SAHM Not Doing Enough?

It's funny, I was thinking about this this morning. A mom in playgroup is going back to work in the fall (teaching) and was looking for someone to mind her kids. I seriously thought about doing it because I feel like I need a project. Then I remembered! I have a project: my own kids (7 month old and 2.5 year old). My job right now is minding them. They are a 24/7 job, after all, so there is no need for anymore more, at least not now.

The only reason that I go and clean a house once a week is just for extra money and to help out a friend who has helped me out plenty. I also make bows just to make them and if they sell, they sell. If not, I had fun doing it.
Enjoy being able to just be a mom. It's the best job in the world!

I know you already have plenty of responses, but I just wanted to let you know I feel exactly the same way very often. Lately I have been so down on myself because I feel like days go by and I don't even get to simple things like calling an old friend, or painting my toenails... and I wonder how those super moms do things like finish their PhD, while working and being a mom!

One of my favorite sayings is this:

Don't judge your insides by someone else's outsides.

No matter what you do once you have kids, you end up feeling inadequate! LOL I work full-time, and actually I make about 4x what my husband makes (though he works very hard at what he does) - and I have feelings of constant guilt too. So if the full-time mom feels guilty, and the mom who works full-time feels guilty... then who *doesn't* feel guilty, right??

I think you're doing exactly right by your family. Look, I just came off of a 70-hour work week during which I was out of town for 3 days, and the other 2 days I was in a position of having to tell my kids that I didn't have time to play with them because I was under a deadline for work - a deadline that can't be ignored because if I lose my job, we all go live under a bridge in a cardboard box. So yeah, this week especially I feel like the worst mom in the world. Although we still have a roof over our heads, so I guess in that way I'm getting the job done...

Like a few other moms mentioned, America is one of the only countries where we have to feel this way. I don't know what the solution is except for just do what you have to do for your family, and forget the rest. We all do what we have to do, and I have a feeling the grass is always greener on the other side! =)

I'm a stay at home mom and my job is my family and home. I don't work outside the home at all unless my kitchen garden counts ;). I probably won't return to work until all of our children (one so far, but we are planning on more) are school age and in school full time.

I've run into the same thing a few times. Not so much with friends or family making me feel like I'm not doing enough, but strangers. We recently moved for my husband to start a new job and while I was setting up all of the utilities (its a very small community) I was on the phone with a lady who asked us if we had kids, what we do etc. Normal get to know you kind of stuff while she was waiting on the computer to load something. I told her that I'm a SAHM to a 1 yr old. She was shocked that he wasn't in day care and said how much her daughter loves it. I replied that I enjoy it and after working in childcare for so long, I wouldn't feel comfortable leaving my child in it. Her reply was "Oh that's just part of growing up and being a kid! Don't you miss work??" Needless to say, made me feel a bit down about it and made me feel like maybe I'm not giving my son all the opportunities he should have. Luckily after talking to my mother-in-law about it I felt a lot better.

Try not to let others overshadow what you're doing!

I'm a slacker mom and some days I feel guilty about it, but mostly not. I don't have things scheduled every day. I don't work on the side. My house isn't spotless, and sometimes I look around and wonder what it is I do all day. But my son is happy and I am happy, and that is what is most important. If I wanted to motivate and start a company, maybe I would, but I don't. That is okay. You may not notice all the other moms like yourself, because they arent running around talking about how much they ARENT doing. You notice the ones that are so busy because it is more obvious. My hat's off to them, I admire them. But I am not going to take that on just now. Are your children well adjusted? Do you enjoy spending time with them? If so, that is all that matters. (Free time is important too.)

When you are on your deathbed and your children are by your side, holding your hands and comforting you, what are you going to regret? Spending time with them and really FOCUSING on them, or pushing ahead with your career?

I started a company when my second was 4 mos. Last year was a great year and this year we've decided as a family that my work is damaging to our family because I feel guilty and my kids feel like they don't have enough of me, even though I mostly work from home and keep flexible hours to be with them. I stay up late to work and it makes me cranky when I'm with them during the day. They deserve better.

Your kids are only young for a short time, you'll have plenty of years to be inspired to do other things. It is NOT the case that you are not doing enough, you just aren't doing what others are doing. You are doing what is in your heart to do and there is no more anyone can do than that.

Stand proud, mama. The grass always looks greener but remember that the snippets you hear about others' lives don't communicate much about how great their lives are.

