Saw Mom Leave 3 Kids in car...what Would You Have Done?

Updated on July 03, 2010
B.P. asks from Schooleys Mountain, NJ
44 answers

Last night I was leaving the liquer store with my son and as I was strapping him into the car a woman with 3 young children in the back seat pulled up next to me. She had all the windows down and the kids were eating some pizza and fries. She left the car and went into the liquer store leaving the kids in the car (they looked about 8 ,5, and 3 to me). I stuck around for a couple minutes but then left. She still wasn't back. What are your thoughts? I was kinda disturbed since with 3 kids anything could have happened and its not like she was within earshot or could see the car the whole time. I wanted to add that it is a very safe town and people look out for eachother. Yeah, the liquer store part kinda bothered me too. It was about 7:00 it was not dark outside nor was it the heat of the day. I understand it must be hard with 3 kids but I don't think leaving them like that was right. Should I have stayed until she got back? Should I have said anything? What would you have done?

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So What Happened?

WOW, thanks for all the responses. Yes, I had never been in that situation before so I wasn't sure what the right thing was to do, that is why I was asking for advice. I don't appreciate being criticized by some of the moms though. After reading your advice, I would have just stayed and watched the kids to make sure they were ok. I would have mentioned that to the mom when she got back in a non-confrontational way. I don't think I would have called 911 since no one was in distress. The thing that concerned me was that she could not see them for some of the time although she did park in the front where she would have seen them from the register. I am going to give her the benefit of the doubt like I do to everyone.

I also wanted to add that I wasn't judging her (we moms can be too judgemental sometimes) but think trying to compare me bringing my 2 year old into a liquor store and her leaving her 3 children in a car unattended is ridiculous. I can't believe that some states have such strict laws regarding alcohol...and just because someone goes to the liquor store does not mean they have been drinking.

Also, I could send Barbara Ann a private messege, but her comment was so rude, really had to respond in public. I don't really feel the need to justify why I was at the liquor store. Is it so unbelievable that some people don't have relatives nearby and might actually need to bring their children with them when they run errands? Having 3 kids is hard, that is why I don't have 3 kids. And the reason it bothered me more that it was a liqour store than maybe a pharmacy is because leaving 3 kids in the car by themselves although to me, does not justify a call to 911, it is somewhat questionable. This is a site for growing and learning not (erroneouly) labeling people as hypocrites. And obviously, I was not alarmed at the time. I really just wanted to know what others felt so I could respond appropriately the next time something like this happened. That is what learning is all about.

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R.J.

answers from Seattle on

Wow. It's really interesting to see how the opinions split right down the middle, isn't it?

For what it's worth... I think you did right. Something startled you, you waited a few minutes to assess the situation, northing seemed horribly wrong... and you went home.

For my part... I was left in the car a lot as a child (as the babysitter of my sibs) and I leave my son in the car sometimes. Depends on where we are; aka city/town... neighborhood... distance and line of sight from me to the car... how my son is behaving... etc..

I've seen kids left in cars and just smiled at them, I've seen them and stayed put, and I've seen them and called the cops. ALL situational based. For me at least... there's no single "right" answer.

Another vote, btw, for free range children.

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D.K.

answers from Washington DC on

I disagree with calling 911. That is NOT the answer. You don't know her story and you don't know what she's thinking. The best thing to do is to stay there and watch out for the kids. When she comes back out, just talk to her and tell her that you wanted her to know that it's dangerous to do that and possibly illegal. Maybe she didn't know.

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L.N.

answers from New York on

i would have not called 911 but would have waited for the mom to come out. afterwards i would have introduced myself, and that i had made it my business to stick around until she came out because i would not feel comfortable leaving her kids alone in the car, even though i do not know her or the kids.
calling 911 is easy, 3 numbers to dial, but that would open a can of worms for that family. if you felt the kids were in danger, then you should have waited for her to come out.
had it been an infant, or infants and toddlers i would have definitely ran after her to WARN her not to leave babies in the car or would have called 911. but since she had an older child in the car, who most likely can scream, or unbuckle himself/herself that ok to wait for the mom without calling 911.

