"Seeking Advice'

I agree, keep the doors locked-she will get the hint. Also, if she gets too mouthy with him in front of your children, I would pull her aside and tell her that she is not setting a good example for your children (or hers) and that should she have an issue with him to take it up privately with him-no witnesses. If he is willing to take it, there is nothing that you can do-but you certainly don't have to witness it and the kids shouldn't either.
She should be respectful or stay the he** out.
C.

Hi M.,

I feel for you, but I think you need to move on with your life and get away from this guy. Actions speak louder than words. In my opinion, he is self serving. There are 3 of you in this relationship and that is working well for him, so why should he stop? My guess is that he can charm the socks off most women. People such as this guy, are self centered and often enjoy playing these manipulation games. I feel sorry for the poor kid though. His actions have made it clear to you that he does not want to let go of the other woman. You need to ask yourself if you are better with or without him. Since you say you've had enough, make the break. Getting over him will take time, but in the long run, you'll feel better about yourself. Like my mother often says, "get your head on straight and make better decisions." Move on. YOU DESERVE BETTER.

Just my input,

MC

MC

you need to put your foot down with her. It's your home and she needs to understand that. But I would also look at your relationship with your partner. Why is he so defensive about her? Why doesn't he want to deal with it? You should be his priority now. Not her.

M.,

You need to nip this now. It will get worse. If she uses the child as a tool then maybe he needs to go to court to get everything in writing as far as visitation is concerned. If he has it already then he can get her on comtempt of court order. She has no right walking into the house. She needs to knock like everyone else. Sounds to me like she always wore the pants. If he cares about you, he needs to listen to what you have to say and not get upset with you. You can not let the ex pull you two apart. But you don't have to be silent either. But as far as the way she speaks to him, unfortunately that is up to him to take care of. When he is fed up, he will let her know. Don't let his ex walk on you. Good luck!

I highly recommend ALL of you pay a visit to secondwivescafe.com

You will find lots of support and help.

J. M.

Hi M.,
I don't have any experience in this type of situation, so my advice may or may not be helpful. So here it goes..........

I think if I was in your shoes, I would start off with never ever saying anything bad about the mother of your man's child. At least not to your man. I would stay neutral and supportive.
Vent to your girlfriends as to what a pain in the neck she is.

As annoying and abnoxious as the child's mother sounds; you need to remember that your man will always have a bond with her, and she will always be around. Be proud of him for wanting to be involved in his child's life. And part of being involved is having to put up with all the foolishness and bratty actions of his ex. Remember, there is a reason that he is no longer with her.

As far as just walking into your home like she lives there. You definetly need to establish some boundries. That would drive me crazy also. I personally would keep my door locked if I knew she would be coming over so that she would be forced to knock or ring the door bell. I would think that eventually she would get the message. Always greet her at the door with a welcome smile and greeting. A genuine smile. Not sarcastic. She will be much easier to tame with smiles and niceness, even if inside you are growling like a bear. Good Luck with your situation. I hope I added some helpful insight.

Oh my gosh! I have the Same problem..only I am married to my guy,the father of hers and ours. Their relationship ended in 1999...and she went AWOL basically we only knew where she could be living by the court papers. Suddenly he sees the child by chance last year at a July 4 event and bam.. the mom says it is ok all of a sudden to be the dad? That would confuse me, as a child. She also has 2 young girls that grew up with the kid...but my marriage has had enough problems. I'd hate to think how it would have been had we been able to take care of my stepchild. My mom tells me to not be so attached..but basically I did always wonder how she was all these years. She was my daughters big sister after all. Oh and as far as your prob with the mom talking to him about stuff...for me well she hasnt even figured out that sometimes I don't even know Where he is at! So why should I be giving a message to where he'd leave the house again?! She has even come to the house ..must be important, right? But she wont tell me what she wanted....
if you read this and want to see if we can be friends..just send a private message. I'll be interested to hear what advice you got! Oh and the other woman is Younger than me! (when I dated him I never asked how old she was)

Unbelievable!!!! Your man needs to get his priorities in check. One being if he loves you and wishes to have a future with you. Second, the welfare of his son. Unless there are some unresolved feelings for her there is absolutely no reason he should be allowing her immature childish behavior to continue. By catering to her and allowing this behavior it is a blatant lack of respct to you. More importantly, if he thinks this is of any benefit to his relationship with his son he really needs to look at the big picture. While I don't think that he should stoop to her level with insults, threats and confrontations he does need to make an attempt to establish a set schedule of visitation and the only discussions with her should be related to her their son's welfare, i.e. health, school etc. If this fails then as much of a pain as it is he needs to go to Friend of the Court and request a mediation. Wherein they will facilitate and enforce set visitation. He should also reflect on her parenting skills and may want to consider seeking custody or joint custody. The FOC sees many "dead beat" dads that don't take any kind of role in their children's lives and more and more they are ruling in favor of joint custody for both parents to have an equal role both financially and otherwise in the child's life. He really needs to put a stop to this once and for all. If for nothing else it is in the best interest of his son. This is a very poor example they are setting for him. He is just as guilty as she is for idly sitting by and allowing this behavior. Not only will his son grow up disrespecting him but sadly will not benefit from seeing what a healthy, mutally respectful,loving relationship is that he could be seeing with the two of you. If she truly cared about her son, she would be happy that he has a father that cares and wants to be a part of his life and facilitate such a relationship instead of playing games for her own benefit. The same goes for him. It may be a long road ahead but like with any 2 year old throwing a fit they will eventually tire out. I could not imagine living this way. You may want to consider pulling back I understand you are probably in love but you have yourself and your children to think about as well and must provide a good example for them. At the very least, if he refuses to take action I would consider living separately for the time being. At least you will still have some self respect and set a good example for your children. Ultimately, he needs to take action and quit using the excuse that it is for his son's sake because it is not. He needs to decide if he wants to make her happy for the rest of his life or move on with you and be a better parent to his son. Good luck!!!!!

You should start by keeping the door locked so she can't just walk in. You can't do anything about the way she talks to him. If he wants to be her doormat that up to him. There's really nothing you can do about it except leave the situation or just deal with it.