Seeking Advice for Preparing Family While Away in Hospital

You can always buy the premade dinners that he can just throw in the oven. Costco sales a lot of these if you have a Costco store nearby.

R.,
First off..think of yourself and be strong! My dad was dx'd with Multiple Myeloma about 9 years ago. He stayed strong and determined, he was actually a guinea pig for a lot of the testing and new studies of how to fight multiple myeloma. He had an email support group I found it for him and he talked to so many people, made many many friends, you'll have to google search Multiple Myeloma Chat group. I'm sure there are many now. But he loved to sit for a few hours and exchange emails with people.
Anyway, I'd talk to your family and see what they'd prefer...ask, do you want me to prepare some meals? Do you want to 'fend' for yourself?
Personally...I'd do some of the meals...but not all. This will be a growing experience for both :o)
Maybe sit with your daughter and see what she likes and prepare it with her. Get recipes. Go grocery shopping together. Make a meal list first.
Plus get all the essentials, for the house.
Make a daily chore list for both...it doesn't have to be done everyday (cuz you and I know it won't be done without mom home to force it) but kinda let them know what you try to do everyday to keep the house up...they'll be suprised how much you do!
I would LOVE to keep in touch with you. To see how you progress, how you're feeling, all that jazz. Who is your Dr.?
My dad, didn't get to do the bone marrow, only his brother matched but he along with his family were....well I can't find a 'good' word to say. They were to tied up in their lives to 'give a life' We actually don't speak to his side of the family any longer. Sad, but true.

Keep in touch.
D.

R. I will keep you in my prayers. If you feel up to it make up some meals for them but I am sure that they will be fine that your Fiance will figure it out. You could leave a list of things that you do in a day, along with some recipes for him to cook. Good Luck R.
God Bless
L.

I would suggest making meals and freezing them, so you don't have to worry about what your daughter will be eating while you are away. (especially if your fiance' is not much of a cook.) If any of your friends or family live close to you, ask them to bring over a meal while you are away instead of you making a ton of food. Most people LOVE to help in any way that they can! You might also want to make a "honey do list" for your fiance' and a chore list for you daughter so that they will keep up with the house while you are away. That way you can come home and not have to deal with everything and just focus on taking care of yourself. My best wishes, and I hope this helps!

Well I am a big planner, so I myself would make meals and freeze them, or go to Costco and stock up on premade meals to freeze. I wouldn't make all the meals, but maybe make a list of things that he could make too. That way he doesn't have to really think about what to do. I don't know if you belong to a church or have a good network of friends, but you might request or ask the members/friends/family to rotate nights and bring dinner over for them while you are away. I know when I had my baby, I was out of commission for a while and we had family and friends set up a calendar and choose which nights they would help bring/make dinner. Each person also made an extra dinner for us to stick in our freezer, it was so helpful.
Best of luck and many blessings on your procedure! S.

Some ideas. If you feel well enough to do the frozen meals plan at least 3 for maybe ea. week. Is it poss to allow a couple of times to order out? Are you with a church. If you are ask your womens group for help while you are away. For your 12 yr old daughter write her some letters for while you are away. Talk to recording advice so she can hear your voice. Especially before bed. Get a picture you both cherish of eachother and give it to her to carry while you are away.

House hold tips. Give ea. member one towel. helps with laundry. One set of sheets. Ask your daughter to help with those kind of chores. Buy disposable plates, spoons,forks etc.. I wish you luck and I will have you in my prayers.. Good Luck
J.

Dear R.,

Three years ago I was diagnosed with breast cancer and had surgery three times. I have three kids and a husband who tries really hard but is not a cook and is not always aware of the little household things!

Though I did not have to stay away from home as long as you did, there was still quite a long recovery period. I have several thoughts to share--if you feel up to it, make up a few meals that freeze well and write up the instructions for heating,thawing, etc. beforehand. But don't feel guilty if you don't feel like doing this!! Buy some ready made foods, too--pizzas, frozen dinners. There's a lot of choices these days and eating ready made for a while won't hurt them!

Regarding the household chores--since your daughter is a young lady, are there things she can help you with a bit more? Maybe ask her to do a little bit extra around the house and you reward her in some way--a little extra allowance or something special to do when you are feeling better?

It sounds like your fiance is willing to help but maybe just doesn't know what to do? Maybe draw up a short list of the few "absolutely need to do" things so he is aware of them and can ask you questions before you leave. I find with my husband, half the battle is simply making him aware of what needs to be done.

The main thing is YOU. You are going in for serious treatment and you need to think about yourself. Talk to your fiance and daughter about your concerns. Maybe they already have some suggestions.

Take care, R.. I'll be thinking of you.

J.

Hi R.!
I know how you feel, kinda. I have a 2 year old, and for the past year, I've had 4 surgeries which left me pretty much laid up either in the hospital or at home. My husband was never good at all around the house, never had to pick up after himself or really cook meals, let alone take care of someone else. He ended up learning how to do alot of things QUICK! Laundry, dishes, meals, change diapers...you know, normal stuff!

