Seeking Advice from Moms Who Nurse(d) to Sleep

I just weaned my daughter about 3 weeks ago. She is 13 months now and was waking at least 2 or 3 times per night to nurse. If I did not nurse, she would become very upset.

I do not like the CIO method either, however we let her "fuss" for about 5 minutes and then would go in and rub her back, sing her a song, etc. and then would leave the room for 5 more minutes.

We did this for about 5 nights and now when we lay her down she goes right to sleep. She has not woken up to nurse in over two weeks!!! Yeah!

I nursed my daughter to sleep until we weaned at 19 mo.
I think the most important advice that I give every sleep deprived parent is that you have to learn to go to bed early. I went back to work full time when my baby was 6 mo, so napping when she did was out of the question. I survived night waking and working 40 hour weeks by simply going to bed early, and I mean EARLY mostly by 8 PM. It is a lot easier on your system to get up two or three times a night when you still end up getting at least 7-8 hours of sleep, even though it was interrupted.
We transitioned to one night + one early morning session (about 5 am) by about 8 mo and one night feeding by about 1 year. It has a lot to do with her eating more for dinner and being satisfied longer during the night. I totally dropped the night feeding by just offering her a bottle of water at night at about 14 months - by that time she wasn't really nursing at night any more, just latched on and fell back asleep. She protested for about a week (I never let her cry it out, just held her and offered bottled water or binky and was fine after that. That was also when she started sleeping through the night.

She will be two this week, we have weaned a few months ago and she now goes to bed awake and grabs her sippy (water) by herself if she wakes up thirsty. So from my POV the whole discussion about spoiling your child and making her more dependent is a myth.

During the past two years I have every now and then caved to the pressure (mainly from my husband and his family) to attempt to change our bedtime routine. The main thing I have learned was to trust my instinct, which told me to not let her cry and to nurse her when she needed comfort. I wish I had stood my ground when it came to weaning, but oh well, that is another subject.

I guess what I am trying to tell you is: trust your heart to do the right thing, and don't forget to take care of yourself, meaning go to bed early, even if there is laundry to be washed and dishes to be done...

I nursed my son to sleep, and had a lot of night waking issues like you're experiencing. I never left my son alone to cry, I don't believe in it. I was also working full time at a new job and was completely depleted, exhausted, and strung out. It was very stressful! So I understand what you're going through. At around a year old I couldn't take it anymore. Part of my problem was I couldn't think clearly enough to get a strategy going that I could work with. But, when desperate enough, I was able to. It took a bit to find the right one, but what we did was give him a warmed bottle of expressed milk in the night, and gradually watered it down with a mild chamomile tea. Just a couple of ounces. The wakings had more time between them, as he started taking more calories during the day to make up for what he wasn't getting at night anymore. It took a couple of weeks to get down to one waking, then he slept 8, then 9 hours, and then progressed to 10-11.

At your daughter's age, it's still important that she's getting milk with lots of fat in it, and guess what, that's what your body produces in the greatest quantity between midnight and 6 am, the most milk with the highest fat content. It's biological and you can't help it. If possible, try to go to sleep early so that she can have at least one 2 or 3 am feeding, and then a 6 or 7 am, for a few more months, and do a bottle for her first wake up (which your husband can give her, and let you sleep). Honestly, I was in bed every night between 8:30 and 9. And allow for growth spurts, during which she may need more nursing for, I think, a week or two.
Best wishes!

HI B.,

WE had the same problem and it was around this time that I too had "had enough"! We had to get dad involved and it did involve some crying but not by himself. Crying in the arms of someone who loves you is a lot different that being left to cry and "figure it out on your own" - in my humble opinion.

I started sleeping in the other room and we dropped a feeding every 2 nights. It really worked and while the first few nights were really hard, he did figure it out and slept through the night from that point forward (until now, but we just moved so he's adjusting).

Whatever you decide to do, give it a few days. There is no overnight solution to anything (that I know of).

Best of luck!
T.

Here is what my pediatrician told me...