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A.S.

answers from Denver on

I would have smiled at the kids and kept on walking. The kids were quite happily occupied eating food, there was an older kid in the car who mom felt was capable of handling things for a few minutes while she ran into a strip mall store...which well all know means the car is visible from the store. It doesn't sound dangerous to me in any way.
1. We need to give parents more credit for knowing their own children and trusting them to make decisions that work for their family.
2. We need to start realizing kids are not helpless babies. An 8 and 5 year old know how to open a car door and find mom.
3. As much as we like to think worst case scenario and some zombie like stranger is going to wander up arms outstretched mumbling "kids, kids!" and try to take them, more likely a "concerned mom" will walk up and frankly with all the cries for CPS, tend to more dangerous to a family overall. (seriously, if mom is in a hurry and a 'well intentioned' person calls CPS and arrest is made, is that really best for the kids to be separated from a mom they love and who loves them in return???)
4. If the kids were in distress (and clearly they weren't) wouldn't you feel better doing a good deed by lending a hand and being done with it? And realizing people can make mistakes and leaving it there?

And as far as the "million dollars" argument: http://freerangekids.wordpress.com/2010/05/29/would-you-l...

Personally, I think you did the best thing by leaving it alone.

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K.F.

answers from Salinas on

As for this particular situation, you have no idea how old those kids were. What if the one you thought was 8 is really 10? I would think that's old enough to "babysit" the little ones in the car for a few minutes, right? I can understand if the kids are really little, it's hot outside or your in a really bad neighborhood but honestly the situation you describe doesn't seem dangerous to me. It's just a parenting choice and the comments that the Mom shouldn't have kids, cares more about liquor than her children or that you should call CPS or the cops are amazing to me. Why are so many Americans raising a bunch of mamby pamby kids who cannot make good decisions, develop healthy social skills, problem solve and generally grow up to be responsible adults? We need to collectively step back, relax and focus on the stuff that really matters. There is less violent crime today than 30 years ago and I was left in cars while Mom went to the store nearly my entire childhood. I walked to the school bus stop 1/2 mile from home, IN KINDERGARTEN. I left on my bike (with no helmet) early on Saturdays and wasn't expected to check in until I was hungry, tired or it got dark. At 8-9 took the city bus to the mall, skating rink and friends houses, alone or with kids my own age. My parents were actually considered more strict than my friends parents. All that horrible parenting I grew up to be an educated, well adjusted, happy adult with memories of an awesome childhood. I'm glad some of you aren't watching my every move because I get the feeling we would disagree on a lot of parenting decisions that we both make. To the cop callers and CPS alerters are you keeping your kids safe from danger or making them vulnerable later in life by sheltering their every move?

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J.B.

answers from Atlanta on

I don't think it was the greatest call on her part, but if they were that old and eating dinner, as long as she left the windows down I wouldn't say anything. My VERY overprotective mother left me in the car like that all the time when she would run into a single store. It's also not like she was heading into Walmart or Target for a long shopping spree. She may not have had her eye right on them, but I'm thinking the liquor store is probably a regular-sized storefront type of place and not a big-box. I honestly would have given the situation a look but not thought much more about it.

And as for "her need for liquor" -for all anyone knows she needed rum or a liqueur to bake a cake. Plus -it's not a crime to drink or want a bottle of wine with dinner!

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L.P.

answers from Oklahoma City on

I guess I am with the minority on this one but I don't think it was a big deal and I wouldn't have done anything. Had it been 103, middle of the day, car off with the windows up...then I probably would have broken out the window myself and gotten the kids out, but that's not what the situation was. You said it is a very safe town and people look out for each other. She apparently felt the same way about the town that's why she felt comfortable enough to leave them in the car and run in. I think sometimes people are regressing instead or progressing...I remember babysitting my siblings and neighborhood kids at their houses when I was 9 and 10. These days some people won't even leave their own children alone at that age for any length of time. I have met some 8 year olds that are more mature than 16 year olds...and they are allowed to get a drivers license...scarey!

