SAHM Guilt

This id why I started a blog and put ads on it. i make 30 dollars a month... Don't feel bad about that 30 dollars.

I feel super guilty too. i wish i didn't. my husband doesn't deny me anything, and tells me i should buy myself things. but i can't. i buy at goodwill, and he gets mad. i haven't bought my self a hair brush in i don't know how long.

I also feel like that sometimes. My wife and I have "mad money" or "fun money" that we can spend for anything the fun money account can afford. When we first started giving ourselves fun money, it was about $25 per month. Now its up to about $150 per month. (Last year my wife and I took a cruise on my fun money.)

I usually spend my fun money on something for the house or my wife, but if it comes out of the fun money jar, then I've grown to accept that its my no guilt jar. My wife and spend about $200 per month for groceries. My wife has turned that over to me and has told me if I can spend less that I should add it to my fun money. It has kept me on my toes. If it was just my wife and I $200 for a month's worth of groceries (including things like toilet paper, charcoal and dog food) would be easy. But my kids come over for dinner on Sunday so I feed 42 meals per week plus 6 to 14 extra meals on Sunday.

I would recommend you and your husband have a fun money jar. One for you and one for him. Then spend the fun money on fun things for yourself or the family without any guilt.

Good luck to you and yours.

I am sort of the same way and a SAHM.
I spend on my kids. Not myself.

The other week, I was at Macy's with my daughter. I saw a pretty necklace I loved. I was out loud, deciding if I should by it. It cost $20 dollars. My DAUGHTER told me "Mommy, just get it. Treat yourself to something... you never get anything for yourself. And Daddy doesn't either." She kept telling me to get it and how pretty it was and how it suited me.
My 8 year old daughter, told me this.
I bought the necklace.
I love it.
I am proud.
I have not bought myself anything in probably over 1 year.
I showed it to my husband. And he said "good, looks nice."
He did not know the 'significance' of my buying something for myself.
Duh.
That's okay.

I have the necklace on my desk, so I can look at it and I wear it. It makes me smile.
It makes me happy and represents something for myself.
Of which, my DAUGHTER had to remind me of that.

I am in the same boat! I love to dress cute, accessorize, etc. but since becoming a full-time SAHM last June, I have yet to go to my stylist for my hair, and only gotten a handful of things for myself. I feel that the kids deserve the extras, not me! My husband is always telling me to get what I say I need...and I never do! I don't know why we feel like this? Today I was just contemplating going back to work, but with 3 kiddos, daycare would be more expensive than what I would make! I feel like in order to get myself things, I should help earn the income. I totally get where you are coming from! My husband says that I deserve to "treat" myself because the most important things in life are our children and they are my number one priority. ;)

Not sure this is a SAHM thing or just a Mom thing! LOL.

I work full-time and contribute nearly 1/2 of the family's income. I skim about $150.00 off the top that is suppose to be "for me" including commuter/gas money but I always find at the end of the two weeks that I have spent most the money on family items - from groceries to trinkets for the kids - and nothing for myself. If I purchase a new pair of shoes or clothes with that money, I still feel guilty.

Oh well, guess that is what makes us moms.
~C.

Take heart. I think that's just another facet of mommy guilt. I make the lions share of the money in my house and I rarely spend money on myself. I agonize over it when I do. I will stand in the bra section trying to talk myself into spending $12 on a bra and ultimatley decide the one I have will last a little longer, but then walk right over to the kids section and throw 3 new outfits in without giving it a 2nd thought. I feel guilty, even though, I give 100% of myself to my family. I always wish I had more time, more money, more, more, more for them. Then, occasionally, I feel guilty for giving too much! And I feel guilty that I'm probably raising my girls to give till it hurts too. Mommy Guilt is natural. If it makes you feel better, set up an Ebay resale business by going to garage sales. Bring in a little pocket change. It won't aleviate all mommy guilt, but might help with this part of it.

I could have written this post myself!!! I am also a SAHM who cannot spend money on anything for me without feeling guilty that it isn't "my money". My feet are dying by the end of the day because I don't have supportive enough shoes (7.5 months pregnant), yet I refuse to buy a new pair. My hubby and son, however, just got new shoes because they need them (at least in my mind). For whatever reason, I cannot justify spending money on myself for anything! Coffee at Dunkin Donuts is about it, and even then the guilt takes over! Kids and hubby need anything at all and I have it for them within a day or two, if I need something, well, that may take a month or two! I honestly believe it is just part of being a mom.

According to my own mother (who was exactly like me), once us kids were working part-time jobs and earning money ourselves, she felt a little better about spending it. I hope someday I can feel the same way!

Think of it this way: a cleaning service will cost you at least $10-$15 per hour, a personal chef a lot more per hour, a baby sitter for more than 1 kid at least $10 per hour around here, an overnight babysitter even more. Just start adding up what you would get paid if you did this for someone else. That does not mean the money is available if you are makiing ends meet, but don't feel guilty. Maybe talk to husband and see what kind of weekly budget can be just yours to do with as you please - buy a coffee and donut, get some lipstick, or "save up" to get a dress or purse.

