My daughter is 9 1/2 month old. She starts to throw tantrum and shows her bad temper already. The reason I'm worried is because my husband has a bad temper. He has anger management issues. He's been better because he realized that was his problem and he's been working on it. My question is what I can do now to train my daughter to be more mellow. Thanks a bunch for your help and your suggestions.
Thanks everyone for the wonderful suggestions. Comparing her temper with my son's temper at her age. He temper is like 1000 times worse. I know this is something genetic. It's even better if it is not. Thank you guys for providing me with the resources which enbling me to be a better parent. Base on your suggestions, there are FIVE things we need to work on:
1. Everybody suggested love and logic. I'm going to try it.
2. I didn't and I won't lable her for anything.
3. Continue working on my relationship and tone MY voice down for whatever occasion. 4. Hope my husband can realize it and improve on his end (don't count on it).
5. Love, Love and Love.
Thanks again for your help.
I recommend Love and Logic for the whole family....great stuff. Look on their website. The Early Childhood package is very good.
Hi V.,
My suggestions are, to implement the parenting with love and logic skills, and also role playing with your daughter, harder to do with a 9 1/2 month old. You can act out the proper response to the situation for her even if she doesn't do it correctly for you for a while. But as soon as she can play act the correct response after the tantrum then the learning becomes more effective. Some of the time you might try basically ignoring the tantrum till it's over and see what your result is with that. After it's over do the role playing and the rest of the time use the parenting with love and logic. Ignoring works on some personalities, but not all. I finally found out about parenting with love and logic when my third was born and if I could've found out with my first I would have jumped for joy.
Many Blessings!!
I read this request yesterday and have been thinking about it since then. So I'll finally respond. I have a very hard time with anyone who says that their 9 month old has a "very bad temper" and wants to train them to be more mellow. First of all, she's 9 months. At this stage she is going to be frustrated b/c she can't really talk and is beginning to want to do or have specific things. Crying or showing her frustration is a normal way for her to respond to not being able to communicate to you. If she is reacting to you taking away something that is dangerous for her to have then you need to give her a toy that is safe for her to have. Just redirect her attention. At this age she has a very short attention span and won't remember what she was upset about in the first place. I would recommend to you that you look into some child development books so that you can see what is "normal" behavior for kids at all ages. I would also recommend "love and Logic". I would also suggest that you not put your daughter into a category of having a "bad temper" this early in her life. I understand your husband's history but it's not fair to your daughter to label her and therefore treat her differently. Good luck.
As long as your husband exhibits his temper around your child, she will feed off of this...Children have strong radars and can sense when things around them are not right. This is your daughters way of expressing to you that something is not right and she needs to be heard. She does not have a "bad temper" so please do not label her as such..Remember she is still just a baby.. She is testing her boundaries in her environment. That does not mean that she gets away with tantrumming but you need to make sure that she is not in any discomfort, hungry, or tired. I would be interested to know if she does this after dad's outburst or when he comes home from work. If he had a bad day, she will and can pick up on it, especially if there is a heated discussion about it at home...
Use patience, patience, patience..This will pass...
I turn to mellow music when my guy starts to throw fits. It seems to be the only thing that calms him down. He loves it!
Different things work for different kids, but try holding and say soothing things, is one, make sure you don't give in to whatever they are having a fit about, scold, give a little swat, sit them in a safe place and walk off, and tell them when they quit screaming you will come back and tell them a story or sing a song or whatever. Sometimes just letting them throw one and ignoring them like you didn't notice helps, and make sure when they act o.k. or quit that you give them some good positive attention, so they will learn no one will react to temper, and they get good feed back when not haveing temper.
We use Love and Logic in our home for our foster kids. You might read one of their books or listen to their tapes,etc... I believe the website is www.loveandlogic.com
I would also try talking to your husband and see if he can work on his temper and deal with his anger better. Maybe counseling or taking an anger management class?
Hope this helps, Good Luck
Be sure she is getting enough sleep. Many times when a infant or toddler acts clingy, fussy or throws tantrums it is becaus they are overtired. At this age she should be taking 2-3 naps a day (3 hours sleep) and sleeping 11-12 hours at night. Bedtime should be around 7pm. Naps should be roughly the same time every day. Even one hour less than the ideal can cause behavior problems. Also dont give sugar/juice as this can make getting them down for nap difficult. Can you say this happening in your house? If not work towards this slowly and consistently.
Also be sure she is getting enough love. Hold her more, dont plop her in the exersaucer. Sing to her and look her in the eye. Turn the cell phone off. Dont leave her to cry for long periods. She is not feeling good inside and is telling you this. Listen to her. You are the parent, help her to feel better.
I don't know how you prefer to discipline, but my daughter was the same way. She gets spankings with a wooden paddle. It works, she knows she won't get away with throwing tantrums without getting a spankin'. So she doesn't do it anymore. Occasionally she tries to get away with it, but she always gets caught.
