Schedule for My Step Daughter

Do both parents live in the same school district? If so you could switch every other week or do 3 days at one house and 4 at the other. You should ask her what she would like as well, moving back and forth so much may take away her sense of stability. She may want to spend the weeks at one house and weekends at the other so she is not moving around so much in the middle of the school week.

On May 22nd. "E.S." asked a question about shared custody and received many answers hers had extra things to consider, but many people shared their experiences..

Here is what I sent.

My sister and her ex, do the 50/50 and it works great for them. My sister is the one that moved out, so she purchased a home close to their house. This has made it lots easier for the kids to get home from school no matter "who's week" it is.

Also since the kids are involved in all sorts of sports and activities, both parents try to go to all of the events so even if it is not my "sisters week", she still attends the events and sees the kids and my brother in law and his wife can also attend on my sisters week. .. Same with school events.

This was VERY hard in the beginning. They have always agreed the kids can call the other parent ANYTIME. In the beginning (even now) there were some tough situations with switching weeks, and the holiday deal was tough. One year the kids spend Christmas with one parent the next Christmas with the other.Birthday parties and celebrations are still a touchy time.. . Unexpected things come up, so do they go with the other parent or with a relative? We all live in the same city.

There were hard feeling, hurt feelings, but it finally has settled down for the most part.

As a child of divorce and watching my sister go through this, I beg you to just do your best and when in doubt, ask yourself "how will this affect my daughter".

Let things happen organically, bend your ways and always try to take the high road. Remember this is your daughters life. She is watching and hearing everything, even when you do not realize it.

One week on, one off.
Two weeks on, two off.

Every other week or Sun-Wed...

My best friend had an uncommon schedule that worked out to *about* 50/50... and worked out really really well, since she didn't have to mess around during the school week:

Schoolyear:

M-F with Mom & Papa
Friday night - Monday Morning (aka weekends) with Dad

((Her dad dropped her off at school on Monday, and picked her up on Friday... went to parent teacher conferences, and of course HW on the weekends... so he stayed involved in her education. The friday/monday thing worked out as well... since she never left HW at the wrong house, and HE was responsible for Friday HW. She had killer parents, btw. I lived 2 doors down from her dad and was at her house most weekends during the school year, and would often spend weekends with her mom & papa during the summer. It was almost like the 2 of us had 3 families... her 2 and my 1))

Summer:
M-F with Dad
Weekends with Mom & Papa

They each got her for 2 weeks of vacation every year (whenever that set was going on vacation)... and she got 2 birthday parties... and traded holidays.

hi L.,

i can share with you the schedule that my husband and i have in place for his children from another marriage, which turns out to be 50% time with each parent: we have them every tuesday and wednesday, overnight, and every other weekend - friday overnight, saturday overnight and sunday overnight. my husband picks them up and drops them off directly at school/daycare, so he doesn't even see the ex, except when it's a holiday. if there must be an exchange on a holiday when the kids are not in school, it occurs at 5pm, and the parent receiving the kids must pick them up. over a 2 week (14 night) period, each parent has the kids for a total of 7 nights.

i hope you find this helpful. feel free to message me if you need more information. i wish you all the very best!!!

regards,
vanessa

It's nice that the mother is for a 50/50 split. usually that doesn't happen because they want their child support money. If you do 50/50 switching weeks works the best. Kids thrive on stability.

Hey L.,
I always found that if I dealt with changes concerning the kids in a relaxed stress free manner then then no matter what the changes were they would accept it easily and adapt accordingly. Kids are resilient and as long as its fun and all adults are happy the out come it will all be great. Good luck I wish you the greatest success

I think it is VERY hard on a child to go every other day or so to a different house. That's not very stable. I think if you did your time with several days in a row each week, that would be much better, less stress on all involved, especially her--emotionally, with school and friends and her relationships with you all. You could encompass part of the weekend for each house. For example she comes by you from either wed or thurs through sat afternoon. Then to other house from sat dinner time to wed or thurs. That way, each household has part of a weekend, and part of weekdays, but they are together, so easier to handle. And you each would always know that, say, you have her every friday night. Consistency is key for children. Good luck. (why not ask her, too? Kids often have great insight and feelings you never realized they had--see how she feels about the current set up)

If you are in a sitation where 50/50 will work...God Bless you!!!! I tried it with my ex and it was a nightmare!!!! The schedule we had was:
weeks 1 & 3- I got Sun - Wed he got Thurs- Sat
week 2 $ 4- I got Mon-Wed he got Thurs- Sun

Had we been able to get along...it would have worked out great. Good luck with yours!!!!!

Whatever is decide should be decided by the adults and I strongly urge not involving children in the decision making (in response to someone's suggestion). No one can tell you what would work best for your step daughter's situation but I will say that children are resilient and adaptable and I do not believe going back and forth is a problem once a schedule is established. There is a direct correlation between how cooperatively parents work together and how easy the transition between homes is for children. Children need parenting time with both parents and I applaud you for being proactive, cooperative and helpful in your step child's life.

Why don't you keep her three days, then the Mom keep her three days. That way you have her equal time and as long as it doesn't effect her that would be 50/50. But are you really considering your step daughters feelings? It is hard on any child to be moved back and forth all the time. Personally for the girls sake I would stick to one parent keeping her during the week all week and the other on weekends. Alternate holidays. It is very hard on any child to be drug back and forth...If you honestly love your step daughter you will work things out. Maybe you keep her two weeks and then the mom keep her two weeks. At least she wouldn't be moving constantly.
I feel sorry for your step daughter. I know how hard it is on kids to have to go through this and the parents don't stop and think what it is doing to the child all they think of is theirselves and the time they get with them. My girls stayed with me during the school year and then stayed at the Grandparents/my ex inlaws during the summer. It would be nice if you could just work out a visitataion where she could just spend time with you and be home in her own bed every night on school nights. Maybe you could do what I did and let her Mom keep her during the school year with you getting her every other weekend and every other Holiday. Then you keep her all summer. It would be easier on the child to do it that way. Talk to your step daughter and see how she feels.