Thats definately no way to live. You probably get a sence of being "trapped" if you don't feel like you have free range of your family's resources. It's especially bad if you are createing this all for yourself (i.e. not your husband trying to control your access to money). I suggest you talk to your husband about the way you feel, what principles you struggle with, and set a whole family budget.

My husband and I contribute equally to the finances, but we still did this because I would run into mixed feelings of guilt & resentment. I handled all of the money, so I would spend when I wanted to, but if my husband spent I felt like I needed to go without. We also wanted to put more in savings than we were. Personally, we set a budget and every week we put $x for groceries $x for family entertainment (i.e. going out to eat, movies, etc.) and my husband and I each have $x cash (we do $100 each a week). This way there is no guit, not questioning, no checking up.... you each have your money to do with it as you choose. This also controls silly spending greatly!

I work outside the home as well as within, earn my own money and yet I STILL feel guilty. Every single time I make a purchase! What's up with that?! Before we had kids money didn't seem as important as it does now. I think it's just the fact that we have a child now, so every purchase is questioned, like, "do we REALLY need this?" I understand the feeling. Unfortunately I don't have any good advice for you. Just commiserating!

I don't feel like that in the least. I buy what I want for myself whenever I want it. I DO work but just don't get a paycheck. My husband and I are a team with each doing their part to make it work. If there is anything If feel a wee bit guilty over is having a cleaning lady.

I think you should take Riley's advice. You will probably feel a lot better if you 'officially' have your own money to do with what you want.

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I think it is because we (I do this too) handle the money in our households. So we are completely aware of ALL the myriad ways that we could put that $ to "better" use than on ourselves. Some of it is "mommy guilt", yes. But my husband never says to me not to buy something or not to spend on something. If I bought everything I said "ooohh.. that looks nice, I wouldn't mind having that" and he said "get it if you want it"...then we would be UNDER the poor house. He just won't tell me "no". SO, I have to stop MYSELF from spending. And I do, on things for me. I can "justify" that I don't REALLY NEED this or that... but I always want my kids to have things that I would have wanted as a kid. I don't spoil my kids in the sense that, everytime we go into a store they do NOT walk out with SOMEthing.... they learned from toddler-hood that going into a store does not mean they will get something (candy, toy, etc). But I do buy them "stuff" when it isn't their birthdays sometimes. Not expensive stuff, and now that they are older they pay half or ask to buy something themselves that I tell them I am not spending MY money on. LOL
But still, I have a difficult time letting myself "waste" money on things that I CAN do without.

What works the best for me, is to try to plan a day once or twice a year where I spend the day with a girlfriend "out". We shop till we drop. No guilt allowed and no kids either. We have lunch. Glass of wine. Shop. Shop. Chat. Laugh. Pop in a wine store and browse. Early appetizers with drinks. Shop some more. Late dinner, with dessert.
ALL GUILT FREE. Last summer, when we did this I still spent less than $200. I found some great deals and had SO much fun. It is just hard to find a full day that I can schedule that way. My husband was glad to help me get things lined up so I could do it. And knowing that I have that day (or two) later on coming... helps me relax the rest of the year. So, while I don't freak out and pinch EVERY penny, I feel like overall it balances out.
But yes, you are not alone. ;)

OK.. you just described ME!! =) My guilt isn't because I'm not contributing finances (which I kind of am because I teach ballet in my home, sell on eBay etc.) but because I feel like there is so many other things I need to buy. I'm always trying to save money and pay off debt while taking care of everything else. My husband is always telling me to buy some clothes for myself. I have trouble with that because I want to spend the money on other things. And I'm a cheapskate and don't want to spend more than a few dollars on an outfit. I think everything is a rip off...LOL

My computer time. I used to feel bad about it. Now that I am''Working'' from home though, I have given myself a break from the guilt.

You can not loose who you are with in the layers of being mom. Buying yourself something now and then is just a treat. You buy your kiddos stuff as reward for things I am sure...Same thing goes for yourself.

You can not stop being human just because you are a mom. Allow yourself to treat you now and then.

We do have debit and are in a tight spot with money almost always. My husband allows me to treat myself though when we have a bit extra. He always says, he feels guilty cause he gets fancy work lunches at nice restaurants and I never ever get to go anywhere worth getting excited over..so fifteen bucks for a shirt..or my eyebrows waxed is a small price to pay for mamas sanity.

Honey, as a SAHM you work WAY more than FT hours!
You & hubby can sit & devise a budget with your money factored in each week. A certain amount to cover lunch, a coffee, a little mad money, etc.

I feel the same way and I work full time and own my own business in the side. It is just a mom feeling I think.