Have fun!

I teach high school and I've seen many kids who had SAHM moms who overscheduled them into every single activity and have micromanaged every little detail of their lives, all while trying being "Super-Mom". The kids are super stressed, feel like they can never meet the expectations of their parents, and will often go to the ends of the spectrum: they'll either join every activity in high school and take the hard courses but only do average in them because they're spread too thinly OR they'll be so stressed out that they turn to poor decision making such as alcohol or drugs to escape the insanity that is their lives.

Please note that I'm not saying that EVERY kid who is overbooked turns out like this, but I am saying don't feel like you have to fill every second of their day with something new and exciting. Kids need a break and downtime to decompress in order to be healthy and you do too!

Do what makes you feel best and fulfilled and stop worrying about what everyone else is doing.

It's too bad they have to find other avenues of income, while you don't! (THAT'S THE ATTITUDE I would take lol) Really don't try to measure yourself up to your sister or friends. You really dont know why they are having to do extra and if you dont have to, great! If you dont WANT to thats ok too. The job you have now as a SAHM is a tough and consuming one. In my circle you are not the minority.

LOL! I work FT as a teacher and now that I'm home for the summer I feel very lazy! I am used to working all day, coming home to be mommy, make dinner and keep up with the chores and then going to bed and starting over again. Now that all I have to do is be mommy and housekeeper I feel lazy like I should be doing something.

It's okay. It's okay to work, it's okay not to. Why do we women feel the need to compare ourselves to everyone? I read about SAHM and feel horrible that I can't be home with my 2.5 year old, but then I feel great that I have a good job that I enjoy and that makes a difference in the world.

It's a tough job to be a working mom, a SAHM or a WAHM or any other type of mom. We are all moms and as long as our children are loved and attended to, who cares about all the other stuff. What you are doing is being a mom and THAT's the most important job.

You cannot compare apples and oranges.
Your sister has one child - you have 2. She has a nanny. You don't.
It's all about priorities - yours are different.
You don't have to be doing anything that you don't want to do.
Relax and enjoy your kids.
YMMV
LBC

This is the second time I am a SAHM and I write it like that because my children are born several years apart. (I went back to work between the 2nd and 3rd child. I worked as a first time mom until the 2nd was born. I am also a teacher).

The first time I stayed home I was always trying to add income to our household. I tried substituting and having my friends watch my children. I tutored and ran in home Reading and Writing summer camps (actually this was very successful...I still get calls asking if I am having my camp) but in the end I don't think I was very focused on being a stay at home mom.

Now with my 3rd baby I am trying to be just that.... a stay at home mom. If you can afford it, embrace this time. You are doing enough...your children do need your full time attention and they grow up way too fast.

ONLY in the United States does this become such an issue. We are the only country on the planet that does not do extended vacations, afternoon breaks (such as tea or naps)... we have the shortest alloted maternity leaves, NO paternity leaves... the lists go on, and on, and on....

No WONDER we are the fattest society in the world. No wonder over half of our marriages are ending in divorce. No we are the most over medicated, depressed, and anxious society on earth right now.

You are probably doing a GREAT job!! You just happen to be in a very over-worked, over-stressed, over-EVERYTHING cultural climate.

Have a drink and relax. Your babies sound like they have a lot of fun! Its okay!!

: )

;

I really get annoyed by those SAHM that are really militant and defensive but you are not one of them! And after reading the responses, neither are any other moms who responded! Don't let anyone get you down and you do not have to be busy every minute of the day to feel like you are doing a great job either. So what if your friends are starting website and writing books? Does that mean that they will get published or be super successful like your sister? I hope they all do but did it occur to you that they might be doing it because they might be either bored or looking to do something that helps them break out of mommy mode? As long as you are ok with things (as is your husband and kids) just enjoy the time you have!

If you don't NEED to work and don't WANT to work, then be happy that you're spending that time with your kids while they're little. It goes by so fast, and when they're grown up, you and your kids will have those memories of time spent together. Like you, I was a teacher, and I decided to stay home after my 2nd child was born. But since my hubby is also a teacher, we needed some supplemental income, so I do private tutoring. It's great because I set my own schedule and it helps me to not miss teaching. Plus it gets me out for a few hours per week doing something other than being with my own kids non stop. But, if you are happy being at home with your little ones, then enjoy it and don't worry about what other moms are doing. To each their own!

