Seeking Advice on When to Have Second Child.

I had my son when I was 33 and it was a long road to convince my husband to go for a second child. He finally gave in (and couldn't be happier), and my kids are 5 1/4 years apart. Not what I ideally envisioned, but it really works out great for us. Once you have siblings with a larger age gap, you'll meet tons of happy families in a similar situation. They don't have to be close in age.
Don't worry, whatever you decide, it will be fine.

I always heard to have them really close together (a year or so) or at least 3 years apart. I had my first at 39 and second at 42 with no age/health problems. It's nice that my son is old enough to be patient when my daughter is trying my patience!

Hi N.,

Well, I think that you hit the nail on the head when you said that it is up to the parents and when it "feels right."
That being said, people that you might want to discuss this with would certainly include your OB--before my two children, I confirmed with my dr that it was safe and made sure that he saw no reason why I should not have children at that time. Also, to check to see if, given any reason that he could tell, we should delay. I would also check to see if there may be any genetic/family issues that you are unaware of which could determine timing for you. I have both family tendencies and my own health issues to consider when timing my children.
Beyond that, I have just known. I get to a point when I can say that I'm not ready now, but I think that I could be in _____ months. As the time approaches, I've known whether to extend or decrease that time period.

Good luck!! Children are the best miracle and biggest blessing in the world!

I just had my second child six weeks ago, and the two kids are 25 months apart, and so far, so good! The two-year-old is adjusting very well so far, and I myself really don't mind having two kids in diapers. I wanted to have kids close in age in the hopes that they'll be friends someday; it worked that way for my sister and me anyway (we're 2.5 years apart.) And in my case, at 39, my Advanced Maternal Age (gotta love that) caused no complications.

Best of luck whatever you decide, and how wonderful that you have extended family right there -- what a blessing!

my brother and i are 22 mos apart, my husband and his 2 brothers are 18 mos apart, and he's the middle and his step brother is 6 mos older than him (so 4 boys with in 3 years of each other). we both loved having siblings close in age. 3 of my cousins all had their kids 4-5 years apart, and are now finding it difficult for family activities/vacations - boy 13, girl 9... they are just into different things.

my kids are 23 mos apart (girl will be 3 in august and boy will be 1 in july).... it's a bit hectic right now, especially now that my son is more mobile and can now "chase" after his sister to get things.

but in the long run i think it will be better that they will be realatively close in age.

from my perspective growing up with a brother, we were close but we were also into different things being different gender.

my husband with all boys, they were each others best friends and always someone around to play catch with... but they also got into alot more trouble together (esp. as teenagers).

My first two are 19 months apart and I am due with my third in December, so the middle one and the baby will be 3 years apart..and the oldest 4 1/2 years apart. I think it totally depends on your presonality. It was and still can be a little crazy with the first two so close but then it gets a lot easier and them being so close they do like to play together, although they are boy and girl so sometimes they don't like to play the same thing. I prefer to have my children close in age rather then 5 or more years apart. I think the closer together the hard it is in the beginning but it always gets easier! I am 5 and 10 years younger then my two sisters and we get along great now but did not always when we were younger! if you feel ready go for it!! Good Luck!

Some of my friends waited until their first child was two before getting pregnant so they'd be in pre-school when the baby came to make it a little easier with childcare and not juggling two at once 5 full days a week.

However, others like having them closer in age. It's really up to you. In some ways I think waiting for your first child to be a bit older is easier but others love having the kids closer in age so they play together! It also depends on how many kids you want in total....

Good luck!

I had my first at 21, and my second at 35, we decided almost immediately we wanted a third but I was insistent that I wanted to enjoy my seconds "babyhood" something I was too young to do when I had my first. For me the biological clock finally won out and we decided at 40 I had my third. I will say that pregnancy at 40 was harder than 35 but the 5 year difference definitely worked for us, not having 2 in diapers and having my son in school gave me time alone with the baby during the day. But again it is what works best for you.

