Science Camp Trouble

I would let it go. She took the flower knowing it was wrong even if her intent was good. She was caught and feels embarassed and ashamed. Sounds like the teen meant well even if he didn't realize telling you in front of others was in direct conflict w/ not telling the other teachers. Again, they both had good intentions and poor execution. Last day of camp...do nothing.

Let it go so that the last day is drama free.

Ugh, he's just a teenager, probably trying to do his best. Speak to him directly if you must, but I think I would just let it go.
It's the last day, if the week has been overall a good experience for her then focus on that! I'm sure this is bothering you a lot more than it is bothering your daughter.
Yet another reason to let it go. If it bothers you that much then don't sign her up again, problem solved.

Yeah, let it go. You've already talked it to death, it sounds like.

Your daughter knew it was wrong, and I'm betting she's already feeling bad about doing it. And she's 7. Take the flower with you to the camp, and ask the teenager boy if he needs it back, or if you can pay something for it. Maybe the boy gets into trouble if some article is unaccounted for. If he does want it back, have your daughter return it, and take her to the store and let her pick some gift for grandma. All this, without showing any anger towards both your daughter and the boy, please.

I know adults who'd feel flustered if asked to handle 10 kids from 2nd grade. He's a teenage boy. As for him telling your daughter to not cry, from what I see, he handled it well. He's been through it, and knows how bad it might feel if teachers come to know of it and how they'd usually handle it. He also showed responsibility by waiting till you were there, then approaching you, the parent, and letting you know of the incident. He made sure, that even if other people heard him, your daughter had you to take care of things. I'd have thanked the boy for handling it well, if I were you.
Whatever you do, make sure both the boy and your daughter have a nice last day to remember! :)

Well I think I would ask him directly about telling her not to tell the other teachers. Just ask him why he asked this of her.. Then give him the words you wish he had used.

He is in charge of her group.. Just find out why he told her that..

Other than that, it is interesting that she told you some different stories until you were able to get the final truth out of her.

My mom made a deal with us when we were young.

She told us. "I do not want you all to ever lie to me. I promise, I will never be mad at you, no matter what you do , IF you tell me the truth. I may be disappointed or my feeling will be hurt but not mad."

She also told us, "If you DO lie to me.. It is going to take a very long time, before I will ever be able to trust you again."

To this day, she has kept her promise, and we have kept our part of the deal.

I guess to me and my sister, the worst thing we could do was upset or disappoint our mom.

Hang on second. According to your daughter he told her not to cry and he didn't want any of the other teachers knowing about it...because he didn't want to get in trouble? And then he turned around and in front of everybody told you what happened? Something about that doesn't sit right with me.

If you decide to talk to him tomorrow, tread lightly. He may come back and say he never said any of that and that your daughter is lying. (She lied about another girl taking a flower.)

Honestly, if I were in your shoes, I would probably let it go and assume that he's going to have his truth. Your daughter is going to have her truth. And somewhere in there is going to be the actual truth.

Last day of camp let it go.

He did the best he could, he's young & doesn't have any children of his own. Just worry about disciplining your daughter and move on, she stole then lied about another girl, hope you reprimanded her for both, but the boy doesn't need reprimanding.

I'd basically let it go. Your daughter took a flower for altruistic reasons, but it was still not hers to take. So, she shouldn't have taken it and realizes it was wrong. The teenage boy handled the situation, so there was no reason for the other teachers to be brought into the loop. Maybe the things her was saying were meant to convey that as in that there was no reason to re-open a can of worms by alerting the other teachers on something that was already being handled. He should've told you about the incident privately, but otherwise, it sounds like it was handled appropriately. Let it be.

If you think that 10 kids with one teenage boy as teacher was an inappropriate ratio (which does sound like a lot of kids for one teenager), then you should let the camp know abou that. However, that is a separate issue.

I would council my daughter on your morals and expectations. Then after camp I would speak with the camp director, or whoever is supervising him. This can be a learning experience for both your daughter and the teenaged counselor.

By the way, children of this age often say other children did the same thing as to them it makes them look less naughty.

Please let us know what you chose and the result won't you?

T.

Your daughter and this counselor are both kids, really. It sounds like his response was appropriate as far as making her realize she did something wrong without going wildly overboard. However, you might want to pull him aside and say something roughly along the following lines:

"I really want to thank you for helping set limits with my daughter. She shouldn't have taken that flower, and you were right for telling her so. However, in the future, I wonder if you could avoid asking children not to tell other adults things. I've taught my daughter that if a grownup tells a child 'don't tell,' that's not okay. If a really *good* adult says that, it sort of muddies the message. Thanks for understanding!"

