Seeking Advice on My Son Wanting to Sleep with Us.

Hi K.,
Don't forget to give him ways to handle his fears also, as well as the comfort he gets by coming to bed with you or else you may have a 7 year old in bed with you before you know it... :)

I've heard all sorts of ideas and babycenter.org has great posts about this... one was filling an old spray bottle with special "monster repellent" or whatever it is he's afraid of... and taking pains to spray down the room before bedtime (with water of course, or something with color that won't stain carpet or walls).

We all have fears and my little one, 2, was afraid our shadows for a bit... but once you talk them through it and show them what it really is, you can help them so much to deal with those fears. I was terribly afraid of the boogey man at 10 years old... and was an avid reader who thought everything I read could come true, so active imaginations can be good but also lead to lots of phobias. Remember to help your 3-year old to "name" his feelings, to validate them as totally normal and to help to give him ways to sleep in his room, knowing it's "monster proof" or "fear proof." At 3, your son still thinks that you are invincible, so use that to your advantage!

Good luck!
K.

Ask your son what is scaring him (ie. dreams, shadows). Keep an open mind about how he sees the world and explain to him that everything is good, in a way that he'll really understand. You can also stay with him in his room until he falls back to sleep.

You have 2 options and I had to do both. The goal is for your son to wake up in his own bed alone.
1. you or your husband walk your son back and lay down with him until he falls back asleep. No lights, no talk, and he will fall back quick.
2. for awhile I put a mattress at the foot of my bed. He would come in, could not come in my bed but would lay on the mattress and I would carry him back to his bed or discuss in the morning, that this mattress was only for emergencies, if you really had a bad dream it was ok to sleep there. Eventually, you need to not have the mattress there. But dont let him come in bed with you or it becomes a habit hard to break.
Hope this helps,
D.

I wouldn't let him do it, or it'll become a habit. I agree with the suggestion of helping him make the room less scary. After my daughter turned 3, she developed the same kind of problem. She said there were monsters under her bed, so I asked her what would make her feel better. She wanted a shield (maybe she saw that on Backyardigans or something!), so we made one and put it under her bed. It seemed to do the trick. She also has two fairly bright night lights which she helped pick out. If she still wakes up scared, I try to comfort her quickly and leave the room. I do not wait until she falls asleep, because I never have, so it's not a habit I want to start now! I put her music back on, just like at bedtime, and she goes back to bed. I know it's hard to say no, but if you don't do it now it'll be harder later. And I wouldn't stress about why it's happening, from what her doctor told me when she turned 3, it's pretty normal at this age.

I would not have him come into bed with you or it will easily become a habit. (Unless you are OK with it)
Rather stay with him in his room , maybe get a mattress and sleep on the floor for a couple of nights. Then if things are getting better you could tell him you will stay right there with him until he falls asleep. If he wakes take him back to his room and start the process again.

I have a daughter who is going to turn 3 next week and we made the big mistake of letting her sleep with us starting about 8 months old. She started with the separation anxiety at that time and it was the only way to get her to get back to sleep and stay asleep for more then 10 minutes. For the past 10 months (when we had another baby) we have been laying her down in her bed (and we lay with her) to get her to sleep and then when she comes in at night we go back in with her and lay back down. That still isn't ideal but we have about 1-2 nights a week where she manages to stay in there all night by herself. It's a tough habit to break and trust me, I KNOWWWWWW how hard it is to turn them away. All in all, if it doesn't interfere with your marriage and sleep, I dont think it is a terrible thing to let them sleep with you now and then if they are scared, but just know, it's really hard to break if it becomes a habit. GOOD LUCK!!!! :)