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T.S.

answers from Dallas on

Wow, it is amazing how times have changed. I can remember when my Mom would leave us in the car while she ran into the store. The windows would be down and we were not allowed to talk to anyone but we were still safe. But if I was in your shoes with the times the way they are, I would have sat there until the Mom showed back up. And I have actually done that before. I will role down the window for my son to talk back and forth to them. But in your defense you said safe town and people look out for each other.
We all need to protect each other children and not pass judgment because 3 kids is alot to handle and liquer stores are pretty quick purchases. I don't think calling the police about it would have solved anything.

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C.P.

answers from Columbia on

I have 3 boys, ages 7, 8, and 9. For me, leaving them in the car is very dependent on location, time of day, and how long I'll be gone. Whether you should call the police, in my opinion, should be based upon the same information. In such a situation where I deem it safe to allow my kids to wait for me in the car, it really does tick me off when others butt in and make comments. I'm not going to leave my kids in an enclosed, hot car. Yes, the car is running for the A/C, the parking brake is on, and my children know that they will be punished if they get out of their seats, talk to a stranger or open the door for anyone but me or a police officer in uniform. Mind your own business and let ME parent my children. My mother did the same for me, and I'm still alive.

HOWEVER, not all people have the same parenting ability, nor do all people teach their children responsibility for their actions at the same level as I. Some people simply should not breed.

I do think that, while the 8 year old and perhaps even the 5 year old together would have been fine, the 3 year old added something to the equation which made it questionable. It's a judgement call. If you feel that the situation is dangerous enough to merit a call to law enforcement, make that call.

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A.C.

answers from Oklahoma City on

Well I know here in OK it's illigal to take kids into liquor stores...
Some people might have a problem with you taking your child into one...
Maybe we should quit judging how other peole take care of their children.
You were doing what you thought was best and she was doing what she thought was best. leave it at that.
(if she was leaving them in there with no ac and it was hot outside that's a different story!)
Just wanted to add... I wasnt' saying YOU were being judgemental.... I meant that directed towards some of the posters on here who were saying things about how getting her liquor is more important than her children. I'm sorry that I sounded like i was griping at YOU.
P.S. I called the liquor store and asked and she told me that it is illigal to bring them in with me

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V.S.

answers from Flagstaff on

If she could see them, it wasn't dark, it wasn't hot, they were staying in their seats and behaving themselves, I don't see the big deal, unless it was a place with alot of crime. I go into the pharmacy for 5 min and leave the kids in the car. I can see them, they usually stay in their seats, they are 5 yr old twins and 3 yr old. If they get out of their seats, I go make sure they are behaving and then go back to get my prescriptions. But that is the only time I do that. Or if I get out at the gas station to pay inside, I lock all the doors and run in, run out. I can see them from there too. At the Redbox outside the gas station, I make sure to park right in front. Lock the doors, roll down the windows. Sometimes if it is too hot, I leave it running, doors unlocked. I am 3 feet away. Otherwise, I never leave them in the car if I am out of sight or I will be longer than a few minutes. Especially if it is hot. 10 min max with the windows rolled down or the air conditioner running. and then I am constantly watching them. making sure they stay put. Never ever leave them in the heat. I would say don't worry about it, but I might have stayed to make sure she was coming back within 10 minutes or so, especially outside the liquor store. Even if she was only running in to grab something for dinner or some recipe, there are others who are not so savory who might be around.

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P.M.

answers from Portland on

A quick google search gives many hits for people with "opinions" that leaving children alone in cars is illegal, with suggested age ranges between 6 and 16. I personally think it should be illegal to leave toddlers unattended, even for two minutes, if they will be out of the parent's line of sight.

But for me, older kids would be a case-by-case decision. Is the child of normal intelligence, understands stranger danger, displays common sense, is trustworthy? We do raise our children toward eventual independence, so isn't it reasonable to give them age-appropriate opportunities to exercise good judgement?

Curious about the actual laws pertaining to this issue, I dug deeper, and found an undated news bulletin from a California sheriff's office, noting that 11 states make it illegal to leave a child (no ages mentioned) in a car, citing the primary danger of death by overheating, but also other types of injuries, carjacking, car fires, or carbon monoxide poisoning in a car left running.

