My 6 year old daughter came home last Friday and said a little boy showed his private part to her on a dare from another classmate. She was crying because she thought she was in trouble for seeing it. My husband was upset about the whole thing with many questions as to when it happen, and what was the teacher doing when this happen etc. How do I go about explaining to her this situation that happen?
The school needs to know right away. Let them deal with the boy, but they need to know.
I agree that she needs to know that what someone else does is not her fault, that it is not "tattleing" and that private areas are private and that she was right to tell you.
The teacher cannot be everywhere, and this boy knew when to show off, and when to keep it zipped...but they need to deal with him.
M.
well i would call the teacher the first chance you get. but also, kids do this. it's perfectly natural. haven't you heard the phrase, "you show me yours and i'll show you mine?" kids experiment. they are curious about the opposite sex being different. yes this little boy was way out of line and this should be handled, but don't freak out about it and get your daughter even more upset. talk to her about how that's not okay, and she did the right thing by telling you. it doesn't have to be a huge traumatic issue. kids do silly things, and probably this little boy didn't even see the actual ramifications - they don't know about sex and the issues involved. or shouldn't unless he has been abused. just don't overreact, but deal with it. she'll be fine. hubby reacted like a daddy to a little girl will. but if everyone deals with it like grownups you'll get through it. just remember to kids it's not the same huge deal as it is to us.
I'm going to assume it happened on the playground, as much as we would like to believe they can, teachers can't watch every kid every minute especially on the playground. I would mention it to the school, it may not be his first time exposing himself and even if it is his family needs to be able to address the issue with him.
As for your daughter, just tell her that yes private parts are private but sometimes people have different ideas of what is ok, for instance in a locker room you have some people that change right in front of their locker and don't try to hide, others will change in front of their locker but will try to hide under a towel or will only change one piece of clothing at a time and others will go into a private changing room. Tell her what someone else does is NEVER her fault but how she reacts is, she should tell the nearest adult to help ensure her saftey (the next exposure might be from a stranger not a classmate). Tell her that anything that makes her uncomfortable is inappropriate and she should remove herself from the situation and NEVER be ashamed to tell a safe adult about what happened.
good luck
T.,
First, I would praise your daughter's behavior for coming out and telling you! That is something that you need to acknowledge more than once, so she realizes that it is important to tell you and your husband things that happen to her no matter how ugly they may be.
Second, I would go to the school and first speak with the teacher. Depending on the teacher's reaction and action I would go to the principal.
When one of my kids were in kinder, I think it was the middle one (all three of them were with the same teacher, so I can't quite remember which class it was) there were kids talking about their private parts like they were talking about cartoons!!! One of the kids, explained to some friends how his mommy and boyfriend did the 'nasty' in the kitchen table!!!! And told a little girl that he wanted to touch her private's with his!!! THIS WAS IN KINDER!!!! Now remind you, 98% of the class didn't really know what he was talking about, because they had never been exposed to anything like that! The moment the teacher found out, of course by the little girl who came to her telling her what happened, the child's mother was called in to the school and the little kid was almost taken out of the class.
They worked with him and told him how unappropriated that behavior was. It never happened again. The mother was beyond embarrassment and denial!!!
So having said all that, please remember to praise your daughter for not keeping that to herself, and let her know that she is responsible for what she does, not for what others do. Talk to the teacher right away!!!
I would also take my husband with me if I was you.
Blessings
First of all, I would speak to your daughter's teacher about the situation. This was innappropriate behavior on the boys' part. If possible the boys' parents should be informed. It is their job to teach their son what is appropriate and not. The first boy who dared the boy in question should also be involved in this conversation as well. No one should dare another child to expose himself.
As far as your daughter is concerned, this is a tough one because my daughter is only one! I think I would sit her down and explain to her that she did nothing wrong and to reassure her she is not in trouble. I would ask her if she had any questions and only answer her questions based on her age. I wouldn't volunteer any extra information about the differences between boys and girls. And I would just explain to her that our private parts are just that, private and no one should see them except a parent or a doctor. Hope this helps!
well he may feel bad too, especially if he did it on a dare, he might of felt pressured and feel really embarrassed. So I think the teacher definitely needs to know so she can let his parents know etc. I have a son and I would want to know if something like this had happened because I would want to teach him not to follow the crowd asap. I think I would just tell her that she isn't in trouble and that what she saw was his private(whatever you want to call it) and that all boys and girls have them and they are only meant to be seen by themselves, mom and dad for bath time or if there is a problem or a doctor. They are not to be shown to others at school etc. I think I would also tell her to always go to the teacher about something because the teacher is an adult she can trust. After that I would just move on, it doesn't sound like anything else happened, although I would ask if anyone touched her etc. If it was only a peep show, I really believe she will be OK, I understand your husband's reaction, mine would be livid. I wouldn't get between him and the teacher if it were me, I would support him in however he wanted to approach it. Good luck!!
Talk to all who are involved , just like an investigation . start with the school principal , the teacher , the little boy and his parents. just do what seems logical to resolve the problem . if both of you as parents don`t do that which seems right in your hearts then you will never solve the problem as this same little boy may repeat the very same actions again . paschar
Be direct and tell like it is. Kids will be kids. I think is great your daughter came to you. She deserves lots of praise and encouragement for this. So do you and your husband too.
Even at school child can be found sexual experimenting at a young age, not a bad idea to find out schools policies and procedures now. If this happened other things could be going on too.
No one wants your six year old to grow fast.
When I moved to another city the school was so bad in too many ways too mention, the first three grades had to stay inside the school at the breaks and lunch hour. I also had to pick her up from her class, no one bothered to speak out. I did, then I sent my daughter to a better school further away from our home. Good luck and happy parenting. Keep up the good work with your daughter,
First of all I would sit your daughter down and explain to her that she is not in trouble and praise her for being such a good girl for telling you about it. Continue by explaining that private areas are private. She is the only person who can touch her private area. And the only person who can see her private area is mommy or the doctor (in the doctor's office while mommy is there).
Your husband is right to be upset and should contact the school.
You just tell her you need to talk with her and tell her what your daughter told you. You have no choice but to tell her, but you certainly can't blame her for it. A teacher can't be expected to watch kids every second. However, this needs to be brought to her attention so she's able to bring it up to the child's parents.