I started homeschooling about 3.5 years ago. One of the best tips I heard at a support group meeting was to NEVER compare yourself to other moms.

Every family is unique, with different variables for each person in the family.

What works for you may not work for someone else, and vice versa.

What I try to stay focused on is what God wants for our particular family. As long as I feel like I'm doing that I'm happy. Don't know if you are religious but you may want to research what the Bible says about family life. However you do it, set your own standards in your own mind and stick to those. I love getting tips from other moms; on the other hand, I try to not compare myself (though it is hard not to sometimes). It is a balance.

Good luck to you - I can empathize.

I think you are doing just fine. I have been a SAHM for almost three yrs and I love it. There are days I fill like a need to do something but then I think of all the time I would be missing with me DD. I did work at an ortho office for a month and loved it. When working there I said this is what I want to do, but in the end I realized how much I missed my DD and how much she missed me. Befor I did it I could leave her for the day at a friends and no problem but now I try and she thinks I am going to work and will not let me leave. I should be working because we need the extra income but I cant do it, and then trying to keep up on the house it was very hard. So If you and your DH are happy just stay home and enjoy the time you have with them.

No... I've been a SAHM since before I had kids...LOL I enjoy being at home with my kids. I've babysat before, sold Avon and taught ballet in my home but very very part time and it was too much for me. I quit it all. It wasn't worth the $3 an hour 2 hours a week...LOL I am teaching ballet this fall but only 4 hours a week and I have lots of help. My girls help me with my classes and my son babysits my other kids. I homeschool too so I'm very busy...

Every Mom is different. Not all are super doers.
The main thing is that you are happy and your kids.
There is no need to "keep up with the Jones'." Nor to compare yourself.
Its okay.
Really.
So many kids, have "resumes" nowadays. It don't mean a hill of beans. These kids are on a treadmill of activities. But it does not mean this is "quality time" with their Mom or parents, nor that they have a real bonding and "relationship" with their parents. THAT is what kids 'need' most.

all the best,
Susan

I did not work for about 15 years while I was raising my two boys. I should say I wasn't paid for 15 years because I did work, BUT I did not choose to be as "involved" or "active" as some of my friends. I volunteered, but not constantly. The second half of that time I was able to hire a housekeeper......my days were still filled to my liking and I had plenty of time with my kids. Once they started school I had other choices.

My feelings: DON'T FEEL GUILTY AND DON'T MEASURE YOURSELF BY THE CHOICES OF OTHERS.

Are you content. Great! What are you measuring "doing enough" by? Are you bored? Are you avoiding something because you are fearful you will fail? If the answer is no, then you are fine.

If your husband is making enough to provide everything your family needs, don't worry about going back to work until your youngest is in school full time. You don't have to jam pack your children's days with activities in order to be doing what you should be doing. If you and your kids are wiped out by the end of the day, then you're doing the right amount. Good luck.

Girl, i completely understand! Sometimes I get frustrated with my own mom because she likes to answer for me whenever anybody asks if I'm free with "Oh, A. is always free! She doesn't do anything." It hurts my feelings a lot when she says this, especially considering that she was a stay at home mom while we were growing up. I have an 18 month old son and a baby girl due in 10 weeks, my house is never spotless (I just recently got caught up on laundry for the first time in months), we get takeout a LOT (probably twice a week on average), I was in school part-time but dropped my classes after the first week, and I was babysitting part-time but more than gladly stopped once the baby's parents were done working for the summer (both teachers). We are not lazy at all--we are good mothers who schedule our time around whats best for our children. Kids don't benefit any from sitting at home all day while mom cleans or works, they NEED our interaction and full attention. My mother in law is awesome, she always tells me that she'd be more concerned for my son if our house WAS spotless--how could he possibly be getting all the adventures he needs in if we're pent up all day!? I'm also very lucky to have an awesome husband who fully understands how exhausting being a SAHM mom is (I left him home for a whole weekend while i went out of town with my girls once, and have never had a complaint about him not having clean socks again haha), and offers to pick up dinner on his way home from work if i've had a particularly exhausting day.

So in conclusion, you are absolutely NOT lazy! You are doing an amazing job by putting your kids first and understanding that they are priority #1! You will never be able to get this time with them back, there will be plenty of time when they're older for you to volunteer, work, be in school, etc.