Further, California DMV states the following sensible rule:

It is illegal to leave a child SIX YEARS OF AGE OR YOUNGER unattended in a motor vehicle WHEN:

* There are conditions that present a significant risk to the child's health or safety. Example: Leaving a child in a closed car on a very hot day.

* The vehicle's engine is running, the keys are in the ignition, or both. Children can start or move the car causing injuries and/or deaths to themselves or others. An opportunist may (and many have) seize the moment to jump in and drive your car away, child still strapped in.

Violators may be fined and required to attend a community education program. If the child is injured, requires emergency medical services, or dies, then the penalties become more severe.
Also remember that pets also deserve the same care and should not be left unattended in a vehicle on a hot day.

If you see an endangered child or pet, call 911 and stay by the vehicle.

ADDED: For those curious about the legislative efforts of various states related to children and automobiles, here's a good starting point:
http://www.kidsandcars.org/legislation.html

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R.Q.

answers from New York on

The kids were eating and quiet. The store was in visual range. There were 2 older kids in case something happened (5 YO can run and get mom while the 8 YO tends the toddler and if there's a stalker or something they all can yell). You claim it's a safe town. I was not super hot that day. It was still light out. Honestly, I wouldn't have thought anything of it.

Would it have been more appropriate for her to bring her kids out of the car and have them stand around eating in front of the store? (Unless things have changed, I don't know many stores--especially liquor stores that would allow a bunch of kids eating pizza to wander around.)

As for it being a liquor store, who knows why she was there? Picking up something for her husband; liquor for cooking/baking; getting wine for her anniversary; gift for a friend's wedding; and our local liquor store was the only place you could find certain sodas (birch beer; sarsaparilla, etc.)

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M.M.

answers from Detroit on

I think I would have waited until she came back out. I noticed something like that I would feel responsible for those kids' safety until the mother returned. I love Toni's suggestion of telling the mom a weirdo had approached the car. That's a great way of asserting yourself without seeming like you are butting in.

I read in an article once never to leave your child where you would not leave a million dollars in cash. I have always remembered that metaphor. You wouldn't leave a million dollars in your car with all the windows rolled down, or on the sidewalk in front of a store, not even for five minutes.

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P.W.

answers from San Francisco on

I probably would have stayed until she came back.

A couple of weeks ago, I and my SIL got into an argument with a mom (she started it) who was leaving her 3 year old son outside of a store all by himself, because he "liked to watch the people." We were waiting with the kid until an adult showed up. She didn't appreciate our "judgment," she said. She had been living in Tibet, and maybe it's okay to leave a 3 year old by himself in Tibet, but not here, unfortunately.

I think that woman's going to get into a lot of fights until her kid gets older...

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A.V.

answers from Oklahoma City on

What the hell guys?! call CPS?!?! whatever! they don't care of children they hurt them! I would have waited till the mother came back. I have kids and have left them in the car when I had to run in and pay for gas. I have never left them in the car when it's hot or when I can't see the car. but I think calling CPS is stupid. if she had beeen in there for 20 mins or somethig then I might go in and talk to her.

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E.C.

answers from Fayetteville on

I would have stayed till she was back to make sure the kids were safe....If it would have been during the day and hot i would have called police but since it was night i would have just waited on the mom then left.

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N.O.

