Seeking Advice on Severe Attachment Issues

sorry can't help. I can't even go to the bath room in peace. I would ask the pedi the best method for this issue. I understand you need a break but just leaving her probaly is not going to work. it is normal at this age but I never heard of having an issue because of low birth weight?

I know exactly what you are going through. My first was 11 weeks premature and was attached to my hip. At about 2, we started daycare and she slowly got better. She had other kids to play with so the transition was easier than with none.
Now my second is slowly on her way off the mommy hip. She is 15 months old and just now going to daddy. Just like you, I have tried sitters with the 2nd, to no avail. The longest she lasted was one hour. I am sure because I am the one who feeds and changes and plays with her all day, I am her security.
I think the best thing you can do for yourself is to try leaving her with daddy, (even with her screaming) for awhile. As long as daddy can occupy her with something she loves, she will eventually forget mommy is gone. Little at a time and then increase. Not only will this be good for you, but a great bonding experience for dad.
I hope this helps. If you ever need to chat, I am here.
As the old saying goes, Been there, Done that.

Hi.
I'm sure this is stressful and one can become impatient during these times and a break sounds more than welcoming. How is her relationship with her sister? Perhaps her older sister can help with some of the activities during the day and she can have her as her rock. Have they gone to babysitters together? I know it's tough. when my baby was about 2 motnhs old I went out to do mommy things and my son stayed with daddy. He toughed it out for a couple hours but was stressed with the constant crying. However, I let him bathe my son and change him when he gets home and spend some fun time. That helps alot. Right now you are her favorite toy, her security in this new world and allowing her to understand that you are there for her even when she cannot see you will be rewarding. Activities that will enable her to explore her self control will help as well. Contact me if you would like more info. Good luck.

I have this problem with my 2nd child. He's 3 and if I leave, he freaks out. I'd talk to the pediatrician and also maybe contact a child psychologist (sp?). Most people don't realize that they specialize in child behavior and aren't just here to medicate our children. Also, maybe get in contact with an experienced nanny. Someone that may have dealt with a family that had parents that went away for long periods of time and children that couldn't cope as easily. Nannies learn how to get kids out of this super attachment stuff. There is a difference between a nanny and a sitter and usually sitters aren't prepared to handle this kind of thing because they aren't called on regularly.

My first child was severly attached to me as well. I kept thinking it was something I was doing or not doing. But I eventually realized it was just her. My husband watched her but only when I truly needed a break. I would come home and she would be crying very hard. When I would leave her at church, they had to come get me because she would have cried so hard she was hyperventalating. I tried everything and nothing worked until she was 3. She started to let go a little. Eventually she was comfortable with dad, babysitters and programs at church. But only a little at a time. We had a relapse at age 4 and it took me six months to get her used to everything all over again. I'm sorry to say I didn't have much in the break area, but I can tell you that she is 11 now, and very independent. Once she started Kindergarten she flourised, and continued to. My daughter was not born small, but never the less she had the same problem. Only know they do grow out of it, and I found that the more consistant I was with who watched her the better: like Dad, the same babysitter, grandparents, etc. I kept around until she was ready for me to leave (didn't always happen), but I was willing to work with her and she eventually found herself to be more comfortable. Prayer was my best help all the way around to keep my sanity. Also, my second child did not have this issue. I thank you for posting the hypersensitive nervous system because I read it to my husband and we both were relieved we weren't crazy. If you ever want any more help, please feel free to e-mail me at ____@____.com

I have a ? to ask. While you were pregant did you suffer any emotional trama or were you in any way under tremendous amount of stress? Did you have a fear while you were pregant? Do you have any phobias if so what may i ask is it? Im not trying to be nosey.If you had any of the above that could be a big factor to what is happening to your child.Just like the food you eat affects the unborn child.Sometimes people don't realize that your emotions affect the baby when your pregant as well.When the doctors can't figure out whats wrong with my child. I take him to get body talk and she will tell me what the problem is.Body talk reqires no needles anything that would hurt.I have also been told what affects me somehow tranfers to my son.Which is true.The umbelical cord might be cut but there is still that connection.

You are right to recognize this is a severe attachment problem and not a normal one.

I say you should go to the pediatrician and speak with them about it - they will have the best advice or where you can go to get it.

Good luck!! 16 months of having baby attached to you like that has to be hard on you.

My oldest son was also born small due to placental issues. He did go through something similar, but it doesn't sound like it was anywhere that extreme. So, while I haven't had this type of major issue, I do know how I dealt with it when it did come up (which happened in stages). First, does she have a blanket or stuffed animal that she likes? I know many parents don't want their child to cary one around (I was one of them), but you should try it (if you haven't already). Get a blanket or stuffed animal, something that you know she would love, something soft and cuddly - wash it in what every you wash laundry with and then sleep with it. If you wear perfume constantly, you may spray a little on it as well. You want it to be your replacement. After you have done all this, introduce it to her. Make it out to be a big deal and how it smells like mommy and that it is there to protect her and keep her happy (just like mommy). Talk to her about when you aren't around how it will help her to think of you and know that you will come back soon.

Now, my son never really got attached to it, but he doesn't have an adictive personality. Just know that if you do introduce it now, in a few years it may be something that has to be dealt with taking it away. However, if you need that break (which I am SOOOO sure that you do) it just might work.

Good luck and let us know how it goes.
Sam