It sounds like you've already found the right balance for your own family. It's wonderful that you and your husband agree on your choices. If something came up that you loved, that would be great, but I wouldn't want to search out a way to become busy without good cause. By the way, I teach 1-2 college classes per semester because I love it, but there are times that I couldn't do what I wanted to with the kids because of work. You wouldn't want to miss something important to family life just to prove that you could handle kids and work. Keep up the good work you have been doing!

Don't worry what others are doing. I, too, gave up teaching to stay home. My children are 6 and 2. I don't work part-time, although I did for a while, but quit due to husbands work schedule, nor do I want to write a book, start a company or do anything else, but enjoy my children. Some women want it all, but I just want to make memories with my kids and have some down time for myself once in a while. I feel that my life is quite full and while I may not be doing something I'm getting paid for or that will earn me an award or acclaim, I'm doing just what I want and watching my kids grow into respectful, loving, intelligent human beings. Good luck!

I get the feeling lots of moms go back to work because of the same feelings you are having. That is too bad. Young children need their moms more than you know. No matter how wonderful a nanny you can find, she will not love your children as much as you. And this stage with small children will pass so fast, they will be grown before you know it and there will be no going back! So enjoy this time and know that you are doing the most important job out there because you really are. And don't feel guilty, like you should be doing more, because you are enjoying it. Being a SAHM is the best job in the world. Don't let others make you feel or tell you differently.

Why as women do we feel their is some sort of magic formula that we must follow in order to be "successful". You are a stay at home mom and you do it the way you want to do it. No, you don't need another job if the family is doing okay financially. No, you don't have to have your own company or write a book or this or that. Why are you doubting yourself so much? As yourself these questions - are my kids happy and healthy. Is my marriage happy and healthy. Am I happy and healthy? If you answer yes to all three - quit worrying about what other folks are doing and worry about you and yours.

I would love to know this as well, as I feel exactly like you do on many many days...and it is not my husband saying anything as he is not at all critical- he loves that he can allow me the privelege of staying home with my kids, but with summer upon us we run from one activity to another and we have a great time..but the dusting and washing and deep cleaning has taken a back seat ...and when I notice it I am upset with me!! I have recently decided to try to juggle an at home career(now that mine are at ages 6 and 14) but find it very very difficult and am not sure how all the others do it all.....if you get some answers I hope they give us clues to how to do it all.

All my focus is on my children, sometimes the house is not even as clean as it should be because it is nice out and my boys want to be outside,not inside while mommy cleans, and that is fine. Work can wait, dishes can wait, this is time with my children I could never get back if I miss out on it. Be proud your kids are your focus. When I feel like I should be doing more I just remember what I would be missing if I did "more" and that I have a lot of time when they are older and in school all day to do "more" with my life (like return to work).

I agree with Sandy below . . .don't compare yourself to others ... .what you see on the outside is not always so perfect on the inside. Do whats best for you and your family. Kids grow up so fast. . .. time is so limited. If you have the opportunity to be a SAHM, cherish it. I am a single parent of a 15 year old and I would have died and gone to heaven for the opportunity to have stayed home with my son when he was younger. I had no choice . .. you do, be grateful.

As previous posters said, every mom is different. I wouldn't focus too much on what other people are doing. They might feel like your side of the fence is much greener. You never know.
BUT- Why not take a class at your local community college? It would keep your brain in "function" mode and allow you some time for something special that is just yours.
Good luck, whatever you decide.

The most important thing you can be doing is spending time with your little ones. Time flies - before you know it, they will be teenagers (believe me, I know). I stayed at home with my kids and don't regret a single minute of it. Work will be there when you feel the kids are old enough and you are ready. And you're right - this is an exhausting time for you, when your kids are the ages they are.

If both you and your husband are happy with the arrangements, don't compare yourself to other moms and what they are doing. You are doing great!