answers from Dallas on

Definitely call the police. I know in my state it's illegal to leave you keys in the car, let alone your children! I honestly can't stand people like that. I won't go ANYWHERE without bringing all of my kids in with me, as much hassle as it is, their mine and I would die if something ever happened to one. My sister once did school pick up for me, we often took turns doing this for each other, my daughter was 8 as well as my niece. My daughter comes home telling me my sister left them in the car to pay for gas and they were getting hot waiting for her.....needless to say, I was furious. I called her right away and told her not to ever leave my child in the car again and how hard would it have been to have them follow you in the gas station, they're 8 for God's sake! She may do that with her child all the time but I wasn't about to let her think she could do it with mine too. She quickly apologized and told me it would never happen again. However, I also never let my children go with her anymore either, just to prevent anything like this from ever happening again. So to catch someone in the act doing this, I would have called 911, if you wanted to be discreet, just tell the operator you don't want the police to contact you when they arrive and you want to be discreet but you're worried about the children. Crime happens every day in small towns, safe towns, rich towns, it could happen anywhere. Who cares if it's hard with 3 kids, they're still her responsibility to keep them safe and they all sound like a good age to be able to follow mommy in, no matter what store she was at. I have 3 kids, 8 4 & 2....it's crazy a lot of times just running in the store to grab some milk, eggs, whatever BUT they are my RESPONSIBILITY! If I don't want to take them with me, I wait until the end of the day when hubby gets home to watch one or two so I don't have all of them to bring with me. IF she was maybe single and didn't have a husband to help, well then sorry lady, take your kids in with you!! BTW, all those who will say "don't call the cops, you don't know what she was going through" are those who leave their kids in the car too. You as a mom know this was wrong, no matter what the situation for her was!
Well, I guess you get my point, : ) if you ever see this happen again, call the police right away and make sure you get the license plate number if the person leaves before the police called, that way they can look out for the car still. I doubt they'd arrest her or anything but it wouldn't hurt to hear from a policeman that this is chilld endangerment and not to do it anymore. I'm sure she'd learn a lesson. Take care!

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L.M.

answers from Providence on

I personally wouldnt leave my children in the car at that age but I think 8 is old enough to be left safetly in the car for 5 minutes though had I seen it I think I would of stayed til the Mom came out. I wouldnt of said anything to her cause I dont think she really did anything wrong just not what I would of done.

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M.R.

answers from Rochester on

I would have told the store manager and let him or her make the call. I have been in the liquor store with my kids but not for a while--they are now 3 1/2 and almost 2 years old. I've done it with one in the stroller, one in my arms, and made a beeline for what I want so they don't have a chance to grab and break anything, or asked at the counter if they could get what I want for me. If I really can't do it, I go when my husband is home. Those ages of children should be managable. I would never leave my kids in the car with food just for safety reasons, and definitely not out of sight of me. I park next to cart corrals in the grocery parking lot just so I won't have to leave them out of sight to put my cart away, but I still lock the doors when I do that. If the owner did not care, I would probably have waited until the mom came back out and glared at her. You could always call the local police and ask them how they would handle such a thing (should you call or not, etc.). Even in a small town this is not a good idea.

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D.P.

answers from Pittsburgh on

I would have called 9-1-1.

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J.D.

answers from New York on

hi. I didn't even read everyone's responses, I just read your "what happened" and decided I didn't need to b/c I didn't want that stress - LOL. FYI - I've taken my son into the liquor store OFTEN. He refers to it as the WINE store. Hello people - LIGHTEN UP!!!! With that being said, I probably would have just taken my time in my car until the mom came out - just to make sure nothing happened. I wouldn't have confronted her or called anyone. 3 kids, with an 8 year old...(who may have been even older) who knows...not the same as leaving an infant in a locked car with the windows up. Not something I'd do...but again, who knows. The best thing I'd say is to just help that mom by keeping an eye out. I do it all the time. I'm sure MANY moms would see me doing things and be quick to JUDGE me too, so I just try not to do that.

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A.H.

answers from New York on

i saw someone do this with a dog.. i waited 10 minutes.. she didn't come back.. i called 911.... it's hot out... and if you are in there more than 5 minutes.. you take the kids... you don't leave them.. the same with animals.. don't leave them ...

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J.G.

answers from Cleveland on

I didn't start leaving my daughter in the car till she was about 12 yrs old... even then she locked the doors and rolled up the windows. And it was only for a quick run in run out situation.

I take my kids (3, 5 & 6) in everywhere - unless my 15 yr old or daddy is with us and it's just a quick grab & go thing. But if I'm by myself - they all get unbuckled, go in with me & get buckled back in... it actually takes longer to get them out & in the car then it does to grab what I have to sometimes. But it is against the law to leave them in the car & most of all unsafe to leave them in the car - for many reasons.

I think calling the cops would have been a good idea, but unless they are close by - she most likely would have been gone before they could have responded. Another option would have been to sit and wait for her to come out of the store... you said you live where people look out for eachother - maybe it was your turn to look out for the kids.