But I wouldn't push it farther than that. The kid (counselor) meant well. It's the end of camp. Sounds like no real harm has been done.

I think it would be best if you took a moment tomorrow and spoke to the teen counselor. He made a bad call, meaning well. Well, and maybe with a little self-preservation built in (didn't want the actual teachers to think he couldn't handle things).

I wouldn't make a BIG deal out of it, but try to come across more as a helpful mentor.. Let him know that you talked to your daughter at length about the flower incident. And that you know he meant well and probably was a bit unaccustomed to being in that position, and not being a parent himself, he may not have realized the confusing message it can end up sending to a child when he instructs them to try to cover up something. It would have totally been ok for him to let a teacher know what was going on, and/or that your daughter was crying, and it would have all been worked out with no reflection on him. You appreciate him trying to "help" your daughter, since she was already upset. But as a parent, you recognize that sometimes it is appropriate for them to be upset. You know it's hard when they start to cry. (smile) But just for future reference, being kind isn't always the "right" thing to do, when he is an intermediary authority figure. Discussing it in private is good, and that should apply to discussions about it in front other parents and children as well, even at pick up time. Like THIS conversation. Private. But private doesn't mean you keep it from the teacher, it just means that extraneous people don't have to be made aware, because it doesn't have to do with them.

He probably just didn't know WHAT to do to comfort a crying child. And these days he certainly couldn't offer her a hug, without all sorts of accusations being potentially made against him... And then when you got there at pick up time, he was just relieved to tell you about it and get it all off his chest, not even realizing that others might hear or be listening. He was all inside his own head figuring out how to tell MOM what happened...

So just a friendly, next time you are dealing with a crying child... type conversation. Try not to be accusatory or come off as angry, b/c really, your goal (if you speak to him about it at all) is simply to help him do better in the future, right?

I'm sure your daughter had the best intentions by taking it for her Grandma and it seems like he understood that too and had her best interests at heart by not wanting to draw more attention to the matter from other adults. Sounds like he definitely could have handled it better though, especially by not telling you in front of other parents. That would be very embarrassing. He is young, so I'd cut him some slack. I'm sure he isn't as experienced as most counselors or teachers and is going to handle things differently. Sounds like he did a fine job considering he was up against a tough issue.

Is this like a Camp Invention? If so they have 'upcycled' items that are to be repurposed so why is this a big freaking deal? I assume it was an upcycle item so what does it matter?

I am concerned about the counselor pulling her aside and telling her not to tell anyone else? That is a huge red flag. It just makes me wonder what exactly he said to her...

Taffy is exactly right.

This is a learning experience for your daughter. The good thing is that crying about means that she has a conscience and she will remember how this made her feel and won't likely repeat it.

Please take Taffy's advice. Tell the camp counselor that the teen needs to learn how to appropriately handle this stuff too. Only talk about your daughter - not another child.

Dawn

Let it go. It sounds like she clearly knows she shouldn't have taken it. She may have thought of it like my daughter used to think of flowers that dropped off the props at her ballet school -- the kids would pick up the little pieces of fallen flower and keep them sometimes; I would tell her just to ask if it was needed.But it sounds like your child has been through enough on this one and you, who know her best, feel she understands what was wrong.

I would not bother to talk to the counselor today. As someone else put it, keep the last day drama-free. However, I would not do this camp again and would ensure that any future ones had adults, not teens, in charge of younger kids. Frankly even if there had not been the flower incident, based on what you noticed about the general chaos, it sounds like a poor arrangement. We have teen staffers at my daughter's Girl Scout camp, but these kids are trained, spend days attending training sessions in advance of camp, and are around adult counselors almost all the time. (I know, I'm one of the adults.) Sounds like the teen was not experienced or trained. Unfortunately many camps just throw these low-paid jobs at teens and figure they are just warm bodies who can yell loud enough and corral younger kids enough to get through a week or two.

I wouldn't do anything right now. Camp is essentially over and it sounds like she learned a lesson. Not sure about this camp counselor saying not to cry and all the business with the other teachers, but again, it's over....

Maybe this camp counselor didn't want the other teachers to know that this happened under his watch