My answer is this i had the feeling that i wasn't doing enough, being productive working from home and the like, but when i really sat around and gave it a good thought i'm quite like you I take my son lots of places, work out, plan our budget, and all the daily things that go into being a SAHM. what else can i fit in that wouldn't leave me absolutely exhausted. I to plan to go to work when my son is old enough. i feel like this time is so precious passes so quickly, and i must enjoy it, because i really don't think i'm going to wish i had worked more! enjoy your kids, the only thing i we have decided to add to our plate is to be apart of safe familes, which is a christian organization that acts as a stop gap between familes in crisis and dcfs, offering temporary housing for kids in at risk families who need some help since we only have one child and i'm at home anyway

Sounds to me like you are doing a perfect job! Enjoy the time time you have with them and be thankful that you get to watch these early years hands on. Everyone is different and some women thrive on being full speed ahead, which is great if that's what they really like. Likewise, if you don't feel the need to be so "movtivated", then that is fine too. Hands down, parents (especially moms/stay at home parent) work their butts off!
As your kiddos get older and start preschool, there will be plenty of opportunites to volunteer and try that if you want to. Best wishes!

If you worked full time, or part time, you'd probably feel guilty about not spending ENOUGH time with your kids. Every household has a different dynamic, and I think we all make ourselves crazy comparing ourselves to this mom or that mom. When I'm sure there are mom's who look at you and think "I should be home with my kids all the time like her"

No matter what we do, or don't do, I think mom's give themselves much to hard of a time. Trying to be perfect, or better. If your kids are happy and thriving, and YOUR happy. Then you're doing a good job! If you feel you need something else, then do it. FOR YOU. I feel like you do from time to time too. But at the end of day, I am happy that I spent basically every moment with my kids, and didnt miss a smile laugh, new word or experience. Yes there are days i feel like Im going crazy. I'm lonely, tired, the house is a mess, and we could definately use more money. But I can also sit and recap everything we did that day, the good and the bad. And I wouldn't trade it. For me, being with them is a greater reward then pulling extra money. But that doesnt work with everyone. Do what makes YOU and YOUR KIDS happy. Not what you think others think you should do!

The important thing is that you are happy and have a happy home. I think many SAHMs still feel like they need to do something more in order to feel fulfilled. I got a simple data entry position that I could do from home and when baby sleeps to fill that void. My hubby is a great provider but I just wanted to have extra cash to retain some independence. If you don't need to then don't stress about it. Remember that if you pick up a job that requires a lot of your time it will be time that you may have to sacrifice with your children. The time before you return to work is limited. Kids grow up fast so enjoy it guilt free.
C.
www.momsinstinct.com/

You've just described my life! I live my life the same way with my two little dudes (toddler and a baby). We do something fun and low key every day but sometimes i get a (very small!) inkling that perhaps i should be doing more with them or more personally (i stopped being a clinical psychologist to be a mum). But, then i keep thinking - it makes us all really happy! My husband works incredibly hard and, i know this sounds old fashioned, i like to be able to support him in that really demanding role. Whilst i am by no means saying that being a SAHM is right for every family, i can see that it works perfectly for us. And, with my professional cap on, i know that kids don't benefit from being over-scheduled and their behavior is often better and more manageable when gentle unrushed routines are followed by mom. As i get older, I get better at dealing with the voices in my head that say 'so and so is doing this' or 'maybe i should do that' - my priority now is to enjoy every second of this little time i have with my children and to do what makes us all happy. I keep up professionally by reading journals etc and that keeps my brain ticking over. Also, and you must find this too being a teacher, so much of what i enjoyed about my job e.g. learning, caring, problem-solving, teaching etc is right in front of my nose with the upbringing of my children and i get a real kick out of knowing that my years of training are really helpful and beneficial to the raising of my children.

Enjoy! It sounds like if it were not for the guilt you would be - don't let such a pointless emotion detract from the value of the moment. It's such a precious time and will be over before you know it. There will be plenty of time to be a teacher again or fulfill whatever other dream arises in the coming years.

agreed - two little kids is more than enough. If you see your kids happy and healthy, your marriage is strong and you are happy in yourself then you are doing a perfect job, don't make yourself feel inadequate by feeling you 'should' be doing more because someone else does. We are different people with different motivations. I have a few friends who appear to be supermoms on the outside but when you see how much energy and time that involves you see why they are so tired, stressed, never have a minute to themselves - and often full of 'mommy' guilt because they would love to spend more time with their kids. It sounds like you are very fortunate, just do what you honestly feel is right for your family and forget comparing yourself to anyone else.

I know exactly how you feel - I am a sahm who put a career I enjoyed on hold to stay at home with our two which has allowed my husband to advance in his career and also focus on the next career by going to school but I am constantly looking at other mothers thinking they are doing more than myself and better. It actually makes me feel badly. Like you, I try to balance staying home and outside activities, we do library, parks, zoo etc. As you have said though I really have no motivation to do anything else for I am tired and have no down time to myself. I think you are doing fine - it is hard not to look at others and compare but I am working on that myself to avoid feeling bad. Sounds like you are doing a great job.