I know when we were young my parents didn't take us into the store often... I hated it, but they just didn't want to be bothered with it. I grew up knowing I didn't want to be that way, so I'm not. But it isn't always easy w/ so many kids... but hey I had them right - now it's time to raise them right w/ love & attention. But not everyone feels that way - sadly.

Follow your heart next time... it's to late to change what happened last night.

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T.V.

answers from San Francisco on

Beata,

So both mamas were at the liquor store, you with one young child, she with 3 young children? Would this seem like a differenct story if you were both at the ICE CREAM store, windows down, children content? NO, children should not be left unattended in a car for ANY reason.

In this case the windows were down so a preditor could have had access to the children or there is the possibility that the children could get out of the car and get hurt or worse in a busy parking lot.

Since the children were content, I would have stuck around until the mother came out. To avoid a negative confrontation and in the spirit of educating this mama on the "dangers of leaving children unattended", I would have said something like: "Excuse me, I noticed a strange, dirty looking guy approaching your car, so I told him to get away or I would call the cops. He immediately ran away. I thought I should wait around until you came out".

I would have taken her license plate down before hand. By her reaction to your "little white lie", you would have known wheather the police or CPS should become envolved.

Blessings.....

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L.D.

answers from Albany on

I don't know about where you live but some states have a limit law. Where I live I believe it's that you can leave a child in the car for no more than 10 minutes. After that, you are in big trouble.

I don't make it a habit but I have left my children in the car for just a couple of minutes if I know I am running in some place quickly. Usually it is someplace where they are right by the door though and I can still see the car and I ALWAYS lock the car.

Personally I probably would have stayed a bit longer just because I am too curious and would have wanted to make sure the kids weren't left alone for any longer than 5 or 10 minutes. I would have been disturbed she left the windowns down vs. leaving the car on with the A/C and telling the oldest to lock the doors from the inside.

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T.B.

answers from New York on

Totally 100% agree with Barbara-Ann!!!!!! I would have went back into the store and said, "Does anyone own a (name the car)? There are 3 little kids in the car unattended." That way it is brought to the attention of others and maybe make her realize what she did was wrong. I have only left my 10 year old in the car (locked) with the dog, as I walked to the school door to pick up my other child. Never out of sight and sometimes other parents would stand outside of each others cars and some of the praents would collect the kids from the dissmissal area. There are too many sickos in the world to leave our precious lil' ones unattended in ANY situation!

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L.D.

answers from Las Vegas on

I wouldn't leave my children in the car with the windows rolled down like that, and certainly not at those ages, but then I tend to be overly caustious than most. Must be all of those news programs that I have been watching.

I've actually had this happen before when I was going to the grocery store. I just stuck around to keep and eye on the car and make sure that they parent returned within a short amount of time. If the parent hadn't returned within 5 minutes, I was prepared to call the store security.

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K.K.

answers from Albany on

In my town you can leave the car running while stopping at the store. In my town I would have felt fine about the woman. However, that is me. If you are uneasy with something like that, you could always be the good samaritan and wait in you car, and once the other woman appears, you could leave, making no scene, but feeling comfortable that nothing untoward happened to those 3 children.

S.K.

answers from Kansas City on

It disturbs me more to think about the fact that it was at a liquor store. I grew up around drunks and everything that comes with alcohol. I hated it. It was a miserable life. Being left in cars, which happened all the time even at night, was the least of my problems.

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D.F.

answers from New York on

Let it go. It is not your problem. The kids were not in imidiate danger. That is when you need to say something.

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D.S.

answers from Tulsa on

in oklahoma you cant enter a liqour store if you are under the age of 21. I just moved from there and that is the law. I don't think the children should have been left in the car alone. but if you would have called the cops and she was drunk she would have been arrested in oklahoma for child endagerment and dui. I had a friend who got arrested for dui and child endagerment since his son was in the car and they sent him to the pen and his parents were lawyers. so you don't call the cops but if the mom was drunk driving and you didn't call the cops and the kids died from it it would have been just as much your fault as hers. can you live with that?

