Screaming and Crying

We love Love and Logic classes, books and DVDs. Try uTube and look for videos too! I don't let my 4 year old get me on my last nerve. I go "brain dead" and say...."That is so sad" or "I know you really want that toy" or "That is such a bummer". If he argues with me, I tell him, "I love you too much to argue"! We LOVE Love and Logic! Good luck!

My daughter is also almost 3 and this happens to us as well. It is "normal" for a 3 year old to test limits and melt down when their expectations aren't met. If you think about it, not getting exactly what you want IS frustrating when your goal is to maintain 100% control all of the time... (which is what 3 year olds want, right?)

You can help her learn that 1. we can't always have everything we want, 2. even if you cry, I'm still going to say no, and 3. her learning to calm herself down after said meltdown is a great skill to have.

When my daughter goes into meltdown mode, I help her go into her room, NOT as a punishment, but because it is her neutral safe place to be by herself. She can cry, scream, whatever she needs to do in order to calm herself down. When she is calm, we talk about it. "You wanted ____ but you couldn't have it and that made you mad." Validating her feelings is SO important because children DO feel those emotions. And it is okay to feel mad/frustrated/angry/sad, but it doesn't mean she gets what she wants...

I also find that when my daughter is tired or hungry, the meltdowns are more likely to happen. Not sure if you see that pattern or not, but keeping a consistent routine of eating small meals and snacks throughout the day has seriously helped a TON!

My experience with my four kids is to be careful of what you say no to so that you can enforce it 100% of the time. If you don't really care then let her choose. Give her choices on everything that doesn't matter, ie, do you want to wear red socks or white socks, milk or water, boots or shoes etc. this gives her a feeling of control in her life while you still call the shots on the things that really matter. If you give in some of the time, it teaches her that if she throws a big enough fit, she will win. Have a set consequence for the fit. I have timeout on the stairs. You can stay anywhere on them, but you have to stay on the stairs. I say "I really want you to come be with me so as soon as you pull it together I would love for you to come back". Each of my children has been different, but they usually get it together within a few minutes and then they can come back and play. I want them to make good choices so I don't do the timer concept because if they can get it together in one minute great, if it takes ten, then that is fine too. Before you respond to something, think "do I really care enough to follow through with this?" If the answer is no, then don't say no. It takes a little practice, but it gets easier after a while. Good luck :)

as soon as she starts- " honey, go to your room if you're going to act like that. mommy doesn't want to hear it. you can come out when you can be nice." works for mine. to me it's a respect issue - i don't deserve to be screamed/shouted/whined at. i will be treated with respect. also, that way you don't have to listen to it right in your ear. and it removes the temptation of giving in.

Heck no. First signs of a tantrum brewing, give a calm warning, if it proceeds, discipline it firmly. Repeat as necessary. The firmer you are the fewer fits she'll try. I have three non tantrumming kids. We had a no tolerance policy on that, and we've never let the fits fester in time outs or rooms either. Quick, firm, done. You want her crying because of a consequence not a self inflicted frenzy because you said "no" or something. Even if you cant' stop one in the making, you will stop future ones at a warning if you are firm and she NEVER gets away with it.

She does have full impulse control at 3 on this (we taught it before 2) so don't believe otherwise. It's never too soon to learn self control and it's a VERY valuable life skill. Yes, you have to enforce at first, but after that, she's in control of her choice at your warning and she'll form the RIGHT habits about how to handle disappointment.

NEVER ignore. Ignoring and not giving in is NOT discipline. It's a lack of reaction. And it's a total myth that not reacting will stop the behavior. That's just code for: "they'll outgrow it one day in their own good time".
Nip it.

123 Magic is working for us in the same situation.

I think a lot of it has to do with the statement "I don't give in 95% of the time". You know how perfectly sane adults sit in front of the slot machines, putting quarter after quarter in? They don't win 95% of the time but the hope for winning big or even a little 5% of the time is to tempting not to try. Your daughter is rolling the dice to see if this is the winner and you will give in. Can't get what you want if you don't try. What you need to do is make it more rewarding NOT to throw fits and cry. Make a chart for no cry or fit days and when she gets 3 days in a row, have her pick out some reward. When she gets to not throwing fits anymore she can know she is a big girl and doesn't need the chart anymore.

It is normal. We give our daughter (3) time outs when she acts like that. We her to her room for 3 minutes or make her sit still on the couch for 3 minutes and we do not talk to her during that time. We just make her sit there and let her work it out.

do not react, give him perameters as in where to cry, what to do/say afterwards. My son has meltdowns, they used to be hours long and a few times a day, when I tried to stop them I actually helped make them longer. I created a safe zone for him to be in (his room, door closed) and afterwards he needs to discuss why he screamed/cried or apologize if that is appropriate. Now, he does this once or twice a week and they last about 10-15 min on average.