, no surprise....but i continue to make things, and he will either eat them or not eat them. mostly he eats about everything.

honestly if she is eating lot of fruits and veggies (i would push those as much as possible) i would really serve all the junk you say she will eat as main courses (hot dogs, pizza, etc) LESS- a lot less. offer healthier options and if she eats them, fine, if not, okay. if you are offering healthy things then there's no reason to stress.

and i would talk to her dr about her diet if it is a concern (NOT in her hearing). i'm thinking not liking carbs much (rice, noodles) can't be that big of a deal. get specifics from him on what she needs and make sure she's getting it - and then don't worry about the rest.

I don't know if I'd call my kids picky per say, but they are a lot like you have described as well! ;) My basic rule is this...for breakfast and lunch they get to choose what they want from my approved list of foods (basic, healthy-ish stuff like cereal, oatmeal, yogurt, PBJ, lunchmeat, etc. Mac and cheese and hot dogs is also included but we don't do those every day.) I don't necessarily make them eat the same thing for those meals, I give them whatever since it's not really "cooking" to make two different types of sandwich or whatever. For dinner I make a "real" dinner that has a protein, at least 1-2 veggies or a salad and sometimes a starch. I try to include at least one of those things that I know my kids will eat. Other than that, I do allow them to supplement their dinner with yogurt, applesauce or cheese b/c those things are already made. Our rule is you have to try everything served, but you don't have to eat more than one bite if you don't want.

Most dinners my kids eat enough of what is served to be happy and full. If they ask for a yogurt, applesauce or cheese, I give it to them. This works well for us. They know they will be full, my kids have started eating much more food at dinner than they used to, and I don't have to bargain or battle over what they are or aren't eating.

PS...my kids are 4.5 and 2.5

My four year old is similar to that - has his favorite/willing to eat foods and not too excited to try new things. And like yours, his palate has shrunk considerably in the past year. Seems like foods are dropping from his "acceptable" list every week! I'm always confused as to what he will like and it drives me crazy when he picks out something at the grocery store, or helps me make something for dinner, only to snub his nose at it when it is time to eat. (Anyone need a bag of baby peppers for snacking? He asked for the big one, used to eat them, and instantly admitted he doesn't want to eat them anymore when we got home. Sigh.)

As a result, I do ask him what he wants for breakfast and lunch and he gets one shot to tell me. If he changes his mind after I make it, too bad. Eat it or don't eat it; I'm not making anything else. He knows he won't get anything else until the next scheduled meal/snack time. We don't do all day grazing. Threatening to give his food to the dog seems to motivate him, too!

I do try to keep in tune with when his hungry times are. They are not always the same as normal meal times so if we don't need to be out the door for school or something, I can adjust. Perhaps just strawberries instead of breakfast, but then the mid-morning snack is something more substantial. If dinner is going to be ready later than when I think he'll be hungry for it, I put out some parts early as a snack - like frozen peas, cucumber slices, whatnot.

Knowing when he is hungry is a real bonus to getting him to eat. He just doesn't go for the "normal" times and his window is very small. He doesn't get hungrier if he waits, he just gets over it. I'm the opposite!

For dinner, I make what my husband and I want, and like you, I don't make anything I know he won't like or is too spicy or something. I always serve at least a few items of something he likes/used to like. If he doesn't eat it, he doesn't eat it. He is old enough to make that choice.

However, he always gets a bedtime snack, regardless of whether or not he ate dinner. This is small and includes a fruit and/or veggie and either 3 oz. of milk or water. Nothing large enough to replace dinner but enough to keep him from complaining of being hungry after he gets in bed. His current favorite snack is blueberries, baby carrots, 4 mini-crackers and water. He can eat while we read stories. If he dawdles and doesn't finish before the stories end, he doesn't finish.

I've tried to make food fun (made an adorable face out of some things for lunch last week only to be told, "mommy, I don't like faces," as he immediately got down from the table). He does the shopping with me. He picks things out from the vendors at the farmers market each sunday and samples while we are there. He often helps with the cooking and prep work. He has input on meal ideas. In short, he is involved with our food, except for eating it!

But that's who he is. For now... :)

Ohhhhh... Arghhhhhhh! I hate this! Especially when they just stopped eating something they loved. Take heart, though. I am not too much ahead of you with my first. He will be 6 in sept. He was SOSOOOOO picky. But we turned a corner about 4 months ago when i started hiding starburst at the bottom of "disgusting" things like lasanga or other casseroles or spaghetti. He started eating almost anything i put in front of m. That stopped working for a few weeks, and then suddenly he just started eating pretty normally.

Literally, out of the blue he started eating stuff we never thought he would eat. I thik a lot of it is control but supposedly they instinctually develop a sense of caution about food between 2 and 5 that is there as a result of evolution. And then when they are old enough to understand better what they can and cannot eat, the pickiness supposedly goes away... go figure!

My daughter can be a real pain with food too! She's 12 now, and still is difficult. About 4 years ago I decided not to care, and she could have what we were having, sit and eat nothing, or have something that she could make (and now that she's is 12 she has to clean up after making it).

