Seeking Advice - Cape Coral,FL

Updated on February 06, 2007
D.K. asks from Cape Coral, FL
5 answers

I have two four year olds, my daughter and step son, which they do not behave when they are together with me. I ask them 2 do something and the just ignore me, then if thats not enough, I have my sisters two kids 3 nights a week when she works and I cant seem to get a good pattern going when it comes to cooking, bathing and bedtime, any suggestions.

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T.W.

answers from Orlando on

Wow, I am worn out reading all the extras you are going to have to do in these replies, just to get through the day with these kids.
I would recommend a mom's helper. A middle school girl that lives in your neighborhood that you know or have talked to and have her come over at a set time to just play with the kids. Pay her $5 an hour to play with the kids inside or outside and you can have a little bit of time to make dinner, get places set, clothes laid out for bath time, etc. Have her also to help pick up the kids toys while you are bathing the kids.

Let me tell you, my daughter does this for a lot of mom's in our neighborhood and during the summer she works for all of them everyday. It's first come first served on the days they get and hours and then they are all on a schedule and she loves it. It gets her out of the house, keeps her busy and she makes a ton of money.

This would be the most help for you. Have your sister chip in on the money. Even if it's just a couple of hours 2-3 nights a week, you'll be amazed at what you can get done and how much help she is.
Then you don't have to make all these charts and crafts and such. Unless, you just have a bunch of time laying around to do those things. Kids have a very short attention span and don't want to be tied down to organized activities all of the time. They just want to play and do what they want.
Also, 4 year old boys and girls play totally differently, so having someone who can play games with them or chase or hide and seek would be something fun that they all can and would do together.
Good luck you'll do fine what ever you decide.

1 mom found this helpful
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L.H.

answers from Miami on

chart charts charts :-)
have the 4 yr olds help make a schedule poster/chart with you- they can draw, cut out pictures from catalogs, magazines, etc of all the things they need to do- like photos of food for meals, snacks, pictures of bath, books, bed, clean up, brushing teeth, etc etc.
get them involved. then get a big poster board and put your schedule on it, again keeping them involved- ask them questions, make it a game, "what happens first when we get home?" or whatever it is you're making the schedule of- sounds like evenings are rough- so I'd start there- is it helping getting dinner ready? setting the table? (you need to think beforehand what it is that you want them to be doing...)clearing the table, changing clothes & putting dirty clothes in the hamper? bath/bathing? brushing teeth? bedtime.

so then you have this great poster that they made. then when they aren't doing what they need to ask "what time is it?" ("oh I'm not sure you 2 now how to look at the clock in the kitchen?" hopefully they do & then will want to prove you wrong!)then once you've established what time it is, have them SHOW you on the schedule that time- so it's 8:00pm, what does it say they should be doing on the poster? hmmm? oh! brushing their teeth..."are you? let's see if you can beat the timer to get ready?" use the kitchen timer a lot- or better yet, buy a cheap dial timer at the supermarket...at 4 they understand the tick tick tick BING!!
the 4 year olds can help w/ the other kids too (are they younger?)by pointing out 'where' you are on the schedule...
Next, you can have reward charts for each 4 year old. for this one, just choose 1 or 2, maybe 3 things that are most importnat to you...no more than 3 bcse it'll make you (& them) crazy). so the one thing is listening to you. SO put a a column for each child and 3 lines going across. First line is" Listening the FIRST TIME"
so then at first make a BIG DEAL when one of them listens to you the first time- make it EASY at first to 'catch them being good' - this way they'll 'buy' into it and want to get rewarded..."Oh __ you listened so NICELY!! here's a sticker for you to put on hte chart!" At first, let them 'cash in' the stickers right away (for something small- not necessarily candy, but a coloring book, etc- have small stuff somewhere from the dollar store- don't go making yourself broke)..once you've established all of this, you can stretch it out a bit- it'll take 2 or 3 stickers to get the prize- or make different rewards- like an extra show (pbs/educational I hope) on TV on the weekends if they get ___amount of stickers during the week...

HTH

1 mom found this helpful
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M.

answers from Orlando on

D.,
Set a schedule. Make sure to get them all involed with coloring or a craft. Plan the time out. Minute by minute keeping them busy. You must stay involved but in a directive manner. Use the craft and play time as a tool for them listening. If they din't listen they all suffer the consequence of the lost play time or activity. Children love to sing and dance. Set a time twice a week fro a talent show. Small crafts out of left over paper towel rolls or stinging macoroni. Something to keep them from running wild and driving you crazy. Having a computer you should be able to go on line and get ideas. As for the two 4 year olds not listening. Use rewards for the listening party. They are old enough to understand those who listen today will recieve a reward for good behavior. Those who don't well.....Or use the kids against one another. Praise the behavior of one good deed and the other wanting the attention as well should flollow in suit to doing good to receive praise.
Hope all goes well for you.

1 mom found this helpful
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S.B.

answers from Fort Myers on

Just last night Nanny had help for htis... give stickers for rewards. Then fill up a card and give some extras like 1 more hour of tv, or they can save them up to have a sleepover, etc.... The 4 boys in their house had perfect car rides, no more yelling, hitting, etc. Also, make sure they have quality time with each parent, then they will listen and respect you more, than if there is always tension and yelling and telling them what to do all the time. Oh 1 more tip, the oldest was a brute, but they had all the kids go to field and the oldest one cheered the little ones on and made an obstacle course... he had fun helping his little brothers and they had fun with their older brother teaching them things, instead of him beign the one beating every one up.

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V.V.

answers from Lakeland on

Hi there, sounds like you have your nights pretty busy. They could be bored or not to busy. What I would do is probally plan you nights out. Have a schedule for them. Maybe have them do some activities. It could include coloring, arts & craft, games etc. Just keep them busy. Once they see you have a pattern going they will ease up. (Hint: while you have them busy w/the activities do not have the t.v. on. You can use that later on to your benifit, like when you are going to make dinner have them all sit down and put on a movie or a show they all like to watch. If for some reason they fight about who wants to watch what; just write all there names down get a bag and pick somebody to pull a name out, and whatever that person wants to watch thats what everyone else has to watch Its less stress and fair.)

well hope this helps you out a little.

Good luck,
~V.

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