His mother came for part of the times and was a big help, I don't know if that's possible for you to get someone to come help the family, or even if people offer to come cook meals or clean your house, always accept the offers, they are awesome! Freezer meals are always good, but I think he would most likely learn to fend for himself, and a 12 year old can do alot of help around the house too...as far as picking up and even giving your soon to be husband food options for dinner/lunch.

The biggest thing I've learned is that you just have to let some things go, things aren't going to go like they would if you were home and healthy and that's ok...you'll get back there soon! The house might be a little more messy, the meals might not be up to standard, but they will be ok, and probably alot of the time, they will be visiting you in the hospital!

Good luck with the surgery...hope it all goes well and you have a quick recovery. Please let us know how you're doing.

R.

Wow!! you have a lot on your plate right now. I would try to make it as easy as possible on your husband and daughter. They are going to be so worried about you, and you them.... I would make like a note book that has all of the things you do. Cooking recepies, laundry instructions, dr. info, bill paying, anything you do. Also, try to involve your daughter, there is a lot a 12yr old can do. Then while you are at the hospital you can try to focus on your recovery. Good luck with your transplant, you are in my prayers. Stay strong.

As someone who spends a lot of time in hospital (chronic pancreatitis) I have learned that the more I worried about what was or was not being done at home, the more I stressed and didn't recover as soon as I could have if I would just let things resolve themselves. Your husband is a grown up and he can certainly feed your daughter. Anyway, your daughter is at an age where she can make simple things, or at least not starve to death. Things at home will be fine! I promise you that! You're first and foremost priority is yourself and your illness. When you are in a peaceful environment, you will do much better. You need to concentrate on your recovery and all that you need to do to be well. Looking at the Big picture, the home stuff really isn't that important when you think about it. Good luck R., our prayers and thoughts will certainly be with you!

Hi R.,
I would suggest premade meals by My girlfriend's kitchen. I did their meals while I was sick. That could give you sence of taking care of your family but it would not overload you with cooking. You must feel very tired because of the myeloma so I would keep cooking ahead to minimun. You can go to web site mygirlfriendskitchen.com for menus and locations (5 in Utah). You go there and either fix dinners yourself (or you can have a friend help)or have it preassembled (for little extra). You buy 12 Entrees each serving 4-6 people for about $200. Each dinner can be divided by them so it serves 2-3 people (you would end up with 24 meals - that is what we did). It comes to about 8$ for serving for 2-3 people. All meals were pretty good, EXTREMELY easy to finish (so 12 year old could do it), and healthy. It was much more tasty in comparison to the supermarket frozen meals.
Good luck and fast recovery after the bone marrow transplant!
Z.

Everybody here has great advice - just make sure you don't overdo it and don't STRESS! Please do not feel like you have to make them enough food for eight weeks or something. He is perfectly capable of going to the store and getting a frozen dinner to cook or salad fixins or whatever. Men may not be the *best* around the house but he will manage.

Can you afford to get a housekeeper in every couple weeks while you are gone? If you do, just make sure to tell your hubbbie not to have dirty dishes or anything gross for her to deal with - she will do all the vacuuming, dusting, straightening, etc, that men don't pay attention to. That would at least keep your house somewhat up to par until you get back (or until you feel better).

If you can't afford it maybe your husband could trade favors with some of your friends (for example, he could mow one of your friends' lawns and she could come clean your house??) I don't know - just brainstorming here. The church group is also a good idea if you are a member of one.

Good luck - sending positive energy your way, R.!

Be honest with her plenty of time before you go in.explain to her why you are going, what they are going to do to you, and what will happen to you. let her know the dangers of this surgery if any. do it right away I am sure she will have a lot of questions. about 2 years ago i was asking my girls if they would be mad at me if i were to die and knowing about it before i died would they be mad at me if they found out that i knew i was dying and didn't tell them. my daughter said yes she would be mad then she asked if i was dying. i told her no, i was only asking because a friend of mine has incureable cancer and she won't tell her kids. I think kids should know so they can be prepared and deal with it before it happens so they aren't so scared. as for preparing meals I think that would be a lot to do for that many days. if your husband doesn't know how to cook, you can prepare a list of meal for everyday with the ingredients how much and how to cook it. I would do some simple but healthy meals. nothing like enchildas. I think if i person doesn't know how to cook that would be a hard one to do.there are a lot of simple and easy meals. If he knows how to cook then you shouldn't be worried about it. stress is not good especially when you are in the hospital.