He said that the first 3 months, you just do what you have to do to get through the day, bond, and worry about bad habits later. After that, he said to start a bedtime routine that included putting the baby to bed while still awake. BUT, he said every time baby wakes at night, you just do what you've got to do to get everyone back to sleep as soon as possible. The middle of the night is NOT the time to worry about trying to teach your baby anything... everyone is too tired! So, put your baby to bed at bedtime awake, but when she wakes in the middle of the night, just nurse her back to sleep. She WILL be able to understand the difference between the mid-night nursings and bedtime. Nap time is also a good time to teach good sleep habits.

I nursed and co-slept with my first baby. She woke up to nurse multiple times a night, and I just had the breast available to her whenever she wanted. We both kinda slept through each nursing. She did not sleep completely through the night until I stopped nursing at a year (or when she was far enough away from me to not smell me while she slept). With my son (he slept in his own room), we cut down night time nursings by cluster feeding during the day. I nursed him every 2-3 hours instead of the 4 hour intervals he needed. This way, he got all the milk he needed during waking hours and slept through the night completely starting at about 6 weeks.

Well you are doing better than I was at this age!
Until 2 weeks ago she was "nursing" about every hour or so at night after we came to bed. We walked in the room and she would wake up. If I did not nurse her she would scream and I mean scream for up to 4 hours before she would give up or I would! We were co-sleeping and the only way she would go back to sleep was when she latched. I work full time and I was tired and starting to resent nursing. This is when I said enough is enough. We had her crib in our room also. We also tried Pantleys, baby whisperer and Dr sears.
Pantleys was a waste of my money as she she did not read the book with me so she did not understand what i was trying to do.
Dr sears is great in theory but I was not able or willing to nurse her or walk her back to sleep all the time. I did this for about 3 months and it never got any better. She did not read this either!
Baby whisperer was helpful in some ways and not in others. They believe in a mixture of crying with mom and dad and self soothing. Their website is wonderful.
I know you do not want CIO options but this did involve some crying. I really tried to not make her cry but the only way she was happy was on the boob...
I picked a night (about 2 weeks out) and I just let myself enjoy the nightime cuddling. Then on that thursday my husband moved her crib into her room. I made sure she played in her room over the past 2 weeks so that she would know where she was.
We have a very consistent bedtime routine, PJ's in living room, quiet play, kisses and hugs good night. Upstaris to her bedroom, turn on her music (so we can still talk!) and nursing while I tell her a story. I nurse her to sleep at this point. I make sure she eats at least 6 minutes on each side, she is a fast eater. I then lay her in her crib asleep and walk out. Now this is where you can amend to the times and volume that you are ok with.
At first when she would wake up we would wait till she was crying and not just a whimper. (We learned that a lot of the time we were getting to her and she almost back asleep!) We would wait about a 1-2 mintues. We would go in, lay her down and shush her while patting her back. we would try everything we could to calm her in her crib. this took about 45 mintues the first time. we would repeat this untill she stayed asleep. You also have to choose how long you are going to make her go without eating. then when you go in you have to stick to it. If you don't your daughter will be smart like mine and know that if she cries loud enough you will feed her.
Every night you wait a little longer until she can put herself to sleep with just whimpering.
After about 2 weeks now we wait 10-15 mintues before we go and help her go back to sleep. This is not full out crying it is a whimper/yell to tell us that she wants to play at 2 am! When she gets to crying I will go in after 5 minutes.
She went from co-sleeping and nursing all night to last night she sleep from 7pm to 6am with only 2 wakings and her being able to go back to sleep on her own. The last 2 weeks has been at 4 am! we are working towards 7pm-7am
I am against full CIO but this modified version of parent/baby soothing has worked wonders and now I am really enjoying our cuddles again.
Good luck and if you have any specific questions please let me know. Sorry for the novel!

Hi B.,

Wow--you have my sympathies. I have been nursing my son for 2 1/2 years now and if it wasn't for cosleeping, I wouldn't have made it. It was well into 1 yo before he dropped the middle-of-night feedings. We've been sleeping through the night for a while--he's older and we can give him a big snack before bed. Recently dropped his wake-up nursings in order to help him stay asleep instead of rising at an unholy hour of 6 a.m.

