Seeking Advice on How to Deal W/ a Former Friend!

You have done the right thing and have set some very healthy boundries. I strongly urge you to take solace in that fact.

The behavior of your former friend is not surprising, most people know what they are doing wrong is wrong when they are doing it and are just in denial and feeling guilty. When some one tells them their behavior is wrong, like you did when you said no, that person is often on the reciving end of all that guilt which comes out as anger.

Tell your daughter that when people are behaving badly we don't play them or hang around them. You are setting the stage for later in life when she is around friends who decide to drink, do drugs, or any other bad behavior you do not approve of. It is import for her to understand that every adult is not always doing the right thing.

This is an opportunity to teach her to walk away away from those people who want her to do things she is uncomfortable with.

As for your friend, she will quickly find out all about the kind of person her new boss is and if she is siding with her then she is also not the kind of person you want to be around. You will make new friends.

This is a blessing in disguies.

I'm so sorry that you're dealing with this! How awful!

If it were me, I'd tell my daughter that this woman is going through a really hard time right now, and it's become clear to me that she needs some space to deal with her divorce. Depending on how old your daughter is and how much she asks after this explanation, I'd consider adding that she wanted me to help her in ways that I didn't feel were good for her, so she's mad at me, but that doesn't mean that we can't be friends in the future, and certainly your daughter can be friends with her daughter; you'll be happy to arrange for them to get together.

I'd also talk to my current good friend about it. I'd just confide that I felt uncomfortable about the situation, and just forthrightly bring up my concern. In some situations it might not be warranted, but in this one, you've already seen it happen more than once. Speak charitably about this woman so you don't seem spiteful, and because, after all, she is going through a hard time and it looks like she was raised in an environment where such behaviors were the norm. With this view on it, I feel bad for her, myself! This will make it easier for you to accept the situation, as well, because you don't have to take it personally; she's just lashing out during a difficult situation that is bringing out the worst in her, and she's in pain.

(With that in mind, make sure that you don't become gossipy, but maybe speak generally about what became the problem between you and your former friend, rather than going into gory details. Your good friend will see that you are being kind instead of seeking an ally against someone you don't like.)

So, again, talk to your friend, tell her that you understand that this former friend doesn't see your responses as in her best interest, you feel sorry that you couldn't resolve the differences between you two, but you don't want that to affect your friendship with this good friend of yours, too. Tell her you don't want to interfere with her choices of who she befriends, either - that you're not asking her to take sides. This is always an uncomfortable point in situations like this.

That's how I'd do it.

Hey T., if you value the friendship with the woman, i would probably either tell her or send her a little note stating that you miss her friendship and support but don't feel right about the things that she was asking of you and let her know that you would love to continue the friendship. If she knows the door is still open but what the bounderies are you've done all you can do from her standpoint. As far as the other lady, if you guys are that close then she will not listen to the lady that's upset with you. People have to remember when in these situations who someone is talking about and weigh what they know to be true about you against what someone else is saying. if you two are as close as you indicate, then your friend will not listen to the negitive or maybe she'll even say "Humm, that's not the T. i know" As far as your daughter, if her daughter is severing the friendship then yours will have to learn that hard lesson that just because you were friend doesn't mean that it will always be that way. Hate for them to have to learn that in preschool but it's still a fact of life. If the other little girl is still friends with your little girl then let them be friends on their own terms in school and in dance..doesn't mean they have to do sleepovers or anything like that. I hope you work thru this and everything comes out on the right side. Take Care, Good Luck. R.

As soon as I found out a friend of mine would be working or closely associated with this other woman, I would simply tell them that the two of you used to be friends and then there was something very uncomfortable that happened and you no longer talk to each other. Tell them you hate the awkwardness but hope it won't interfer with your relationship with them. Don't talk about it after that. Your friends might be able to be friends with both you and her with no problem. If they are strong women and she starts talking trash about you, they will stand up and tell them that ya'll are friends and they really don't want to be in the middle of this matter. As for your daughter, she should understand that you can't be friends with everyone and you and ?? just have some differences that you couldn't work out. Maybe the summer out of school helped and when you see her again, take the high road, be polite, smile, say hello and continue walking. Hope it all works out!!

Unfortunately, there is nothing you can do about how the former friend acts. Just be the bigger person and smile when you see her. I don't really know how to explain to your daughter the situation to where she can understand. However, the current friend who just got a job there should be informed of the situation. Let her know that it is simply a "heads up" and you are not trying to start any problems between her and a co-worker. After that, it's up to her if she listens to this other woman or blows it all off. The former friend is acting childish and it will come back to haunt her later. Don't give it too much of your time. It sounds like you've been through enough already.
Good luck.

J.

No 1 = A true friend would not ask to use a car for such a thing.
No 2 = Your fried who is now going to work for her is not a true friend if she lets some one else influence her thoughts about U

Beware, one who can count enough friends on one hand has true friends!!

God Bless