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H.B.

answers from Chicago on

I believe it's illegal in my state. There are so many deaths in the summer (animals and babies) If you know for sure that it's illegal, then I would just pass that information. If she ignores you, call the cops.
My friend liked to leave her son in the car to go pay for gas. So I never let her drive my son after learning that.
Also, I worked as a Bank Teller and a woman drove up with only one child. The child was in an infant carrier, in the front seat, facing forward. I was so shocked. The girl I worked with wasn't sure if we should call the cops. We didn't know if the child was colic and it was easier for her or if she was going straight home. I do wish I said something.

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M.R.

answers from Columbus on

Just playing devils advocate here, but what if these three had been left at home alone? I think we all know that that would be a problem, no matter how comfortable they were or what they were eating. Were something to happen to them while Mom was away, she would be prosecuted for neglect. You were worried about these kids, not that something in all probablity would happen, but that you knew it could. Even though it was not an "emergency" I probably would have stayed in my car and watched those kids, and called the non emergency number for the police department, and shared the situation with them, including the tag number for the car. I would not confront or speak to a stranger, but tell the police that I was going to stay in my car and wait for either Mom, or them to come supervise these kids and would call them back on 911 if something, God forbid, were to happen that was an emergency. Then I would leave it to the authorities to speak to her about what was and was not legal. Safe is another question. It just feels unsafe to me.

In most states, I think, it is not legal to leave children alone. There are ages in some states at which point you can leave them, but it is older than 8, and in some states that number is left to the parent to decide. I tend to look to the Red Cross number, they won't train children as baby sitters until age 11, so that would be the earliest I would think that it is legal to leave a child to supervise other children, let alone themselves.

M.

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K.H.

answers from Utica on

Hi Beata
This is a difficult call. So since you can't change what you did. I will tell you what you can do so you know what to do the next time. Call the police for information. Ask them what the law says about leaving kids in the car. Then follow the information they give you. If they say 2 minutes with age 8, then... Also ask about age of the child in charge== baby sitter. Leaving an 8 year old alone may be different than leaving an 8 year old as a baby sitter. 10 minutes may be different than 5 or 25 minutes so get into the details.
I know one time I saw a man taking a child out of the store and the child was crying -- it could have been dad upset with child but it also could have been an abduction. I followed from afar and got the license plate number just in case there was a news report. I was glad I did even though there was no news report, but I told my then 3 yo twins if anyone takes you always say " this is not my mother / father -- don't just cry" I learned that like you because of a situation when I knew not what to do, and I called and asked the police who said I was right.
God bless you

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J.F.

answers from New York on

It is a tough call. I has to leave my 3 year old in the car once. I went to a cigarette store to get a gift for a party. I went to bring my daughter in with me. I was told I could not enter the store with her because she is under 18 and it is against the law. Mind you she is 3 years old. Luckily I was parked right in front of the store. I had her sit in the front seat with the windows up and the car locked. I could see her the entire time and I was only in the store 3 minutes. And coming back another time was not an option. I had to drive over an hour to get to this store so I was not wasting the trip and coming back again just so someone could sit in the car with my daughter. It is a hard line to cross. If it was in a dangerous area and the mother left them in the car I can see a problem. Since even you say it is a safe area then I don't see the problem. I have left my step-son who is 12 in the car with my other 2 children ages 6 and almost 4 to run in the store to grab something really quick like a loaf of bread. Sometimes it is just easier to leave the kids in the car for a minute or two than to spend three times as long loading and unloading the kids and also making sure they don't touch or break anything. It also should not have mattered also what type of store she was at. Weather it be a liquer store, pharmacy or grocery store. Raising multiple kids is hard. If it helps with your piece of mind next time sit in your car outside the store until the mother comes out to make sure nothing happens but otherwise my answer is to each your own. There really is no wrong way to raise your kids. Everyone has things that they feel comfortable with that others don't.