Pb sandwiches were always an option...if she made it. I would make her plain pasta or meat/chicken if we were having something "fancier". And told her she could choose to have it if she wanted it. It took a little while for her to adjust to the lack of attention and discussion, but she got over it. Of course there were some tantrums over it, but I always responded in a clam voice...you can have what everyone else is having, make a Pb sandwich for yourself, sit here and talk with us nicely, or go to your room...

Like I said, it did take a week or two to adjust, but then it was okay for the most part. I had to adjust to, letting go of the control is hard, but as you said, she won't starve to death, and there are lots of healthy people that only ate one thing for part of their life.

And the upside was that it saved me money when we went out to eat, she could have the free bread or chips, and some of mine if she wanted it. but i didn't order her things I knew she would only have one bite of or wouldn't eat.
Good Luck!!! I know this is a difficult and frustrating thing to deal with!!

Please read this article:
http://abcnews.go.com/Nightline/extremely-picky-eaters-st...

I have a picky eating son. And he was that way since he was a baby from 6 months old. We never punish or force or reward or make him eat like we do. But he eats and he is healthy and is a tall lean boy in the upper percentiles of growth. Always has been. Despite his picky eating. Our Pediatrician, said it is not a problem. He is fine and growing and developing well.
But, he is 5 now... and he NATURALLY, has expanded his palate and what he eats. He KNOWS his body's cues, for hunger or fulness. THAT is what is important. He does not eat for emotional reasons or dysfunctions, nor if he is bored. We NEVER, make him eat his entire plate. We never, withhold food or snacks. He eats when he is hungry or stops when full. That is healthy.
He knows what he likes. We know what he likes or cannot take. ie: spicy foods. No biggie. From whatever I cook daily, there will always be something that he will eat. But I do not cook separately just for him. I just cook the way I cook. And he eats something.
I cook healthy and we have healthy foods in the house, not junk. So whatever he eats, he eats healthy.
Eating has NEVER, been a battle for him or us.
Because we don't make it a battle, nor do we make eating a dysfunctional thing whereby he has to eat to "please" others.

If it helps, no adult, has eaten the SAME exact way, that they did as a baby or Toddler, or older child, or Teen, or college kid. Eating and preferences, changes. It is not static. But, if a child is taught to eat for emotional reasons or pressures and it is punished or rewarded, those eating dysfunctions, can linger into adulthood.

Kids also do NEED to graze throughout the day. ie: having snacks. They get hungry. They expend a lot of energy throughout the day.

I never make my kids overeat at mealtimes or to finish everything on their plates. Nor withhold snacks if they are hungry. They KNOW their bodies. They know, if they are hungry or full.
A "serving size" for a child, is not the same as it is for an adult.

When my daughter or son is going through a growth-spurt... I also KNOW that. Because... they get hungry, literally, even 20 minutes after eating their meal. And they eat and eat and eat. We let them. Because, they never... over eat. Nor eat for emotional reasons. And we have healthy foods. So they can eat.
We never make our kids go to bed hungry.
And they are healthy/lean/tall/and grow like weeds.

We don't treat "eating" as a performance based thing.
Or it being hinged on that.
And most of all, we do not make our son feel like something is "wrong" with him, just because he is a picky eater. Nor do we make it a problem.

Yes, our daughter went through some of this, but because of her daycare, she ate everything at school.. I knew she was capable.

So we NEVER fought about food. She knew I served what we ate, but had veggies on her plate she did like. Or plain meats.. whatever, but there were no substitutions.. and no making a separate meal.

I served her very small portions, of what we ate. IF she ate, it I gave her just a little more, no words.

Our daughter liked her food "plain".. No salad dressings or sauces.. So I did serve her the food separated. With the sauce on the side. She is still not a casserole eater Only likes her own homemade salad dressings.

I think it is a visual thing for her. Looks messy to her.

Anyway, later we did also go through a time when I gave her points for being a "Brave Taster". She was given stars for how many bites of a new food she took. Once she reached an amount.. she got to pick what was for dinner or going out to dinner, wherever she wanted.. .

And then once she started second grade I made a deal with the family/ If you do not want is for dinner, you are allowed non sugar cereal.. No ugly comments or faces.. I mostly did this for myself, because I would be so tired of my own cooking after making the menus, shopping for the food and cooking it, I just could face the food.. So I would eat cereal instead.

Again.. Totally normal.. She needs some control of her environment, but also worried about being a BIG GIRL when she is 5.. it sneaks up on them.

What I definitely recommend doing is offering her new foods alongside foods she already enjoys. You have to introduce a food and the child must try it numerous times before a true preference can be made. I wish my picky eater ate more, but unfortunately he is who he is and there's no force feeding any child. It is said children won't let themselves go hungry but I've seen it happen. Definitely don't make meal time battle time and while to you she seems picky know it could be worse. My kid literally eats only a few fruits, no veggies, chicken nuggets, grilled cheese, peanut butter sandwiches, hot dogs and various snack foods. Give her time, options, patience and know that she may widen her repertoire as she matures or she may not, it's all up to her.

