Seeking Advice from Moms Who Have Ended Relationships While Still Pregnant.

D.

I was never married to the father of my son but we were together for about 3 years i finally ended it with him when i was about 20 weeks also....its the ahrdest thing i think i had to do but my life is way better with out him...... u must keep your self busy! and talk to who ever feel u can confinde in thast what i did.... i had my ups and downs and to be honest i still do my son is now 8 months but in the long run you must do what is best for u and your children... kids do not nheed to be raised around parents that will be fighting

I WISH I would have ended my relationship while I was pregnant! Instead, I ended it when my son was 10 months old. Anyway, I will say that my life was much harder when I was still in that awful relationship, even with a baby. Once I got out, it got much easier. Hard to believe, but 100% true. I too was working full-time, raising a child, only my loser husband didn't work, so I was supporting 3 people all by myself. Once he was gone, it was one less person to care for. I loved caring for my baby, but I hated caring for my husband!!!

Let's face, when you have a baby, there really is little, if ANY time for youself. One baby takes 24 hours. Two babies take 24 hours.

I don't really know what advice to give you, as far as your feelings of being alone. In my opinion, the only thing worse than being alone is being alone in your relationship (which I was). Do you have any friends that you can bounce your feelings off of? That helped me immensly.

Hang in there, and enjoy your beautiful babes!

D.

my relationship ended when my son was less then 1 year old.. my dad died a month after he was born.. and my whole mood and attitude towards life just went down hill from there.. it was completly my fault.. and i know ppl will say, no it wasnt.. but it really was.. if that wasnt an eye opener for me.. i dont know what was.. i went out and got 2 part time jobs.. and worked 7 days a week to keep my apartment and food on the table.. so i know how u feel.. (almost).. but after 8 months of being apart from him, and him seeing how i changed.. (and he changed too).. and how i could make it without him.. it opened our eyes too.. that we both were being childish and selfish and we then found out that we had to work together on everything!!!.. i got consuling for the grief of losing my dad.. and he grew up.. this may we will have been married 10 years.. and we now have 3 kids...and we never talk about when he left me..
i know my story is probably different from urs.. but there is hope.. and no matter what u think, u will never be alone.. u have a 16 month old, and one on the way that will love u and look up to u as ur there for them.. you'll never be alone!

Have you and your partner tried counseling or going for help? I know you are tired and I've been there. But if you haven't tried other avenues then please do it for the sake of your two children. This is not a judgement call just concern for you and your family. Whatever you end up doing, you have to be ok with it so good luck and know that it is possible to do it cause so many women do it successfully. You just have to be determined beyond belief.

Hi D., I am a 36 year single mom of 1 boy, age 5. I left my husband when I was five months pregnant. He was abusive, so I got out- moving 1,700 miles away, back with my parents. I was sooo depressed for the first month. Then I started feeling better because he wasn't around to make me feel bad or be stressed. My parents were really supportive and helped with my son from day one. We even split the feedings at night. My ex didn't want anything to do with us and THANK GOD. He doesn't pay child support, and has never met his son. It sounds like your relationship might be better and hopefully when you are no longer 'together' you can work out a plan for the best possible way to take care of the kids and yourselves so you'll both be great parents. Find support wherever you can. That's the key. Don't try to do it all alone. Good luck! B.

D.,

I'm so sorry for your situation. You are very brave for taking the steps to end a sour relationship. I'm not going to ask about what you've tried to do to reconcile as I don't think that's the advice you were asking for. I'll be honest, though...

My Mom left my Dad when I was 2 and my sister was 3 months old. That was 32 years ago and my Dad became a dead-beat Dad and left the state. My mom had very little child support throughout our growing up years. Selfishly, it was hard on my sister and I not being able to have/do the things that everyone else did. My mom had to work two jobs to make ends meet and NOW tells us stories about how she had $5 left over and had to figure out how to feed us. BUT, on the bright side...she did it. She worked hard and most importantly, built up a network of support. We lived with my aunt for sometime, my grandma/grandpa and one of my uncles. The loss of your mother to cancer won't make it easy (for the obvious and unobvious reasons). Do you have sisters? A brother? A best friend or some close friends? Talk to them, be honest, be open and ASK FOR HELP. I'm so thankful for the time we spent with my mom's best friend when we were younger. You are going to have to rely on people you know and trust to help you with your kids.

Then, there's the father. He has a responsibility, too. As soon as you can, TALK TO AN ATTORNEY and get something filed with the state that will assure child support payments for your kids and visitation for him. No matter how "friendly" your split is right now, don't think it will always be that way. Trust me on this one...my mom took the "I'll work it out myself" route with her last relationship (14 years together) and it's been a headache ever since.

D., good luck with your life-choice. Although the road may seem hard, I can tell you with 100% certainty that my Mom's hard work, dedication to us and independence made both my sister and I very strong, independent and successful women.

T.

Wow D.! that must be so hard. I would try to find a therapist for yourself during this time and maybe afterwards. I was with a man I truly loved with my first and when I got pregnant, he wanted me to have an abortion and I would not, so he said he would be by my side etc, but was not. I did it all alone till my husband came along when she was 6 wks old, but up till that time, it was very hard emotionally and in every other way. I know you are so sad and it is a hard thing. And I am so sorry about you losing your mom. I lost my dad in 94 to Cancer and it is awful and then on top of that, all this other stuff you have to now deal with. Wow. I will be thinking of you.
S. Bailey CLD
Aurora
www.tendermomentsdoula.com