Seeking Advice!

Updated on May 10, 2007
P.V. asks from Coatesville, PA
9 answers

Hello Everyone!!

I don't know if this is much of a request, or it's just me venting, but maybe someone can help me...I have been happily separated for about two and a half years. The first thing I did was go to Domestic Relations, to make sure my kids were taken care of. I was working as a school bus driver at the time, but about a year later I couldn't handle the schedule anymore with my three kids. I did get unemployment for a while, so I was doing ok with my income and the child support. My ex decided that responsibility and he, don't mix very well, so he ended up losing his job. He started serving in a restaurant and now his favorite thing to say is I didn't make any money yesterday, but his bills are all caught up, he goes out and drinks (more than anyone else could drink in one night!) and he has absolutely no worries, because he never visits the kids and takes them with him (which I'm ok with, because I don't trust him with the kids anyway!!). This means I'm a full time mom (which I love!), I work a business from my home and I have a part time job that I also do from home, because I can't afford day care. My child support has gone to $153 every two weeks, for three kids!!! I've tried to contact Domestic Relations and they will not return my calls. I'm behind on a lot of my bills and I don't know how to make him realize that this is not a favor to me, this is his responsibility as the "father" of my kids. He refuses to get a "real" job because he says he will not be able to live on what he has left over, yet I'm supposed to be ok with $153 every two weeks!!!

Does anyone have any advice for me, what I can do to make sure my children are taken care of? I've gone throught Chester Co Assistance and I've done what I could through them. Not the best help in the world, but it's something.

I guess I'm at my wit's end...I don't know where else to turn to for help, so any suggestions are welcome.

Thanks for letting me vent!

P.

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So What Happened?

I had a contempt hearing on the 12th of June against my ex. He was found guilty and put on probation for a year. If he misses a full payment during those 12 months he will be thrown in jail for a while (I don't think he thought I would do this!!). We will see if he keeps his end of the deal, if he doesn't, I won't feel sorry for him. Thanks again for all your advice, you are all awesome!!
Take great care!!
P.

Featured Answers

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K.S.

answers from Philadelphia on

It is a sad realistic way of life for the children and for men who are fathers and are not there for their children they are truely missing out on a once in a lifetime ride. SOME men just do not grow up until it could be to late, but if you have family that is all you realy need. You will make it. It is rough but you have 3 angels who need just you. The system goes by his wages so if he is not making the money he is not able to give the girls the money to live. That stinks
Kim in Ridley

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C.S.

answers from Philadelphia on

I may be the lone voice here but your ex may never step up to the plate and there are alot of men (and women) out there who will play the system and you wont get what you need from him. So you may need to look at your situation again...I know you want to be home with the kids, but you may have to look into getting assistance for day care and going out of the home to work. Maybe if he sees your changing your ways he will step up again and then you can go back after him.

Keep on going after him because he should take care of his children but you may need to look at other options too, don't let his stupidity bring you and your children down.

Good luck.

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C.C.

answers from Philadelphia on

call your case worker and tell them you want his check garnished...they will also go and freeze his bank account if he is not up to date if they won't return your calls then go there and if he isn't making enough money they will order him to get a better job. and in nj they will make him provide health insurance or pay part of your premium and copays...

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T.D.

answers from Pittsburgh on

Hi P.. Well I can certainly relate to your story, as I have one of my own just like it. Unfortunately Domestic Relations can only do so much.(And that's not much!) They can only decide how much he will pay based on the paperwork he provides. And after that, they can only enforce it by jailing him eventually if he doesn't pay. That makes no sense, but that's our system. I just wanted to tell you that whatever you need will come to you. Somehow, it always works out. My child's father is not in the picture at all, and it's best that way. I am raising him without child support and it's totally worth it to me not to have to deal with him. Some men will always be more interested in themselves than anything else, and will never grow up until it's too late. Someday he will realize that he missed out on the best part of his life, his children, and it will be too late for him to make it up. Your children will know that it was you who provided for them , and loved them through it all. Good Luck and God Bless.

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M.M.

answers from York on

i have personally gone through this but on the other end. my husbands ex-wife committed welfare fraud by lying to them that she didn't receive support, when in fact she did. needless to say, ca tried to say that we were $60,000 in arrears. it has been a learning experience and i have learned alot about the system. 1st, contact the director of domestic relations and ask for an appt. make sure you have all your bills and income, include any insurance you pay for the children. from what i understand what your husband is capable of earning is what he should be paying. if you are paying for insurance for the kids you will get the credit for that. whatever you do, just keep records of everything. whether he sees his kids or not does not play into child support. also, harass domestics til you get satification. good luck, if you need any other help, please feel to contact to me.