My husband and I decided to have our children very close together. My daughter is 2.5 and my son is 13 months. Our reasoning was that it would just be easier to have everyonebindiapers and such at the same time and also that the kids would be best friends. I am so happy with our choice! The first few months really were tough but they flew by. Also initial sibling rivalry was minimal. By the time he was 6 months old they were already interacting and now they are inseperable! They are just so close and giggle and play together and it just warms my heart to watch them. Of course they have their spats too but what siblings don't? It also has been great having them fairly close developmentaly because they can share the same toys and activities. It is a personal choice that works differently for every family. Very close in age is what we chose and we could not be happier! Good luck making your decision!

My kids are 35 months apart and I had my first at 33, second at 36. We planned it that way and it has worked out very well. At almost 3, my oldest was able to understand that she needed to be patient if I was nursing or trying to get the baby to sleep. They are close enough though that now ages 3 and almost 6, they play well together. They fight too, but that's normal at any spread, I think.

As long as you are healthy and take good care of yourself... 35 is young, you can wait to have your second if you want. I had my first at 38 and I'm 41 and due to have my second in 6 weeks. I feel great! Do what feels right for your family.

My first two children are 26 months apart. Yeah, it was tough in the beginning, but it doesn't take too long to adjust. If you feel ready, then go for it!

I think something to consider is that at 35 risks with pregnancy increase and do so each year after. Sooner is better. As far as siblings go there are pros and cons for having them close together and far apart - either way is great - the most important thing is that they are healthy!

Hi there,

I had my first daughter at 29 and my second at 30. I would highly suggest the sooner the better:) My girls are so close it is unbelievable I am so blessed with the bond that they have. My oldest Sarah is a fainter and my youngest Caroline has always been very protective of my oldest so just to give you a small example on a recent ER visit Caroline was the one who was sick she had a fever now the doctor came in and stated he would need to do blood work etc when he walked out Sarah who is 7 started crying hysterically at the thought of seeing a needle and Caroline who is 6 got off the hospital bed went to Sarah and started petting her hair hugging her and told her "its okay Sarah I will be fine please do not cry Sarah please" to think how terrified Caroline was she has never had blood work and worse yet has actually seen Sarah have it done several times but there she was comforting Sarah. These types of things happen with them all the time and I am just so blessed to see it. Best wishes.

I'm kind of right in the thick of things, so I might have a different perspective in a few years. My daughter is almsot 3 and my son is almost 1 (22.5 months apart). I'm finding it very overwhelming, especially as my son becomes more mobile and my daughter becomes more resentful. I have no idea if its easier with a greater age difference. It does sound like it would have been nice to have the daughter in preschool before the baby came. But this will just be a short time in their lives. We'll have different needs and perspectives in ten years.

I had my first boy at age 31. Then 6 years later I had my second boy and it was great! #1 was old enough to help out a little, plus he was in school all day so I had plenty of time to devote to the baby. I nursed #2 for 12 months but as soon as I stopped I got a major surprise - pregnant with 3rd boy! Now with 2 little ones my life is a chaotic mess. I could only nurse #3 for 6 months because #2 had me running constantly. I have no time to myself, my house is a disaster, and my poor oldest son is practically neglected. So, in my opinion the further apart the better!

I had my first at 28yo then my husband and I wanted to wait till she was out of diapers to have #2. So we waited about 4 years and time went on now she is 8 and very lonely except for her dog sister. I have thyroid and cyst issues so I do not know if #2 is in the cards, I am almost 36. I would suggest if the time is right for your family have them close together. You never know what you might run into down the road. I was 1 1/2 years younger than my brother and of course we had our spats but we also had lots of fun.I read somewhere once that 3 years apart was the ideal. Good luck and God bless.

AS you said it's up to the parents. I am an older mother, I had my son when I was 37 and my daughter 15 months later. I had no complications during my pregancy and was only considered high risk due to my age. My OB actually said that she would rather work with older mothers, or soon to be mothers because "they get it and follow the Dr. advice." I love that my two are close in age, but it is very hectic at times. The hardest part is trying to make the older child feel special when the baby is first born. I was luck to have family close by who would either stay with my daugher for a half hour so I could go out with my son or they would take my son and do special things with him so he still felt special. Good luck D.

Having help close by once the second baby is born was most improtant to me. It allowed me to either give