I really wonder if AS insn't correct about this being completely normal for kids. I only really have my 2 boys and my brother's two girls (who I often babysit) to compare, but this sounds like each of them - very accepting of differnt foods early on - suddenly much pickier.

I try very hard not to battle. I try to offer lots of healthy foods and options. My husband and I tend to make too much food for dinner, so our fridge is always full of leftovers. I have no problem heating something up if I know it's something they will eat. PB&J and yogurt are always options, as well.

I would definitely consider the possibility that she really is full after the small amount she eats at dinner and yet still hungry before bed. I would allow her to have a snack. It could be peanut butter and crackers or yogurt or some fruit. Just something to think about.

This sounds quite a bit like my daughter, now 10. She likes food separate, not mixed. Which means no soup or casseroles. She doesn't like potatoes (not even french fries). She will eat pasta. I've been able to find plenty that she will eat, but avoid certain things, or cook the separate ingredients, keep some out for her, then mix them together for me.

If I had more children, her pickiness might be a problem, but since it's just me and her, it's been a small annoyance. She eats a fairly healthy diet, overall, likes fruit and veggies, just has her quirks.

I read the book "Bringing up Bebe" and that author described how French parents introduce new foods to their kids. I thought it presented some very good ideas about how to make trying new things an adventure, not a chore.

I can speak from personal experience.... my own. I was a picky child, and pretty much didn't eat much besides applesauce, berries, occasionally carrots, and PB sandwiches until I was 7 or 8. My mom didn't badger us but did try to get us to eat our veggies. I hated tomatoes, salad, most veggies unless they were in cheese sauce, pizza, most meat, etc.

I gradually expanded my horizons and now enjoy almost any kind of food, as long as it's not super spicy. And I managed to grow to adulthood with unstunted growth, graduate from college and live a normal life. :)

If my son doesn't eat a good dinner (protein, veg/fruit/ + whole grain), if he's still hungry at snack time (which is usually a yogurt, or a couple graham crackers), I tell him before hand (when he gets down from the table) that at snack time, he can have X or Y for snack (to fill in the gaps for what he didn't eat at dinner).

I always find these kinds of questions amusing because it's as if we all have forgotten what it was like to be a kid :)
I think A LOT of us were picky eaters at one point or another. Kids usually like very simple foods, simple colors and tastes and textures.
You can still respect your child's tastes without becoming a short order cook. My kids helped out in the kitchen from a VERY young age, practically from the time they could stand and stir. If they didn't like what I made for dinner they were always welcome to eat leftovers, or make themselves a sandwich, whatever. As long as it was a healthy choice I didn't care. At almost five your daughter is old enough to do this. Make herself a peanut butter sandwich, grab a piece of fruit, pour a glass of milk, put some leftover spaghetti in the microwave, etc.
Food and mealtimes are only a battle if you allow them to be!

My granddaughter has Geographic Tongue. She can eat stuff and have no issues then take a big bite of it and she will start gagging and puking it up. It's so not worth it to fight over food with her. If she doesn't want it she is not going to eat it.

Kids do not eat when they get hungry, they will still go without until they are sick. It is not worth the fight like you said.

She is not eating unhealthy, she is eating but not the full variety you'd like.

I got my grandson to sit down and eat today by telling him if he ate seconds I would make brownies. If he didn't eat seconds I would not make them. He has not sat down and eaten a meal all weekend. He has grazed a bit on bologna and a handful of chips but not much more than that.

I ONLY do child size servings with the kids. So if the box says 1 cup of HB Helper is an adult serving you know that about 1/2 cup is a child serving. So the little bit of food on his plate was a child serving. He has not eaten anything today so I wanted him to eat well for lunch. I offered him eggs, cereal, pancakes, etc....he would not commit to anything for breakfast. He started Depakote a month or two ago and it seems to be effecting his appetite.

As for cooking and planning ahead for meals I usually take into consideration that the kids won't eat different foods unless I can find a creative way to get them to try it. Like the brownies. I still haven't made them but do plan on it later.

I do not fight or argue with the kids over food. I was made to sit down and eat what was made. My mom was not a bad cook, just....., well, she didn't make food I liked. She liked her meat extremely well done and I like mine rare or just done. I do not like my HB meat to be crunchy, I like it cooked slower with a little water in it to keep it from frying in the grease, I don't like bacon you can snap in half, or chicken that has zero juice left in it.

So I had a miserable meal time as a child. I never heard of spaghetti until I was an adult eating out at a pizza place, I did not know what chili was either...so sad.

I think letting her have her choices and offering her bites of other stuff is good. Once she starts school the lunches will be in front of her and she will learn, by watching her peers, to pick food that is offered. If you have the choice do not fix her lunch. Allow her to make the choices at lunch. She will learn, over time, how to select foods she likes and she will see her friends eating new stuff and will decide to try it to fit in with them.