Seeking Advice - Rio Linda,CA

No matter what, never leave him with any child, any age, any gender.

My mom thought I was too young for him to mess with. She was wrong.

L.,
I am so sorry, but please do not try this without professional help. You really need to speak with a therapist. As Patty wrote, there are so many layers and as they start peeling back, you will find yourself more confused.
Take care,
C.

my advice is, don't. esp. if you have or will have children. forgive him in your heart, and do not look back. i am afraid to think of the hold he may have on you.

I believe in not holding grudges and having extended family relationship BUT I would stay away from him no matter what he said. He lured a child into a sexual relatioship. His own child! He might think he means well but he might not be able to help himself. Are you a parent are your children small. Don't start the cycle up again.
If your looking for a father figure see if there is some type of mentoring program.

What about your mom? Do you have a relationship with her. Are they still together. I could not have a relatioship with her if she will still in a relatioship with him.

you dont say your age not that it matters but if you are too young it would be easy for him to try to lure you again. why do you want to start again. has he recieved counseling??? if not I would stay away. if you have children keep your children away unless they are supervised by you while with him. keep him in a public place and do not do one on one for a while. if anything feels wrong drop him like a hot potatoe. you are a bigger person than me I would never be able to trust him again. be leary and be careful.+

Hello Lottie, I am going to answer this in a way from my personal experiances with my own father with the hopes that it will help you in some way. You are specail and your a sweet spirit and was once innocent and this person defiled and demeaned you by his being a bully ,a pediphile and the worst possible kind of parent.
I am assuming by starting fresh you are trying to build somekind of relationship. I spent years with councilors and here are a few things I learned so that none of my 5 children were ever his victim.
1. make it public and make him tell your self and family that he is sorry. You deserve to hear the words becasue otherwise people think "well its past just forget about it" That won't happen.
2. weather it was sexual or just touching that is not ok. I made sure that each of our children knew that I had worked hard to forgive him and could until I learned that I trusted to leave my daughter there with him and a sister and step mother and my daughter took several years to overcome the experiance. I nearly beat him to a pulp for that and still live with that guilt years later. SO PLEASE PROTECT YOUR CHILDREN! I really thought he had changed.
3. we are not all like the Norman Rockwell paintings where all is good and happy. Accept that and move on.
4. Set the rules and boundries that are safe with you and for me now its by mail or phone call through a sibling and uncle that I finally told when I was a adult.
5. If there is any question of wrong actions for you again or another that you recognize then let the police know. My son who is a police officer says that he often will have a child crying come and be fearful and when he talks to them it is discovered that the parents are hurting them,not feeding them, or sexually hurting them and they have been told to tell no one but since my son knows my story and how it is hard to talk about and if you are intune you can start with the simple questions and see the signs of trouble.
You have to make a life for yourself, that doesn't keep taking you to a place to revisit the past. So you can have a long distance relatinship until you are strong enough and safe enough to let him into your world.
You are very brave and courageous to have brought this up here. I am proud of you and am behind you with every step as well as the others on this site so contact back if you need more support you can always send a private message if someone has said something ou think will help you.. You are a specail daughter of God, and He does not give anyone permission to treat you unkindly, fearful, or unsafe. Nana Glenda

By inappropriate sexual relationship, do you mean repeated incidents, or something that happened once and never happened again?

Have you had therapy? I don't think it's possible to "start fresh" if you haven't dealt with things the best you can.

If it only happened once, you may be able to rebuild the relationship. I was, but it took 10+ years. If it was repeated, I wouldn't trust him - there's a bigger problem there and if HE hasn't gotten help, I wouldn't put myself in a positiion to be victimized again.

I hope this isn't picky but to say that your father started an "inappropriate sexual relationship" with your father is to imply that there is an "appropriate sexual relationship" with your father, which there isn't. I would suggest that you see a counselor. Unless you have worked through everything you can't begin to heal or forgive.

Good morning L., I am so sorry you had to endure this from the person you should be able to trust. I don't know if you have heard of Joyce Meyer but she went through years of this with her father and has been able to overcome. She has an awesome testimony. Her website you can visit and even call for more info. if you do not find what you need. Bless you for pursuing a right relationship with him. S.
http://www.joycemeyer.org/OurMinistries/EverydayAnswers/A...

Hi-
I really don't know where to begin. There are so many different emotions that come up when I read your post...anger, disgust, the need to forgive, pain, healing....there is really no one solid direction that my mind goes.
In general, men who have those kinds of inappropriate relationships don't usually stop at one person, and many times (not all, but the majority), a reconnection isn't about starting fresh. There is, however, the belief of forgiveness and the faith that God can heal and change anyone who submits their life to him. But there are still years of therapy, issues of guilt and remorse, and him trying to make things right. If those things, accompanied by a conscience run by the Spirit of God, are not there, I would tread carefully.
Most importantly, if this is really what you want, and you believe it is a healthy and fresh start, I suggest above all seeking counseling within either your church or a professional MFT. They will give you the tools to make that decision as wisely as possible and they will help you figure out a way to "start fresh." I really believe a professional or an unbiased pastor/priest, male or female, is where you need to begin, just to keep everything even keel and on a schedule that allows for growth without causing you or your family undue stress.
I hope this helps.
Good luck
-E. M