So, my birthday is tomorrow. My husband, every year, asks me what I want for my birthday. I tell him something I want, and he grumbles and groans until I tell him I don't really need anything, not to spend money on me, etc., because that is what will make it bearable to be around him. Then, he takes that and runs with it, later telling me I told him not to do anything. He isn't the kind of guy who makes a big deal about birthdays or anniversaries, which is okay with me. But he's always at least made an effort. I tell him this stuff because I know it is what he wants to hear, but I LOVE celebrating birthdays. I love having a day where I don't have to feel guilty about asking others to think about me...because every other day of the year I do everything to make everyone else happy, namely my family and my students (I am a teacher). I feel like I work my tail off making things work and making life easier for everyone else. Am I an idiot to feel sad that nothing is happening for my birthday? Do I just need to suck it up and get on with life? Am I being selfish?
Thank you so much ladies! I took your advice and made plans. Then I sat him down last night and laid everything on the table. It was one of the most difficult things I have done, but he totally understood and is kind of scrambling to put something together from him and Andrew. It's kinda cute. Again, thank you so much ladies, for your advice and your well wishes!
I'm with you... but I finally decided I'm going to have to plan my own party. I am hoping when my kids get older they will do something for me. To complicate matters, my birthday is Dec 28th. I haven't had a party since I was 5.
I don't think you are selfish at all. My hub is not real creative or forward thinking so I take it upon myself to make the plans for the day and usually, he has to work. I decided two years ago that every day on my birthday I wanted to spend it at the pumpkin patch and apple orchard with my daughter and then have dinner with the family. If he is able to join us for the day, that is great. If not, I am doing something that I want to do. So, my advise is to make plans doing something that you want to do, either with you family or by yourself, and have them join you. Happy Birthday!
Your husband sounds like mine used to be. I also was disappointed and felt sad on my birthdays, but things got much better when I finally started being honest about what I wanted and told him clearly. He doesn't have to feel the same way about birthdays as you do, but he does have to show you some consideration. Just ignore the grumbling! You deserve special treatment once in a while. If his grumbling stops working on you, he'll eventually stop.
Enjoy your day tomorrow! Happy Birthday!
J.
You're not selfish, but there is a certain age where if we want it done right, we need to do it ourselves. You want a cake? Get it yourself. You want your friends at work to remember? Bring in your cake to work! If your husband is going to b* and moan and make you feel bad (which I find very juvenile and extremely selfish), just tell him (don't ask, tell) in advance that you're taking x many hours to yourself on this date and you need him to not schedule anything since he'll be with Andrew. And if you're resentful about the level of work you do for your family (not that you are, but just in case), remember you should take time for yourself throughout the year, and not just on your birthday. You have a full time job, a baby and a husband who travels and is useless on those days (how useful is he at home?). You deserve what you want and need, so don't feel bad. And don't be such a martyr during the rest of the time! As a teacher, you have my respect and sympathy! :-D Happy Birthday!!!!!
L. -
I understand what you are doing by compromising what you like to keep things happy because you love your husband. But you do need to be honest. Explain to him that you understand that he is not big on celebrations however that is something that you do enjoy. Life should not be just about the way he grew up or what his opinion is. It should be about both of you, giving your son a well rounded idea of how things can be done. I personally think that this world has become too much about things and not enough about people and celebrating those people in your life. Even if he doesn't do the buying of gifts or whatever (my husband doesn't usually do that either) he could at least make you a cake (or buy one) and even make you a card and especially with your son now being born, letting him help and make one for you as well. Birthdays should be a big deal, they are to celebrate a life! I don't know when your birthday is but I hope you have an amazing one!!! I am glad you are here! Thank you for giving of yourself to our children everyday, it is people like you that help to form the future.
T.
i don't think you're being selfish at all! just try talking to him in a non-confrontational way and explain how you feel. and be honest! it may not go over well initially, but i have found that sometimes when i do that and then drop it (without arguing) my husband has time to reflect and usually has a change of heart.
even if he doesn't want to celebrate than get some girlfriends and go out! you deserve it:)
good luck, and happy birthday!!!
Men are really dense. You need to spell it out to him! Don't tell him you really don't need anything if that is not how you feel. TALK to him! Tell him how you feel! You should absolutely not feel guilty. Just don't say one thing and mean another....
You need you time for your birthday! Ask for a gift certificate for a massage, easy for him to get and something you will enjoy. My sister's husband is the same way so she tells him what she is doing/ getting herself for her birthday and just does it because he won't. Good luck and HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
Go out and buy something you really like/want. Get a beautiful card and open both with great flourish as if they were from him. "Oh honey, this is so wonderful, what a surprise, I just love it!!!" Be serious about this. It may take a couple of times but what the heck, at least you will have celebrated :-)
KD
HAPPPPYYY BIRTHDAY TO YOU....
heck no your not being selfish..its your day...and your hubby should treat you like a queen...if he wont-do it yourself..birthdays are the best holiday of the year..you made it with no serious injuries or illness..its your day to celebrate your life....go have fun with it....