Hi R.,
Yes I would prepare a few microwave dishes for them to just insert in the microwave and be eaten in minutes if and when they are ready, at least there's something there for them ready to serve. my hubby isn't great around the home as well, so I take care of the food and other things he doesn't do. and it can be tiring. so that would be of help to them and you, and have drinks available as well, I always have on hand the kool aid jammers or green tea that comes in the 2 gallon bottle. they like to drink tea instead of kool aid or soda, I also buy gatorade. anything easy like that is helpful.
wish you the best of luck
Dee

I have helped a close friend deal with this same type of situation. She needed to take a child across the country for medical treatment and leave her husband in charge of her other three young children. What helped her was to know that things were pre planned. We scheduled a lose routine for her husband to follow. This helped him focus on keeping things as normal as possible for the children at home. We pre-made a large selection of meals and froze them and purchased a large amount of the complete meals in a box. There is now a large selection and variety of meals that come with everything all you have to do is mix and bake. Hard for the worst cook to mess up. We also took A group of pictures of herself( 1 for each night she would be gone) and each night would bring it out for the children to look at when she called to say goodnight. this helped the family feel connected. The main thing you need to do is decide what will make it easiest for you to focus on you while you are in treatment. If PLanning as much of their time before you leave (Meals, appointments and activities) makes you feel more incontrol then thats what you should do. If you think that they can handle it but want to feel you provided for them then that is good too. Just be sure you can make things as easy on you as you can. The last thing you need is to feel constantly worried about wether you made enough meals to last while your gone. Do what you need to do to give yourself as much peace of mind as you can Good Luck and I will say a little prayer for your recovery.

there is really not much you can do to prepare for such thing yes make some meals that you can pop in the oven but 4 to 8 weeks is sometime to be away life kind takes its course Im sure your family will do well the important thing is that you take care of yourself so that you can be well I know being a mommy that kinda thing is very hard we never seem to take care of ourselves until its the last hing an our list and our family always comes first but the truth be told if we dont take care of ourselves first our family will suffer so please just get well and let life takes its course as for your daughter go over everything that may take place in the hospital so she wont be so scared for you thsts harder then you not being there is the worry of you being gone in the first place
you will be in my prayers hope all is well get better soon

I hope you have some family and some close friends around you supporting you. If it were me, I would start with making some meals and freezing them, a lot of them! That would make one part of the day much easier. You can also make a schedule on poster board or something like that with all of the tasks that you do to keep your home running smoothly. Have a day to do it and maybe some notes on how to get it done properly. That way when that task needs to be done, your family can see it, plan for it, and accomplish it on time. You might also want to go through your home and sort of "spring clean." You know, clear away stuff that is in the way, causing clutter, etc. If everything has a place to be, then when you are not there to do it, your family will know what to do with it.

I wish you the very best in your surgery and the recovery. You are a strong woman and you will get through this. Good luck!

wow-I had Hodgkin's lymphoma pretty recently and I feel for you! Freeze what u can, but I wouldn't worry too much about him cuz you also need to take care of you.Also maybe get some easy to prepare stuff like stir-fry or something-let life take its course, cuz I think he can handle it.

Hello R.,
I am a mother with 4 children most of witch are much younger then your daughter I do have an 11 yr old daughter who is a great help to her dad and brothers when I have been in the hospital. I found that if I made up at least a few meals and froze them that it did help my room mate with preparing the meals for my children while I was away. He has never been really great with doing things around the house so haveing a few meals set out in the frezore for him seemed to be great that way he knew that he had somthing to fall back on if he just could not figer it out. As far as the rest of the house went my daughter who is very much older then she is did a little laundry and did her best to keep the house picked up. I think that you will find that if you just don't stress about it to much and just let life take it course that things will go just fine while you are away. They always tend to suprize me when I have had to be away for a while.
Well I hope that some of this might help you. I will keep you in my prayers and heart that all will go well for you.
God Bless, J.

R.,
I am so sorry to hear about your health problems. I think you should just take it easy, if your personality will allow you to. Mine wouldn't! :) But if you are going to be upset with your man if he orders pizza every night, then you might want to stock up the freezer. If not, then just focus all your energy on your recovery. God Bless!

R.,

I have been hospitalized for 5 weeks while I trying not to go into premature labor. I deep cleaned the house before leaving, pre-cooked and froze meals. Although at the time I had no other children so I did not have to worry about them. But now I have four and if I were to go into a hospital I would do the same but I would inform the school, ask family and friends to see if they can help out with the care of the child(ren, and housework, and have a talk to your 12 year old to make sure she understands you will be away for a few weeks and you need her help.

I hope I helped a little bit. And good luck. I will pray for you.

K. S.

I completely understand everything that you are going through at this very moment. I just had cancer treatment in April and I had no I idea how any of my children or my fiance' was going to deal with it. We didn't really tell them why I had to go to the hospital they just knew that I was sick. I think the most important thing to remember is this they want to be around you to help you and love you try your best not to push them away. This is hard because you are going to feel sick and down and out but remember you have alot to fight for

Hi Robyn, I am so sorry to hear about your situation. I would suggest making some dinner entree's and freezing them, that way you would be able to focus more on yourself while in california, and not have the added stress, and have one less thing to worry about. Without going into detail, I along with my 3 siblings were raised by our father from a very young age, he took on the responsibility, although there were other options, we all learned how to cook very well because he was forced to learn, your daughter is 12 and she will be able to pitch in. Explain to her how to do laundry and such. He loves you and realizes how much you need his help. My children have a stepfather that had no children of his own, I left town for a few weeks and they did just fine. Please don't worry so much even if the house is a disaster when you get back. It really doesn't matter it can all be taken care of at a later time. If possible though have a close friend or family member check on your daughter to see how she feels and that she is ok. Take Care and Focus on you. C.