Reading Dr. Sears Baby Book gave me some interesting ideas for night weaning. It's worth looking into--I can't remember all the ideas, but there were quite a few.

You could have your husband go in and shush her back to sleep when she wakes. Sometime not being "present" will eventually teach a child that milk is not coming and so there's no need to wake for it. He could offer a bottle if she's hungry; a larger late snack with some good fats and proteins might help her feel fuller longer after bedtime.

You could bring her into your bed. I know lots of people have mixed feelings about this. We love it, but it's not for everyone.

It's worth it to remember that it's very common for children to not consistently sleep through the night until age 3. I know it's not what you want to hear, but thinking of where your daughter is at this age (small stomach, breast milk is metabolized faster, etc.) I'd say that your dilemma isn't that unusual.

From everything I've heard, too, bringing your husband on board with this challenge can really help. I hope someone posts just the right idea for your family today...take care!

About two months ago, I drew a line with my little baby (11 months old). I nurse her at bedtime, about 7:30 p.m. and then try not to nurse again before 4 a.m. The only thing that works for us is to send my husband in (instead of me) any time she wakes up before 4 a.m. If it's me, she smells milk and wants milk. My thought is that if she gets him instead, it might not be worth waking up for :^) It was a lot of crying and consoling at first, very tough on my husband, but nowadays if she wakes up, he is usually able to just pop a binky in her mouth and rub her back for a minute (without even having to pick her up). YAY!

This method worked with my son too. I did all the night-time stuff until about 9 months and then started sending in the hubby instead. He is now 3 yrs old and a great sleeper. I weaned him at 15 months.

I think cry it out is totally barbaric. However, we have let each of our kids cry in their crib while we're in the room talking, rubbing, comforting them (suffering with them). It's understandable that my baby would protest being in bed by herself, but it's our expectation that she be there "through the night" (aka until 4 a.m. or so), and I don't think her crying is so bad as long as I know it's just her protesting, not her feeling scared or lonely.

Hi B.,

I'm so sorry that you are at the zombie point. I was there once myself. We have a 2 year old who still wakes twice at night, so I can't offer advice there (we have night-weaned but he still wakes up and I rock him to sleep while he "holds the milk").

The advice I want to give is for co-sleeping. If you want to keep nursing, I strongly advise to co-sleep. I could not have nursed him for so long without it. I could basically sleep through the night and he would just nurse when he wanted. Sometimes I would have to wake just long enough for him to get latched on, but then I'd fall asleep straight away. It was really a life-saver. When I had some time to work on it, I gradually moved him to his crib, starting with putting him down there at bedtime. When he awoke at night we'd bring him back into the bed with us so I could get some sleep. But gradually he got worked back into the crib until 4:30am. For some reason that's his "wake up" time and we have to work really hard to get him back to sleep.

Anyway, that's my two cents. Best of luck to you. I hope your partner can be supportive and relieve your burden some of the time with a bottle or other ways of caregiving.

