Seeking Advice on How Do Deal with Sister and Her Husband

If you and your mom have talked to them about it then it probably is time to stop inviting them over. That doesn't have to meant that you don't invite them to anything just find things to invite them to like family friendly restaurants or some other type of public environment where none of you have to clean anything up. That way you control when and where you meet so that you can enjoy each others company without adding the frustration of having to clean up after them.

K.,
How about: Hey "Sis" Mom and I slave over making dinner perfect when we get together as a family, but I really would like to get you involved with us, so I have decided that the next time I have a dinner at my house I would like to devide up the dishes between the three of us and it won't be so much for one to do. I also would like for you to arrive 30 minutes early to help setup your part of the food......oh, and also that will cut down on the dishes that has to be done afterwards (hint, hint)....or "Sis" would you rather hang out with Mom and I in the kitchen for a while after dinner and chat while we clean up all our dishes together and the guys can get some "guy bonding" going."

Maybe she thinks that you want to do it all by yourself? Is she the youngest then maybe she was told that she "is to little to help" when she was young and think that it still stands?
You can of course also just ask her flat out: "How come you.....?", but that she will most likely take offence to, so the: "I wish that you would help preparing dinner, stay after dinner to hang out, help with the dishes after dinner etc.?" will fall in fertile ground and you will have it take root in her head and even if it doesn't click the first time it will eventually click if you persist.
Also I wonder if your sister's husband somehow is uncomfortable and have told your sister that they will "get there right at dinner time and leave soon after dinner is over"? Is he chatty at dinner and participate during the conversations or is he the quiet guy that has to have everyone pulling the thins out of him? That could be an indication.
Good Luck with talking to your sister, since that is the only way I can see it solved, as you are on talking terms. If youweren't on talking terms then you would need to "walk on eggshells".
Sorry about the novel, meant to be short about it.

Don't wait for her to offer to clean up, tell her it is her turn or start just giving her things to do, while going into the kitchen for clean up just simply say "hey can you get these and bring them in for me and clear off the table?", then start by making plans and tell them dinner is at 5:30, when in fact it won't be until 6:30, that way if they show up right when they are suppose to, that still leaves an hour. I used to do this trick to a friend that was NEVER on time, I just tricked her on the time when things were actually happening factoring in the time she actually showed up.

If you wait for someone like that to offer, you will end up disappointed. You have to state what you want, then if she is rude about it, don't invite her and have a long talk with her. Tell her "I need you to bring this..", don't wait for her to ask.
Some people are oblivious to what is needed until it is specifically asked for. You are so sweet to worry about your mom and obviously your sister isn't anything like you.

I remember a time when I was little that me and all the kids in our family weren’t required to help, it was the adults in the kitchen cleaning up and the kids playing out side.

I never became aware of what day it was that I was old enough to be one of those adults, it was just the relationship that was developed and I stuck with it for a very long time, I didn’t think to think cleaning up included me.

One day, as an adult in my 30's, I was watching my mom clean up after a family dinner, and it was on her own birthday, for some reason, a light went off in my head.

I never meant to be selfish or rude, I was just doing the only thing I knew. Nobody ever asked me or gave any indication that I was required to do anything different.

I went in the kitchen and told my mom to sit down and I'll get the dishes. And now I help every time.

Maybe your sister just hasn’t made the connection. And that’s okay, but I think it’s also okay to bring it up to her that her help is appreciated now.

For me, to feel better about family (in any situation, especially ones I can not change, because family can really be a pain sometimes) is to remember this...
Everyone has their good points, and everyone has their bad points.... Let them.

If ~ not helping ~just ends up being who she is, maybe something to help accept the situation is this.. Its easier to wear slippers than to try to carpet the world.

If you love your sis and want to invite her, then enjoy her for what she does have to offer and try not to have any expectations on how she should behave.

It’s okay for your strong points to be here weak points.

But I think it’s at least okay to ask for her help, if she declines, you'll know at least you did your part to involve her and then you can adjust your feelings about the situation. (Either accept it or not accept it and take action ~or not~ either way)

HTH. GL.

Dear K.,
I had the same problem with my sister in law. She would arrive right before the meal- with her husband- and would leave right after, without hepling with the dishes, etc. They did that everytime. It got me annoyed and it just really got on my nerves and I decided to talk to her and tell her how me and my husband felt. Here's part of what I remember saying; "Casey, we are starting to think that you aren't caring when we invite you. Do you like coming? Well, we've noticed that you and Jason come at exactly 6:30 or even a little later- and eat, talk about how YOU guys are doing, and then leave. We love to have your company and all but if you both come in like out-of-town-guests all the time- (which they aren't) - then we are going to stop inviting you. Maybe you can show a little more appreciation or respect. Thanks"
And from then to this day they have been acting so much better about this and everytime they came they looked surprisingly more energetic.
I don't think you should ignore this K., if it bothers you and your mom, don't be afraid to speak up to your sister and her husband- they're family!

Take care,
E. C

I have found that it is really hard for everyone to always get along, and no family is perfect. I think that some things you have to learn to live with some of our family members wanting to do different things than us. I think that you could talk to your sister and invite her to help with the meal or ask her before hand if they would like to stay longer after dinner to play a game or watch a movie. If you give her a reason to stay longer maybe that will help without offending her and her husband. Again i know how hard it can be sometimes for everyone to get along.