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J.L.

answers from Pittsburgh on

so let me get this straight, domestic relations ordered him to pay $308.- a month for 3 kids or is this an arrangement the 2 of you came up with. where I live if you file for child support through domestic relations they figure the support by
minnum wage which is now $7, hr x 40 hrs a week = $280.
$280 xs 4 weeks a month = $1,120 - 25% for each child, and that would be your support.

now not to say that domestic realtions relations is the best, they just screw around I had to move because i depended on my support, and never got it. they are suposed to take drivers linceses, seize wages, seize income tax returns, tax money right out bank accounts, and arrest the person who dosent pay, they always say that they are going to issue a warrent for the non paying parent but then they say that they cant find them, I told my case worker to give me the warrent and i would take it to his house. there is a organazation called support kids, but the non paying parent parent has to owe at least $2,000 in back support before they take your case,

dont let this die, this money is for your kids, and if that fool has money to spend on booze then he has money to spend on his children, i just sent a letter to berry stout my repasentative telling him what a joke our domestic relations office is, and all the trouble we go through, and how the cambria county domestic relations sent us a letter saying that his income tax return would be seized but his wife, who is a dr, can file injured spouse, and hold up my child support and even reduce it for up to six months, even though he has not paid any child support in over a year, and then he only paid 3 payments in 2 years, what a bunch of S#%*!!!!!!

and heres another thing when my daughter turned 18 and graduated school, domestic relations sent her a letter withen 2 weeks of graduation asking her if she intended to seek higher education and she marked at that time she was not, So they DROPPED the current support. so DADDY who haddent talked to this girl in 18 years called her wanted to met her, bought her a cell phone, paid the bill every month, until i would not sign off on the arrears, then he would not call her anymore, and even dropped her from his friend list on myspace. and each month that he dosent pay what he owes on his back support $100. just keeps getting added on every month, so you see, its a never ending circle, i was considering getting a legal adie attorney and getting a settlement amount, since my daughter is 19 now, but children are so young, i would never quit fighting, did his employer turn his name name in to state collections and desbesmnts like he is supposed to? employers only have 30 days to do so or they get fined something like$5000.

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C.V.

answers from Pittsburgh on

Hi P....I cant imagine how tough things are for you right now. Did you check into your local "food bank" to take a bit of stress off your food bill. I know my daughter's father is paying a HUGE amount of child support to his first 2 kids and there is VERY LITTLE left for us...the "second family" to live on so it must be the area in which you live AND of course no cooperation on the ex's part. It sounds like you made the right decision for what my opinion is worth. Where there is a will there IS a way...!! I dont know how young your children are but WIC is also another option until they are 5yo! Best of luck to you...keep up posted on how you are doing...we DO care out here!! <hugs>

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L.S.

answers from Pittsburgh on

i don't know if this helps or not, but my ex was forced to get a second job to cover his child support. we both live in butler county and i have had no problems with them at all. it takes one phone call and they either raise his child support and make sure it gets paid. he also quit his job numerous times over the seven yrs we were seperated/divorced. now is the time for a review and he says he can't afford any more than what he pays. however he does see our daughter every weekend. i just found out he has been taking our teenage daughter to the bars in our town. he doesn't live in the same town as i do, but my boyfriend and other friends and even my daughter tells me she has been in there.

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T.Y.

answers from Philadelphia on

Hi there,

I have some advice for you. Call the restaurant where he works and talk to them (or let him know that you are going to). I can tell you from experience that he has to take out his own taxes most likely and he can claim whatever he wants as far as income. But you can make things difficult for him by calling the IRS or the restaurant. I don't recommend making things difficult for him but letting him know that you can may help. If he loses his job it doesn't help you any.

I would suggest talking to a lawyer. There are ways of getting assistance without paying an arm and a leg. I know a lawyer that charges a set fee for everything, he's extremely honest and a real nice guy. He pretty much doesn't like other lawyers (he's great). His name is Larry Lefkowitz (sp?) and he has a website http://www.larrythelawyer.com/biography.html. He doesn't charge for the initial consult and he maybe can refer you to someone closer to you. Believe me your husband is making more than he's saying and his restaurant doesn't want trouble with the IRS so you do have a leg to stand on. The lawyer can help show you how to go about it. Good luck.

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