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A.F.

answers from Dallas on

I think you should have called the police. It doesn't hurt anyone to hear from a poice officer what you're doing is wrong and dangerous. I do also like the suggestion from the PP about warning her of a weirdo close to the car, that's a great idea. But if you didn't want to directly speak to her, let the police do it. Their job is to protect so they would have taken a call like this very serious and she needs to know what she's doing is wrong. People like that don't deserve to have kids, I have 3 and expecting #4. I take my kids in with me anywhere and everywhere I go, even if it's to run in and pay for $20 of gas, they're right there next to me. I'd rather make sure they're safe with me then find myself calling the police over a kidnapped child, etc. Crazy people are everywhere and usually prey on those irresponsible mothers who don't care enough to bring their kids with them for a quick store trip.
I'm sure just by you asking the question, you knew it was wrong but probably never been put in this situation so it's good your asking for advice. You'll get lots of different opinions on here, you'll hear from those who leave their kids in a car and think it's ok, those who would never, those who've thought about it but dont, but in your heart if you knew it was wrong, if there's ever a next time, make sure to call 911. The kids safety is the most important, NOT the moms liquor and if she can't realize that, then let the police make her aware of it.

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J.S.

answers from Detroit on

if it were her driveway, nothing...but out in public...I would have called the police and not given it a second thougt. I would have waited for them o arrive then left.

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J.C.

answers from Sacramento on

Hi,
I would have stayed to be sure they were safe and maybe mentioned to the mom that it may not be the best idea to leave her kids unattended in the car but I am overly cautious about the safety of young children. If it had been more than 5 minutes I would call 911 to report her. Apparently her need for liquor was more important than her children's safety since she didn't inconvenience herself by taking them with her. How sad this is.

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M.T.

answers from New York on

I never left my kids alone in a car. I also never took them into a liquor store, just didn't feel that's a place I wanted them. They know I have a drink sometimes. However, I would not have left them in the car to go to the liquor store. Some parents think it's fine to leave kids in a car - and usually nothing bad happens. Still I don't think it is a good idea. I guess some parents remember waiting in the car when they were kids and don't realize that the world is a very differernt place. I found out when my daughter was preschool age that my FIL left her in the car to go into a store, he didn't want to bother getting her in and out of the car seat, and we had to make it clear that this was simply not acceptable in today's world

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A.M.

answers from San Francisco on

I think people should remember back when they were young. I know most the kids I grew up with (I am 19) were left in their parents car and so was I. We all grew up in a safe town and we all turned out just fine. People act as if there are more sickos out there today then there was 50 years ago! Do they consider their parents horrible parents? I think not! I dont see why you were more alarmed bc it was a liquor store though? Gas stations sell beer... I think if they were ok and nothing was wrong to leave it be! Come on people think about having 3 kids in a liquor store... Thats not a great match! Kids can break something. If a mom ran inside her house while her kids were in the car all buckled up bc she left her debit card and she had no one watching the kids and she couldnt see them from time to time would we be concerned? NO! If you are botherd by it wait for her, but dont call 911 or the cops! UNLESS they are being neglected and if running in for a couple minutes is negelct then half the people in this world should have been living with foster parents!!!!! Not ranting at you Beata, some of the post are just so mean! No one knows another persons story or whats going on unless we personally know that person. I think you did right, but I would have stuck around to make sure she wasnt in there for more the 5-10 minutes my opinion!

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N.B.

answers from Jamestown on

Well you being at the liquor store yourself with your kid wouldn't look right either.

I would've asked the woman if she wanted me to stay and watch them while she went in...or at least stayed until she returned anyway.

Nanc

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S.S.

answers from Cincinnati on

I wouldnt leave a child younger than 7 in a car by themselves but these kids were all together. I live in a small town and my mother use to give us the option of going into the store or not with her if she knew she was going to be less than 15minutes.

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K.D.

answers from Albany on

Wow.. what to do.. hard to say. This one bothers me because then windows were down.

I guess some might say I am bad. But I will admit I have left my one son in the car. He's 5 now.. but always windows up and locked. I should add I left him in the car because he'd just fallen asleep and was fighting a cold -- I was so glad he was resting.

It's so hard to judge. The hard fast rule. NEVER leave children unattended doesn't allow for reality.

Yes stay and watch if you are worried. And I agree calling 911 is a lil harsh. But I appreciate some people take a hard-line approach. I guess I am just not that perfect.

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