I'm not a take my kids everywhere , they must do activities mom.
I think most kids are over scheduled these days. It's good for them to be bored. Boredom is what forces kids to use their imaginations. as far as me I am in school too , if I wasn't I wouldn't be doing anything else this summer.
Once school starts the kids will be in school and I will get a part time job just to keep me busy outside of the house.

Congrats on deciding to stay home during these formative years - stop feeling guilty and enjoy it! I was going to stay home and then my hubby got laid off so I went back to a part-time mostly work at home job, and I also chose to start a small blogging company for my own enjoyment. If you don't have the motivation or need to do these things, don't sweat it. My guess is that maybe you're feeling a little lacking in some way (only because you've noticed that so many others seem to have more going on personally). If that's the case (and if not, that's totally fine, just ignore what I'm going to say), then maybe try to find a book club or something to join so that you've got a little bit to add to the adult conversation.
J. Sassack
www.UrbanSuburbanFamily.squarespace.com

Not everyone feels the need to do more, so don't let others put pressure on you. Being a mom is a HUGE job in itself, the most important one you will ever have. Why take away spending time with your kids if you don't have to? My husband is also very hard working (always two jobs so I am able to stay home), we chose this when we had kids because we felt it was important that we raise our own children. However, not everyone has or wants this luxury. Enjoy your time with the kids and don't worry about what everyone else is doing!

I'm a stay at home mom too. My boys are 5 and 8 and in a year, when my little one enters first grade, I will start looking for a job. When the boys were younger, I had the same feelings you are having now. But now, that their toddler years are over and they both will be away at school all day, I am truly grateful to have spent so much time with them.

Sounds like we are all in the same boat. I think having the feeling of being lazy - when we are not - is quite normal - sometimes we can't see what we have done! WE DO WORK!!! We just don't get paid in monetary terms, but rather with H.U.G.S and K.I.S.S.E.S. You are definitely on the right track and it is so reassuring to hear there are others like us in the same position. Accomplishing one errand or job a day is an achievement when you have two children - sometimes I feel ecstatic just having gone through a pile of paperwork on the bench! Remember the chinese proverbs, "It is possible to move a mountain by taking away small stones", and another I love is "A child's life is like a piece of paper on which every person leaves a mark." Good luck! Caroline

You are doing just fine. Bravo to you for putting your career on hold (because you can) to focus in on your kids. Many moms can't stay home and many more will tell you flat out "I don't want to give up my job & stay home". Kids do not need to be "scheduled" 24/7. Kids need to be kids, plain and simple. They need to be able to play with toys and come up with their own games and use their imaginations! When our kids are scheduled with events everyday they loose (or never acheive) the ability to be creative and not only play on their own but with their siblings. Kids that are scheduled have a harder time later in life when they need to be independent. They always had mom, dad, coaches & teachers telling them what to do, how to do, and when to do everything. These are the same kids, who are usually very book smart, but they can't even pick their college classes on their own. Let your kids have free time to do what they want to do....run around, kick a ball, play barbies. You seem to be doing a great job. Try not to focus on other moms and kids....the grass is not always greener when you're sitting in it. :)

You are already doing 2 jobs with 2 babies, that is plenty. Please don't judge yourself or let others judge you. It sounds like you are doing a fantastic job, don't worry about what others think.

You must gage what is enough. If your day is filled with activities and your children are happy, that is enough.

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www.ardysslife.com/LLJBCreativesolution

Remember you want to do what is good for you and your family and not worry about what others are doing.

Be Blessed,
L.

I am a stay at home Mom too. My son is 5 years old, and I am expecting another baby in Oct. I feel like sometimes...for real is this it...? is this my life? I know how you feel. I am not motivated either...It is hard work raising childeren I know we have to have the day scheduled too, and before you know it it is 5 and I have to make dinner....then a bath...then sometimes my husband expects sex....AHHHH! I try to d stuff at night after he goes to bed, but then am too exhausted...you must feel the same way bec your 2 are still little! And I feel like people like us who had proffessions before, it is very hard, I use to be a nurse. I just feel sometimes like the days are just passing me by...