Hi B.!
This is the ritual I've adopted with my son. It's kind of a training process, and has taken some patience. I try to nurse Cole (8 1/2 months) before he is too tired and will fall asleep while nursing. When I see he's getting tired - yawning, rubbing his eyes - I will hold him and rock him for a few minutes. Then I'll take him into his room, turn on his music, hold him for another minute, then put him in his crib. After I take him in his room, but before I put him in his bed, I talk about 'sleep' and rub my fingers from his forehead down over his eyes (similar to the sign for 'sleep'). I use the word 'sleep' a few times (rather than bed, nap, night time, etc.) with the intention he'll get to know what that word means and even learn the sign for it. When I put him in his bed, I say 'sleep' and rub his face a couple more times always with a smile on my face, then walk out of his room. On good days, he'll put himself to sleep no problem. Sometimes he'll fuss (but not really cry), or talk, or roll around for a little while before he falls asleep. If he does start crying, I'll let him cry for about one minute, then go back in his room and pick him up and hold him until he settles down, then try again. When he does end up crying, he generally will settle down and fall asleep while I'm holding him, then I lay him down. Even then, he may wake up when I put him down and start crying again, and I just repeat the process: wait one minute, etc. Eventually he's exhausted himself and he stays asleep. It can be frustrating, but I think (or hope) that it is a way of 'training' him to fall asleep on his own without letting him C.I.O. Nights are harder than naps for Cole. When he goes to bed for the night, he wants to nurse to sleep. I'm trying to really stick to my guns when it comes to not letting him nurse to sleep. Cole still wakes often at night, and I do always nurse him to sleep. I guess I kind of give in there, but the sooner he goes back to sleep, the sooner I can go back to bed, and he doesn't wake up my hubby and daughter. It's my hope that by getting him to learn to fall asleep for naps, his nights will improve. It's still a work in progress though :-) Hope it helps, good luck! My daughter (almost 3) wasn't a good sleeper until she was a year old. And when I think back on those times now, it seems like so long ago and that first year just flew by! Keeping that in mind gives my patience with my son.
~J.

my daughter was born in Feb...and we are battling the same issue. My son (who turns 4 today) and daughter share a room - last week, my husband slept in my son's bed, and my son slept in our room - so that he could deal with the baby. Like you - 8 months of getting up takes a toll...what we learned is that she absolutely does not need to eat at night. He would give her a pacifier, and she would fall back asleep - now, she gets up once, and we just give her the pacifier and she puts herself back to sleep...hopefully even this will end soon!

My 3 1/2 year old woke every 2 hours or so until after her molars came in. I think after the frst set of molars she started sleeping 4 or 5 hours at a time. That was about 18 months I think. But then it started taking her longer and longer to fall asleep, she just wanted to nurse for ever! So I started asking her to stop nursing and then fall asleep just snuggled up to me. THis was hard for her, and for a while she would only fall asleep laying on top of me, holding onto both my breasts. Then, afte the 2nd set of molars broke through ( i think around 20, 22 months) she immediately started sleeping 8 hours straight. By that age I felt comfortable instituting the "we only nurse when the sun is out" rule, so she would wake up 1 or 2 times, but snuggle back to sleep. After a while, she didn't ask to nurse anymore at night, but of course she still wanted to sleep right next to me. So I'd say by age 2 she was sleeping 11 or 12 hours without really needing me.

My younger one is 15 months and in the throes of molars and all night nursing right now, so I totally feel for you! I think it feels slightly easier this time around now though, because i know that there really is an end in sight, and that I won't be a zombie forever! But, i know how hard it is, some days you just want to cry all day and give up cause you're SO tired! Keep going, and know in your heart that you're doing the right thing. I don't know what to say about the migraines, that sounds horrible, I am sending lots of positive thoughts for you. Hopefully you'll get soe good advice from someone else about that.

Good luck!!!!

We coslept, so ... a little different.

As I weaned kids from the Big Bed to their own bed, I used a transition phase of having a mattress on the floor next to the big bed--so I could essentially roll out of bed (carefully ;) ) without ever fully waking up, and when the baby fell asleep and if I woke up again (eg., when the baby kicked me), I would kinda lump back up into the big bed (again without ever really waking up). This was more like at 12 or 18 months, though--up until then I just slept with them in the crook of my arm, and then I only had to wake up enough to hook them on or (in the case of one firm latch kid ;) ) hook them off. Sleep interruptions--but not intense enough to really wake me up, unless I had some buzzing insomniac stress going on unrelated to the kiddo.

The other thing to consider is to do your research about SIDS and if you feel safe doing it (I did), sleep her on her tummy. They sleep harder and better on their tummy; it's how their bodies are designed to rest. You have to *not* have a chemically-flame-proofed mattress (or a non-permeable cover that blocks those chemicals), for this to be a safe option, from what I've read. The medically official top two risk factors: #1 by far, anyone smoking anywhere near the baby ... #2, being a boy (boys apparently are less sturdy when babies??). Anyhow, sleeping on the tummy means when they startle, their arms meet resistance, which signals "I am on Mommy" and they don't panic and wake up ... unless they are hungry or wet.