I personally tried to look at work, but it was just enough to keep up with my one daughter. Don't feel bad that you are giving your all to your kids. You will continue to cherish this time as they get older. But for the others, it's possible that those jobs do fulfill them and give them some "adultness" to deal with the rest of the time being with their kids. So they may feel that they get time to themselves because they love their work. That could be their creative outlet and something positive that ends up making them money. We all have our ways to balance SAHMommyhood. If your husband can provide, and you enjoy being at home, cherish it. We unfortunately could not do that and now I am working full time and my husband is home with our daughter as there is little to no work for him. But we are each getting time with her at a young age that we feel is just precious. Me when she was under 2 and now him for the past 2 yrs. Do what makes you and your family happy and stop worrying about what other people think. It's just not worth it. Keep up the good work mama!!!

You're doing awesome! Don't fret. I use my downtime to rest and take care of myself. Do whatever you feel is right for you!

Ditch the guilt! Stay home if you enjoy it, and it sounds as if you do. I stayed home with my two, but was able to work part-time enough to stay in my profession while arranging everything around kids and husband. Even at my busiest, with deadlines up to my eyeballs, I felt I had it so much better than colleagues who went back to the office when their babies were 6 months old. (How could they bear to leave, just when things were getting exciting??!?!) However, my main reason for being glad I was at home developed when I divorced their dad: the kids were only 7 and 10, and I felt at least I had always been present, volunteered in their classrooms, etc. So if they were going to have problems as a result of the divorce (and they certainly did), it would not be because I wasn't with them. Post-divorce, I was able to continue working at home and do so to this day. Just packed my 24-yr-old off to Europe and his younger brother has a steady job that he loves -- so I am feeling that staying at home really worked for us. And I still love being here when they are!
Stay cool, stay home, enjoy!
Mama S.

you sound just like me! i have an 18 mo almost 19 i am a sahm former teacher/parent educator and I used to work a lot....now I am so happy to stay home w/ my DD. I do run a mom's group so we are very very active and are also not home much unless we are tired from too many playdates and need a break. I have a mess of a house bc we are too busy playing and yeah I hate it some days but others I think hell look how fast she grows, I will have plenty of time to cook/clean and miss my DD when she is grown!!! for now I am goign to soak up every second of her while she still wants me too: the mess will alwasy be there, work will always be there, but she wont!!!! honestly when you are going to die one day (I hate to even say that) you will not on your death bed say: wish my house was cleaner you will say wish I huged my DD more, wish I could kiss her more ect...that is what gets me through the days that I think I only play/cater to her and get nothing done!!! good luck/keep up the good work and do what works for your family not everyone elses!! hope this helps....it helps me! xo

I wish my hubby had a job that paid enough for me to be a SAHM. I envy you the time you have to share with your babies. I am a teacher also and trust me, I have used all of my maternity leave & now the summer break to focus on her (and hubby some too!!)

Don't feel like that! I stay at home with my 2 kids ages 3 1/2 and 13 months. I wouldnt change it for the world. If you got an at home job like your sister you wouldnt be able to spend all the time that you can with your children. I would never ever want someone else watching my kids all day long. Trust me you will miss it when they go to kindergarten!! And you will feel the oppisite way you do now!

In no way are you required to do more. It sounds like you are giving your kids all you've got!

I am one of those people who does a LOT and people often ask me how - I am the working parent, and I have published a few stories. It's important to understand that people like me desperately WANT to be writing stories, or painting pictures, or whatever. Your sister may have always DESPERATELY wanted to start the company, and she may have all ready laid a lot of the groundwork before her chidl came along. You loved you job - and you plan to go back. It's the same thing. If we are lucky enough to have things we love to do beside be Mommy, we do them - when we can. Sometimes in the wee hours - sometimes years down the road. The *when we can* is key. That time, for you, does NOT have to be now!

You'll never regret giving your kids your all.

p.s. Remember - some kids are more work than others too! : )

p.p.s. I missed that your sister had a nanny! I am sure that makes a lot of difference too! But the main point is to NOT feel like you should do what others do. I always feel so sad when people say I am *making* them feel inferior. It's like they are saying "You should stop being creative so I feel better about myself" and they often act like that's what they mean! You don't come across that way, but think about it. Would you want that? Of course not - it's quite possible that these same people admire you very much.

Sorry - that came out kind of scrambled. And with tons of typos too.