Oh, and that: I am a cloth-diaperer, but disposables (and now some of the fleece cloth options) remove the "wake up!!" trigger of a wet-feeling diaper. Dunno what you use, but something to consider ...

Good luck finding sleep soon :).

Congrats on making the commitment to your baby! My 2+ year old is nursing and no longer wakes to nurse at night. She stopped doing it at about 18 months. I don't know when she dropped to one overnight nursing since she was cosleeping and I didn't have to wake for her to nurse. I really recommend giving that another go since that made our life much easier and everyone started getting more sleep once we started cosleeping.

Developmentally, she might be needing the reassurance that you're there for her. If you've started solids, you might also need to look at how much she's eating during the day. There's a great book by Ruth Yaron called Super Baby Foods that has a good guide in it to help give you a good idea. She might be waking because she needs to extra calories as she's learning to crawl and such.

There's also a book on nightweaning that might be helpful. I don't remember who it's by (maybe Dr. Sears?), but I know it's recommended by La Leche League so it's still supportive of breastfeeding.

Hi B.,
I had/have the same issue with my son. He will be 14 months tomorrow. He co-sleeps with us and wakes up quite often to nurse. What I have been doing the last few weeks is nursing him aroudn 1:30 and then if he wakes up again I give him to my husband who puts him back to sleep. If he wakes up again and enough time has passed I will nurse him one more time or I will have my husband take him. This is actually working well, he is starting to sleep longer. But it has taken us quite awhile to get to that point. One thing I did notice is that when I drank anything with caffeine that really messed him up. He would wake up even more times. So now I drink nothing with caffeine, which sometimes makes the days a little hard but I am adapting. I am also going to bed very early, usually around 8 or sometimes earlier and this is helping. I work from home and I have to nurse him to sleep for his naps as well. Wish I was more help, but it is getting better.

my daughter is 2 1/2 years old and i nursed her until she was 2 years old. once she hit 2 years, she decided she could sleep through the night.... before then, i just got up and nursed her. it was the "easiest". perhaps you could try not nursing her for the initial bed time. see how that goes? or naptime? can she get to sleep by herself?

You do not have to use CIO in order to stop night nursing. Start comforting her back to sleep without the breast (Dad my be better for the first couple of nights). When she gets used to not getting the night feedings, then hopefully she will start to wake less often. If my kids woke and were just fussing a little I would wait to go in because usually they went back to sleep in their own.

Hey B.,
First off, wondeful job on making it this long with the waking up 3+ times a night!! You should be very proud of yourself! I have a baby boy that is almost 2 months that I fully breastfed for the first month. We're talkin almost nonstop nursing, he was a starvin boy! (just about doubled his weight by his one month checkup) He would wake several times in the night wanting to nurse, and would usually pass right back out after a couple minutes, he would never fall asleep without being at the breast. Now, I don't do well with lack of sleep at all, and the most he would sleep at one time (day or night) was 2 hours-MAX. So one night I made him a bottle of breastmilk that I had managed to pump (there wasn't ever much left after he was done with me) for the bedtime feeding around 10PM. He slept, waking just once around 2AM, until around 6:45AM. Now I don't know how you feel about bottles, but If you can manage to get a good sized bottle pumped throughout the day just for the bedtime feeding, hopefully she would sleep a little longer and wake up less times in the night so you can get some rest!! I currently have to give my son formula as well as nurse him because I can't really pump enough to make any decent sized bottles. So I try to mostly nurse during the day and at night I give him a bottle. He eats anywhere from 4 to 6 or 7 ounces now, and now he sleeps all through the night for anywhere from 6 to 9 hours!! It's amazing! So if you're open to using a bottle of breastmilk for the bedtime feeding it's worth a try! [A really great bottle for breastfed babies is the Playtex DropIns with a latex nipple, its soft just like mommy's nipple, with a flow close to that of the breast. --my son wouldn't take any other bottle.]
Hopefully this helps you.... I wish you the best of luck!!! :)